Spare the rod, spoil the child??

[Jaismom]

I was a psych major and I do feel that spanking CAN be effective if cared out properly. I don't think that you should spank a child everytime that they do something wrong. I have a 11 month old son and right now I do not spank him, and don't plan to for a while. The reasoning is that he has no earthly idea what in the world I am talking about half of the time so why spank him when he's just going to do it again until he can rationalize. I think that's where parents go wrong, they tend to want to think that the child always knows what he or she is talking about. I strongly believe in asking older children why they think they are being disciplined, just to see what their perception is. Yes, I was spanked and I am a law abiding citizen that has not gone out and robbed a bank or committed a murder, but I do think that I probably could have been punished by taking privledges and had better results, because spankings just pissed me off. I also feel like your views change when you become a parent. I know when I was childless I would see children at the mall, SHOWING OUT!!!, and I would say I wish she would beat his/her ass. I know if she whooped him/her they would not act like that. Now that I am a mother my reaction has changed a lot. Every parent know what't best for their child.
I'm steping off of my soap box now.

[KittyKat]

Spank Spank Spank Spank Spank Spank Spank!!!
And then some more!
I was spanked as a child, it has done no psychological damage to me, and I do believe in spanking your children, but as a "last resort" kind of punishment. God willing that I have children, I think that at times it can be just as effective to take away something they "really love". However, sometimes, they need a little leather to the behind!

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Celebrate life, in all its amazing glory!!!

[Ice Cold Kreator]

I've got to agree with Orignal Ape...

You gotta take a rod to your child everyone once and a while...

I and my wife got into a BIG arguement with other Phirst Phamily members about the same subject...

My thing is every but wooping I got when I was a child I deserved (actually I deserved more than I got)

My only problem is that black folks have either gotten bougeois and think that whit folks methodology works...But we are not dealing with "little Billy" and our children have a wholen 'nother set of issues to deal with....

OR

We beat our kids for the wrong things...like puttin out our cigarette and not for them 4 D's they made on that report card...also, WE sometimes go overboard...Black folks give some AWFUL PUNISHMENT...not only do mama got to take that wood to ya'...uncle got get some licks, along with your older cousin who you call "auntie" --- ya'll know it's true

PHI-SKEE,

Ice Cold Kreator

[1SSf97]

[ there's nothing wrong with beating children and those (usually the Psych majors) who believe children should never be hit.

I've done psych and say let 'em pledge!!

<for all my greeks that stay true>

[Resplendent_Maria]

Originally posted by Ice Cold Kreator:
Black folks give some AWFUL PUNISHMENT...not only do mama got to take that wood to ya'...uncle got get some licks, along with your older cousin who you call "auntie" --- ya'll know it's true

Ice Cold,
Woooo! You have me rolling on the floor!!

[mwedzi]

I was spanked as a child and I grew up to respect the law. My cousin was spanked as a child and he grew up not to respect the law. Children are individuals and have their own personalities, too, though we often don't realize it, as though the child were a complete creation of the parent.

No, I am not a parent (and no my major was not psych ), but I don't think I should have been spanked as a child. I was and still am too smart for that. In fact, I think it may have had some negative effects. And before anyone says that I blame some negative things on spanking and that's illogical, think about how some of the positive things on this board have been attributed to spanking and if that's really logical.

Let me ask you a question. Should adults who break the law be spanked? Or rather, Asia-style, should they be caned? They, like children, obviously haven't learned the difference between right and wrong and have probably been warned several times before. While we're at it, I think, after two speeding ticket warnings and one hasn't learned his lesson, the police should pull him out and spank him. (oh wait, it does go down like that, doesn't it . ..)

[AKAtude]

No, adults have learned the difference between right and wrong. They do know better, but choose to do otherwise. Personally, I think the punishment that some people receive in certain situations is not tough enough.

[mwedzi]

So is it that children should only be spanked until they have learned the difference between right and wrong, like adults? And after they know something is wrong and still choose to do it, what is the punishment then?

[This message has been edited by mwedzi (edited August 21, 2000).]

[tickledpink]

I plan on discliping my children my children the way that my mother disciplined me, which has had no ill effects on me and I completely agree with it. I was spanked as a child until I was about 8 or 9. At that point, I was able to rationalize. In my mother's words, she thought I was too old to spank because I understood right from wrong and was able to make good choices. When I didn't, she was able to talk to me and I understood, and then she promptly punished me. Anyone that has very young children knows that you cannot rationalize with them, and often they're not trying to hear "because I said so", although it is the only answer needed at times. Now, what is the age that children should stopped being spanked? That depends on the maturity of the child.

I still stand by the fact that spanking can be effective, as someone said earlier, if it's used in the right way. Before and after my husband & I spank, we explain to them why they're going to get a spanking (be it that we warned them 3 times and they still chose not to make a good choice or whatever) and tell them that we still love them.

Now don't get me started on adults. No, adults should not be spanked, we're supposed to be able to make competent, rational decisions (although those countries that cane do have a low crime rate....hmmmm...). No, but seriously, our justice system too flawed to think of that --- we all know what the outcome would be --- too close to slavery.



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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[darling1]

I was a little apprehensive about posting on this thread because it brought back some very bad memories as a child. I think if I were in a position, I would not use spanking as the first means of discipline. I am an intelligent individual and believe that I may be capable of communicating with my child[ren] without the use of a hand, a belt, extention cord etc. I think that there are times in which spanking maybe necessary but I wouldn't condone it to the point where I would have put fear into my kids. That is where the line has been crossed. I do know that I am human, I am my mother's child and I will be prone to make mistakes but communication would be my first step.

[nikki25]

Tickledpink, I think that your parents and mine had the same idea in mind when it comes to discipling children.

It is critical that if parents want their children to take them and punishment seriously that there must be a blending of discussion and spanking. As I mentioned before, my father spoke WITH us about what we did, review our motivations, think of a possible alternative the next time that comes up, and help in the design of punishment. He would quote Proverbs 13:24 connoting that it is because of love for his children that he does this as well as an understanding of the reality of the real world that will do more harsh things in the face of our crime.

I am definitely for spanking...but spanking under control. I don't agree with spanking for spanking sake. I've seen too many parents spank and yell at their children in public over small issues. I think that those incidents wouldn't be necessary if they had started a good discipline program early in the child's understanding. For if you start training a child up as early as possible, parents won't have these problems later on. Now, I'm not talking about spanking infant children with a belt. I'm talking about chastising. My mother would make this loud noise "EIIIIIGH" and I would stop that action immediately. Or, she would spank me with her hand (on my bottom or my hand) as an infant/toddler. She would say "Don't do that." "Mommy said NO" and I would stop.

Because of good training in the home, when my mom and dad took me to church, I knew how to be quiet...in restaurants...I didn't make a lot of noise..I was able to enjoy my childhood, but I understood RESTRICTIONS.

I really believe that crime prevention really starts at home. If we could get our values right at home, understand how to train children to respect authority, and love them RIGHT, then we will certainly have a much better society. Don't get me wrong..there are other things that we can all do...but it should really be the parents who talk with their children about RIGHT and WRONG...a belt can't do that by itself. You must discuss right from wrong, and be rational in distributing justice to children.

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I will bless the Lord at ALL times His praise shall continually be in my mouth. (Psalms 34:1, KJV)

[This message has been edited by nikki25 (edited August 22, 2000).]

[Tinese]

Hello ladies of AKA my name is Tinese of SGRHO. I was looking through various chat rooms when I came upon this topic and I had to respond to the question. I firmly believe in spanking a child when they need it. There are children with different types of personalities where all you have to do is talk to or raise your voice a little and they cry and then there are children who are strong willed and challenging that just talking by itself or placing them on time out will not work. They need to be spanked on their behind in order for them to straighten out. For example, my son is very strong willed. In school he only listen to displinarian type of teachers as opposed to teachers or any adult that won't take his mess. He walks all over adults who are not firm who are soft in the manner of dealing with him. For a child who is strong willed as my son you can do all the talking in the world take away his toys or his priveleges but it won't work unless his behind is torn up from time to time. By the way I use a variety of methods to discipline my son in conjunction with spanking and it works!!

[tickledpink]

Agreed Tinese. As a matter of fact, I'm giving mine the "evil eye" now...