How To Be A Gentleman

[Nhfulmer]

My husband has that book and uses it with the chapter he advises - a tip each week. He also holds an etiquette night each year just before formal. He even takes a place setting of china, crystal and silver to the meeting so they learn how to use it properly. He missed one year and the brothers got all over him - said the newest members didn't know how to act. After one session that lasted a couple of hours because of all the questions, one brother commented "Nobody better ever say I didn't learn anything from being in a fraternity - I learned how to act like a gentleman!" - and he was serious.

I taught my sons to be gentlemen and, as adults, it is second nature to them to hold doors, pull out chairs, help with coats and generally treat ALL females like ladies. As my older son once told a girl who resented having a door held for her "Chivalry isn't dead - it may have taken a long nap, but it isn't dead!!" The term "Southern gentleman" comes to mind but there should be gentlemen all over the country.

[DeltAlum]

Hear, hear!

At least the Fraternity taught me which fork to use. (Thank God for housemothers!) I was at a formal dinner last week and it was kind of fun to watch people fumble with the silverware.

As for other gentlemanly behavior, it becomes very natural when you practice it when you're young. (Thank God for the Fraternity)

And, I'm from the North.

Now, if I could only spell, I could stop editing.

[FeeFee]

Originally posted by DeltAlum
In fact, some of the things would be considered offensive by some women. Things like opening a car door (or any door) for her, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, entering a dark room first or holding a seat for your girlfriend to be seated and/or standing when a woman joins your party or conversation. Some seem silly, but they were nice touches I thought -- and certainly not meant to be demeaning in any way.

Oh well, call me old fashioned.

Too bad.

You're not old fashioned, just a well-mannered person, and we like you for that.

My fiance does all of the above - he is a stickler when it comes to walking on the street side of the sidewalk ("You're not for sale" is what he would always say).

[Steeltrap]

Perhaps I'm dense, but I fail to see where good manners and common courtesy equate to even a hint of sexism. I'd much rather date/marry a gentleman than a thug.

[AchtungBaby80]

Originally posted by Steeltrap
Perhaps I'm dense, but I fail to see where good manners and common courtesy equate to even a hint of sexism. I'd much rather date/marry a gentleman than a thug.

If you're dense, then so am I!

[CC1GC]

ugh i'm so clueless, i never even heard about walking on the street-side...maybe i'll pick that book up.

[CardinalSM]

I hate when I am walking with a guy and he doesnt open the door or at least hold it when he goes in first. I also love when the guy opens the car door. Maybe not when we are getting out of teh car, but when we are getting in I like when he comes around and opens and shuts it. I am not talking like every time I in the car with a guy, but I mean on dates and nice occasions, etc.

[kddani]

Originally posted by CardinalSM
I hate when I am walking with a guy and he doesnt open the door or at least hold it when he goes in first. I also love when the guy opens the car door. Maybe not when we are getting out of teh car, but when we are getting in I like when he comes around and opens and shuts it. I am not talking like every time I in the car with a guy, but I mean on dates and nice occasions, etc.

AMEN to that. Especially when we're dressed up.
If i'm wearing a short skirt and heels, or a long skirt, i'm gonna need help climbing into a monster SUV. When we're dressed up, we're usually not dresesd for practicality and function, but for style and to look good for you. So give us a hand

[James]

A man will always open the car door for a woman when they are getting into the car.

Also, a good girl will reach across the seat and unlock your door after you let her in . . . I dated a sorority girl who never did that. I decided we weren't going to last. It was a deal breaker.

Originally posted by CardinalSM
I hate when I am walking with a guy and he doesnt open the door or at least hold it when he goes in first. I also love when the guy opens the car door. Maybe not when we are getting out of teh car, but when we are getting in I like when he comes around and opens and shuts it. I am not talking like every time I in the car with a guy, but I mean on dates and nice occasions, etc.

[kddani]

Originally posted by James
Also, a good girl will reach across the seat and unlock your door after you let her in . . . I dated a sorority girl who never did that. I decided we weren't going to last. It was a deal breaker.

I've heard SO many guys say that. They get all happy when it's the first time we're going somewhere and i'll lean over and unlock it for them or if it's power lock, etc. It's just a natural reaction for me..... always did it in my family.

[OUlioness01]

Originally posted by James
A man will always open the car door for a woman when they are getting into the car.

Also, a good girl will reach across the seat and unlock your door after you let her in . . . I dated a sorority girl who never did that. I decided we weren't going to last. It was a deal breaker.

guys are always amazed that i know to do that....it's so natural for me to do that because i had to get rides from people for so long.

i'm with the whole common courtesy does not equal sexism thing. i love being treated with respect...to me courtesy=respect. Gentlemen everywhere thank you for being so polite.

[LPIDelta]

I LOVE THIS BOOK! Excellent, easy read. I got this book for a Midshipman at the Naval Academy and he said he found it much more helpful than some of the other books he had been issued about ettiquette. We had a great time discussing it. Truly a great tool to use with fraternity men also.

And guess what ladies-- there is a companion book called "How To Be a Lady" and it too is excellent. Modern, common sense rules for how to conduct yourself in just about every situation. I highly recommend both books as good tools for advisors or members!

[James]

Thats odd aboutt he whole insult thing. I had read, in renditions of the time of courtly romance, when courtesy was at a premium, that a man should never let an insult go and that if a sincere apology was not immediately forthcoming, he should challenge the other man to a violent confrontation . . .

I kind of like that. Keeps men on their toes.

Originally posted by MattUMASSD
So I was at borders the ther day and I picke up this book titled "How To BE A Gentleman" for 2 bucks. A lot fo the stuff in the book is common knowledge but there are some funny tips like:

How To Respond To An Insult

When a gentleman has been subjected to a consious insult, either in public or in private, his response is simple: Because he is a gentleman, he says nothing at all.

A gentleman does not put his groceries on the conveyor belt with another shopper's purchases.

Has anyone read this book or wants to add to this list of "How To Be a Gentleman"?

[dekeguy]

I am delighted to see a concensus among the ladies that good manners and gentlemanly conduct are appreciated. I believe that these should be expected. In my undergrad years when we were considering bidding someone it was expected that he was not only a good guy who fit well but that he was a gentleman who knew how to handle a very broad range of situations. We expected that he was "an athlete, a scholar, and a jolly good fellow" which had been the benchmark since our founding. It never occured to us that he would act like a gentleman as we expected that he WAS a gentleman.
Now, a couple of side thoughts:
I remember reading about a conversation between Cardinal Newman and Oscar Wilde. The good Cardinal opined that "A gentleman never knowingly gives offense. Wilde replied, "Actually Your Emminence, I rather think that a gentleman never UNknowingly gives offense".
Also, as to insults, my grandfather told me that depending upon the nature of the insult a gentleman may simply not take notice of it, thereby consigning the offensive party to irrelevent insignificance, unless the insult is directed to or has given offence to a lady. In such case one arranges to meet the offender tomorrow morning, pistols for two, coffee for one.
dekeguy
Captain, USAR
Forward Deployed

[Eclipse]

Originally posted by CC1GC
ugh i'm so clueless, i never even heard about walking on the street-side...maybe i'll pick that book up.

The street side thing is a very old custom from the days before streets were paved. Men walked on the street side so ladies did not get splashed with mud or dust as the horses went by!

My hubby does all of the things that you guys mentioned on a regular basis, but we have 2 bones on contention on gentlemenly behavior:

he likes for me to wait to get out of the car so he can come around and unlock the door; I find it unnecessary to wait. He also typically rushes ahead of me when we are leaving places like resturants, etc. He says he is leading the way and making sure he can open the door for me, I say he should let me go first, then I should let him come around me to open the door! Ahh....the things we discuss!