Scruples #2

[DELTABRAT]

Hello Ladies of AKA and SFs:

AKAtude:

Well said. It does boil down to personal feelings and nothing else. Following instincts will never steer you wrong. If you thought he was gay and he wasn't then you can always say "Well, I can't deal with a brothah all up in my Plumeria from B&B anyway so whatever."

I like a manly man also and don't appreciate homophobes, but a man can usually tell when another man is gay also. Just as a woman can tell if a woman is gay.

There are mannerisms that are red flags to either gay-ness or an oppen-ness to exploring gay behaviors.

Sad to say that if a woman takes your man, you can compete with that BUT a woman cannot compete with another man. It is impossible...we simply don't have the...uhm...proper...tools!!!

I would bail QUICKLY if I had to question it, too much risk involved.

[Sexy Mocha]

AKA2D'91 wrote: "...and yet we wonder why we can't find a "good man"...um!"

I do not see what going along with your instinct and choosing not to date a man that acts more feminine than you do...has to do with finding a good man. It will be a sad day indeed, when women become desperate enough to accept anything and everything...all in the name of having a man around. ANYONE can get a man...it's a good, God fearing man that a sister like me needs! Not some tight pants wearing, Peach Blossom smelling, eyerolling, prissy individual who likes to gossip more than anyone I know!

"Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself"-Unknown

[This message has been edited by Sexy Mocha (edited August 10, 2000).]

[Mz. Sports Luva]

Greetings Ladies of AKA and SFs.

Just because a guy likes B&B doesn't neceessarily make him feminine. It just means he likes B&B. I know a guy who likes B&B and he is by no means feminine or gay!

PinkCashmere:We listen to the same station.

[AKA2D '91]

What I meant by my comment was that we "look" at some of the most trivial things when deciding if we should or if we should not. Who knows, that person that has the fragrant lotions could be our soul mate. We DO NOT know who God has for us. So we should be more concerned about other things...

Now, a man who wears vaseline intensive care lotion COULD very well be that GAY man. They don't always have to "possess" certain tendancies or mannerisms. We need to open our eyes and be more careful. FRANKLY, WE (as women) DO NOT KNOW WHO IS GAY AND WHO IS NOT.

But let us not miss out on something which could be WONDERFUL! Just because our "gut" tells us. That "gut feeling" could just be "GAS".


[This message has been edited by AKA2D '91 (edited August 10, 2000).]

[mizzkes]

I probably would not even ask the guy. I would just stop dating him. I absolutely love a MANLY, MASCULINE, man. There is no room for feminine qualities. Bring on the testosterone!! And what? Bath and Body works? That is just cause for a dismissal. He's fired. Now Hiring.

[AKA2D '91]

I can tell some of us have not read the novels by E. Lynn Harris. Just because a person is MASCULINE and full of TESTOSTERONE, that does not mean he CANNOT be gay. WWWWAAAAKKKKKEEEEE UUUUUUPPPPP!

[Cream Puff]

If I was in a situation like that (a man exhibiting gay mannerisms), I would definitely ask him straight out "ARE YOU BISEXUAL" (I say bisexual 'cause if he's trying to persue a relationship with me or any female he can't be gay- or can he)anyways, if he claim that he's not, then that's on him. I, personally would move on. I WILL NOT GET INVOLVE with a man that have gay tendencies!!

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by PinkCashmere:
Here is Scruples Question #2.

Situation: There is someone that you have been dating for a couple of weeks and you find yourself really attracted to this person and he/she seems to be attracted to you as well. Then you start to notice the person exhibiting mannerisms, characteristics that you feel to be gay tendencies.

Question: What do you do? Do you ask the person straight up if they are gay/lesbian/bisexual at the risk of offending them? Do you get someone else to ask? What would you do?

You simply ask them for the straight(no pun intended) truth. Don't settle for any explanation; just the truth. I always go with what I see; therefore, I would've been gone.

[This message has been edited by PinkCashmere (edited August 10, 2000).]

[Sexy Mocha]

I feel that God sometimes talks to us, and sometimes we choose not to listen. Which is why we sometimes end up in situations that could have been prevented...if only we had listened. I'm the type that usually never hears what is being said, so I really try hard to go with my God given instincts these days. Like everyone is saying, there are those baggy jean and timberland boot wearing men, reeking of Brut cologne who are gay/bi-sexual. If a woman gets caught out there with one of these men, then she can't blame herself because there were no signs...no way she could have known. Now, if all the signs are there and she still doesn't do anything, then she has no one but herself to blame. Kind of like when all of the signs are there that your man is cheating and you just ignore it...all because, despite the infidelity, you may be missing out on the other wonderful things he has to offer.
The gut feeling could be gas??? (LOL)AKA2D'91, you are too much girl! I understand your point though!

[tickledpink]

I know a man also that likes one of the B&B scents and he's not at all gay. He just thinks they have a "clean" smell to them. So, that factor alone wouldn't make me suspicious. But, if a guy started doing other things as well (lip gloss, clear nail polish) and seemed effeminate in nature, I would have to leave him alone. Why? Because even if I asked him he'd probably say no.

[This message has been edited by tickledpink (edited August 10, 2000).]

[Serenity]

Originally posted by SkeeBunny:
Oh, now that I've put my business all out in the streets, I find out I'm in this alone??? I take it back, this didn't really happen to me !

SkeeBunny, LOL!

I got your back, girl!

[PinkCashmere]

Here is Scruples Question #2.

Situation: There is someone that you have been dating for a couple of weeks and you find yourself really attracted to this person and he/she seems to be attracted to you as well. Then you start to notice the person exhibiting mannerisms, characteristics that you feel to be gay tendencies.

Question: What do you do? Do you ask the person straight up if they are gay/lesbian/bisexual at the risk of offending them? Do you get someone else to ask? What would you do?



[This message has been edited by PinkCashmere (edited August 10, 2000).]

[AKAtude]

Well, since this keeps coming up... if a guy must use Bath and Body Works I hope he considers the line of products they have just for men.

[Professor]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
First off, I am LOVING these Scruple questions PinkCashmere!! SkeeBunny, you are not alone girl. I briefly dated this man who made me raise the people's eyebrow as well. He was awfully feminine at times, but what really did it for me was when he casually told me one day that this gay guy hit on him at a club.(What club was this anyway??) Now, most men would have been like "It took everything in me not to knock that mother.....out!!"...if they dared tell a girl that story in the first place. I don't know, maybe I have read one too many E. Lynn Harris books. Now...about the Bath & Body stuff....I don't know what's going on, but I know a lot of brothers that go to town on some Victoria's Secret body spray and bath gel! Oh Lawd! Please don't start me thinking the wrong thing! What ever happened to Old Spice ane Brut? All the manly colognes!!

LOL

[Professor]

Originally posted by Discogoddess:
ARE Y'ALL SERIOUS? Do you honestly think that what bath and body products a man chooses to wear or his "mannerisms" or "speech patterns" will determine his sexuality? *Shaking my head* Some of the most masculine brothers out here are gay-didn't y'all read E. Lynn? I get concerned when we start stereotyping speech, clothing style, BATH AND FREAKIN' BODY PRODUCTS, etc. as signs of gayness. And given our collective homophobia, do you really expect a guy you "suspect" as gay to actually TELL you, "yes, love, I'm gay"?

Besides, it always strikes me as odd when men or women start denying very vehemently, or saying stuff like "it took all I had not to knock that mother...out!" Seems like the gentleman doth protesteth too much, if you ask me...

DG

You make valid points. . . I'm certainly giving it more thought