Grooming your daughters for rush

[chloe173]

No, actually I was a double legacy to Kappa Delta and also a legacy to Delta Zeta. Sadly though, neither of these sororities had chapters at my campus. I think my mom was pretty upset that there was no KD here though! She has had a Georgia O'Keefe poster in my room since the time I was born!

[ZetaMelOU]

Wow this is amazing that this kind of stuff goes on! I never had anything going into rush. I really didn't have any Greek-letter affiliation (actually, turns out my grandmother was a Chi-O, but I didn't know that until after formal recruitment), and my family didn't even care for my going greek. But I'm glad I did!!

[trisigmaAtl]

My family was also clueless about greek life. I'm the first amongst my family to go to college so all my parents had to rely on was (ugh) T.V.. My mom was really supportive though, she even (unknowingly) asked if she could come and take pictures at my initiation!!!! I was like: "awww mom, that's cute, but it's not really like a ballet recital...." I compromised and had a picture taken of me and my roomate later in our whites and badges. My mom's the greatest!

[honeychile]

This thread has been terribly interesting! Chloe, your description is so awesome, it could be printed out for every pnm's use! Your family must be terribly proud of you!

[Moxie]

Originally posted by chloe173
We wrote out a list of questions I was almost sure to get asked and made sure that I had good answers for all of them... Secondly, have a set of questions ready that you can ask in case there is a lull in conversation.

i've heard people say stuff like this before, but...could someone refresh my memory with the kinds of questions they will ask and what kinds of questions i should ask/things i should say to let someone know i'm interested?

thanks for the tips chloe, i'm sure your advice will help people

[doubleblue&gold]

Well I didn't know much when I went thru and I'm glad. I also was the first in my family to be Greek (although I found out later that my older sister would have been a colony member of my chapter if her grades had been better). My family let me decide and were agreeable to whatever I wanted to do.

I was clueless! I found out afterwards that someone had written recs for me----I never asked for any. Oh, I knew that I needed to look nice and make nice with the small talk but I really didn't realise how directed the questions were and the importance of my answers. And you know what? I ended up where I wanted to be the whole time----it didn't make a difference! My roommate during that week had been "groomed" and was determined to only go one way----and she dropped out when she didn't get the invite to pref she wanted.

I can understand that you may want to be prepared, just realise that it doesn't guarantee a thing.

[justamom]

doubleblue&gold-I can understand that you may want to be prepared, just realise that it doesn't guarantee a thing.

Sad to say, but this is indeed true. However, one thing that
stands out when you meet a person for the first time is their degree of confidence. I believe confidence is a tie breaker in so many aspects be it seeking a job, making a conversational point
OR going through recruitment. I am NOT talking about "cocky"!
Confidence is like a smile or a laugh that comes naturally-not forced-it puts others at ease. There are self-help books and psychologists who recommend this to people who have trouble with public interaction.
If practicing conversaton helps build confidence in a stressful stuation then by all means use it! It's just another tool.

[aabby757]

I don't have any children yet but when I was in high school there I worked in a beauty salon that also dabbled in color me beautiful, pagent training, etc. There was a girl who came in a few weeks before heading to USC or UCLA and she came in with all her dresses (this was early 1980s) and practiced walking, how to wear her hair for each dress, how to sit, stand, etc. you name it, we went over it.

However, I found what was most interesting was that she had been groomed to be in a sorority from the moment she was born. She was a legacy and it was understood I guess she would go where ever she wanted to go. She was drop dead gorgeous, etc.

She went Kappa Kappa Gamma.

That was one of my first sorority stories I think -- short of seeing them on tv when I was younger.

[RubberSoul]

My mom worked on me from day one.......by the time I was graduating from high school the idea of joining a sorority was as natural as registering for classes, just a normal part of college. It never occurred to me to be apprehensive or nervous or think of not getting into a house I wanted. My aunt worked on me a lot to look at Alpha Gam because that is what she was, but we didn't have them at my school.

As an advisor I spend a lot of time at the house and naturally I have my kids up there a lot. I have to admit I am working on Paige. She has her little Chi O sweatshirt which she wears at every opportunity and she tells everyone she is going to be a Chi O. She doesn't understand why she has to wait until she is in college!!!!!!!! I truly want her to be happy and if she goes to a school where she just doesn't feel that the chapter is a good fit, I would understand. I want her to be a part of a super strong and involved chapter. Fortunately, that means in most cases she has no excuse not to love Chi O!!!!!!!!

[AlphaGamDiva]

Originally posted by RubberSoul
I truly want her to be happy and if she goes to a school where she just doesn't feel that the chapter is a good fit, I would understand. I want her to be a part of a super strong and involved chapter. Fortunately, that means in most cases she has no excuse not to love Chi O!!!!!!!!

i think this is so important to stress with this whole "grooming" thing........whenever i have a daughter, naturally i want her to be an alpha gam, but i want her to go where she is happy and feels comfortable. i'm a legacy to aopi b/c that's what my sister is, just at another school. but i knew alpha gam was the place for me hands down....it sucks knowing i could have this extra bond with her, but i had to go where i ultimately felt the most at home (aww). and more so than her bein in the "popular" sorority, i want her to have the experience of the best sisterhood. there is a sorority that i am not the biggest fan of (c'mon, we ALL have them), but even if my daughter got a bid from that group, as long as she was happy and with a group of ladies who supported her and loved her, and hell even if it was the only bid she got, i would support her decision and encourage her to be apart of the greek system.

GO GREEK

and what's interesting is that my alpha gam chapter and my sis's aopi chapter are extremely similar....so who knows what would be if we were at the same school....

[justamom]

The last two posts bring up a sub topic which is becoming more and more important as each year passes.

I honestly think it's time to be very careful how we handle legacy issues. Sororities and fraternitis have been around long enough that legacies, especially on particular campuses are outnumbering the available spots. AND, let's face it, as mentioned in the previous posts, a good fit may not always be with a chapter where you are a legacy.

My son has legacy status with 3 really solid fraternities. His father's is an excellent fraternity represented on the campus he will be attending. I WILL NOT, I HAVE NOT fed him the idea that he will be a shoe in for ANY of these fraternities. What if he were to be cut? I really think we need to be careful when we discuss the topic of "legacy" with our children...but then, I really do try to head off any "avoidable" pain and sometimes I may be too cautious.

[XOMichelle]

I'm still working on my sister to go Chi O. She missed the rush sign up date last year and panhel wouldn't let her register late. So this year I'm hoping she will try and give it another shot. SHe knows a few Chi O's from her dorm and likes them, so I hope it will work!
-Michelle

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by justamom
The last two posts bring up a sub topic which is becoming more and more important as each year passes.

I honestly think it's time to be very careful how we handle legacy issues. Sororities and fraternitis have been around long enough that legacies, especially on particular campuses are outnumbering the available spots. AND, let's face it, as mentioned in the previous posts, a good fit may not always be with a chapter where you are a legacy.

My son has legacy status with 3 really solid fraternities. His father's is an excellent fraternity represented on the campus he will be attending. I WILL NOT, I HAVE NOT fed him the idea that he will be a shoe in for ANY of these fraternities. What if he were to be cut? I really think we need to be careful when we discuss the topic of "legacy" with our children...but then, I really do try to head off any "avoidable" pain and sometimes I may be too cautious.

As always, JAM speaks the truth BUT...I need to point out that JAM's experiences pertain to Southern rush. Wouldn't you agree, JAM? North of the Mason-Dixon line I think a legacy would have to be a pretty obvious non-fit with the sorority or fraternity to not be offered a bid. I'm talking about being blatently rude to picking his/her nose during the parties. I think it's very unlikely a legacy would be cut due to too many legacies/not enough spots at a Northen school.

Anyone agree or disagree? I could possibly be a little off the mark.

[FuzzieAlum]

KR, I think you're mostly right, but at some schools, especially those composed mostly of first-generation Greeks, a legacy mighty get cut out of the group's ignorance. If they've never dealt with a legacy before and he isn't "perfect" for them he may get cut because they don't realize he should get special notice.

[GMUBunny]

I would have to agree about the difference between southern and northern rush. Although GMU is south of the good ol' MDL, we're classified as more of a northern school. Legacies are rare (well, few and far between from what I know) so we don't really have to deal with that. I don't think we had more than 1 or 2 ZTA legacies come through last fall (if any at all). If we did, we didn't know about it. Neither of my parents went to a 4-year school and neither did the parents of a lot of people I know. It's weird how something like legacies can vary greatly between parts of the country...oh well. I just hope that if I have a daughter she goes greek. Naturally, I would love for her to go ZTA, but she will get my 110% support wherever she finds happiness