Maybe I'm just getting older, but... - Page 2

PSUSigKap · #16 03-01-2003, 01:36 PM

ADPiViolets i pm'd you. . .

Munchkin03 · #17 03-02-2003, 01:49 PM

I understand exactly what you're going through--except that I'm a senior now and I went through it as a sophomore. I even wrote a letter of resignation, then I talked to a National Advisor who was visiting our chapter for the weekend. She suggested that I take a semester off, where I focused on making myself happy (I was going through a lot and clashing with some of the members). Then, I'd come back to the chapter, try it, and if I really didn't like it, I could resign--no questions asked.

So, I did what she said, and when I came back, I was more enthusiastic about the house than ever. I did everything, and made really good friends with the women who pledged that spring. After I went abroad and came back, I lived in the house for the first time, and there are problems, but there are way more fun times than bad. Now I'm a senior, and the house has become a big part of my life. I feel like the women who will be in control next year are capable and accomplished. I think it took a few breaks--being inactive and going abroad--to give me enough perspective.

Like so many people are saying, it's okay to take a little break.

ADPiViolets · #18 03-02-2003, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Blue Violet

Long story short (too late I know!) Your feelings are totally normal. I personally worried a lot about the girl in my chapter was president and then graduated and immediately became our advisor and she's great, don't get me wrong, but it's like this is her whole life. I think that's kind of sad. it's like she can't let go and she needs to feel "popular" and important. Because let's face it, never in your life will feel more popular and important then when you are running the best sorority on campus. But-Life should be more than just your sorority.

I agree, life is more than your sorority. And I also know what you mean about advisors too. This was part of the reason why I felt so odd about feeling this way about my chapter. I saw how our 30-40 year old advisors were OBSESSED by it, and all I could thing was "Get a life!" And then I wondered if maybe I was wrong by growing tired of it.

Anyway, I am grateful to everyone who is responding. It's really helpful to know this is normal.

carnation · #19 03-02-2003, 05:56 PM

I disagree with what people have said about advisors needing to get a life. Face it, if there were no advisors and alums helping, there would be no sorority...undergrads often don't realize this and think that certain things just magically "appear" and/or happen, but they don't.

I'm not an advisor--I'm too far from any Pi Phi chapters--but I wish I could be, to try to give back even half the experiences that were provided for us. It's like the neat things that parents try to do for their own kids (like birthday parties) so that they'll have good memories. Some people are ready to give back what they were given right after they graduate; others may take a while. Never have I met an advisor whose whole life was wrapped up in an undergrad chapter.

Check out the alum involvement forum and see why we still love and help our GLOs.

ADPiViolets · #20 03-02-2003, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by carnation
I disagree with what people have said about advisors needing to get a life. Face it, if there were no advisors and alums helping, there would be no sorority...undergrads often don't realize this and think that certain things just magically "appear" and/or happen, but they don't.

I'm not an advisor--I'm too far from any Pi Phi chapters--but I wish I could be, to try to give back even half the experiences that were provided for us. It's like the neat things that parents try to do for their own kids (like birthday parties) so that they'll have good memories. Some people are ready to give back what they were given right after they graduate; others may take a while. Never have I met an advisor whose whole life was wrapped up in an undergrad chapter.

Check out the alum involvement forum and see why we still love and help our GLOs.

I agree with you, Advisors are incredibly important to undergrads. Perhaps your chapter and my own are different though. You said you never met an advisor whose life was wrapped up in an undergrad chapter. In our chapter, they are incredibly obsessed. This is well known throughout the undergrads and even in a couple of the advisors who aren't so wrapped up. Perhaps if I had the advisors you had in college, I would feel differently about this.
But like I said, they are incredibly important. Chapters would be nonexistant without them.

LeslieAGD · #21 03-02-2003, 06:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ADPiViolets
I agree with you, Advisors are incredibly important to undergrads. Perhaps your chapter and my own are different though. You said you never met an advisor whose life was wrapped up in an undergrad chapter. In our chapter, they are incredibly obsessed. This is well known throughout the undergrads and even in a couple of the advisors who aren't so wrapped up.

I feel like this is a separate topic, but I do have one comment. While I do feel that advisors and alums are incredibly important, I believe ADPiViolets is refering to those advisors/alums who try to live vicariously through the current members and refuse to give up control and let the collegians make decisions for themselves.

ADPiViolets · #22 03-02-2003, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LeslieAGD
I feel like this is a separate topic, but I do have one comment. While I do feel that advisors and alums are incredibly important, I believe ADPiViolets is refering to those advisors/alums who try to live vicariously through the current members and refuse to give up control and let the collegians make decisions for themselves.

Exactly!

AchtungBaby80 · #23 03-02-2003, 08:21 PM

I felt the same thing as ADPiViolets my sophomore year, but now I'm starting to feel it again.

This time, I don't really think it's the sorority that's bothering me--it's just that I have a 20-hour class load this semester so I can graduate, I have two jobs, and I'm in an honor society that I'm neglecting (which I feel bad about). I want to be as involved with my chapter as I was the year I joined, but lately, when I get out of class and all my homework is done, I just want to sit on my arse and unwind. I also like to spend time with my family, as I'm going to be going abroad in two months and won't see them for a long time, so that takes away from time I spend at the sorority house too. I am thankful that my chapter has less than its share of drama, but sometimes the pettiness really gets to me...I'm so fed up with hearing, "Guys, if you don't show up, you're getting fined." Fined, my a**! Fining is the absolute worst--it's the only thing that really gets me riled up about my chapter. A big Greek event is coming up in a week, and I feel a little guilty because I haven't been staying up til midnight working on decorations or that I haven't been really involved thus far as I was in previous years. I feel like I'm sort of outgrowing it--I'm so ready to get out of this school, but I am determined to make the most of this last semester...it's just that I need a little motivation.

Peaches-n-Cream · #24 03-02-2003, 09:45 PM

I personally had never experienced what you are feeling as an undergrad, but many of my sisters and friend in other orgs have. I think that after a year or two of sisterhood, people get burned out. I have seen sisters 'take a break' from their sororities for a semester by going abroad, having an internship, going inactive, or not holding an office. Usually, they return with a renewed commitment to the sorority and are very productive sisters. Good luck!

KappaKittyCat · #25 03-03-2003, 12:28 AM

I'm there too; I feel it. I've given so much to my chapter for so long (this is my third year as an active) and now I'm trying to phase myself out, but letting go is hard. I feel frustrated because there's all this stuff that I want to change, but at the same time I need to get a life outside of Kappa.

Funny, I'm in a social sorority, but I'm about the least social person you'll ever meet.

I went to our Province meeting this weekend and realized that I had a much better time hanging out and talking with alumnae than I did with actives-- I had way more in common with them. Growing up. Hmm, this is a funny thing.

AXJules · #26 03-03-2003, 12:49 AM

OMG where was this thread last weekend when I thought the entire world hated me and I had a mental problem b/c I was sick of my sorority.......

Violets your post echoed every single thing that has been running through my head for the past semester. I don't really have any words of encouragement, except to say that I really do feel the same way and I'm sure other people do to. Here's something kinda strange that actually might make you feel better:

A very smart person said to me the other day-
You are so quick to be like, "my sisters this, my sisters that. They're my best friends. " Not saying that they CAN"T be, but think about it: you have known these people for 3, 2, 1, maybe even half a year. They might feel like your good friends, and maybe they are, but you can't be that surprised when you outgrow them. A lot of times, the people you meet in college are temporary friends. Acquaintances. And that's ok. Because the ones that are supposed to stay with you usually do. And the ones that aren't that important, that you say you really can't call a sister, you will leave behind and move on to bigger and better things. For some of those people, left behind in your college memories is where they belong.
So yeah, I am going through the same thing but I have lived in the house for 2 years. I'm moving out in May and am focusing my attention on that- the only girls I really consider my true blue friends are moving into a duplex with me and I'm really looking forward to it. They are AX sisters, so I look at it like I'm redoing the sorority thing to fit my (more mature) life. Hopefully you'll make some changes to make yourself happy, too. Good luck.

GPhiBLtColonel · #27 03-03-2003, 01:00 AM

I wish that all the college Panhel Councils and all the sororities that loathe giving bids to sophomores or juniors would read this thread and realize that hey! taking in girls who are NOT freshmen might not be so bad after all!

sugar and spice · #28 03-03-2003, 01:08 AM

I don't know what you're talking about from firsthand experience, since I just joined last semester, but I can tell from other experiences I've had what you're talking about. I think it's perfectly normal.One thing I want to emphasize is the fact that you don't have to play the same role within your sorority that you've always played. In my chapter, the younger girls have very different roles from the older girls -- the older girls often are less involved with the social aspects, not so "into" the sorority, often looked at as role models. You can change the way you interact with your sorority a lot more easily than you can change the way your sorority is.

Just don't let the stupid little things stress you out -- just because everybody else is getting their panties in a knot over something stupid doesn't mean you have to too, especially if you don't care or don't want to.

GeekyPenguin · #29 03-03-2003, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by KappaKittyCat
I went to our Province meeting this weekend and realized that I had a much better time hanging out and talking with alumnae than I did with actives-- I had way more in common with them. Growing up. Hmm, this is a funny thing.

You know, I feel the same way - I'm not excited about going to a quint mixerl this weekend, but I was all pumped up about playing Bunco with the alums and volunteering for convention...

SmartBlondeGPhB · #30 03-03-2003, 02:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by LeslieAGD
I believe ADPiViolets is refering to those advisors/alums who try to live vicariously through the current members and refuse to give up control and let the collegians make decisions for themselves.

As an alumna who helps out our local collegiate chapter some, and has experienced the very type you refer to, they aren't the best for the chapter. But, sometimes, they are the only ones who will step up.

That said, Gamma Phi has a rule (unwritten, I believe and it might just be certain Province Officers) that the alums have to be out of college for a certain number of years before they can be advisors. They want them to be "removed" enough from the college experience.

If an alumna is causing a "problem" by being around all the time, try to get another alumna to help you out. We are there to make things easier for the collegiate chapter, not harder. Our first responsibility is to you.