Biological clocks are exploding!!!

[Professor]

Soror AKA_Monet,

There is a large difference between a teen parent and a 30 something year old parent. For your consideration, I suggest that a teen parent does not have the same life skills nor maturity of a 30 something year old female. Additionally, we when we look at single a female parent that is a teen as opposed to others their earning ability is not as great. Realistically, if one has worked ten years then that is ten years of experience which equates to a higher earning ability. It takes money to raise a child and I say it is more difficult for a teen parent.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Professor:
Soror AKA_Monet,

...A teen parent does not have the same life skills nor maturity of a 30 something year old female. Additionally, we when we look at a single female parent that is a teen as opposed to others their earning ability is not as great. Realistically, if one has worked ten years then that is ten years of experience which equates to a higher earning ability. It takes money to raise a child and I say it is more difficult for a teen parent.

Brotha Prof:

Yes, it makes a difference in terms of length in life, but does it still make it justifiably right? Moreover, the 30 something women I am talking about are women that have been in school for a majority of their 20's and find themselves at a loss for decent men. Also, the women I am talking about most of them have 2nd and 3rd college degrees and not some woman that out of high school immediately got a job and worked for 10 years. At least, that is most of my unmarried 30-something acquaintances that decided to get pregnant out of wed lock...

A teen girl may not be able to financially provide the "luxuries" to a baby compared to that of an unmarried 30-something woman's child, however, is there any greater difference in the nurturing and love that a baby needs? 'Cuz they way I hear it, a never been married 30 something 1st time pregnant woman seems to bitch and moan about how difficult it really is comparatively speaking to a teen girl that messed up her life... In fact, a teen mother appears to be more capable of finding and using her resources available to her better than a 1st time pregnant unmarried 30 something woman. Meaning, more capable of getting day care, diaper, baby food and health care subsidies. Hmmmm... I wonder why this seems to be the case?

It is just a fact, an unmarried 30 something woman more than likely will not have enough "nest egg" to handle the costs of appropriate child care? Should we, as taxpayers, pay for an unmarried 30 something woman's decision to possibly become single parent? Knowing that her decision to do just that will inevitably take away from the financial resources of the teen girl's pregnancy? Because if I understand you correctly, an unmarried 30 something woman is suppose to be more responsible with her decisions, right?

Maybe the 30something woman is more able to get the impregnanting man to court for child support... Either way, to me, I find it very sheisty on the part of 30 something woman.

If I decided to go out there, get pregnant with a man's child, knowing I do not have the financial resources and I still made the decision to carry the pregnancy to term; and 'cuz I made this decision without the wishes of the impregnating man, how could I justifiably get a court to MAKE him pay child support when he did actively make my choice with me? Just foul...

Oh, what webs we weave when we first try, try to deceive...

Talk to me, because I really want to understand why it is okay for a 30 year woman to get pregnant alone when it is not okay for a teen girl.

[Ideal08]

Soror, I hope you don't mind if a sista' replies. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't.

I will be 27 in 11 days. I am single, with no prospects of a husband in sight. I want children BAD! I have chosen to be patient and wait on God, basically because I don't have a choice. At the same time, the whole situation can become depressing, because I feel like I'm off schedule. I always thought I would be married with children by now. I have always wanted, and still do want, to have children before I'm 32. My mother was 32 when she had me, and I always felt like my parents were so much older than everyone else's. It didn't help matters when they both passed when I was only 19. I don't want to be an old parent. And I don't want to die when my children are young. I realize that I have no control over this. I've given it to God, and I will deal with how he dishes it out. But at the same time, I'm ready to have children. I don't want to have them out of wedlock, though. But I am considering it. Not right now, of course, but when I feel like I am more finanicially stable. Will it be hard without a husband? Absolutely. But my life has been hard thus far, and I've dealt with it. Will I get pregnant by ANY man? Not if I can help it. Am I going to trap a man into committing. Oh, definitely not. Will I continue to use protection, yes.

In answer to your question, is it okay? For me, yes, it is. Only the individual can answer that. I can't say whether or not it would be okay for anyone else. There are 30-something women that are married that are raising their children in dysfunctional households. My point is that the age of the woman has nothing to do with it. It is a person's life experiences that make them who they are.

As far as the difference between a teenage mom and a 30-something year old mom, there are many. Most teenagers haven't had enough life experiences to make a life altering decision such as raising a child. Most teenagers don't have the financial means to raise a child. Everyone should have a chance at life. After having a child, there are sacrifices that must be made. I think that teens need to think twice about becoming parents, because they are going to miss out on some of the best years of their lives. That is one of the biggest differences, I think, a 30 year old has had that chance at life.

I'll admit, I too have thought about the sperm bank. I would love to adopt, but I am looking forward to being pregnant, bringing life. Like Soror AKA2D said, I guess it's just not my time yet. *SIGH* Oh, Soror Monet, I also agree with AKA2D that you need help, like yesterday!

Just my .08

(Can y'all tell it's the end of the day? This is when I'm at my chattiest )

[This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 03, 2001).]

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by Ideal08:
Soror, I hope you don't mind if a sista' replies. I tried to stay away, but I couldn't.

I will be 27 in 11 days. I am single, with no prospects of a husband in sight. I want children BAD! I have chosen to be patient and wait on God, basically because I don't have a choice. At the same time, the whole situation can become depressing, because I feel like I'm off schedule. I always thought I would be married with children by now. I have always wanted, and still do want, to have children before I'm 32. My mother was 32 when she had me, and I always felt like my parents were so much older than everyone else's. It didn't help matters when they both passed when I was only 19. I don't want to be an old parent. And I don't want to die when my children are young. I realize that I have no control over this. I've given it to God, and I will deal with how he dishes it out. But at the same time, I'm ready to have children. I don't want to have them out of wedlock, though. But I am considering it. Not right now, of course, but when I feel like I am more finanicially stable. Will it be hard without a husband? Absolutely. But my life has been hard thus far, and I've dealt with it. Will I get pregnant by ANY man? Not if I can help it. Am I going to trap a man into committing. Oh, definitely not. Will I continue to use protection, yes.

With all the love in the world that I have for you, soror, your reasons for wanting to be pregnant and the need to have children right away are still selfish, from my perspective. But hey, what do I know anyways.

And what do you mean, your too old at 32? I'm 32! No prospective husband in sight. I still do not feel I am too old to start a family... But I choose not to do it alone, without a man. I truly have the faith that planning a "life" together 'til death do us part is more important to me than my own insecurities about my biological clock exploding... And boy does it!!! Besides, after you have children, that "pouch" really never goes away and I love the way I look right now...

Biblically speaking, Sarah of Abraham tried to circumvents God's will through Hagar and Ishmael... But when God granted Abraham a legitimate seed into Sarah, she laughed, but out came Issac... Moreover, Elizabeth was old when she had John, the Baptist---Jesus Christ's cousin. So it is not unusual having children late in age according to God's will... If you are a Christian, think of this, it says in the New Testament, that "bless those that have never experienced child pains for the Heavenly Jerusalem is yours like Sarah is the Heavenly Jerusalem opposed to Hagar, the Earthy Jerusalem"... I haven't got the whole gist of the scripture. But the way I understand it, that one can be a better mother according God's will than to go out there and prove biological fact...

I was speaking to a 44 year old woman that has a 27 year old son who has graduated from Berkeley and now is receiving a Master's from Stanford... She said that her 38 year old sister decided to "go at it alone" and have "fun with the sperm donor" to conceive and they worked it out to where he pays child support and she takes care of the 2 year old. But now, the man is "cursing" the baby's mother out for whatever reason because he moved away and doesn't want to pay child support anymore--what a headache. The 44 year old woman said she was married to her son's father but got divorced because she knew she was too young to married, which was 17/18 yrs old at the time. But she said that although it was hard for her being a teenage mother, she said she would practically kill somebody if they "messed" with her child. I see that happen more often with young mothers than with the 30 somethings fighting for anybody but themselves taking care of their child...

To me, it is for selfishness that folks like us want children. Yes, I admit I feel the same as you do sometimes. And the fact is that God wants to grant us a gift because He only knows when we can handle it... And if God doesn't want me to have what I think is a beautiful gift, then there must be a reason--more than likely I cannot deal with it--and so, I guess I can live with my reality by being barren and childless, even if it means forever until I die...

I had decided myself to appreciate that aspect of myself. But I totally know what you are going through because I feel like that myself sometimes. And I'm not crazy and need help-- I'm unique!

[jazbri]

Wanted so badly to stay away from this one; but, I can't resist.

One general comment, a man is never deceived into conceiving a child. If he's protecting himself, he should be 99.9% safe from impregnating a female. For the other .1%, his decision to sleep with her should include the remote chance that a child may come of it and be prepared. For those men that believe that his responsibility is removed by the female stating she's protected, well I can only say ya stupid!

In regards to those biological ticking clocks, I'd say not to rush into anything. Because nothing is promised to us and there are no guarantees, choose wisely. Even under the best circumstances, marriages end in divorce and both parents will still be responsible for that child. Waiting to find that person that you think is your life-long partner doesn't necessarily mean that you are now ready for parenthood.

[Ideal08]

LOL @ Soror Monet's "uniqueness"!! It's ok, girl, I've been called "unique" too!

Girl, I feel everything that you are saying, don't think I don't. And I can admit that I can be selfish at times. I just want to be a mommy!!!!

Here's a philosophical (sp?) question. How do you know when you do something as opposed to when God does it? Say I get pregnant. Each person who is here has a purpose from God. And he had each of us in mind before the earth was formed, right? So if I get pregnant, even if I'm a single mom, it wouldn't really be before God's time, would it? But then, I've heard that anything that occurs out of sin is not of God. This question (and others like it) confuse me SO much. Like people saying that you can die before your time. Is it really possible for anything to happen outside of God's time? Or do you think that maybe it does, but He gives us some stuff before he had planned because it is the true desire of our hearts? I know that this is a little off topic, but it kinda ties in, right?

[This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 04, 2001).]

[Ideal08]

Originally posted by Professor:
Anyone in interested in having my baby ?

LMAO!! I don't know, how about your girlfriend? Y'all could conceive it on the balcony, in the rain. LOL!! But seriously, wouldn't that be a wonderful story to tell your child??

You know, now that I make that statement, it makes me want to wait, even more, until I'm married. I want to be able to tell my child the whole story about how they came to be. And I want it to be a PRETTY story! I can be so IDEAListic sometimes!

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by jazbri:
Wanted so badly to stay away from this one; but, I can't resist.

One general comment, a man is never deceived into conceiving a child. If he's protecting himself, he should be 99.9% safe from impregnating a female. For the other .1%, his decision to sleep with her should include the remote chance that a child may come of it and be prepared. For those men that believe that his responsibility is removed by the female stating she's protected, well I can only say ya stupid!

In regards to those biological ticking clocks, I'd say not to rush into anything. Because nothing is promised to us and there are no guarantees, choose wisely. Even under the best circumstances, marriages end in divorce and both parents will still be responsible for that child. Waiting to find that person that you think is your life-long partner doesn't necessarily mean that you are now ready for parenthood.

Jaz,

This is not true. There are ways where a man can be decieved into a pregnancy; and if you e-mail me personally, I will tell you.

I also hope to hear from AKAMonet; hopefully I can clear some things up with her as well.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by jazbri:
Wanted so badly to stay away from this one; but, I can't resist.

One general comment, a man is never deceived into conceiving a child. If he's protecting himself, he should be 99.9% safe from impregnating a female. For the other .1%, his decision to sleep with her should include the remote chance that a child may come of it and be prepared. For those men that believe that his responsibility is removed by the female stating she's protected, well I can only say ya stupid!

In regards to those biological ticking clocks, I'd say not to rush into anything. Because nothing is promised to us and there are no guarantees, choose wisely. Even under the best circumstances, marriages end in divorce and both parents will still be responsible for that child. Waiting to find that person that you think is your life-long partner doesn't necessarily mean that you are now ready for parenthood.

Jaz,

This is not true. There are ways where a man can be deceived into a pregnancy; and if you e-mail me personally, I will tell you.

I also hope to hear from AKAMonet; hopefully I can clear some things up with her as well.

[DST Love]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:

Jaz,

This is not true. There are ways where a man can be deceived into a pregnancy;

I am not trying to offend anyone but to me if you're not married, there is no way someone can be deceived into pregnancy unless your the person you trust, your husband or wife deceives you. Meaning we all are very aware that a very possible consequence of sex is pregnancy among other things. So don't sleep with people who you don't love and who don't love you, who you don't know, who don't have your best interests at heart and who you can't see sharing the rest of your life with. (Not to say that that is a definite way to not be deceived.) Because what type of person would sleep with someone who could deceive them. And if one says, "how could you know that someone would deceive you?" Well that's my very point. Now if someone has another explanation that isn't one of these then I'd be interested to hear it.

[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 04, 2001).]

[The Original Ape]

Here's something to think about:

Today, chances of a woman being impregnated by someone she's romantically involved with are GREATER than they are from a simple booty call(a one night stand). One would think both people would take every precaution; but they'd double check everything if it's just a booty call.

[DST Love]

Originally posted by The Original Ape:
Here's something to think about:

Today, chances of a woman being impregnated by someone she's romantically involved with are GREATER than they are from a simple booty call(a one night stand). One would think both people would take every precaution; but they'd double check everything if it's just a booty call.

I agree that one could get pregnant from someone they are romantically involved with but at least those people would probably get married or both do what's best for the child like back in the day. But that's usually not the case when it is booty calls or one night stands because those people don't even really know each other. I guess I'm just an old-fashion girl !!

[MIDWESTDIVA]

Originally posted by DST Love:
I agree that one could get pregnant from someone they are romantically involved with but at least those people would probably get married or both do what's best for the child like back in the day. But that's usually not the case when it is booty calls or one night stands because those people don't even really know each other. I guess I'm just an old-fashion girl !!

I'm an old fashioned girl too, but those kind of marriages usually don't last very long.

[Professor]

Soror Ideal08,

Life is a blessing from God no matter what the circumstances. We sin because of the manner we choose to do things.

I feel everyone about wanting a child not being married. I xx years old and I also want to be a father. Sometimes I think about going in the projects and asking some young teenage mother to give me her baby. Things are different for men. I want a child that I keep in my own home. I don't want to pay child support nor care to receive assistance.
My career is peaking and I can provide a great home filled with love and attention. Anyone in interested in having my baby ?

[Ideal08]

Ok, I completely disagree about the sleeping with someone without knowing if they would deceive you or not. YOU NEVER KNOW!! A relationship is based on trust. I trusted my ex, and after 3 years, some lies surfaced. If you had asked me 3 years ago if he was lying, I would have told you absolutely not, I know my man. WRONG!!! The point is, you never know.

Now, I know of a dude who each time he has sex with someone, he provides the condoms, he STILL pulls out before he's finished, he checks the condom for noticeable breaks, and then he empties the semen OUT of the condom and into the toilet before flushing both of them down. Now, if he is going thru all of that, I would say that there are some conniving women out there. I, myself, have heard of men throwing the condom away and women inseminating themselves after the fact. (Can yall tell I have a lot of male friends? )

It's IDEAListic to say that one should get to know a person SO VERY WELL that there's not a doubt in your mind that that person would deceive you. But that's not very REAListic at all. I would have had to wait 3 years. Hell, I wouldn'ta even been in the mood anymore. LOL! And I believe that my ex did and still does love me. But he was and still is WEAK. We have all done wrongs to people we LOVE.

Just my .08 and I'll step down off my soap box now.

[This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 05, 2001).]