Is he too cheap? - Page 2

James · #16 01-31-2003, 11:00 PM

Just don't make it a habit gorgeous, your brisk common sense is endearing I would hate it to be overshadowed by girlish gushing

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Quote:

Originally posted by valkyrie

Yeah, well. I can be a girly girl sometimes. You should see what I spend on makeup and handbags!

KillarneyRose · #17 01-31-2003, 11:51 PM

My husband is, in my opinion, the greatest! (and, no, it's not just because he puts up with me, although that's always nice) and, yes, I would have married him even without my 1.5 carat Tiffany's dream ring. But, if he had been unable to afford something like that, I would have rather not had any engagement ring rather than walk around wearing something I was embarassed of.

It's no different than if he had bought me an orange and bright green striped acrylic sweater dress with silver and gold threads running through it. It wouldn't mean that he didn't love me, but I STILL wouldn't wear it in public!

chideltjen · #18 02-01-2003, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by DeltaSigStan
Thanks for just reinforcing what Joe Millionaire has proven.

who knows... maybe it was a gift for his mom... a promise ring... ?

KSig RC · #19 02-01-2003, 04:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by lovelyivy84
I agree. I live in NYC and sorry but 40k is just about enough to live decently if you have no kids, no car and no loans. Add in any of those things and you are struggling.

This is all come about because this girl was nosey. She does not know what is going on at all. If she had minded her business this would not be a problem.

I think I'm in love . . .

This thread was just wallowing in stereotypes until a very solid contingent of women stepped up and spoke for real.

It doesn't matter if you live in NYC or Grand Rapids, MI - 40g doesn't make you wealthy. If "being cheap" is a dealbreaker for you, perhaps there are larger issues . . .

AchtungBaby80 · #20 02-01-2003, 11:25 AM

She ought to be happy she's even getting a ring! I agree that $40K is not very much, and if it were me, I wouldn't give a kitty about how much the ring cost. It would be a different story if the guy was pulling in $100K, but come on. I'm not dating a millionaire and if he proposed to me, I would rather have a less expensive ring so that we wouldn't start out in debt! Even though I prefer sapphires, if I wanted a big diamond engagement ring to show off, I would just ask for a fake one. They make very nice "fakes" now that are the same as the real thing only they didn't come out of the ground, and who in the hell would know? Surely there will be time later on for him to give her a "better" ring once he's got more money.

James · #21 02-01-2003, 12:01 PM

Very Practical

Quote:

Originally posted by AchtungBaby80
She ought to be happy she's even getting a ring! I agree that $40K is not very much, and if it were me, I wouldn't give a kitty about how much the ring cost. It would be a different story if the guy was pulling in $100K, but come on. I'm not dating a millionaire and if he proposed to me, I would rather have a less expensive ring so that we wouldn't start out in debt! Even though I prefer sapphires, if I wanted a big diamond engagement ring to show off, I would just ask for a fake one. They make very nice "fakes" now that are the same as the real thing only they didn't come out of the ground, and who in the hell would know? Surely there will be time later on for him to give her a "better" ring once he's got more money.

bucutie02 · #22 02-01-2003, 12:37 PM

I honestly dont think it matters how much the ring costs. The only reason she even knows how much it is is because she was being nosy.

If you REALLY love the guy, you should be proud to wear whatever it is he got you because of the fact that it came from him.

Who cares what other people think of your ring? Atleast you are happy and in love- well that is the general idea!

I think $6500+ is a little too much to spend on a ring when you earn 40K a year.

Munchkin03 · #23 02-01-2003, 12:51 PM

Whoa, can we say "shallow"? $40K isn't that much, unless you're living at home with Mom and Dad...the real world costs money and like the amazing justamom said, not everyone wants to carry debt (besides, what if he has student loans?). I think there are deeper, more serious issues at hand...maybe the fact that she's nosy ?

I think it would be funny if he planted that ring to see what she would say.

As for me, I know that my partner has started looking at rings already, but doesn't have much to spend (and neither will I...architects and teachers don't make a lot). They know my style and what would look good on me. Plus, neither of us is trying to impress anyone with a 3 carat solitaire from Tiffany's--I have a tiny hand! So, my partner and I have communicated enough about this issue for them to know what I want, and for me to know what they can afford.

Bottom line, if it matters that much to her, it can't be the beginning of a successful marriage.

DeltaBetaBaby · #24 02-01-2003, 12:53 PM

I think I remember hearing that the "standard" for engagement rings is two months salary. That would put this guy in the $6000+ range.

But then again, I am pretty sure I got that from a De Beers commercial.

Lady Pi Phi · #25 02-01-2003, 02:37 PM

Well, here's my $0.02...

Traditionally, the cost of the ring should equal 2 months salary...that is the custom. Over course, you can spend as much or as little as one likes or can afford. The cost of the ring doesn't equal how much the man loves you. I don't know his financial situation, so I can't say.

Now you say the ring is ugly. Well in my opinion, if this is the ring is ugly, this looks like that this guy really doesn't know this girl at all. If they have never discussed each others personal tastes, what else don't they know about each other? Maybe the 2 of them need to step back and look at the big picture. They probably aren't ready to get married.

As for the snooping. If she was snooping, that's in poor taste and it looks like there are some trust issues. If not, accidents happen. What's done is done.

Frankly, if this is such a big issue for the girl, the 2 of them need to sit down and have a long conversation about their relationship.

James · #26 02-01-2003, 02:48 PM

She said the ring cost $650 NOT $6500, but I still don't see the difference.

2 months salary at 40k a year woul be between 4-5 thousand take home.

Or the equivalent of a nice chunk of my student loans.

juniorgrrl · #27 02-01-2003, 02:52 PM

40K/year isn't a ton anywhere, but a lot of it depends upon where you live. In Lousiana, as a starter salary, that's very good.

The figure my guy came up with was what HE wanted to spend. All I really decided was the shape and setting. He is the one that's decided everything else. And he is using the 2 month's salary guideline.

We don't know this guy's whole financial situation - he could be up to his ears in debt; or he could be like my boy who has no student loans (thank you Gov. Foster!), a credit card that's paid off monthly, and a relatively car note.

I agree with KillarneyRose - I'd rather not have something I was embarassed of. It doesn't mean I don't love him, it just means that I don't like the item.

Love doesn't equal money. But if a guy isn't willing to put himself out just a little bit on a purchase that his future wife will ostensably wear every day for the rest of her life, it says a lot about his level of commitment.

James · #28 02-01-2003, 03:04 PM

I understand what you are saying Juniorgirl and others. I am just not sure the bearing on "committment". Unless you think he is buying a cheap ring so when he breaks the engagement he doesn't lose much by it?

Which would mean he was already planning an out .. .

FiReKraCkEr · #29 02-01-2003, 04:08 PM

I don't understand all the hoopla in engagement rings.....

Does it really matter to you girls? I know to me, I don't care. Every women has a right to get what they want, but to me an engagement ring is just a piece of jewelery. As long as my man makes me happy and loves me, I have nothing else to ask for.

Maybe I feel this way because I got my grandmother's 2 carat diamond ring when she died....

Anywho...

Ivory

cuaphi · #30 02-01-2003, 04:18 PM

Thank you everyone for your input. I especially wanted to hear the male perspective which seems to be, as I expected, that the ring itself isn't as symbolic and emotional as some women make it out to be.

Anyway, from what I understand it really was discovered accidently while looking for something else but I agree that they may have much larger issues here.