"The One? Or "Your Soul Mate?

[AXJules]

Yikes! This is turning into my research paper, which I've barely started.....but...

I guess you'd have to define The One, which i would say is your one big love in your lifetime. Soulmate?? Maybe and maybe not. As someone said above, your best friend could be your soulmate but you'd never marry them. Now, many people say they've loved mulitiple times but the way I think, if you ever do meet The One, its a love that blows the rest of them away. (More than one person in the world could be a candidate to be The One, it's just a matter of which one you happen to meet.)
<just a pause to say this is so ridiculous, I feel like I'm explaining the rules to some huge fantasy game like Myst or something lol.."If you meet The One before so and so's turn you win the Sword of Love"....omg ok I need to stop>
Anyway, what I'm saying is this guy who is only Mr. One of Convienience wouldn't give the same feeling as your actual One....or maybe they would but it wouldn't last. Either way the one great love or perfect person you were intended to be with would still be at large b/c the person of convienience sidetracked you. (laughing hystericallly now b/c this is so hard to explain)

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by AXJules
I guess you'd have to define The One, which i would say is your one big love in your lifetime. Soulmate?? Maybe and maybe not. As someone said above, your best friend could be your soulmate but you'd never marry them. Now, many people say they've loved mulitiple times but the way I think, if you ever do meet The One, its a love that blows the rest of them away. (More than one person in the world could be a candidate to be The One, it's just a matter of which one you happen to meet.)

See, I think that it is entirely possible to meet "The One" and have a love that blows everything else away. So you're together and things are good, and then eventually it's just not any more. There may be no real reason why; it just happens. Then, you meet "The Next One" and that blows everything away. You can still look back fondly on the first relationship, but you are no longer who you were when you were in it and it just doesn't fit you any more.

So I guess my question is: why do people think that you only get one big love in your lifetime? My theory is that there can be more than one, at different times. That doesn't lessen the importance of any of them.

OMG, it sounds like I'm a serial monogamist, huh?

[XOMichelle]

How come you think of dating as a means to the end of mariage or long term commitment? Isn't there value in dating itself? I think there is.
And what's wrong with having three big realtionships? I started at 17 and now I'm 22 and I've dated 3 people (two of which overlapped) in a semi-serious to a serious fashion (I had mini-relationships before then, and I've had some since).

Not once in those three realtionships did I decide that they were the "one" or that I wanted to marry them. In fact, although I liked them all a lot (and fell in love with each for different reasons). The time I spent with them let me discover the things about them that I liked and disliked, and more importantly led me to learn things about myself and what I want in my life.

I don't think that everythting happens for a reason, but I do think you can learn from your life, and that is what I try to do.

lv,
M

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by XOMichelle
Not once in those three realtionships did I decide that they were the "one" or that I wanted to marry them. In fact, although I liked them all a lot (and fell in love with each for different reasons). The time I spent with them let me discover the things about them that I liked and disliked, and more importantly led me to learn things about myself and what I want in my life.

I don't think that everythting happens for a reason, but I do think you can learn from your life, and that is what I try to do.

Well said!

[James]

Let me ramble for a moment and be as coherent as my highly anxious state can be.

Have you ever had a timeless intimate moment with a total stranger?

I have occassionally met a girl at some odd nexus of the universe that granted a degree of sharing and intimacy with that girl that has gone way beyond what I have experienced with any of my actual Significant Others.

Some of my girlfriends would have wept at knowing that they would never relate to me to that degree.

It was like a bubble of time and space where we had a sympatico so complete, it transcended words, and I am bungling trying to meaningfully share a mere echo of the experience with you without lessening it with something trite and cliche.

But they were just moments. Snapshots of knowing that we are not alone in the universe. The feeling of someone who never had to get to know you, being inside your head with you because they share the same things you do.

You stare into each other's shadows and know exactly what are in them, because each of you mirror the light the other so highly there is no room for darkness.

But in most cases like ships passing in the nights you both move on . . .

That is what my idea of a soul mate would be. Its along the lines of Valk's reference to the movie "Serendipity" that type of soul mate.


And there probably are many out there. There are an awful lot of people.

But AXJules! Think on the movie Serendipity. Fate may have introduced them, but it took immense personal effort for them to be together. They both had to leave their present relationships on the verge of marriage. (sorry for movie spoiler).[

[Peaches-n-Cream]

James, that was poetic.

I don't know if there is such a thing as the ONE or a SOULMATE. All I know is that I have yet to meet him.

[AXJules]

James I just read your post and I think some people misunderstood me-
What I believe is exactly like Serendipity- which I saw. They were thrown into each others paths, but it was up to them to make it work. I agree with that. I think us meeting will be like 'cosmically done' or whatever, but if I want to keep up the relationship it will be up to me. Ala my fear about Mr right being Dennis in 3rd grade who pasted my hair to the wall

I never said there's anything wrong with loving more than one person or that you can't, I think a lot of people are capable of loving a lot of people. All I'm saying is what I choose to believe, although I see al ot of other sides, is that The One will be bigger, better, and more ideal than the rest. And that you might get stuck along the way but for some of us it really is possible.

[justamom]

AXjules-<just a pause to say this is so ridiculous, I feel like I'm explaining the rules to some huge fantasy game like Myst or something lol.."If you meet The One before so and so's turn you win the Sword of Love"....omg ok I need to stop>
LOL!!! But to MY mind, that's exactly how it is! There are
"rules" to a degree.

The whole problem is that people take a "nibble" out of ONE belief system and try to explain and fit it into a different belief system. If you are familiar with cosmic principles and use them as guidelines for your life, then the concept of a soul mate doesn't seem too outlandish.
However, the true meaning of soul mate is steeped in the concept of reincarnation. THAT is a concept that frightens organized Christianity and many find impossible to accept, but not as many as those who do believe.

I believe you can love many people in your life. I know my husband is my soul mate. Can you find happiness with someone you love at the time you're ready to marry? Of course. Don't worry, happiness is the natural state. You won't know it if you miss out on it. You will only recognize it when you find it.

[James]

AxJules, if it was your 3rd grade Dennis you had better start looking for him lol.

But still a lot of this seems to come down to settling down with the one that you are with when you want to settle.

Originally posted by AXJules
I agree with that. I think us meeting will be like 'cosmically done' or whatever, but if I want to keep up the relationship it will be up to me. Ala my fear about Mr right being Dennis in 3rd grade who pasted my hair to the wall

[justamom]

James...............WHY did you move on?

[amycat412]

Originally posted by James
But still a lot of this seems to come down to settling down with the one that you are with when you want to settle.

SETTLE? Or settle down? We should never settle for less than what we want.

That seems to be true for a lot of people and I believe it sets relationships up to be less than all they can be...

Mr. Amycat and I have discussed this before--how fated our meeting and the development of our relationship has seemed. How we were both ready for love for awhile, ready to settle down and build a shared life with someone we loved. But we didn't just settle for any of the yahoos we met along the way to meeting one another because they just didn't fit the bill.

Then we met--and magical doesn't even come close to describing our connection and how well we get along.

I do believe in "The One" and in "Soul Mates" But I don't believe we have just one soul mate, I think we can have several and they can take the form of a significant other, a friend, a family member, etc. Sheesh, when I had my beloved English Mastiff Cinnamon (God rest her sweet soul), I swore she was my soul mate...

[AXJules]

Dennis??? DE-NIS! (yelling) Where are you??? J/k actually I have pretty good tabs on him, he blew up the principal's car in 6th grade and got sent to Juvy.

P.S. Just wanted to apologize for like taking over this thread, its just that when you think about stuff that there really aren't any answers to, its easy to post and post and say 'what if' all the time.

[Munchkin03]

Does anyone think they can find "the One" at a young age? By young, I don't mean 12 or 13. I'm talking about people at the end or just out of college.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

I want a soulmate.

[SATX*APhi]

Originally posted by Cream
I want a soulmate.

Me too!