a real good woman would...

[tickledpink]

*...be God-fearing.

*...be a very good listener. She listens to her man express his feelings & talk about his day because she understands that it's tough to try to "carry the weight of the world" on his shoulders.

*...be able to express her concerns without making her man feel like anything less than a man.

*...be an excellent mother. Her man knows that their children will be well-educated (in book and common sense) because of her. She is someone that he hopes his daughter will grow up to be like.

*...is self confident and understands that she does not need a man to define who she is. If she's learned this love and appreciation of herself, she'll be able to make a healthy contribution to a relationship.

*...not be bitter. Although she's suffered the wrath of the dog, she's completely healed from that relationship, understands that every man is not the same, and will not punish every brother she meets for the stupidity of one.

*...have a brain and use it well. She's no body's fool.

*...will have her man's back through thick and thin. When all the money's gone and his "boys" don't come around anymore, she's still there and she still loves him.

Was that list long enough?

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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

[thatgirl]

Originally posted by Professor:
No C O M M E N T ! !!

Ohhhhhhhh. Come on, let's get the male point of view.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Ok, I am really feeling your last post! Being a dog, whether your a man or a woman, is more than likely a REACTION to a bad experience, treatment, and/or relationship that has occured. Developing and displaying the "canine" behavior is his/her way of saying "I was hurt/treated badly/cheated on, so now before I let anyone do it to me again...I'm going to do it to them." I think that kind of explains the woman that are "overly suspicious", who trip, refuse to accept the breakup, threaten to kill themselves/their man if they really end it...or whatever have you. It's indeed a sad thing. Now... Sir, can I ask you what it is that a woman can possibly do to drive her man to CHEAT??? If she's a psycho, you simply get yourself out of the situation, you don't cheat. What is sticking your ______ (you fill in the blank)..into another woman going to do to solve the problems that you have with your woman?!? Let me know!

I feel you on that. I believe the man/woman should just go on and get out of it. Cheating doesn't solve the problem, but sometimes you can't get out when you need to; and IT happens. And sometimes, it is a welcomed distraction from the ____ you're in!

When a woman in a relationship relaxes, begins to take her man's interest in her appearance for granted, begins to nag him, refuses to pay attention to "signs" of trouble, and makes it almost impossible to communicate with her, cheating is the next problem she'll have with him. Many times people leave a relationship that could be good for them because of THEIR pride. Know what I mean?

Actually, everything I have said applies to us as well as to woman.

I'm going to sit on the side and let some other brothas deal with this.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Ok, I am really feeling your last post! Being a dog, whether your a man or a woman, is more than likely a REACTION to a bad experience, treatment, and/or relationship that has occured. Developing and displaying the "canine" behavior is his/her way of saying "I was hurt/treated badly/cheated on, so now before I let anyone do it to me again...I'm going to do it to them." I think that kind of explains the woman that are "overly suspicious", who trip, refuse to accept the breakup, threaten to kill themselves/their man if they really end it...or whatever have you. It's indeed a sad thing. Now... Sir, can I ask you what it is that a woman can possibly do to drive her man to CHEAT??? If she's a psycho, you simply get yourself out of the situation, you don't cheat. What is sticking your ______ (you fill in the blank)..into another woman going to do to solve the problems that you have with your woman?!? Let me know!

The kind of behavior that drives us to other women will also drive most of the woman's friends away from her too. Anyone that's around the woman enough will notice a change in her attitude, and they will back off until she gets her mental balance again(if you know what I mean!)
Cheating is painful; and irrespectful of gender, hard to forgive. For most people, it can't be forgiven. The fact that you don't know until you know makes life the interesting challenge that it is. All you can do is date as many as necessary to get yourself a database for comparisons. You can then find out what you want/don't want; and when you get a man who's as close to what you want as possible, COMMIT YOURSELF TO PLEASING HIM 24-7.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by Sexy Mocha:
Now there's an answer!! However, the "strange behaviors" that you mention don't usually come from "feelings of inadequacies", but rather from inconsiderate-playing too many games- cheating ass- "I never do anything wrong, you're just tripping" men. Some men are just incapable of admitting when it's their own issues and behavior patterns that lead them out the door, it's so much easier to blame it on a women's insecurities!

How can a man who really loves his woman tell her that she has let herself go; gained weight,and changed her attitude to something he doesn't recognize or like, yet he loves her and doesn't want to leave her, but wants her the way she was?

[thatgirl]

Damn, Ape, that's a tough one. Take CARE of your woman, MAN. Take her to get her hair done. Go to the gym with her. Buy her a nice outfit. If you don't like her attitude, tell her. Be a man about it. Take some authority and she'll straighten up. You do not HAVE to cheat/

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Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

[The Original Ape]

he

Originally posted by thatgirl:
Damn, Ape, that's a tough one. Take CARE of your woman, MAN. Take her to get her hair done. Go to the gym with her. Buy her a nice outfit. If you don't like her attitude, tell her. Be a man about it. Take some authority and she'll straighten up. You do not HAVE to cheat/

Dam, Thatgirl!

First, THAT AINT MY SITUATION!

Secondly, thanks for the advise though. There are some bruhs out there that will attest to the fact that it AINT THAT EASY. Some women just aint tryin' to hear dat! One of my boys is in that situation. I'm tight with the both of them. I tried talking to her for him and it didn't work. Don't ask me what I advised him to do.

[darling1]

....love her man unconditionally

thatgirl...u my leo peeps but i don't agree with that comment about we women put on 'airs'. little girls do that. women allow themselves to experience love without reservation. a real good woman would allow her self to experience the gifts that her man has to offer.

i am not sure who the women that have influenced you but i hope u know that putting on airs is akin to game playing and from my perspective real good women don't believe in that.

i don't mean to offend but this LIONESS must speak her mind.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by darling1:
....love her man unconditionally

thatgirl...u my leo peeps but i don't agree with that comment about we women put on 'airs'. little girls do that. women allow themselves to experience love without reservation. a real good woman would allow her self to experience the gifts that her man has to offer.

i am not sure who the women that have influenced you but i hope u know that putting on airs is akin to game playing and from my perspective real good women don't believe in that.

i don't mean to offend but this LIONESS must speak her mind.

I hope our "Lioness" remembers that REAL love is like a rollocoaster; there are high points and low points, and a REAL WOMAN sticks around for both with the same enthusiasm and fortitude.

My PRIDE would know dat!!! :-)

[thatgirl]

Original Ape:
I know it's not that easy, and I figured it wasn't your situation. What I'm saying is that a lot of times a person may not realize that anything is wrong until you bring it to their attention. As far as women putting on airs--- it happens. It happens everyday. It doesn't make them less than a woman, it is simply one of their flaws. Everyone has flaws. As for me, I've learned to keep it on the up and up from the beginning to save myself a lot of heartache. The bottom line is that a good MATE, male or female, would always respect, honor, and trust their partner. Everyone is deserving of those things.

------------------
Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by thatgirl:
Original Ape:
I know it's not that easy, and I figured it wasn't your situation. What I'm saying is that a lot of times a person may not realize that anything is wrong until you bring it to their attention. As far as women putting on airs--- it happens. It happens everyday. It doesn't make them less than a woman, it is simply one of their flaws. Everyone has flaws. As for me, I've learned to keep it on the up and up from the beginning to save myself a lot of heartache. The bottom line is that a good MATE, male or female, would always respect, honor, and trust their partner. Everyone is deserving of those things.

I agree. Everyone intially deserves respect; but they'll have to maintain it themselves; otherwise, they'll lose it somewhere, and many times, unecessarily.

When I tried to tell my friend's girl to tighten up, she told me "it's all good". I told her:yeah, it's all good... and gone! I told her that my boy loves her; and wasn't thinking about another woman. That he just wants the woman back that he fell in love with. I told her to quit being so suspicious about him and work on her attitude and weight problem. I think they're related. Instead of appreciating what I was trying to do, she laughed it off as if I was playin' with her. I told her that I was serious. I got the impression it didn't matter to her. My boy was crushed by her lack of sincerity.

[darling1]

Original,

My fiance and I can attest to the rollercoaster that a relationship can bring. we have been together for 3 yrs and friends for 11. He has seen ALL of me and vice versa. I know that we love each other more now than when we first began dating. For us the ride will only end when God sees fit to intervene. So thank you my brotha for your input .

[The Original Ape]

Originally posted by darling1:
Original,

My fiance and I can attest to the rollercoaster that a relationship can bring. we have been together for 3 yrs and friends for 11. He has seen ALL of me and vice versa. I know that we love each other more now than when we first began dating. For us the ride will only end when God sees fit to intervene. So thank you my brotha for your input .

Listen and hear each other, and you two will grow old and meet God together. Good luck to the both of you.

[Sexy Mocha]

Before a man starts thinking of ways to tell his woman that she has slacked off, it's always best to try and figure out WHY she has become this way. If it's because she's unhappy or depressed, find the cause...and help her through her problems. Now, if old girl has gotten it in her head that now that she's "got" her man, she can let herself go...then that's another story. In a case like that, there should be no hesitation in telling her the truth. It also depends on your definition of "letting herself go". If it's just weight gain, it could be that it's hereditary or because of multiple child births in which case it's something that she has no control over. But there's no reason why she should be neglecting all other aspects of herself. Personally, I think a woman should always keep herself looking "tight". I mean, I don't think a man should leave his woman because she has let herself go (love should be unconditional...I guess )but I certainly could understand how the attraction could diminish.

[tickledpink]

Ape, I'm curious as to what your response would be for the Do Right Man post in our forum.