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Risk Management - Hazing & etc. This forum covers Risk Management topics such as: Hazing, Alcohol Abuse/Awareness, Date Rape Awareness, Eating Disorder Prevention, Liability, etc.

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  #16  
Old 11-18-2002, 09:16 PM
Kevin Kevin is offline
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Last ditch...

Only do this as a LAST EFFORT....

After you have exhausted your options dealing internally with your chapter, go to your national offices. I can guarantee that they will reinforce what most of us say here... that you are right! The girls that are engaging in this behavior are the real problems here *NOT YOU*.

Good luck.
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  #17  
Old 11-19-2002, 01:23 AM
PsychTau PsychTau is offline
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Wait. . .you mean the girl you were trying to defend and stand up for (the sisterhood chair) is pissed that you were doing just that????? And instead of politely and PRIVATELY saying "Thanks, but you know, I don't need for you to do that. It's all OK" they are taking you to standards? And instead of the other sisters thinking "you know, that's really not nice for me to do. Maybe I should change my behavior", they are taking you to standards? Exactly what standard did you violate? Surely not something in your GLO's creed or purpose?
Hmmmm......you know, from what I've seen/heard/learned, the chapters that "freak out" when a member speaks to a national officer about something they do (and apparently want to 'scare you into silence') is an environment that will allow hazing to grow and prosper. (Not saying that is exactly what's happening with your chapter, but I've heard similar stories from chapters who have some 'bad' secrets they keep)

Let us know what happens.
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  #18  
Old 11-19-2002, 01:44 AM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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I was hoping to have the chance to speak to the 2 actives who had been saying these things to the sisterhood chair, sot hat I could apologize if I had overreacted, and to let them know that I was the one to email nationals. I saw one last night when she came to the S.C.'s apt, and she had been crying and very upset. I wasn't counting on thinga happening today that would make it necessary for me to go home for the night, so I hadn't talked to them yet. My roommate (also a pledge) just told me that they've told the whole chapter what happened, and I'm not there to say anything. I even tried to call the others ( we have a SMALL chapter) to let them know before those that were so pissed got to them first. My roommate said I should try to convince them to "keep" me, but I'm not sure that's something I want to do. They seem to find it perfectly acceptable that these things have gone on, and the word from nationals (straight from the constitution) is that they don't handle ANY hazing matters. EVERYTHING is handled locally. Meaning, they can do whatever they want to me at standards. I have the most service hours in the chapter, have attended every meeting, have planned most of the pledge-planned projects, basically worked my tail off. I don't want to depledge less than 2 weeks before activation, but I also want a sisterhood to be proud of. I want to look back as an alumna and say, "I hope my daughter joins my sorority." I don't feel that way now. I'm at a loss and I don't really know what to do. I so want to give up and quit, but I don't want all my work to be for nothing.

Crystal
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  #19  
Old 11-19-2002, 01:45 AM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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By the way, sorry for the novel I just wrote...
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  #20  
Old 11-20-2002, 09:06 AM
Blue Violet Blue Violet is offline
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question?

If you don't want to post here-PM me but EXACTLT what national do you belong to because my little sister is gonna rush next year and I want to make sure she doesn't join any org that lets the "local" group handle hazing. I am assuming you are not in an NPC group b/c I can't imagine international HQ NOT freaking out over this one. If they kick you out- go to the news papser-they love stuff like that. I can see it now..."Anti German sentiments on the Your University Camus in the YYY sorority.....". Don't let them push you around. Also, if they want to de activate your pledgship-find out from the university if that is lega. I know most sosorities can't release you unless you something REALLy bad (dance naked a frat party with money taped your butt and drunk). Talking to an officer about your concerns-not a call for standards unless your group has a oprotcal that dictates such matters and hey-how would you know that? Your not all the way initiatied yet right? Ugg,,,,,,,stupid stupid stupid. I hope things work out for you. Sounds like some crap!
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  #21  
Old 11-20-2002, 11:50 AM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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BTW, my email to nationals gave the situation without any specific names or offices. I never used the word hazing, I only asked them how we should handle the situation.

Barring an act of God, I've decided to depledge. Alot really depends on what goes on Sunday night. Bothe of the girls who have been doing the name calling are leaving at the end of the semester, and I think that relationships can be salvaged with the others. I really don't know what to do.

The other members of the pledge class are going to standards meeting as well, mainly as support for me, and so they can have an accurate understanding of what is going on. Thank God for their support.
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  #22  
Old 11-20-2002, 12:34 PM
MysticCat MysticCat is offline
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Another POV

Quote:
Originally posted by PsychTau
Wait. . .you mean the girl you were trying to defend and stand up for (the sisterhood chair) is pissed that you were doing just that????? And instead of politely and PRIVATELY saying "Thanks, but you know, I don't need for you to do that. It's all OK" they are taking you to standards? And instead of the other sisters thinking "you know, that's really not nice for me to do. Maybe I should change my behavior", they are taking you to standards? Exactly what standard did you violate? Surely not something in your GLO's creed or purpose?
Hmmmm......you know, from what I've seen/heard/learned, the chapters that "freak out" when a member speaks to a national officer about something they do (and apparently want to 'scare you into silence') is an environment that will allow hazing to grow and prosper. (Not saying that is exactly what's happening with your chapter, but I've heard similar stories from chapters who have some 'bad' secrets they keep)

Let us know what happens.
Well, to play devil's advocate here, I can see the chapter's POV (although going to the standards board is a big overreaction, I agree).

First, the actions described are not hazing, at least not by the NPC's standards. According to the NPC:

Hazing is defined as any action or situation with or without consent which recklessly, intentionally or unintentionally endangers the mental or physical health or safety of a student, or creates risk of injury, or causes discomfort, embarrassment, harassment or ridicule or which willfully destroys or removes public or private property for the purpose of initiation or admission into or affiliation with, or as a condition for continued membership in a chapter or colony of an NPC member fraternity.

Bad taste and offensive, yes. But unless the SC's continued membership in the GLO was conditioned on her "taking it," it wasn't hazing.

Second, I think I too would be bothered that someone shot off an e-mail without talking to people in the chapter first. An e-mail to national may be making a much bigger deal out of it than it is, and it is bringing in outside folks to what should be a chapter problem.

I would expect a sister to first talk to the SC herself and ask her whether she is bothered/offended/hurt by the comments. If she says that she is bothered, I would encourage her to say so to the sisters in question, and would offer to go with her for support if she wanted. If she did not want to say anything (and if she did not ask me to drop it), then I would say something to the other sisters involved and to no one else, something like "I know you mean it in fun, but it really bothers sister X when you say ___. And how do you think it would sound if someone outside the chapter heard you call her those names?" If that doesn't help, then you follow appropriate channels in the chapter. Only when that doesn't work do you go outside the chapter.

On the other hand, the SC might say she is not bothered by the comments, that she knows they are meant in fun and she takes them that way. If that is the case, then you have to decide whether to let it go or whether to say something to the "offending sisters" anyway, along the lines of "SC knows you mean it in fun, you know you mean it in fun, but someone who doesn't know that might overhear you and form a bad opinion of this chapter based on that."

The bottom line is always start with the specific people involved and work your way out from them slowly when necessary.

Meanwhile MTSUGURL, I hope you will think long and hard before you depledge. It sounds like you really like and care for most of your sisters. Use this as a learning experience and work on strengthening the bonds of sisterhood in your chapter. Good luck!
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Last edited by MysticCat; 11-20-2002 at 02:35 PM.
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  #23  
Old 11-20-2002, 01:13 PM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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Quote:
Second, I think I too would be bothered that someone shot off an e-mail without talking to people in the chapter first. An e-mail to national may be making a much bigger deal out of it than it is, and it is bringing in outside folks to what should be a chapter problem.
This I totally understand, and realize where I was wrong. I should have asked her first if I was thinking of emailing NEB. I've apologized very sincerely, admitted to being wrong, and see where she is completely justified in being upset over my not asking. According to our constitution, (we're not NPC), this situation is hazing, but only if the SC were to report it herself.

Yes, I love these girls and care about them a great deal - I love the organization. My reasons for depledging aren't just this situation, but this is the final straw.
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  #24  
Old 11-24-2002, 05:48 PM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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Well, standards board meets tonight, and I have no clue what's going to happen. THe SC isn't upset with me anymore, but I'm still going. I still have no idea whether I will actually depledge or not - I'm waiting until after I go tonight to decide. I really just don't want to decide while I'm upset. I've talked to the SC and one other active once this week, but other than that, I haven't talked to anyone in the sorority. That really hurts, because I had gotten pretty close to alot of them. I'll give you an update later tonight. Thanks for the support!
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  #25  
Old 11-24-2002, 06:16 PM
texas*princess texas*princess is offline
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I just came across this thread today and find it interesting to say the least. I really hope things work out well for you and you find what you are looking for in a sisterhood.
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  #26  
Old 11-24-2002, 10:49 PM
crystalline crystalline is offline
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Good luck with your meeting with the standards board. I hope it all turns out ok for you!
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  #27  
Old 11-25-2002, 12:19 PM
MTSUGURL MTSUGURL is offline
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They didn't punish me or anything, but I think it was more of a "we want to do something to you and legally we can't" than "we don't want to do anything". At least 2 others had wanted to kick me out. 3 of the actives are still speaking to me. They said they're going to go ahead and activate me, and I told the other pledges I'd give it one more semester before I left to see what kind of pledges we got in, and see what it's like after the 2 that have been causing the problems leave. I'm still really disappointed with the group in general, but I think it's possible for my pledge class to change things.

Crystal
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