How do you drop your girlfriend?

Most of the legends involving things done to a dropped or pinned couple, have been related to the fraternity brother doing the pinning/dropping. The reason given is that your letters/pin are significant in your life, sharing that importance with a SO is a major step that shouldn't be taken lightly.

[Cucci74]

Okay people,
It isn't that we don't like our sisters but it is what happens when she doesn't wear letters that she didn't earn. We didn't hurt her, just gave her what she was expecting. She was waiting for this, and was upset that we didn't do more to her. And then when one of my other sisters got engaged but not to a frat boy, she was upset that she didn't go through this same thing. But she wasn't wearing anyone else's letters. You have to understand that my letters mean the world to both me and everyone in my sorority, and by wearing them you earn respect. Because your letters should mean so much to you that you don't want to wear anyone else's without doing something for them. Our letters are a part of us, in our hearts as well as on our shirts.

[theXgirl]

Originally posted by Cucci74:
Okay people,
It isn't that we don't like our sisters but it is what happens when she doesn't wear letters that she didn't earn. We didn't hurt her, just gave her what she was expecting. She was waiting for this, and was upset that we didn't do more to her. And then when one of my other sisters got engaged but not to a frat boy, she was upset that she didn't go through this same thing. But she wasn't wearing anyone else's letters. You have to understand that my letters mean the world to both me and everyone in my sorority, and by wearing them you earn respect. Because your letters should mean so much to you that you don't want to wear anyone else's without doing something for them. Our letters are a part of us, in our hearts as well as on our shirts.

Sounds like a gang mentality to me. Are you in a national sorortity? (NPC or NPHC) Do the university administrators know that you do this? Do your parents know? Do your alumna know? Is this something to be proud of?
1. Assult and battery---based on the description you gave, is punishable by inprisonment and fines. Two words for you--RISK MANAGEMENT
2. Yes, my letters are part of my org but my letters did not earn me respect. My words and actions did. Letters don't make the org., the people do.
3. You want respect? Then act like adults.
Agreed--a person should not EVER wear the letters or crest of a fraternal org (or any org for that matter) that they are not a member of. You couldn't pull this person aside and talk to them?

If I misunderstood what you said in your post, then I apologze but if not,then this is one of the things that defeats the purpose of the american greek system.

[Cucci74]

Gang mentality? No, I don't think so. Did you not read what I wrote...this girl asked for it. She knew she wasn't supposed wear someone else's letters which is why she wanted to earn them. We didn't harm her...she is fine. I have a question for you. Do you earn your letters or does someone pull you aside and talk to you about getting letters? I was just wondering. Because you don't seem to be as proud of your letters as I am and know that my sisters are.
My parents know all that I have been through and all I have done.
Besides gaining respect for myself, I also get it because of the letters I wear. I know that other people look at me and know that I deserve to wear the letters that I wear. I am PROUD of them, and would never let anyone else wear them that doesn't deserve them.

[KappaTTU]

Boy this just blows my mind! So are you saying that if a guy in, let's say, Sigma Alpha Epsilon drops me, then I would get beat up because I didn't earn his letters? That is really dumb. I think he probably earned his letters during pledgeship enough for two people!
We have workshops sponsored by our nationals on hazing. The point of a sorority is to promote friendships, and common interests. We call it being a "Kappa lady" Theta calls it being a "Theta lady" Chi-O has "Christmas" where they shower their little sis's with gifts. This is the point of joining a sorority-friendship and trust. And having fun. It's college, get a grip. Getting "dropped" is just another aspect of sorority life that is so fun to share with a sister. Usually followed by "passing candle" and singing songs to her and hearing the story of how the guy surprised her with a drop, or proposed.
So to the guy wondering how to "drop" your girlfriend, and I don't know anything about repercussions from frat brothers! but, make it special, because if you do marry her it will be something that you will remember for the rest of your life.
And as far as hazing goes, as much as all of our sorority nationals have tried to educate us on this topic, have you people not learned that you could lose your charter over this? It is very stupid to risk losing your recognition over hazing. Members do not need to be hazed to become bonded. I have some of the best friendships from participating in community service, pledge class intramurals, rush, all-university sing, and many other aspects of college life.
That is really stupid to say that someone was
"asking for it" people have used that same excuse in rape trials. Think about it, it's the same mentality. For more information on hazing contact your university panhellenic, and nationals, I am sure that they have specific rules set for you guys.

[AlphaChiGirl]

Just wondering exactly what "dropping" is...I know what shirting, lavaliering, and pinning is...How do NPHC groups feel about this? On another, off-topic tangent...would it be possible for a girl to pin her guy? Just wondering... :-)

[Texas Alum]

I know this is a really old thread, but I just had to reply. A drop is the same as a lavaliere - so "dropping" is "lavaliering".

The following are purely my personal opinions:

AlphaChi - I would say NO! to your question for two reasons - one is selfishness. I am not giving my lyre away to anyone. Also, throughout history, it is the man who gives the woman the symbol of the relationship to wear, and not the reverse. I guess the tradition of dropping just follows the tradition of the engagement ring.

Cucci - I surely hope beyond hope that you are not in an NPC or NPHC group. I have never heard of anything like your post in my life. I truly agree that your group is promoting a violent gang mentality. I hope you will put some serious thought into the humiliating origin of this activity and come up with a positive and empowering way to recognize a sister on such a special day. What do you do when a sister gets married - set her house on fire?

My overall take on this subject: wearing someone else's pin or letters is not supposed to indicate that you represent those letters and their symbolism. It is supposed to indicate to the rest of the world that you are spoken for, or belong to, a member of that group. I know that is a really archaic way of thinking, but so is the diamond engagement ring...

and you KNOW we all want one of those.



[This message has been edited by Texas Alum (edited August 03, 2000).]

[SilverTurtle]

AlphaChi girl-

i just wanted to respond to your question about a sorority girl pinning her boyfriend:

I would agree with Texas Alum, I can't imagine that ever happening. Greeks in general do have very defined gender roles (which are also very traditional).

Which I personally think is unfortunate, as they tend to be campus leaders in many aspects.

Oh- and for the record, I actually don't want a big fat diamond engagement ring (or any kind of engagement ring) for the exact reasons Texas Alum mentioned.. it's an archaic way of claiming the women 'belongs' to you.

------------------
SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

[Texas Alum]

SilverTurtle -
Your post was right on. I was being tongue-in-cheek with my last comment, but I forget that that's hard to convey on a message board!

I understand your opinions on the lavaliere/engagement ring issue. Personally, I will expect an engagement ring when it is time, because to me it is more indicative of the commitment - it is a token of the promise of marriage. It doesn't have to be about showing possession (after all, it can always be removed at will!), and it doesn't have to be one-sided. I have lots of girlfriends who, after becoming engaged, bought a special and symbolic ring for their fiance, to return the tangible gesture of the promise they made.

Then again, I firmly believe that these tokens and their meanings (whether pinning, engagement ring, etc.) are a cultural thing. I'm from a region where the traditions and perceived women's roles are more conservative and old-school (or chauvinistic and repressive, depending on your take).

[SilverTurtle]

Hey Texas Alum..

I think I got your intended tongue-in-cheek. And I don't have a huge problem w/ engagement rings in general, because I know that most people view them like you just described. It's mostly just a personal thing w/ me.

I liked the idea of your friends giving their fiance a ring also. I've got a couple of friends where the girl asked the guy, but I don't know if she got him a ring? Maybe I'll have to ask

------------------
SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

[Dixie Pi Phi]

I can't believe all of the varied traditions dealing with lavaliering/ dropping. I was dropped by my boyfriend my junior year of college and I never experienced anything harmful from his brothers or my sisters. It was a very meaningful experience. My boyfriend gave me my drop when we were alone..not in a public ceremony. My sorority had a candlelight ceremony for me...that usually acts as a way to let the rest of the chapter know what happened(insead of just making an announcement or something). And several weeks later, during a house party at his frat house, he got tied to a pole and all kinds of nasty stuff dumped on him. It sounds really gross but it was in no way harmful. It was something that we will both remember forever.

[12dn94dst]

Originally posted by AlphaChiGirl:
Just wondering exactly what "dropping" is...I know what shirting, lavaliering, and pinning is...How do NPHC groups feel about this?

I know this is a REALLY old post, but no one answered your question, so here goes. We don't do shirting, lavaliering, pinning, etc. If you're wearing letters, it would behoove you to be a member of that organization.

[CRMSNTiDEGRL717]

once again i know this is a very old thread, but i was wondering what is pinning, dropping and laveleiring(sp?) im not in a sorority but i am planning on rushing, can someone please tell me all these terms, im getting quite confused, thanx!!

[Buck-Chi-O]

Lavaliering or dropping is giving your letters to girlfriend. What usually happens is that when a sorority woman and fraternity man have been dating for a while, the man will give his lavalier, a gold or silver charm that is his letters, to his girlfriend. She would usually wear the lavalier on a necklace instead of her own letters. Pinning is the next step, although no one at my school does that anymore, we have pearling instead -- that means that before engagement you get some piece of pearl jewelry from your boyfriend, and is just a sign of commitment or love. THe next step is engagement.

In my sorority we make a big fuss when any of these things happens to a girl, but it is all very sweet. We would NEVER engage in any sort of harmful behavior. That whole beating idea is PSYCHOTIC. I haven't heard of that kind of behavior since junior high, and most normal people avoided it anyway.

It is great that you are planning to rush, and whichever sorority you join will have its own traditions concerning lavliering or pearling. Chapters differ as do schools. I just hope that most chapters are not buying into that gang mentality thing anymore. It is what gives the Greek community a bad name.

Good luck with rush! Greek life is wonderful and inspiring!

[Golden Crown]

This may be slightly off topic, but I just wanted to respond to the idea of wearing letters other than that of your sorority. This last semester I was made a sweetheart of Theta Xi, which entitles me to wear letters that they give me. Although my own letters mean a great deal to me, these also have a special place in my heart. My sisters not only accepted the idea of me wearing them, but were happy and proud for me! (As long as I made sure not to wear their letters more often than my own!) I think that wether you are dropped or made a sweetheart it is an honor, and it shows that you have the respect of that organization and that they feel comfortable having you as a representative of them! Wear them with pride..but dont forget your own!