Disrespected by an Alum - Page 2

GeekyPenguin · #16 10-06-2002, 10:15 AM

My chapter is in such a similar situation. Yesterday was homecoming and we had signs on our float saying Honoring the Alumnae of 72, 82, and 92 and then a BBQ for them afterwards...a lot of the alums from 72 helped us go national (we were Athenaeums and Alpha Theta Chi before) and you'd think they'd be there, but only 2 women showed up to ride in the parade, and then about 5 came to the house. There's about 10 girls who are alum but still in school here, and they didn't come at all. We were planning on asking for some money to improve the house with, as well as speicific items for the house, and all the donations we got were from the same few women. It's just really frustrating to watch the actives and my NM class work so hard to improve the chapter and get nothing from the alum...

So no, you aren't the only one!

It sounds like you've done great work for OPA though, I'm proud of you. And on a side note, SigEp and their alums rock. Our chapter here is composed of the nicest guys ever.

Tom Earp · #17 10-06-2002, 10:29 AM

Speaking as the Founder of my Chapter, there are many Alums like this ego centric person.

To this day, I am still very much involved in My Fraternity at the International and local level!

I send $50.00 a month to a building fund, pay for my Homecoming and Founders Day.

We also have many that dont do anything, but that is to be expected. Some cannot do while some can but do not.

Dont let one person use a crutch to make you feel bad. There may be a problem underlying somewhere else. Maybe feels left out.
Well, whose fault is that. If not interested enough then there should be no complaint.

Keep up the good work for you Organization. It will reward you in the long run

cash78mere · #18 10-06-2002, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
It's just really frustrating to watch the actives and my NM class work so hard to improve the chapter and get nothing from the alum...

geekypenguin-
although i agree that your alum could do more you have to remember that alums have jobs, families and other activities that prevent them from attending functions. that doesn't mean they don't want to be there, sometimes they just can't. while i would LOVE to attend homecoming and other activities there is just no way with the schedule i have. if they outright asked me for a donation, i would be happy to do it. last year was my chapter's 10th anniversary and AXO nationals came down, rented out the Jefferson Hotel (a very nice place) and had a huge party to celebrate. our national president was there! and although i was invited, there was just no way i could go there without taking off work which i can't do.

so while these activities are a must for actives and some alum who have the time and opportunity, it is just an impossible thing for others of us, even though we would love to be there.

one good way to get alum involved is to have an alum page on your chapter website. it always makes me so disappointed when i look at my chapter's page and there is NO MENTION of any alum and no pictures! that kills me.

also remember, just because an alum has a job doesn't mean she's in a great financial state. she may be struggling to make ends meet. not all alums can make donations. i know i couldn't until this year because of my financial state but i have yet to receive a solicitation.

LeslieAGD · #19 10-06-2002, 10:55 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by OPAGal
I just don't know what to do. I considered looking into a social sorority(since were not panhellnic we can join both) were I wouldn't be treated so bad, but now I'm just wondering if all alums act that way?

Quote:

Originally posted by OPAGal
Thanks LeslieAGD. Actually it's really funny, but I've got some friends who are AGD's on my campus and they've been telling me the same thing. They've been trying to recruit me for a while now. I've met some of their alums and alums from my boyfriend's fraternity (Sig Ep) and they all seem really nice and always glad to help out. I sure hope that she's just one alum who feels this way, but just to let everyone know as of today I only have one Maybe reply and several replies stating they will not be attending. And the dinner is next Saturday.

You're welcome. Glad to to hear the Alpha Gams on your campus are so wonderful!

If you are interested in them, I would obviously say go for it, but don't do it just because you're frustrated with your service group and one very rude alum shot off her mouth off. No organization is without its faults.

I'm sorry to hear the planning isn't going well, but hopefully things will improve before Saturday!

Tom Earp · #20 10-06-2002, 12:20 PM

Cash78 very good point!

It is a 2 way street as my chapter complained about the Alum involvement but they did nothing to keep in touch with the Alums. They got into drug and other stupid problems.

5 years ago, I got upset and we have been working to get Alums back involved in many asspects. Many are tickled to death that they are now hearing from Alums and Actives about what is going on in one of the most important times of their lives.

Is something that one never forgets.

Some of my Best Brothers and Friends are guys who came after me at the Fraternity. We are doing things together showing and working with the Chapter what it means.

This also includes Brothers from across the country, many of whom have been and I have met through GC.

I give thanks that John H has set up this Site or would not have met Great Guys like Jono, Lifesaver, TKE711, and all of the rest of you wonderful people!

OOPS, just dismissed the Ladies of the Site and Apologize!

It is a life long thing, not just 4-5 years!

HotDamnImAPhiMu · #21 10-06-2002, 12:25 PM

Wow, doubleblue&gold had a great point. I hadn't even considered that -- the alumna are probably DYING to be invited to something where it's clear no one is interested in their money!

btw, some alumnae are INCREDIBLE -- I should know, we have some! It's just like active sisters -- some are fantastic, some not so much.

GeekyPenguin · #22 10-06-2002, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by cash78mere

You have totally great points, I think I just didn't clarify myself well. What really annoyed me weren't the alum that didn't come down at all, but the alums that came down and did not even stop at the house, but just hit the bars (there were about 10 of these.) Also, alum dues for us are a paltry $35 a year and I realize that many people may be in a bad financial spot, but if all the actives can pay what we do, I think at least half the alum, rather than a handful, should pay their dues. I know that for a while I'll be paying off undergrad and grad loans, but if I'm ever in town I'll at least respect the chapter enough to stop by, which is really all we wanted.

FuzzieAlum · #23 10-07-2002, 11:40 AM

Our org doesn't have alum dues. So we don't have an obligation to pay. Yet those who are involved do - whether it's $$ or time.

But these alums who say, "I founded you, I did so much work, so I won't give you money now," are the same ones who will say, "Oh, I don't need to give money back to my alma mater, tuition was soooo expensive." Guess what, the cost of an undergraduate education is FOUR TIMES what an undergrad pays (assuming he or she gets NO financial aid). A sorority is a little like that. Your undergrad dues don't cover your house, all your national officers, etc. It's the support of general alums that make up the rest.

And while founding something is great, staying with it is even better. Of AXD's ten founders, the ones we hear about most are those who remained involved all their lives. And the girls in my chapter today? The chapter founders they knew and respected were the ones who still advised them, came by, etc.

Now if someone is truly broke - or is no longer interested in her group - sure, I wouldn't expect her to give money. I think the maxim, "From each according to their means" is a good one. After all, at an event like this - even most of the poorest alums will probably be financially better off than the students, and I'm assuming the students are paying to attend.

Sorority membership - service or social - isn't something you do until you've met your "quota" of giving and then you're set for life, where you sit back on your laurels and let the active members pamper you! Sure, you can stop giving back at any time, but 99% of the time that means getting out of the loop, so to speak. Your cranky alums can't have it both ways.

AGDLynn · #24 10-09-2002, 09:32 PM

OPAGirl, I have visited the AGD houses last spring since my hubby's family lives in BG. Only a few sisters were in the house since school was almost out, but they were very friendly!

As for alumnae, yes, you will always have those who wouldn't donate if their life depended on it or show up for an event if it was held across the street....so what!

Unfortunately, sometimes people will come only if they KNOW that someone that they knew in school is coming, but you can't have Evite for everything, lol. Besides, how can they meet their wonderful younger or older members if they don't show up?

Have your event! I'm sure that it will become another memorable event that the attendees will talk about for years!

Best of luck and have fun!

OPAGal · #25 10-10-2002, 11:45 AM

Well, we had a meeting (the president and myself) and she told me she'd decided to postpone the event until later on in the semester so maybe more alums would attend. So I asked during the chapter meeting that if anyone would like to help plan the event that they stay after for like 2 mins. and talk to me. Since it was someone currently active in the sorority that was bad mouthing the event to the alums. But not a single person stayed after to say they'd like to help with the event. It's really frustrating to know that no one really even cares.

Tom Earp · #26 10-10-2002, 04:20 PM

OPA, Keep a stiff upper lip!

It does get very frustrating alot.

It will take hard work!

It always takes the few to do for the many. That is so unfortunately the case.

Keep working on it and hopefully more will come and see what they are missing.

As I said in aonother post, when you have Brothers from 25 + at an Alum B & B (Beer/Bullshit) meeting laffing so damn hard they are crying about some of the stories, it is worth everything that you have done!

If you have the time use it and do, for yo are one of the ones who want to do!!!!!! Will Do!!!!!!!!

Hang in Kiddo, it will get better!

LeslieAGD · #27 10-10-2002, 07:51 PM

OPAGal, I'm sorry the event has been postponed.

doubleblue&gold · #28 10-14-2002, 02:51 AM

Every organization has trouble keeping all their alums involved. Just remember that when it's your turn and stay active---that's the only way things will change.

Lady Blondie · #29 10-22-2002, 03:49 PM

Wow- I just stumbled onto this thread today, and it really made me feel like I am not the only one out there questioning the motives and behvior of alumni. I am an alum who was on our university's planning committee for homecoming. I spent my own money on obtaining a roster of all initiated members from my org, and mail merging it into a label template, typing and printing newsletters and sending them to over 500 alum. I spent countless hours getting the newsletters ready, and also following up with approx. 200 phone calls (I couldn't contact everyone.) The newsletter announced chapter achievements, officers, recruitment information, and invited the alums back for an all-Greek social the evening of homecoming. The active chapter had not done a newsletter in several years, so I thought this would be a wonderful way to get in touch with the alums and get them involved.

The alums that showed up found me (the alumni relations advisor) and swarmed around me after the morning parade saying they were furious b/c there was no "function" at the chapter house to honor them! They said they were expecting a brunch or at the very least nametags and an introduction to some of the actives. As the actives were off at lunch with their family and two of our homecoming reps, there were not many at the house. They never have sponsored any type of brunch or organized reception that I know of for over 12 years. However, these alumni were maybe 8 years out, and had apparently came out for a gripe session. One even demanded an advisory position immediately! They topped it off by saying they had been so upset by upon going to the chapter house, they yelled outside "We are never giving any of our money to you all! We had considered it, but you missed out! One lady laughed and said it was because she wanted to let the actives know how upset and furious they were. As far as I know, none of these people (or very many others) give to the active chapter as alumni.

I tried to explain the chapter had never promised any event or brunch at the house. I tried to keep smiling and invited them to the all-Greek party later that night (which by the way they ALL came too!)

Finally, I was stunned when they cornered our collegiate recruitment chair (with her family and friends around her) at one of the fraternity houses and began grilling her too - even going so far as to demand to know why they had not made quota and making her feel bad about recruitment. It was mortifying! I felt so angry and upset, but I didn't want to say anything rude or inappropriate.

One of the ladies keeps calling me about getting on the advisory board. I need some advice from the experts who have already commented (or want to comment) on how I should handle this situation, and the peristant lady interested in an advisor position. I believe she should in some way be told how their behavior was uncalled for and offensive to the chapter and to me. However, how can I say this in a polite, tactful manner? Thanks!

33girl · #30 10-23-2002, 10:22 AM

Lady Blondie,

It sounds like you were a victim of the "telephone game"! You know, the game at parties where the phrase starts as one thing and by the time it gets through 15 people, it's totally different.

I would wager that some of the alums got the invites and called other alums...and so on and so on...and along the way, the "all Greek reception" got turned into "sorority luncheon." It would have been nice, though, to have at least some of the actives at the house during the day for the alums who might stop in - I know at my school that was always standard practice even if the group wasn't having a tea or luncheon.

Plus, there are more alums than you would believe who get what mail comes from national and what comes from the local chapter confused. When national sends out the annual (or twice or thrice annual) letters for donations, a lot of alums think that's coming directly from the chapter, when actually they have nothing to do with it. So when they finally get a letter that ISN'T a request for $$ and show up with nothing planned specifically for them, it can tick them off. I know duh-ness doesn't excuse rudeness but I am just trying to explain where their heads might have been.

The rush chair thing at the fraternity party though, was over the top. I realize if they have concerns, concerns they want to get them across - that means they still care - however you should do it in a nice way and definitely not in a public place.

To top it all off, until you get old and tired enough not to care, sometimes Homecoming can be full of **drama drama drama** (yes I do mean boy stuff) that unfortunately gets taken out on your friends & sisters.

I would set up a time to meet with the woman who wants to be an advisor and just tell her that you and the actives were very upset and felt like they were getting reamed out for stuff that wasn't their fault. Sit down and talk it out before it gets worse. She might end up being someone who could contribute a lot.