Asking for help - Page 2

lifesaver · #16 05-08-2002, 01:26 AM

Stay clear of this tool. as for fraternities, guys will turn on a chick ina heartbeat, and make you very uncomfortable, even when you were trying to help. Example: A few years ago, a NM of my chapter said some stuff about the chapter president not having balls to deal with smack talking by another org. (he was showing amazing restraint in the face of being bated to say something to get us in trouble.) Anyway, a chica who was a good friend of mine and a constant supporter of the chapter was there and heard it. she told a few of us. It was brought up behind closed doors and I swear, even tho half of the chapter generally liked her, the first thing outta many brothers mouths was, "what the fu*k are we doing listening to some chick about this?" "This is our fraternity."

Guys are really schetchy when it comes to girls being involved (right or wrong) in the internal affairs of their chapters. Some brothers will resent you for it. While yes, it does involve you, you can controll your involvment with it.

One point of clarity: I really REALLY rather doubt an emplyer would comment to an interviewee on somethign they heard. Not only is it unprofessional, its ILLEGAL. Employeers can't legally even inquire about your marital status or number of childern in an interview. I gurantee HR staffs have been trained adequately in legal issues in this arena to avoid litigation. Companies consider these things a part of their risk management strategies. So Ima gonna have to call bullshit on his claim here.

Most likely, he was using that claim to get you riled up as well, and as an effort to underscore the believed, "importance" of the issue. Whats more important than someones livelyhood? Thats how he could get you to care too. Also I believe thats a part of how he tests for your perceptions of him, then the constant badgering is a way of him getting reaffermation form you...validation if you will.

Also, realistically, in society, how bad are guys viewed who "get a lot of action" Unless they are players abou tit, most of the time its deserving of a hearty slap on the back for the "conquests" (Not saying its right, just generally the way it is.) Most of the guys I know wouldnt be freaked out by that rep, hell, most of the guys I know HAVE that rep.

*lifesaver grabs the microphone at the freakstore*
<<I need a reality check on aisle 9 please>>

So I think this guy is tool factor 10. Stay outta the subject entirely. You stated in your story how vigorously he wanted to find the author of the rumor about him, and now you are considering becoming the author of what could get him booted from his org? Are you MAD? As my red-neck mama would say, "sounds like a damn good way to get youself hurt." Where is this loyalty to an org YOU DONT EVEN BELONG TO come from? You willingness to help is gonna get you in trouble.

One more thing...when Mark/Mike whatever DOES SNAP and starts stalking your sisters and making their lives a living hell, who do you think they'll ultimately blame...him, or you?

Just some thoughts. Take care of yourself. In the end, you're all you've got.

Cautious · #17 05-08-2002, 07:22 AM

It's late and it's been a long day. I talked with the president, asked to hear what "Mark" had been saying (i.e. his side) and then told mine. The Pres understood my discomfort and we reached an agreement that allowed him to state that there were parties involved with the situation that had approached him and told him what came out of the confrontations with "Mark". I remained anonamous, and no one knows but myself, the pres and the couple of men I talked with the night prior, and it will be kept that way. This allowed the president to recognize the situation that "Mark" has put himself and the chapter name to without naming specifics. There will be a vote on thurs, to my understanding, and then the matter will be settled. By the time this all goes through, I will be miles away, at home for the summer, and happy to come back to my school knowing I did what I could in my own capacity. My chapter is not involved, and that's the way it will stay. "Mark" has no way of knowing if the person who was brought up was a woman from my chapter or the other.
I know that many of you said that I should take a step away and let it be handled within the chapter, and I would probably say the same if I wasn't in the situation. What I haven't mentioned was that "Mark" is also much older than the usual founding brother, by about 10 years. This I know for a fact made some people uncomfortable becuase the idea of an almost 30 year old man trying to pick up on 21 year old women at the bar was just a little off. Although this has nothing to do with my situation, it was just one factor that they took into account. No, mine was probably not what decided things, but it did no harm. I have taken steps to ensure my own personal safety for the remaining days that I am on campus for this year, and will maintain whatever steps I need next year as well. I thank you all for your concern, and I will update when I have heard a decision one way or another.

Cautious · #18 05-09-2002, 05:21 PM

I have just found out the results of the meeting, and Mark is no longer a member of XYZ. I was told that the small but vital testimony that I did give was what pushed a number of people over the edge. Even though I did not put a face on it, I put the knowledge that an actual person was involved and that personalized the events. I am just glad that this is over, and again, I thank you all for your advice on this matter.

LeslieAGD · #19 05-09-2002, 11:20 PM

I'm glad the situation is resolved, but please continue to be...well..cautious! ( no pun intended

)

dzrose93 · #20 05-10-2002, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Cautious
I have just found out the results of the meeting, and Mark is no longer a member of XYZ. I was told that the small but vital testimony that I did give was what pushed a number of people over the edge. Even though I did not put a face on it, I put the knowledge that an actual person was involved and that personalized the events. I am just glad that this is over, and again, I thank you all for your advice on this matter.

I'm glad that the fraternity decided to terminate Mark's membership. However, I advise you to be extremely careful in the future. If this guy is as prone to stalking as you've made him out to be, then I would be willing to bet that he'll be looking for you to discuss the situation. Please be careful, and don't hesitate to go to the police if anything seems suspicious. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Kevin · #21 05-10-2002, 11:18 AM

University administration sometimes takes a very proactive role in these matters as well. Don't discount them if his behavior continues.

madmax · #22 05-13-2002, 01:48 PM

What was the rumor? Was it true?

It had to be something a little more than he called you, asked you out and then used the same line on one of your sisters.