"Different man"

[Steeltrap]

Originally posted by Shelacious
I think the concept is rather funny, and seriously, I have no issue with a dating service that seeks to pair folks together who wouldn't have met via conventional methods because of distance, etc. But I'll have to side with those folks who think in all seriousness that the idea is wacked. The very requirements outlined show the flaws in the concept and reveal the reason why some women who don't want to be single still are single.

On children: not to be crude, but why is a single guy with no kids better than a single guy with children? Are we supposed to assume that he's had no sex or only safe sex to date? That the fact that he was with a woman who elected not to carry her fetus to term bumps him to a better category than if she'd decided to have little Ray-Ray?

On college: do they have to have an only an AA, only a BA or an advanced degree? I'm not clear.

Here's the fundamental issue-- even with all those "qualifications" it will still not be enough for most women. With all that, he'll also need to be sexy or funny or tall or well built or BGLO member, or popular or whatever. And the few who fulfill the ENTIRE package will be inundated with responses and will probably end up rotating two or three women.

Having said all that, I do have a boyfriend who meets and exceeds all the basic criteria for BlackTieMan.com. But you know, if he didn't treat me with love and respect, none of his "qualifications" would mean a thing.

Nice response. In terms of the kids issue, it does elevate the man's status for certain women if he's not got a whole bunch of little Ray-Rays and Shamalekas around.
But your best point relates to how your boyfriend treats you. My ex-companion met the BlackTieMan.com criteria, but he was not there when I was lying up in the hospital recovering from painful surgery
That's one of many reasons why it petered out and I've been single for nearly three years.

[nikki25]

Shelacious: The reason is that many of us don't want to have to put up with baby-mamma-drama. Its not about his "experience" but the potential experiences there. Also, it creates an instant family in cases where some sister's just want to start fresh with a man. I'm one of these women. A man with no kids is just fab!

SphinxPoet and his millions: Dating is just not easy. We all know that. But whether one likes it or not, we all are submitting a resume` of some sort when we begin dating. You present yourself, your qualifications, your experiences...you put it all on the proverbial table and let the chips fall where they may. I don't think that's necessarily a flaw. Its the premise that decent Black man aren't available as well as the premise that superficial traits mean everything that I take issue with. I also have a problem with the work that a woman would need to do here. For me, I'm looking for integrity, holy conviction, and strength...he doesn't have to have a Bishop Clarence McClendon level of anointing (although that sure 'nuff would be helpful), Morris Chestnut's chiseled features (although that helps), Terrence Howard's slick grin (although I like that too and it helps), the fortune nor the down to earth appeal of Papa Denzel (you've guessed it..it helps)...but it is his raw manliness and ambition for those kinds of things that I'm I find most appealing...and that's something you just can't put on paper or the Internet.

My philosophy on dating is premised on the fact that I'm a lady in waiting whom is enjoying the process...I was created to be found by a man since he is looking for his lost rib...why must I go crawling to the outermost parts of the earth when my Adam will find me in good time? If we haven't been able to meet yet, then it just isn't our time to meet. I wouldn't try to speed a process along by an Internet or any other matching service...but that's just me.

[Honeykiss1974]

Given the recent situation with Star Jones finance's sexual history, I have a scenario that sadly, may not be all that uncommon (remember the DL brotha website that Summerchild posted?). Anyway, here it is:

You are seriously dating someone who you believe is "The One". One day, he reveals to you that before you two met, he previously dated (and had sex with) men as well. He goes to say that because he later realized that this type of lifestyle wasn't for him, he decided to change his ways and only date women.

Would you stay with him (believing that people do and can change) or would you send him packing (thinking if it happened once, it will happen again)?

[nikki1920]

If it even LOOKED like we were going to be intimate, I'd ask him straight up if he ever had sex with men AND for a copy of his latest HIV test. and even after all of that, someone would be wearing a condom..

and its only alleged that star's man is/was bisexual....

[ClassyLady]

Originally posted by Honeykiss1974
You are seriously dating someone who you believe is "The One". One day, he reveals to you that before you two met, he previously dated (and had sex with) men as well. He goes to say that because he later realized that this type of lifestyle wasn't for him, he decided to change his ways and only date women.

Would you stay with him (believing that people do and can change) or would you send him packing (thinking if it happened once, it will happen again)?

I would have to tell him "nah, baby, I'm not gon be able to do it." That is just not for me. I don't think that people can really be "confused." I think that you are one or the other. I also believe men that are truly attracted to women never have a need to experiment with other men. I would always think that my man was really homosexual and was only trying to make a life with me because he felt that it was the "right" thing to do. I don't want to wake up after 35 years of marriage and have him tell me that he still wants to be with a man.

[Honeykiss1974]

Originally posted by nikki1920


and its only alleged that star's man is/was bisexual....

I know, but this is still something that is we as women may face. Bisexuality is not uncommon (again, referencing the men on that website from an earlier thread).

Star's situation just inspired the question.

[Conskeeted7]

I think that the website has a few flaws, however, it may work just fine for some people. Some of the qualifications that it requests are also standards that I set. For example, I did not date men with children because I don't have any of my own. So, I'm not putting up with anyone else's kids of baby mama's. I don't have to settle for that.

Also, $40,000 in income doesn't make someone financially fit. If you have $100,000 in debt, $40,000 means nothing. Or if you just don't pay your bills on time and have to cash your paycheck at the liquor store, your $40,000 means nothing to me.

Unfortunately, in this day, a college degree does not guarantee a job either. So, someone might have a degree in philosophy, but be working part time at the library or something. You just never know.

However, I hope that when people register for the site, they understand that they are just making the selection pool a little clearer for them. Meeting the specified qualifications does not guarantee a match.

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by skeeliteful
I'm always in favor of supporting black businesses and professional ventures. But this doesn't sound too well planned to me. Call me devil's advocate...

I like the idea of setting up a service that matches up professional black men and women. Now...correct me if I'm wrong, but, why is it that the women do not have to go through an extensive background check? Why should the men pay for a service and they may end up with a black woman who only has a high school diploma, makes minimum wage, etc? I'm sure the men are looking for their equal just like the women are.

Soror, you have a good point here. I have been told by many of my male friends that they want a woman who is educated, with a good job and good income, and carries herself in a way that would allow him to take her to an office party if need be. Men also want women with education and good jobs.

Also, one of my male friends remarked that there are a plethora of women who are mentally not ready - even though they have college degrees and good jobs, they still are small-minded when it comes to their mentality. For instance, there are many gold-diggers with college degrees.

I think that it's fair that the women have to be screened as well.
SC

[SummerChild]

Originally posted by OneOneTwo
I think I'm the only hater on here but oh well. But I'm just going to call it exactly what it is, some shullbit!

So what we are establishing by creating services like this is that a black man who is trying to make it by earning minimum wage is not good enough for the "professional" sistah. And if Ms. (I'm asumming that she is a woman but I really don't know) Nelson was so bright, she would know that there are quite a few "professional" brothers out there working pretty decent jobs without a college degree. I would name them all but I don't have the time or the patience and would probably still be doing research.

Oh I get it... she just assumed that the other men must be gay . Well damn, the truth is some of the guys who act feminine are the main ones answering booty calls at 12:00 in the afternoon . I know that I used to think at one point that all feminine dudes was gay and all that but I will just say that one of my sisters showed me otherwise and I will leave it at that. And on the same token, there are some women out their who unknowingly seek "gay" men... and men who are sleeping with "bi" or "lesbo" women.

It takes a strong man to come in and be a daddy to some kids that don't biologically belong to them. But it takes an mature woman to steer that man's children in the right direction.

Okay, I guess I understand that some women are just supper picky and all that... but damn... you can't have EVERYTHING... That could be why some "professional" women are lonely now, because they want too damn much. On that note, I'm a dip out because it is obvious that I won't be submitting to this service. Besides, I would rather have a REAL woman who can stand my faults and my weakness' than be around some paper made woman who wants a BARBIE Dreamhouse.


112 - Ja, Bobo, Nucknuck & DEM!

I agree that the owner is making many assumptions like the fact that a man looks good on paper makes him a qualified candidate. We all know that that is not the case.

I also agree that many women are looking for a man with a college degree and would not look twice at a man with a good steady job, a good head on his shoulders, but no college degree. That may be to her detriment; it may not. It is really all up to woman as to what she defines as a dealbreaker.

Personally, I don't require a college degree. But I can't lie - I like the lookers (the really fine ones). That is something that I recognize as a weakness and that I must work on. That sums it up, we have to look inside to determine what we need and what personal hang-ups that we need to move past. It's not about what your girlfriends will say or your family will say, it's about what you, as a woman, says is right for you.

SC