Is This Low Self- Esteem?? - Page 2

h2oot · #16 02-08-2002, 03:31 PM

I said my piece earlier. But, I agree with Erika that an engagement ring is THE main piece of jewelry I would love to wear. Other pieces are nice, but nothing is so special or symbolic as that. The stone does not have to be golf ball size, but I would hope its a diamond and larger than a pinhead.

While some may say, "love is the important thing, not the ring," I say, "true," but all things being equal (i.e., there is a good reason for him not giving a ring), then YES the ring is important, and it should be a priority for him, just as I should be a priority, too.

It may be PC or seem "ultra modern" to minimize the ring, or forego a big wedding, or h'mmm, not get married at all and just live together. That may be your ticket, but its not mine.

Getting married IS a big deal to me and I want all the pomp and ritual that goes with it. I know lots of guys who would rather skip all this baloney (as some guys might say), but hey!!!...."I'm worth it."...lol.

#17 02-08-2002, 03:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by h2oot
While some may say, "love is the important thing, not the ring," I say, "true," but all things being equal (i.e., there is a good reason for him not giving a ring), then YES the ring is important, and it should be a priority for him, just as I should be a priority, too.

Can you just explain why the ring should be a priority?? Im not saying that your wrong for saying this, its what you want, but could you just explain this?

h2oot · #18 02-08-2002, 04:15 PM

An engagement ring is part of our culture and tradition, just like being engaged and getting married are, too. Do I have to be engaged?...NO. Do I HAVE to have a ring?...NO. But these traditions are important and are a priority to me and those close to me.

The ring and the engagement symbolize a commitment between the two of us. When a guy gives the girl an engagement ring, he gives her something precious for life (you don't just wear the engagement ring while you are engaged). It's something of value to him (he earns the money to pay for it) and to her (she treasures it and wears it prominently for all to see).

The committment, the ring, and the engagement are a priority. You could skip any or all of these and go to a JoP and get married right away. Many do.

Why do we have rituals in a sorority? You could have a sorority without them. Why have a pin? You don't HAVE to have one. But the rituals, symbols, and traditions are a special part of the whole experience. And yes, they are a priority. If I am gonna be in XYZ sorority, I want the letters and traditons that go with it. Otherwise, a group of gals could meet on Friday night at the Union and hang out.

The rituals and symbols cost both in time and dollars, but they are a priority in that are a REAL part of what they represent. You can take them away, and still have something (i.e., you could still be engaged), but a piece would seem to be missing. So, unless there is a specific reason NOT to have an engagement ring, then having one is a priority.

[ps: If you are both starving artists, for example, then a ring could be set aside. But too often I have heard ladies get talked out of one by some guy who doesn't want to waste the money or would rather get a 32" TV.]

ErikaXO · #19 02-08-2002, 06:30 PM

I totally agree with H2oot......the ring should be a priority because to me it should be a symbol of his love for you. I'm not saying a guy should put himself in the poorhouse to get something he can't afford, but if he is doing ok for himself he has no excuse to be a cheapskate. A lot of guys get this attitude of "She's lucky I'm proposing at all, so she'll take what I give her and like it!" That is just baloney. If he really cares about you he will try to give you something that you love not only because it is an engagement ring but because it is beautiful and makes you feel like he went to an effort. I actually did know a guy who wouldn't buy a ring because he wanted a jetski instead.....he had told his girlfriend he couldn't afford a ring over and over, and then he turned up with the jetski. She found out about it and dumped him.

Plus some guys get soooooo hung up over quality and value of the stone. I have known guys who could have bought a pretty nice sized ring but got a little tiny chip because it's "flawless!" Well, I have never had anyone come up with one of those jeweler's monocles to inspect my ring for flaws. If that is what is important to the girl, fine. But if she specifically says SIZE first, then that is what he should go with. I think people get too hung up on the monetary value of the ring.....it is only worth what it is worth to the person who wears it, ideally forever. Why does the money value count? You planning to sell it? See what I mean?

LexiKD · #20 02-08-2002, 06:51 PM

Well, I agree with a lot of what everyone said but, if he wants me to say yes, then there is the right ring to give me.

Like the Sex and the City when Carrie saw the ugly ring first...well, if he loves me, he knows me and he would know what I want. In case he forgets, I have the issue of Martha Stewart WEDDING with it in there and there should be no question about what I like.

Sounds kinda rude, but I wouldn't buy him something expensive unless I knew his taste, why waste money on something that she wouldn't enjoy?

Optimist Prime · #21 02-08-2002, 09:02 PM

Ok...I have a question. What makes it an engagement ring? Will any diamond ring go? Does it have to be a certain cut?

ErikaXO · #22 02-09-2002, 09:44 PM

Well THAT'S a tough question......traditionally it is a diamond solitaire, any cut. Some people like other embellishments such as baguettes, channel-set band, etc. Some people like other gemstones. Basically if you ask a girl to marry her and you give her a ring when you propose, it's an engagement ring.

Peaches-n-Cream · #23 02-10-2002, 12:18 AM

It is not low self-esteem. Love ought to be the priority. I do believe that if a man truly loves a woman and wants to marry her, he will buy her something of value that she will proudly wear for her lifetime. I think that does not necessarily mean diamonds although that has become the traditional engagement gift in this country. With everything that is going on in Sierra Leone, I have questions about diamonds. Actually, I have always admired emeralds.
What do you think of this two months salary rule for an engagement ring?

AggieDZ · #24 02-10-2002, 01:57 PM

Emeralds are traditionally given in Celtic cultures. Unfortunately, they are not really suitable for a lifetime of wear since they are just not very durable stones. Although, I do know a few women who've owned thier emerald engagement rings for a good 30 years or more with little damage to the stone.