Deflecting an inappropriate questions - Page 2

HQWest · #16 06-16-2013, 05:14 PM

There are a few reasons not to answer. If they know you are a legacy to that chapter they might assume you would prefer that legacy and not put you up as high on their bid list. If it is someone they usually do not compete with or if it is a chapter in a "higher tier "and you do not seem as enthusiastic or emotional as everyone else they might be inclined to think you are not as interested. If you are only preffing one chapter they might be concerned as well.

We coach our girls not to ask this question. It can lead to tears if they are a legacy but are seriously considering us. You want a pnm to be thinking about how great it would be to wear your letters and share your sisterhood. The last thing you want is to say something about "us vs. them"? That's not very Panhellenic.

A good, short answer could be "I am really so torn. I love all three choices. So tell me what made you choose XYZ?"

FSUZeta · #17 06-16-2013, 06:13 PM

If could also mean what place the PNM is placed on the bid list. If the chapter knows they are her only choice, they might place her low because they think she is a shoe in. Same thing could happen if the PNM's other choices were chapters that were not as "popular" with the PNMs.

Let's turn the question around: Why would a chapter ask (or care for that matter) which other chapters a PNM was visiting for prefs.?

clemsongirl · #18 06-16-2013, 07:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

Let's turn the question around: Why would a chapter ask (or care for that matter) which other chapters a PNM was visiting for prefs.?

My best friend preffed two chapters, ABC and DEF. She was a legacy to ABC. When DEF found out that she was preffing ABC as well, they moved her down lower on their bid list even though she ranked DEF first and ABC second because they supposedly wanted to honor the fact that she was an ABC legacy, so she received a bid to ABC on Bid Day. I don't know exactly how true this story is, but she was obliquely told it by a member of DEF who's also a friend of both of us, so it could be true.

On the subject of awkward questions-what should I say when I'm asked what chapter I'm a legacy to? I know I'll be asked whether anyone in my family is Greek, and I don't want to lie and say no one is or that the chapter isn't on campus when it is, but I don't want to be cut just because other chapters assume I'll only want my legacy chapter when that isn't true.

My mom and I can't think of a good way to deflect that question without sounding evasive-any ideas?

AOII Angel · #19 06-16-2013, 07:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

My best friend preffed two chapters, ABC and DEF. She was a legacy to ABC. When DEF found out that she was preffing ABC as well, they moved her down lower on their bid list even though she ranked DEF first and ABC second because they supposedly wanted to honor the fact that she was an ABC legacy, so she received a bid to ABC on Bid Day. I don't know exactly how true this story is, but she was obliquely told it by a member of DEF who's also a friend of both of us, so it could be true.

On the subject of awkward questions-what should I say when I'm asked what chapter I'm a legacy to? I know I'll be asked whether anyone in my family is Greek, and I don't want to lie and say no one is or that the chapter isn't on campus when it is, but I don't want to be cut just because other chapters assume I'll only want my legacy chapter when that isn't true.

My mom and I can't think of a good way to deflect that question without sounding evasive-any ideas?

If you don't list it, you won't necessarily be asked this question. Not every person that goes through recruitment is asked if she is a legacy.

FSUZeta · #20 06-16-2013, 07:27 PM

Yes, you could just divulge that info. to your legacy chapter via a rec. and/or legacy intro. form. Of course, that would require either not telling alumnae writing recs. to other chapters for you that you are an ABD legacy, or asking them not to list it on your rec.

AOII Angel · #21 06-16-2013, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

Yes, you could just divulge that info. to your legacy chapter via a rec. and/or legacy intro. form. Of course, that would require either not telling alumnae writing recs. to other chapters for you that you are an ABD legacy, or asking them not to list it on your rec.

Which would be like asking the sun not to shine...

ETA: if you list them, they will know anyway, so just be honest and say you are being open minded and looking for the group for you not the group that was right for you mom, grandma, sister, etc.

DeltaBetaBaby · #22 06-16-2013, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

If could also mean what place the PNM is placed on the bid list. If the chapter knows they are her only choice, they might place her low because they think she is a shoe in. Same thing could happen if the PNM's other choices were chapters that were not as "popular" with the PNMs.

What? What could that possibly accomplish?

clemsongirl · #23 06-16-2013, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

Which would be like asking the sun not to shine...

ETA: if you list them, they will know anyway, so just be honest and say you are being open minded and looking for the group for you not the group that was right for you mom, grandma, sister, etc.

I really like this way of saying it! I literally do not know a single girl in this chapter, so since there's no way to know if the chapter is right for me (and even if it is, I might not be right for them). I know that the aforementioned best friend got cut by several groups that compete for similar girls when she told them what chapter she was a legacy to, so I'll really try to emphasize that what was right for my mom at her campus might not be right for me at mine and that I want to look at all chapters instead of just one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

Yes, you could just divulge that info. to your legacy chapter via a rec. and/or legacy intro. form. Of course, that would require either not telling alumnae writing recs. to other chapters for you that you are an ABD legacy, or asking them not to list it on your rec.

My mom was convinced that her filling out the rec would mean that every chapter would somehow know what chapter I was a legacy to, so she was going to have one of her chapter sisters fill it out for me. It took a little convincing on my part to have her realize that a rec for one group won't go out to every other one

Titchou · #24 06-16-2013, 07:38 PM

With RFM, if she has only one opportunity, she will most likely get them. So, they would place her further down in order to try and snag someone who might have more options. They might be that person's second choice but the way the system works, she may end up with them if she is further down the other group's list. Make sense?

DubaiSis · #25 06-16-2013, 08:23 PM

In answering why a chapter would want to know:
As we (ok, most of us) all know, every girl who attends preference parties is going on your bid list. Presuming a quota of 30 here, that first bid list (the initial 30 girls) is alphabetical and the rest of the girls are in preference order. Whether you place a girl as number 31 out of 30 and get her or use up that critical space for a girl you don't get can be a very big deal. And the first 30 are even more important. If you are pretty confident you're not getting a girl (but she still goes on the bid list somewhere) you're not going to use a critical space high on the list for her. Of course, your own chapter opinion counts for a lot, but when it comes to list-building time, it's a numbers/sleuthing/prognostication game. Presumably by the time you get to inviting a girl to preference, you've already decided she's a keeper. The only variable left is finding the right match of putting the girls you absolutely want first, then the girls you want who you think want you the most, then the girls you hope want you the most, then the girls who either are the bottom of your pref list or the ones who you think have you on the bottom of their pref list.

I've seen it happen where girls pref a less desirable chapter because of their location. For instance girl is a legacy to the it girl chapter and knows she's in from day one (in the case I know, the girl's sister was 1 year older than her and both girls had excellent credentials). She kept LDC all the way through because they were geographically close to her chapter and to the dorms. If LDC hadn't known this, they might have been stoked about having excellent credentials girl interested in them and put her high on the list. This is an extreme case, but trying to suss out her actual motivation can be very helpful.

HQWest · #26 06-16-2013, 09:52 PM

A chapter member may just ask because they are curious about who the main competition is. An inexperienced or unprepared preffer may just be trying to make conversation.

The problem is that it is tempting for the preffer to try to compare your chapter to "the-other-guy" chapter which might lead one to saying something snarky or negative about the other group when you should be focusing on highlighting the strengths of your chapter. (translation: It doesn't make your group look better - it makes sorority women look catty.)

DeltaBetaBaby · #27 06-17-2013, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Titchou

With RFM, if she has only one opportunity, she will most likely get them. So, they would place her further down in order to try and snag someone who might have more options. They might be that person's second choice but the way the system works, she may end up with them if she is further down the other group's list. Make sense?

Oh, right, you could try to grab someone as a QA if she admitted that was her only pref. Oy. If this happens in practice, I am astonished. This is dirty.

Titchou · #28 06-17-2013, 04:21 AM

I don't know that it's dirty but it sure is working the system

MaryPoppins · #29 06-17-2013, 07:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Oh, right, you could try to grab someone as a QA if she admitted that was her only pref. Oy. If this happens in practice, I am astonished. This is dirty.

My understanding is that RFM specialist give special attention to women who only attended Preference Party at one house, but that might not be founded on anything.

DG Illinois · #30 06-19-2013, 05:20 PM

My rush was 25 years ago so it's been awhile, but they knew where I was going.
Only 1 house mentioned it, but it was my 2nd party and I may of looked a little teary
because my rusher mentioned that ABC house makes everyone cry. I was surprised she said it and she actually said it with some eye-rolling attitude. I knew this girl before recruitment so maybe she felt way too comfortable. I pledged the ABC house and everytime I saw the girl from the 2nd house she was a little short with me. My 1st and 3rd house didn't say a word though, but the girl who preffed me at ABC ended up being my pledge mom and she knew exactly where I was going. I had an idea of what houses the girls I preffed were going, but we went to 3 so it was more like you knew 1 and were guessing the 2nd. I NEVER asked, and 2 times the girls I was preffing did mention where she had just come from and I always complimented the house and redirected the question.