Rec Letter Time!

[greekdee]

Oh, and as far as contact info left in the FB group, the only thing people leave is an email address. Girls can reach out to you that way and you can instruct them from there.

[als463]

I'm doing a rec. this year for our re-colonization at The University of Arkansas! I'm excited that this lovely NPC sister (from another organization) asked me to do one for a young lady. She realized I was her "go-to-girl" if she needed it, just like my girl Jill. I love writing Phi Mu recs because I love the prospect of finding potential new sisters and finding out if a young lady went Phi Mu or not. Whatever the letter--we're all Greek together!

[irishpipes]

I just got a generic request from our local alumnae Panhellenic to write a rec (I'm the rec chair). The pnm wrote an email stating she'll be a sophomore, rushed at this very competitive school as a freshman, but dropped out of rush. She goes on to list which sororities she is interested in - mine not being one of them. (but all chapters she listed are very desirable.). For those of you ho write a lot of recs, how would you handle this? My inclination is to not lift a finger to help her, and to no rec her so my chapter doesn't waste an invite on her.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

I just got a generic request from our local alumnae Panhellenic to write a rec (I'm the rec chair). The pnm wrote an email stating she'll be a sophomore, rushed at this very competitive school as a freshman, but dropped out of rush. She goes on to list which sororities she is interested in - mine not being one of them. (but all chapters she listed are very desirable.). For those of you ho write a lot of recs, how would you handle this? My inclination is to not lift a finger to help her, and to no rec her so my chapter doesn't waste an invite on her.

Wow!

This whole "everybody gets a rec" deal kind of bugs me to begin with so I am probably not the best to respond. I feel strongly that the process of recommending someone for membership is a privilege I have been given and not a mandate. That explanation may sound like i am splitting hairs but I do believe that not everyone gets a rec. I say, no.

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

I just got a generic request from our local alumnae Panhellenic to write a rec (I'm the rec chair). The pnm wrote an email stating she'll be a sophomore, rushed at this very competitive school as a freshman, but dropped out of rush. She goes on to list which sororities she is interested in - mine not being one of them. (but all chapters she listed are very desirable.). For those of you ho write a lot of recs, how would you handle this? My inclination is to not lift a finger to help her, and to no rec her so my chapter doesn't waste an invite on her.

I had this situation happen to me once. To make it even worse, the PNM was standing in my kitchen when she said this! She had waited until the WEEK BEFORE Bama rush to obtain recs, and got my name from our alumnae chapter website. Since I was insanely pregnant at the time, I asked her to bring the materials to my house. This was also a ploy for me to actually meet her/lay eyes on her without me having to drag my tired self out of the house.

She shows up (late) in gym shorts and a tee-shirt. I invite her in, and just chat a little bit to get to know her. She then states "Oh I'm going to be either a ABC or an XYZ." After almost choking on my drink at what a rude comment to make WHILE STANDING IN MY HOME I did manage to compose myself. Despite wanting to ask "Then what are you even doing here" I let it go. It would be one thing if those chapters were realistic for her. However, even only knowing her for 3 minutes, I knew that this young lady did not have the presentation, grades, resume, or connections to have a prayer at either chapter.

Since she was a guest in my home, I took the high road and remained civil. I steered the conversation to the recruitment process to gauge her knowledge of that. She didn't have a clue, and in fact argued with me on what mutual selection meant. Despite my polite attempts to encourage being open to all chapters, she continued to insist that PNMs would be doing the choosing each day on where they wanted to go.

I have no idea why she bothered to even ask me for a rec. After that encounter I had zero interest in recommending her for my organization. What a waste of both of our time.

Once the Bama bid list was posted, I couldn't scan each house for her name fast enough. What a shocker- no bid for her!

[Always AlphaGam]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

I just got a generic request from our local alumnae Panhellenic to write a rec (I'm the rec chair). The pnm wrote an email stating she'll be a sophomore, rushed at this very competitive school as a freshman, but dropped out of rush. She goes on to list which sororities she is interested in - mine not being one of them. (but all chapters she listed are very desirable.). For those of you ho write a lot of recs, how would you handle this? My inclination is to not lift a finger to help her, and to no rec her so my chapter doesn't waste an invite on her.

I'd definitely no-rec her.

Then I'd forward her email to the rest of my APH and let them decide how to handle her.

[TNAuburnMom]

Originally Posted by Always AlphaGam

I'd definitely no-rec her.

Then I'd forward her email to the rest of my APH and let them decide how to handle her.

As a parent of a daughter that is scrambling to find recs, I find that incredibly crass and I would no-rec her too. My daughter and I are very appreciative of anyone, whether favorite teacher or total stranger, who are willing to take the time to fill out these forms and send them in. To not only act like you expect a rec but also make it clear you are not interested in your sorority is disrespectful.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Always AlphaGam

I'd definitely no-rec her.

Then I'd forward her email to the rest of my APH and let them decide how to handle her.

I can think of two situations where this is okay:

1) She mentioned, say, her mother's chapter and her older sister's chapter as the two she was considering. Some people have no concept of how legacies work.

2) A Jewish girl says she is only looking at some combo of AEPhi, SDT, and DPhiE...that's also very common, and I wouldn't hold it against someone.

In both cases, some education is necessary, but it's certainly not enough for a no-rec.

[Titchou]

I bet you know how to write this one - I would.....

[Sciencewoman]

I don't think I'd so far as to "no rec"; I'd just do nothing. After all, she's not interested, right?

[greekdee]

Wow! Is right. I do a lot of recs, but have never had this situation come up. Everyone who has ever approached me has been very gracious and appreciative. Now I'm pretty laid back and let a lot of things roll off, but I find this PNM's actions to be rude and offensive. I probably wouldn't no-rec her, but would decline. Preparing recs does take time -- I'm happy to do it for girls who don't insult me by leaving my sorority off their "preferred" list

[greekdee]

I want to thank those who PM'd me about helping with my FB group and adding their names as alums willing to do recs. You're awesome and this is a great help -- we're building but getting there. Thanks again!

[Gingerdeltaz]

Originally Posted by greekdee

I want to thank those who PM'd me about helping with my FB group and adding their names as alums willing to do recs. You're awesome and this is a great help -- we're building but getting there. Thanks again!

I was more than glad to do it. I think this is such an awesome thing that you are doing. I hope the number of alumnae on your page continues to grow.

[irishpipes]

I am a pretty forgiving person, especially to young, inexperienced people, but what really chapped me was that this pnm is a sophomore - she shouldn't be 100% clueless. And, I wouldn't no-rec her to be spiteful, but rather to ensure than an invitation isn't wasted on her. Our chapter at this school does well enough that they have to release a lot of PNMs. She is attractive with a decent resume, so they might give her a chance otherwise, but she has already shown once that she will drop if she doesn't get a bid from her "list."

gee ess: I don't write blanket recs for PNMs I don't know. I go to a lot of trouble, making calls, sending texts, etc. to my friends in the community. Someone always knows a PNM and can give me useful insight. It is a lot of trouble though, and not something I am willing to do for this PNM.

As for alerting the rest of APH, the PNM took care of that herself by including her "list" in the email she sent to APH asking for help securing recs.

I guess mostly it is disheartening that after going through recruitment once, and being on campus for a year, there are still PNMs who can't see any kind of big picture, and would be so ungrateful and rude to people who are trying to help.

[Titchou]

In this case, I would either:

1) Tell her I'm not doing one for my group because stated she wasn't interested in it
or
2) Do one but tailor it to her situation by advising the chapter of her remarks.