Time Cover

[chi-o_cat]

Originally Posted by Greek_or_Geek?

I find it hard to believe that a mother who "cares" so much about her child to continue to breast feed them so long thinks nothing of exploiting them by putting them on the cover of a magazine like this. The kid's going to grow up. Google is forever. He's not going to think this is cute in a few years.

This times 100!

[MaggieXi]

A child who is thriving and is happy is what is important. There needs trump the needs of moms to engage in "mompetition". This story was only covered by TIME for sales reasons.

I had planned on breastfeeding for 6 months. I ended up only doing 3 because my daughter was not gaining enough and had severe reflux. More than one pediatrician said she would be better off on formula. After the switch, my daughter was happy and you could see the developmental change in her within 2 weeks. When I tell moms who breastfeed that, they freak out and say doctors would never say that "breast is best".

My daughter spent several days in the NICU after she was born, the nurses there said do not allow this baby to sleep in the same bed with us once we got her home. She was already used to sleeping away from me. She has been in her crib since day 1 for bedtime (that doesn't mean I didn't sleep in the chair in her room for the first few days), and she has always been an incredibly good sleeper and was sleeping 7-8 hours straight at 4 months.

(a side note: I was listening to coverage of this story on my way to work this morning, a report said mom is a former play mate and stated that she was breastfed until she was 6).

[lovespink88]

Originally Posted by Greek_or_Geek?

I find it hard to believe that a mother who "cares" so much about her child to continue to breast feed them so long thinks nothing of exploiting them by putting them on the cover of a magazine like this. The kid's going to grow up. Google is forever. He's not going to think this is cute in a few years.

THIS.

I have what is possibly a dumb question that is in no way intended it be offensive. I'm legitimately curious since I am not a parent and really have no idea.

Several people have mentioned baby sleeping in the bed with parents. I have heard that this should be discouraged due to the fact that parent can easily roll over and crush/suffocate the child. Is this common practice? It seems to have been mentioned a few times, so I was curious.

Oh, and I'm talking about baby sleeping with in the bed parents...not like 3-5 year olds or baby sleeping in a separate crib in the parents' room. I know I crawled into my parents bed on several occasions after a nightmare when I was that age--so if either of those two scenarios is what people were referring to, please disregard!

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I think the whole breastfeeding thing is such a bizarrely hot button issue. My sister-in-law couldn't breast feed because it just simply wasn't working. Having a new born losing weight is just not a good idea, so she had to stop. And the "planning to barbecue her thing" was what she got a lot of because she preferred to have a healthy child instead of an attached at the nipple one. If you can breast feed for a year, that's great, but once the kid can walk up to you to ask for it, nuh uh.

And sleeping in Mom and Dad's bed occasionally can be a treat for everyone, but a child should have their own space from day 1. Of course, how are you ever going to be a successful heli-parent if you let your child out of your reach for 8 hours a night? Maybe it's being 1 of 5 kids, but we just couldn't do it and I do think the independence we were given from birth probably lead the way to us being independent adults who don't have milk obsessions. I've known at least one adult who had an unhealthy attachment to milk. I would love to know if he was breast fed and for how long.

If I ever have a child I may not breastfeed since a medicine I take regularly to help me enjoy a fully functioning life is passed through breast milk. I could stop taking it while pregnant since my body will probably be out of whack anyway, but with an infant now in my life functioning at the highest level possible would best for everyone.

I also can't imagine having a child in my bed with my partner and actually getting rest. I have severe sleep problems and not being rested already negatively affects me, can't imagine what would happen if a baby was added in and a dude who snores. If I was breastfeeding I might add one of those beds to the side so baby is nearby, put the crib in the bedroom, but I'd have no problem taking turns with my future baby's daddy with who is on night duty and sleeping in a separate room from the precious darling so at least someone isn't sleep deprived.

My nephew will be six this summer and he is still not sleeping alone the majority of the time, I don't know why my sister hasn't gone on a murderous rampage yet.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I've known at least one adult who had an unhealthy attachment to milk. I would love to know if he was breast fed and for how long.

LOL!!! I was breast fed for a year and a half (to note: I didn't get teeth till I was 15 months old) and I am VERY VERY VERY picky about milk - it has to be very cold, it has to be served in either a glass or a mug, I don't like certain brands etc etc. Maybe you've uncovered the root of it!

I thought we had all learned from the Law & Order episode where the baby died because the lactation counselor had scared the mother out of giving it a bottle.

And occasionally when I couldn't sleep Mom33 came and slept with me - co-sleeping was not an option since Dad33 didn't wear jammies. Farm folk.

[Always AlphaGam]

If moms want to breastfeed for as long as they want and if the child wants it, then that's up to them. I nursed my daughter until 3 months, and that's when my supply couldn't keep up to her needs. I was sad because I loved the time she and I shared while she nursed. It's an experience that I can't put into words. I think that that's why moms want to continue breastfeeding for as long as possible. If my milk hadn't run out I'm not sure what I would have done, but I lean more toward the "if she can ask for solid food..." side. I don't know, maybe she would have weaned herself off when she was ready. I like to think that that's what the majority of kids do - wean when they're ready.

I'm not so much disgusted at the idea of breastfeeding past a certain age -- to each, her own. What irritates the shit out of me is that cover and that question of ARE YOU MOM ENOUGH? Freaking A. Moms who don't breastfeed/breastfeed past a certain age are no less of a mother than those who do. And that kid? He must be at least 5. When kids are old enough to have memories of feeding from the tit, you probably shoulda quit a year ago.

My daughter likes to nap on my bed during the day but has slept in her own bed nightly since Day 1, with the exception of the first time she got sick. Both I and her father are deep sleepers, so bedsharing was never an option. We've chosen to co-sleep (have her crib in our room) until she is 6 months old. Earlier when she'd wake up for feedings 2-3 times a night I just picked her up and fed her in the living room, in her reclinalounger. Now that she's sleeping through the night, her sharing a room with us hasn't been a problem.

My stepson's been a bed-sharer with his mom since birth and now that he's almost 7, it's been a pain in the ass to get him to stay in his room and sleep in his bed. This is why I knew I had to get my daughter used to sleeping in her own bed.

I hate it when people tell me how to parent my child so I try not to do the same to others. So far my baby is healthy and happy so I must be doing something right...even if it's not what Sears says. They can all go to hell.

[Oh, and KSU I think it was SWTXBelle you were talking about. Damn those LaLeakys]

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Always AlphaGam

So far my baby is healthy and happy so I must be doing something right...even if it's not what Sears says.

That is the most important thing.

And this entire thread reminds me of how happy I am to not be working with 2 and 3 year olds anymore.

Granted, the mompetition is still there with my middle and high school parents, but it's nowhere near as bad as the "first time mom of toddler" realm.

Some of them were crazy, and add in being a first time mom of a special needs kiddo and it just skyrockets. I've seen moms of toddlers with Austism Spectrum Disorders compete with each other over who has the more intensive therapy schedule, best behavior therapist in the state, etc.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Some of them were crazy, and add in being a first time mom of a special needs kiddo and it just skyrockets. I've seen moms of toddlers with Austism Spectrum Disorders compete with each other over who has the more intensive therapy schedule, best behavior therapist in the state, etc.

Obviously having a special needs child ups the ante with that stuff, but I've seen it ramp up big time because women are waiting later to have kids and they're focused on it in ways that younger mothers aren't necessarily. Becoming a parent, for my circles (educated women who focused on a career for nearly a decade before having a very planned child), is this major PROJECT, way more than it was for our mothers' generations.

It's kind of a luxury to compete with other women over this stuff--I don't see a ton of teen moms pulling this stuff.

[Greek_or_Geek?]

I also think it's sometimes overcompensation. I've noticed many extreme cases of AP where the mother has thought nothing about putting her newborn in the care of strangers so she can quickly resume her career or doesn't think it's necessary to have an involved father in the picture, but God forgive you if you get in the way of her whipping out her boob to nurse her three year old in the middle of Starbucks.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Obviously having a special needs child ups the ante with that stuff, but I've seen it ramp up big time because women are waiting later to have kids and they're focused on it in ways that younger mothers aren't necessarily. Becoming a parent, for my circles (educated women who focused on a career for nearly a decade before having a very planned child), is this major PROJECT, way more than it was for our mothers' generations.

It's kind of a luxury to compete with other women over this stuff--I don't see a ton of teen moms pulling this stuff.

This is very true. My kid's moms fell (for the most part) into this category (late 30s/early 40s new moms.)

More likely than not, if kids come into the picture, I'll end up falling into the same category (decade of career/education focus, 30s or 40s mom), but I'm pretty set on not having bio children for a number of reasons. I'm not sure how mompetition ramps up with adoption, but I'm oh so sure it exists.

[PhoenixAzul]

Sweet mother of mercy, people. Just raise your kids! Quit thinking, talking, lecturing, over-analyzing every.little.thing. and just raise your kids. Be there for them when they need you, feed them, clothe them, and intervene when necessary. They will be alright, I promise you. You were alright without all of this noise, weren't you?

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

Just raise your kids! Quit thinking, talking, lecturing, every.little.thing. and just raise your kids. Be there for them when they need you, feed them, clothe them, and intervene when necessary. They will be alright, I promise you.

This requires thinking about most things.

Parenting is not a mindless and simple task. It is not even always immediately rewarding. Being a parent (that applies to motherhood as well as fatherhood) can be a very lonely and depressing process in which people assume that you just know what you're doing. Those who wish to go about parenting on pure "instinct" (the notion of a "parenting instinct" is often exaggerated) and effortlessly thoughtless actions are pretending as though parenting is as easy and as rewarding as taking an unconstipated defecation.

Afterall, an historical look at parenting around the world will find things that are considered inappropriate and unhealthy based on more updated norms and laws.

[MysticCat]

What DrPhil said.

[amIblue?]

I believe most (not all) parents do the best they can with the cards they are dealt. Being a mother is both the most difficult and the most rewarding thing I've ever done.

Before I had my daughter, I was going to be the queen of all breast feeders and no way no how was cosleeping ever going to happen in our house. Guess what? Breastfeeding DID NOT WORK for me and my daughter. She's doing great now at four. As far as sleeping goes, the first two years of my daughter's life were hell, and I got so sleep deprived that I made myself sick to the point of losing my job. She was also sick all the time. I gave in to cosleeping, and I don't regret a minute of it. We are working on everyone sleeping in his/her own bed now. We'll get there.

For me, the greatest asset to being a good parent is the ability to be flexible.

Now this heifer on Time, that's just about attention.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by 33girl

IMO, any mom who believes they are doing the best thing for their child with "attachment parenting" would not exploit their child or themselves in such a gauche way.

This!

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

The prevailing wisdom is that if you don't breastfeed Bobby til age 3 or co-sleep until like kindergarten, he will grow up to hotwire cars and be a delinquent.

Made me spit out coffee...thanks.

I breastfed for a few months with each child & it worked great. I started to feel guilty when I quit (I was working and it was just becoming too complicated) and then I realized that I was a formula-fed child and I turned out okey-dokey.

What I feel horrible about are the folks who try to BF and can't (either because it's just not working, or they have a medical condition preventing them) and are made to feel inferior as mothers because they're not BF their kid! New motherhood is stressful and hormonal enough without the peanut gallery telling you that you and your kid are going straight to hell for not BF.