Can nongreek/greek relationship work?

[aephi alum]

Absolutely it can work. I'm living proof

I met my husband (who is independent) at the end of my junior year. I was a rho chi that fall, so I was disaffiliated for the summer, and so we established our relationship without my getting dragged into summer rush parties. I was very busy during rush, of course, but my husband knew that ahead of time. At least as a PX I didn't have those late nights of voting to worry about

During my senior year, I did have to go to a few mixers. Since my chapter was so small, everyone was required to attend a certain percentage of social events. I explained to him that they were just mixers, and that I was going primarily to hang out with my sisters and some fraternity guys and that I wasn't looking to hook up with someone because I was already dating a perfectly wonderful guy. But I did invite him to our date parties and fall and spring semiformals.

After that, I was an alum, so it wasn't an issue...

[crazyleggedsigma]

I have a wonderful relationship with an independent man! (SSS1365, mine is also about three hours away...we seem to have much in common, the more of your posts I read! Too bad you're in Virginia !)

He comes down for our formals and open socials, and doesn't care about the closed mixers. His best friend is a Lambda Chi Alpha here, so he 'fills in' from time to time. He is very tolerant of me discussing the minutae of my chapter life, and is supportive of my office, which I will be taking over as of Sunday night (I can't wait!)

As many others have said before me, it depends on the strength of the relationship. He/she should accept all of you, affiliation and all.

[erniegurl00]

I've been dating a non-Greek for a year now and we're getting married in a few years. I've never really had a strain in our relationship because of it. It can be hard at times trying to balance sorority life and relationships with my boyfriend, and since he lives an hour away it's hard to find weekend time because I have to be here for chapter, exec meetings, and for other odds and ends. However, we always work it out.

Now last year I dated (briefly because of this) a guy who was really unsupportive of my greek life. He had a horrible opinion of greek life and flat out told me if I rushed he would never visit me at my house. He was a lazy ass and I dumped him on Bid Day. Who needs guys like that?

[Optimist Prime]

I don't think I could date a girl that wasn't in a sorority. I mean, it would be easier for guys to date non greek women than the other way around because it just would be. But the only girls I meet or either in drama or sororities and i want to be a professional actor so never date anyone from work.

[mccoyred]

My husband of 8 years is not Greek. I met him shortly after I graduated but I was not active with the sorority at that time and for a number of years afterward. I think this allowed us to know each other without all of the other influences. I became active again after we were married for a few years and he totally understands; our relationship has not suffered at all. He even teases me about hanging out and going to meetings with my 'sisters'. Then again, alumnae membership is more about business than social so there haven't been too many occasions to meet 'other guys'.

[PrincessELG]

It funny that this topic comes around. I am currently dating, non-exclusively, a member of a fraternity and me and my ex are still friends and still talk. Because I am a neo I have a lot responsibility within my chapter. So with all the programming and late night meetings and basically seeing my sorors everyday for one reason or another can really get in the way when someone doesn't understand the purpose. Suffice it to say the fraternity guy is a lot more understanding about what I need to do and the commitment level I have to both my organization and my chapter. Where as my ex always feels its a bother and he doesn't want to come to things my chapter sponsors because its a "greek thing". And that is very dissapointing at times.

[SigKapSweetie]

I think it works out just fine; some of my sisters refuse to date frat boys at all! That way anything that comes up in our house (date functions, whatever), it's easier to bring them. The frats on our campus are so active on the party scene that many of those guys don't have time to attend functions for the sororities (I personally think this is a silly reason, but many of them use it). Of course, if those girls met guys like the ones on greekchat, I'm sure they'd be crazy about them!

[tridgirl]

I just started dating this guy who isn't in a fraternity, I took him to my formal, which he loved because a ton of his friends were there. He insisted that he understands, but I think he is resentful, like last night we had senior wills and letter, I thought it was only going to take like a hour, it took two and a half, so i didn't call him. He got upset and wet out to the bars, i called him there and he wasn't happy about it. I think it can work, but both people have to be mature and sure it would be easier to date a greek guy, but sometimes easier things aren't worth it.

[ladyj39]

I have been dating a non-Greek for a year and a half. I met him while I was still a collegiate and he was supportive of my very active involvement in my sorority. We were actually intoduced by one of my sisters! His best friend was also dating an Alpha Phi from a different school at the time! He would get a little jealous sometimes because of my friendships with Fraternity guys and socials that he wasn't allowed to come to, but all in all, he was cool with it all.
He was on our school's wrestling team, which is kind of like a Fraternity if you really think about it, so he can relate to the sense of unity and support from a group.

He still tries to make me tell him Alpha Phi secrets, but I'm not telling!

[DeltAlum]

Granted it was a long time ago, but I dated a non-Greek woman for three years in college and we've been married for 31 years now.

[KellieBeans2]

My crazy ex-boyfriend that I dated for two and a half years (I pledged my sorority right after I met him) actually blamed Sigma Kappa as one of the main reasons we broke up. We have a lot of events, naturally, and everytime I had to do something, he would either moan or grumble. I see now that it wasn't the sorority that upset him, it was his crazy possessiveness.

But, I am now dating a Greek, and my life is so much easier. He is totally understanding of my commitments, and I am in a much healthier relationship. I don't think it matters whether or not your significant other is affiliated, it just matters how mature, understanding and trustworthy they are. But it is fun to take him to formals and stuff, because he already knows everyone there, and I don't need to stay by his side the entire time.

[LeslieAGD]

I think it depends wholly on the people in the relationship.

My guy is a non-greek and things are great! However, I am twenty one and he is twenty four and we're not crazy party people so we're mature and the jealousy thing isn't an issue. Also, he plays lacrosse and hockey so he has his own activities going on.

[dzsaigirl]

I really cannot imagine trying to start a relationship off while I was a new member!!!!! It was way too time consuming to have a boyfriend. I am so glad I was single then!

[kristiAZD]

It totally depends on the person. It is also less of an issue once you're out of college, I'm sure. Most people on my campus that are greeks date greeks, but one of my sisters has been with her boyfriend since high school, they went to college together, he just graduated, and they're still together. He never wanted to join a fraternity, and that was cool with both of them. It really just depends on the maturity of both parties involved.

[SAEalumnus]

I think it depends on the other person. There's no real reason why it shouldn't work, but I can tell you from experience that it doesn't always happen that way.

For example... I was already a pledge when I started seeing a girl I had known since high school. By the time she and I started dating exclusively I had already been initiated, so she knew that I was involved and how important it was (and still is) to me -- this was a few years ago now. At any rate, being initiated into a smaller chapter, everyone was expected to contribute, so I ran for an Eboard position I thought I might like. It turns out that the position I held got me interested in my now future career, so it's a good thing I got the experience. The problem was, she and I both had very busy schedules and only had a couple of days a week that we could get together (it was an hour drive or so each way to go see her -- she never drove out to see me although there was nothing stopping her from doing so, but anyway...). The whole thing was, as the newly elected Pledge Educator and a big bro to one of the pledges, I was obligated to attend certain events the chapter held which on a couple of occasions prevented me from going out to see her that day or week. I never complained about all of the parties/mixers/socials/bbqs/everything else I gave up to see her, but she didn't seem to understand the responsibilities or committments that come with membership in a GLO. We eventually broke up over the issue of her having to share me with my chapter. Anyway...

The story does have a happy ending though. A little over a year ago, at a rush party for my chapter no less, I met the woman I'm probably going to marry! She goes to a university within a 10-15 minute drive of my own and is good friends with the chapter of my fraternity at her school. My brothers at her school found out about our rush party and decided to attend to help us out and brought my now girlfriend and some of her sorority sisters along with them. I happened to be out in front of the chapter house at the time greeting guests (I was president at the time) when they all arrived and was immediately drawn to her from the moment she walked up. We talked literally for hours that first night and were together a week later. What I enjoy most about our relationship is the fact that we both understand the demands and responsibilities each of us have on our time and we each trust the other completely where mixers/exchanges/whatever are concerned. In fact, my brothers at her school treat her with complete respect and look after her just like she was dating one of their chapter members.

So when all is said and done, I went from someone who really just didn't understand what the Greek experience is all about to someone who has everything in common with me from religion to family plans to political views to anything and everything else. There was nothing really preventing the other girl and I from staying together other than different attitudes about Greek life. Being with another Greek, though, makes life so much easier!