FYI Disappointed Moms

[SWTXBelle]

One of the MOST IMPORTANT THINGS - REGISTER WITH YOUR ALUMNAE PANHELLENIC! Many of them have informative sessions that will help you or your daughter KNOW what to expect, plus you cannot beat them for getting recs. The vast majority of our Katy TX girls are NOT legacies yet they have successful recruitments. Some of it is just that they are 'complete packages' - attractive, intelligent, involved young women -(just like all the other pnms!) but the other part is knowing what to expect and being PREPARED.

[KSUViolet06]

Double posting, but I think the "preparing for recruitment since birth" thread touches on the networking topic a little bit:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ht=ding+winner

Disclaimer: no I don't think you should start prepping for recruitment since birth, but the thread does touch a little on the advantage of networking.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^Right.

We also see a lot of "My Suzie graduated with a 4.0 and was cut by ABC but Roommate Ronda got a bid and she has a 3.6. What gives?"

It's very possible that Ronda knows a ton of ABCs from dance and has been seeing them/hanging out with them at dance camp since they were 14.

As a sidenote, a lot of PNMs will say "how did I get cut? I knew a ton of ABCs." The issue here is maybe they didn't like you or consider you to be a friend they'd like to see in their letters.

You also have to remember the sheer number of other PNMs who know just as many ABCs as you do.

That's why it's important not to focus on just ONE group when meeting people. Try to meet people and build relationships with people from different groups. And keep an open mind.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

^^^Right.

We also see a lot of "My Suzie graduated with a 4.0 and was cut by ABC but Roommate Ronda got a bid and she has a 3.6. What gives?"

It's very possible that Ronda knows a ton of ABCs from dance and has been seeing them/hanging out with them at dance camp since they were 14.

As a sidenote, a lot of PNMs will say "how did I get cut? I knew a ton of ABCs." The issue here is maybe they didn't like you or consider you to be a friend they'd like to see in their letters.

You also have to remember the sheer number of other PNMs who know just as many ABCs as you do.

That's why it's important not to focus on just ONE group when meeting people. Try to meet people and build relationships with people from different groups. And keep an open mind.

Exactly. I think many people want to believe that sorority recruitment is utopian and merit-based. In that world, the absolute top girls in grades/looks/convo/extras/recs would be offered their pick of all houses each round because of their perfect-ness. Unfortunately, it's quite a bit more complicated than that.

[LGN1212]

Amen. There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now if it was better understood that the sorority world is a meritocracy only up to a point and that you'd better have your expectations in check before you show up as an unknown out-of-state PNM at a big state school recruitment. The numbers are really brutal unless you're a Christie Brinkley look-alike with good party BS and a Rhodes scholar-in-waiting resume.

I'm the first to admit that I benefitted from my family's connections by staying in state, but it's really not a very healthy process in many ways and it's refreshing to see people fess up to it a bit.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by LGN1212

Amen. There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now if it was better understood that the sorority world is a meritocracy only up to a point and that you'd better have your expectations in check before you show up as an unknown out-of-state PNM at a big state school recruitment. The numbers are really brutal unless you're a Christie Brinkley look-alike with good party BS and a Rhodes scholar-in-waiting resume.

I'm the first to admit that I benefitted from my family's connections by staying in state, but it's really not a very healthy process in many ways and it's refreshing to see people fess up to it a bit.

I think that's where open mindedness comes in. At the vast majority of schools, you really can have a GREAT experience in any chapter. If you're a PNM from out-of-state, or you're a transfer, or you just don't know many greeks, you can't go in only focusing on a handful. Really, no one should, but it's double important for the PNMs we're describing.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I think that's where open mindedness comes in. At the vast majority of schools, you really can have a GREAT experience in any chapter. If you're a PNM from out-of-state, or you're a transfer, or you just don't know many greeks, you can't go in only focusing on a handful. Really, no one should, but it's double important for the PNMs we're describing.

Well, and here's the BIG problem with Suzie with the 4.0 and the utopian, merit-based line of thinking...

Suzie with the 4.0 who thinks it's a meritocracy & should get whatever she wants because she's the epitome of "perfect-ness" (grades/recs/cute/extras). She's ALWAYS gotten what she wants because of her perfect-ness. Life, up & to this point HAS pretty much been a meritocracy. Top softball player? On the varsity squad. Smartest person in the room? Valedictorian. Most beautiful? Homecoming queen (ok, not everywhere, but maybe "Most Beautiful" in the yearbook?). You get the idea.

This is their first time faced with something that they can't obtain just by being "the best".


ETA: I re-read & I'm using a little hyperbole here, I know.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by LGN1212

There would be a lot fewer unhappy little girls around right now

This is part of the problem. They're not little girls. They're women. They're adults. Yes, they are young, but they need to figure things out in the world. Learn that life isn't fair. Learning to be prepared. Learning to keep an open mind to the world of possibility. These aren't just things related to sororities and recruitment- these are life skills that these women need to learn.

[Optimus Prime]

Originally Posted by kddani

This is part of the problem. They're not little girls. They're women. They're adults. Yes, they are young, but they need to figure things out in the world. Learn that life isn't fair. Learning to be prepared. Learning to keep an open mind to the world of possibility. These aren't just things related to sororities and recruitment- these are life skills that these women need to learn.

I agree with this. Life is full of disappointments. They need to get over that the sense of entitlement like the "should I promise a large donation of money so they'll accept my pretty princess" as was demonstrated in another thread. While rejection is hard, it's something that will have to be dealt with more than a few times in someone's life.

SN: I'm sick of all these parents on here trying to "fix" everything for their daughters that don't have a successful recruitment. I understand wanting to help but it seems like there's a lot of parents on here asking what to do instead of their children. My mother would've told me to act like an adult and deal with it myself.

[KSUViolet06]

Absolutely, and it's not just SEC schools, either.

I've dealt with quite a few smaller schools where I think the networking aspect is just as important. Especially with deferred recruitment.

Smaller School Deferred Recruitment Example:

ABC has had ALL FALL SEMESTER to interact with PNMs.

Let's say the chapter has 50 women in it.

By the time recruitment rolls around, each of them has 2 PNMs that they've known all fall (and some longer if they're sophs and junior PNMs.)

That's 100 women already coming back. If they can only extend say, 130 invites, you've got 30 spots for "new" PNMs they've never seen. That's not a lot.

The women who get involved during fall semester, meet sorority women (through hall activities, work on campus, other clubs, sports) and form relationships have the advantage in spring.

Suzie who never really left her dorm first semester, but has a 4.0, might get passed over for Polly PNM who is in band with a ton of ABC and spent all fall hanging out with them, but has a 3.3.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Absolutely, and it's not just SEC schools, either.

I've dealt with quite a few smaller schools where I think the networking aspect is just as important. Especially with deferred recruitment.

Smaller School Deferred Recruitment Example:

ABC has had ALL FALL SEMESTER to interact with PNMs.

Let's say the chapter has 50 women in it.

By the time recruitment rolls around, each of them has 2 PNMs that they've known all fall (and some longer if they're sophs and junior PNMs.)

That's 100 women already coming back. If they can only extend say, 130 invites, you've got 30 spots for "new" PNMs they've never seen. That's not a lot.

The women who get involved during fall semester, meet sorority women (through hall activities, work on campus, other clubs, sports) and form relationships have the advantage in spring.

Suzie who never really left her dorm first semester, but has a 4.0, might get passed over for Polly PNM who is in band with a ton of ABC and spent all fall hanging out with them, but has a 3.3.

This is something that people rushing at what they call "noncompetitive" (there really is no such thing) schools need to realize. If you walk into chapter parties and don't know at least 1 or 2 sisters by sight, you're at an enormous disadvantage.

I also wonder if the increasing amount of suite-style dorms is a factor. If you don't have to share a tv room or bathroom with 30 other people, it's easy to fall into the scared antisocial trap.

[honeychile]

I never read this whole thread before, and think it's spot on. Until I was about to enter college, I had never realized that everyone (literally!) on my street who went to college was a member of a fraternity or a sorority. I had thought that just my next door neighbor (who kept a Trident magazine on the coffee table at all times) and hearing that my grandmother was a Kappa were the only two.

Also, most (if not all) of the camp counselors where I went to camp were greeks. This camp attracted campers from all over the east coast, so there were greeks from Duke, Clemson, UVA, and MTSU, along with Cornell, PSU, Pitt, and CMU. The counselors for my group were from Duke & CMU, and they left a wonderful impression! As was stated, it was networking, networking, networking.

[KSUViolet06]

Sidenote: I SO wish this thread was made before recruitment season kicked off and all of the big recruitments started. It would have been so helpful.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Sidenote: I SO wish this thread was made before recruitment season kicked off and all of the big recruitments started. It would have been so helpful.

I'm not sure anyone would have read it then.

Don't get me wrong, it's a great thread. I think it's spot on. But so often here, nobody knows that we're talking to them until it's too late.

Or maybe they would have read, and you all would have spent the summer explaining that the summer after high school is a little late to go to these camps for the first time.

For whatever it's worth, I don't see a whole lot of summer camp action with the girls from here, but I'm kind of in the yankee suburbs.

[tigerfanx5]

^^ That's what I was going to say too! It would be really helpful if potential PNM's (and parents) would read this thread in the months prior to rush.

Networking is a huge part of the system... just like most things in life, it's important to learn how to play the game to be successful.