sex question

[shadokat]

Originally posted by valkyrie
4. Honestly, I want a guy who knows what he's doing.

Question: what's the fuss about someone being with 19 people??

AMEN girl!! You're not going to buy a car you can't test drive

[smiles23]

Not to sound repetitive, but I think that you definitely know when the right time is. It may be within one day and it may be after you're married.

Curiosity killed the cat. There are some things that you think you want to know, but you're better off not knowing. This includes how many partners your b/f or g/f has had.

[SigmaChiCard]

DeltaBaby-
You have equal nerve, for I didn't say I know of, I in fact said I knew, but perhaps should have said I know. Differences noted. Of all 19? That'd be far too many facts to keep in my head, on a (to put ironically) tired interest. She was my best friend through much of my life, and I'd say I know the circumstances on...let's see...umm, 9. Now hey, that's not even half, but it's still 9! And considering what low numbers of those are legitimate compared to the morals of her family, those we learned together growing up though catholic schools, and those she overtly displays, her actions are quite in contrast, then that's quite foul behavior, of which I'd preferably know about were I to take interest in her. You'd have no concern going out, and if you deemed him nice enough, sleeping with my buddy who has had sex with 15 girls? Maybe not, but when it's true, and it's all just f em & leave em, then they have something morally wrong too, wouldn't you say? Not telling your mates is letting them get burned on their own, when you could have used an extinguisher. Not nice.

edited: oops, I did say 'know,' nevermind then, my post was perfectly as i wanted it the first time.

[valkyrie]

Originally posted by SigmaChiCard
[B]
You'd have no concern going out, and if you deemed him nice enough, sleeping with my buddy who has had sex with 15 girls? Maybe not, but when it's true, and it's all just f em & leave em, then they have something morally wrong too, wouldn't you say? Not telling your mates is letting them get burned on their own, when you could have used an extinguisher. Not nice.

15 people? I wouldn't care. SCC, you are judging by saying that something is "morally wrong" -- if two consenting adults get together for a night of fun and then go their separate ways, what is wrong with that? What is right or wrong, morally or otherwise, can only be determined by the individual for him/herself.

Also, how can you say what number of someone else's sexual encounters are legitimate? What does it even mean, for a sexual encounter to be "legitimate" anyway?

[amycat412]

Originally posted by valkyrie


What is right or wrong, morally or otherwise, can only be determined by the individual for him/herself.

EXACTLY. Only we can decide our own morals, its not fair for us to impose them on others. If someone's actions offend your sense of morality--after you know the circumstances surrounding those actions--then it is your right to walk away. But it is not anyone's right to judge what went on between someone and their former partner--you weren;t there, you don't know.

[SigmaChiCard]

how can i discuss my best friends morals?

do you not know the morals of your best friends? I should hope so, true, we've split ways, but much of that was due to her moral desicions. I'm no Bible pusher, and there's nothing wrong with one-nighters when the concept of that person's being is based on what hers is based on. You are uninformed of my friend, my example was to promote that there are some cases that people should be informed, and well...you're disinterest provokes my curiousity. Don't come at me for speaking about my friends on issues of which you're ignorant, my dear. Oddly enough, I do know what the girl I've grown up playing with is all about, inside, and out, and I know what morals they have

[valkyrie]

I don't really understand what you're saying. I don't care what you say or think of your friends.
I'm concerned with, in general, people judging others because of their number of sexual partners, which is what it sounds like you're doing. Why?

[SigmaChiCard]

no. lemme break it down a bit. i said that i would want to know if my interest had an excessive number of parteners. i'm not just randomly judging someone i don't know, i'm taking from (I'm 21 now) 17 years of being great friends with her and drawing a conclusion about her behaviour. If a friend of mine began taking a love interest in her, i wouldn't spout off, what she's f ed 19 guys, get the hell away, but I'd let him know that she's promiscuous because she is. Am I judging her? No, not really, there's no opinion to that, is me saying she acts immorally considered judging her? I'd even venture to say no on that as well because I know her like the back of my hand. I could tell you what she'd be up to days in advance, her motives behind 75% of what she does...I know her. You don't care, and that's good, but

SCC, you are judging by saying that something is "morally wrong"

seemed to be blind concern. I'm not trying to incriminate this girl, or have her ostracized for that which she's done, but I also wouldn't want to be the next guy in the line. It's all about the relationship, if he wanted one, and she just wanted to f, then yeah, I'd let him know, and have some knowledge on the subject. If they just both wanted to hit, then hey (and this is assuming she's not slept with anyone in the last year tho last year there were several guys) number 20!

[Dejajeva]

When I was younger I always thought I'd wait...

But..

If two people are ready...consenting, adults...then that is their choice to have sex or not. I completely agree with everything that everyone is saying...
However...I do feel that sex should be special..you know?
With someone you care about..

I don't know that I could be with a guy who have had sex with twentyfive girls...Nothing against anyone that would, but sex to me is passionate and special and shouldn't be just something you "do to pass time and get off".

I don't think I could be with a guy who wanted to wait mostly because I like sex way too much. lol.

Jess

[KSigkid]

Originally posted by IowaHawkeye
i don't have a schedule i follow in relationships, like
ok after x number of days and phone calls we can do some heavy making out
after x number of days, phone calls, and presents we can head south of the border
and so on... i take relationships and everything they entail as they come, and as mature adults, when we're both ready, we take it from there.

i don't like to use the terms slut/whore, hoe/manwhore - what theyre doin in the bedroom with however many people is soo none of my business!

I agree with you - what people do on their own time is their own business, and if I'm dating a girl for long enough, hopefully she'll be honest with me on stuff like that, especially when she's that "experienced."

As far as a schedule - there isn't one. You do it when it feels right, you know when it feels right, and there you go. For some people, it's on one of the first dates. For some people , it's when they're engaged. There's no set time table though, because everyone feels a different way about this stuff. You do what feels right in your head and heart, and go from there.

[amycat412]

Cory,
I find it disturbing that if she started dating a guy you'd inform him that she's been promiscuous. Its not youre concern--ok, if her behavoir upsets you and you distance yourself from her, that's your choice. But it is not cool to go telling other people she may be involved with about her past, Its HER job to do that if she chooses to. Now I know you're talking about a friend of yours in your example and I understand your loyalty to that friend, but...its really not fair to anyone involved to get in the middle of it.

I have friends that have slept with 4 people and friends that have slept with 45 (remember, i'm in my 30s)--and while I certainly would not make the same choices the 45 person did, it doesn't lessen our friendship because those were her choices to make, not mine. I cannot and will not stand judge and jury over my friends, as I hope they won't over me. I've had my fair share of missteps--I cheated on a long term boyfriend-- I regret that. I slept with a married man -- I don't regret that. I would hate it if my friends judged me based on these isolated incidents. They weren't there, no one asked them to be a part of it, and its no one's business but mine and the men involved.

But I love that we can all debate these things here.

[SigmaChiCard]

but in my mind, as i said when it's going to be my friend, and i said that it's when he wanted something and she didn't, well...i feel it is my duty as a friend to supply to my friend what knowledge i have of her. it's her thing, her life...true, but i'm not gonna stand by when she's deceiving my buddy just to get laid, the fact that i know how the other 9 million people she's slept with is just my evidence to base my knowledge upon

[damasa]

Originally posted by amycat412

But it is not cool to go telling other people she may be involved with about her past,

It's best to keep the past in the past. Some people try to get away from the things they've done in the past, for reasons including; being involved with another individual in the present, or to escape bad memories or what have you. I know that I've done some sketchy things in the future and I have girl friends that know of these things. Would they tell a girl that I'm currently involved with about them, no. Why not? Because it's my right and only my right to tell. So like I said before, keep the past in the past and focus on the present.

d

[valkyrie]

Amycat, you rock!

[alphachiohmy]

Originally posted by alphachiohmy
When do you think sex has a place in a relationship? Would finding a girlfriend/boyfriend who is waiting for marriage affect how or if you date them? On the flipside, when is a guy/girl considered a slut or manwhore? Does that affect who you date vs. flings?

Just curious as to how you all view sex?

To reply to my own question - which is a hypothetical question derived from the pages of my roommate's issue of Cosmo:

I don't see sex as an easy decision. It's not as if I could say, "H'mm what do I want for lunch today: Chicken or Sex?"

Right now, there is no one in my life that I want to go that far with. Not to say a night of everything else and spooning doesn't appeal to me - it has a few times this semester and over the past four years in various relationships/flings. I am no angel.

I grew up Catholic, and it was instilled in me that you wait for sex until you are married. While not so much for religious reasons, I have not had sex yet. I guess part of that stems from my boyfriend freshman year who cheated on me right as we were ready to make that step, and another part of that stems from other incidents that have happened in my life.

At the same time, I believe in the "test drive theory." I just haven't test drove anything to its full potential. I think sexual chemistry has a place in a relationship.

Just right now at this point in my life, I don't want hassles of STDs and pregnancy and emotional hurt.

The survey in Cosmo asked: Should a Woman hold out for sex well into a relationship? What intrigued me was that 100 percent of men said no, 63 percent of women said no.