Involved sorority collegiate turns invisible alumna

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Welllll....that's the way we rush, isn't it?

I don't think any NPC can gripe about that until rush stops =ing "the women in the sororities pick the girls they like the most and the rushees pick the sorority they feel the most comfortable with."

Ding ding.

I don't have the solution to that issue, but it's definitely a big reason why alumnae don't get involved.

Another thing = the focus on freshman PNMs that leads to 4 year burnout, but that is an entirely new thread and ball of wax.

I was significantly more ready to jump into alumnae activity just because I'd had fewer collegiate years under my belt and wasn't in the least bit burned out (you can't really get burned out in 2.5 years lol.)

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

(you can't really get burned out in 2.5 years lol.)

Hm, not true.

Coming from a chapter as small as mine was, it's definitely possible. Each sister having to hold 4-5 positions can take its toll over the course of just one semester... especially when one or two members aren't pulling their weight and/or aren't willing to take on a little extra responsibility. I love my chapter, and I wanted to do everything I could to help us succeed, but I won't lie and say I didn't have those, "Why the hell won't graduation day hurry up and get here already?!" moments.

However, I also wouldn't trade my experience for anything in the world.

I definitely needed a break after graduation. I moved back home, but 8 months later moved closer to my campus again and served as Recruitment Advisor. It was nice to be able to help the chapter in the one area that we could never quite figure out (at least while I was active). Moving to NJ a couple years later ended that.

Then my new job required that I travel.. a lot.. for about 6 months. Now that I have some more free time, I would love to get back into an advisor position, however, the chapters around me are at least a half hour away - not completely unreasonable, but not a quick drive down the street, either. And the closest alumnae chapter is in NYC, which at the minimum is a 45 minute train ride just to get to Penn Station.

The only reason I'm not still involved is basically because of geography.

[DolphinChicaDDD]

Sometimes I feel like Alumnae groups need to remember they had to work to get members as collegiate. While they are already half way there, heck we all are members, but it is still about wanting to join and belong. When I moved to across the country, the first thing I did was join the alumnae chapter. I went to the first meeting and aside from being recognized when they asked new members to stand, I was invisible. I walked in, no one welcomed me. I left, no one said good bye. I felt like the odd girl out. It completely turned me off to the chapter.

I gave it another go halfway through and forged my own welcoming committee (I started a happy hour club every 3rd Friday of the month) and found a few other newbies who felt the same. Then I promptly moved abroad...and thats the end of that.

[IrishLake]

I am of the same mind as littleowl. I just didn't click with the ladies I met in the local Cinci alumni group (mostly women from UC and MiamiU). Heck, I wasn't a super-involved undergrad. I participated, but never held an office. It wasn't until I was unemployed and 30 years old that I found the desire to do some volunteer work, which is what led me back to Theta. It was an added bonus that it led me back to my home chapter, but I would have happily gotten involved as an advisor to a different chapter.

Most of the gung-ho sisters from when I was an active are still gung-ho, but with current life activities. People can only do so much. I know of 4 women who were active with me who are involved in advisory roles, but not really involved with local alumnae groups.

[carnation]

I was involved with 3 different alum clubs when I was in grad school and later was on AAC when I taught at Auburn but for the last several years, we've lived too far from any chapters or alum clubs for me to be of any real use. When you have as many kids as I do, you can't just say, "I believe I'll drive an hour and a half to a meeting tonight, stay a couple of hours, and drive back." Too much stuff to do at home.

Ditto for helping a chapter. The nearest one is at least 2 hours away.

[Alumiyum]

I'm one. I've been out almost two years and there are two main reasons I'm not involved. The first is that I'm still in school (finishing my second bachelors, then grad school) at the same school were I was an active, and the closest alum group is for the most part from this same chapter...and I actually WANT to branch out. There are a lot of girls in that group that I really like, but I'd prefer to connect with them separately because there are also many that I butted heads with furiously as an active and it's just not worth it to continue that as an alum. I'm sure down the road we'll all laugh about it, but I don't think we'll get along that well at this point. The second is burnout. I wouldn't call myself super involved because I basically showed up for only required events my senior year since I was taking all studios but before that I was pretty involved. I'd like a break where I'm not HERE so I can get away from all the drama and politics I hear about (my roomie is an active) and such before getting involved as an alum. I plan on joining a group once I leave this particular town, which will probably be in about two years. Until then I pay dues and help my old chapter with recruitment. I DO plan on being an active alumna of my organization down the road because I am very much invested in both my chapter and the international organization...just not yet.

[ComradesTrue]

I think there are a zillion reasons for this, and I actually am not suprised that it happens. First, as others have mentioned, there is the burn out factor and I don't think that a chapter being top, bottom, or in the middle has anything to do with it. There are always issues, even for strong recruiting and award winning groups and when you have been that invested you just need to take a break.

We encourage our collegians to be super involved on campus and not limit themselves to just class and sorority, so NPC alumnae tend to be involved adults as well. However, once one enters the working world, the free time shrinks tremendously and people must decide how to spend their limited time away from work and (possibly) family. For me, I wanted to explore some new endeavors instead of just regurgitating the ones I had already been doing. Therefore, my free time was spent exploring outdoor activities, getting involved with my church, participating in organizations related to my career, volunteering heavily with the Komen foundation, and oh yeah, happy hours/social opportunities. Lots of happy hours and social activities. It was a new town- I didn't want to just hang out with women again.

And yes, agree with those who said that sometimes you just don't mesh with the women in a new city. I experienced this personally when I bravely showed up to a Founders Day event not knowing a single person. The people who were sitting at my table were of comparable age to me (early to mid to late 30s) and their very first question was "Which country club are you a member of?" This was asked in such a manner that their assumption is everyone is a member of some club, but that there was only 1-2 acceptable responses for that very large city. Whatever. You think I ever showed up to another event after that?

I now live somewhere different and have been uber involved in the alumnae chapter here. Different stage of life, different stage of circumstances, and now the time is right. I think that I had to get away from it for about 10 years to come back and appreciate it.

[AOII Angel]

I wasn't involved for 10 years post college. Med school and residency don't exactly mesh with ANY extracurriculars, but then again, AOII didn't have an alum chapter in my area, either. When I moved to Baltimore, though, I became super-alum. I can't say that I felt an immediate connection to my alum chapter. It took an effort, just like we say to PNMs who join their chapters and as NMs realize that they aren't suddenly BFFs with every person in their chapter. I had to make myself go back to the next meeting. After the first year, it was a little better, but I had taken a leadership role. I was an advisor for the collegiate chapter we supported. After three years, I had to move to Phoenix, and I miss my alum chapter so much. My new chapter doesn't actually do meetings. After nine months, I haven't met the first AOII. To everyone who didn't mesh the first time, try and try again.

[AGDAlum]

My reply will not add much new to the mix, except for my story. I was a very involved undergraduate, then served a year as a leadership consultant. My first professional position was in a town 40 miles from the collegiate chapter I worked to create, and for the next four years I served as an adviser. (Hi, Carnation! )

I took a job in another state, in a town where there was a collegiate chapter. (In fact, I'd visited it during my consultant year.) I looked forward to helping with that chapter. Not so! They had two advisers (alumnae of that chapter) who didn't want anyone else involved. I was invited to one IRD (=founders' day) in the 2-1/2 years I lived there. (The bright spot of my sojourn in that job/that town was that I met and married my husband.)

I served on two AGD international committees during those seven years.

We moved to Maine; no collegiate chapter anywhere near. A few alumnae met for lunch, which was nice. I tried starting a regional alumnae group (Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont) which had two IRDs, both very nice occasions.

We moved to another state, to a college town where there was a very strong collegiate chapter and a very strong alumnae club. Also very chapter-centric. (I remember one alum saying that she was moving to another state, mourning that "there are no Alpha Gams there." I looked in the directory and found about two dozen Alpha Gams. They just weren't the same chapter.) That chapter welcomed me and I served as finance adviser for four years. I still get their alumnae newsletter.

Since 1998 I've lived at some distance from an undergraduate chapter. I joined the alumnae club immediately and I pay dues every year. However, it is based 35 miles away and it meets the same night as my P.E.O. chapter. My schedule is quite full as I "welcome the opportunity of contributing to the world's work in the community where I am placed because of the joy of service thereby bestowed and the talent of leadership multiplied" with AAUW, P.E.O., Rotary, various community organizations, and professional associations.

[Munchkin03]

I'm another one!

I'll chalk it up to a few things:

1. Burnout. I was all about the sorority in college and when I got to grad school I needed to take a break from it. I did the social things like happy hours for a few years but the alumnae chapter here skews young and at 29 I'm kind of over mixers with fraternities. Granted, I made some of my best girlfriends from the alum chapter.

2. Interest in other charities. I'm extremely involved on a national and local level with my college and that's a full-time job in and of itself.

3. Work had to take a priority. I'm taking my exams to become a licensed architect. There's simply no time.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by AGDAlum

My reply will not add much new to the mix, except for my story. I was a very involved undergraduate, then served a year as a leadership consultant. My first professional position was in a town 40 miles from the collegiate chapter I worked to create, and for the next four years I served as an adviser. (Hi, Carnation! )

Hi, AGDAlum! Was that the A&M chapter?

People have touched on another problem with alum chapters. I've actually known women from many sororities who quit going to alum meetings because some alums made it clear to them that their chapter wasn't one of the "preferred" ones. Like: "Those of us from AB and YZ chapters are the cool ones in this group and don't you forget it; you ladies from MN chapter (who we feel don't deserve to wear our letters) may sit on the sidelines and observe our greatness."

[ADqtPiMel]

I wouldn't say I'm a slacker -- I started advising a month after graduation, though not my chapter of initiation. But I'm not active in an alumnae association. It's kind of funny that others have referenced their DC alumnae associations as very diverse, collegiate chapter-wise, as I've found that ours is almost all Maryland and GWU grads.

My reasoning is mostly time -- I work long and erratic hours, I'm married, and I have a time consuming hobby (marathon training). Any extra time I have left over is going to go toward the commitment I made to the collegiate chapter. But as others have referenced, I don't really have that much motivation to try to break through the cliques in the AA.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally Posted by ADqtPiMel

It's kind of funny that others have referenced their DC alumnae associations as very diverse, collegiate chapter-wise, as I've found that ours is almost all Maryland and GWU grads.

Interesting...DG's DC chapter has only a few MD or GW (or AU) members. I always assumed it was because so many stay in the area after college and don't need to join the alumnae chapter because they already have each other.

[PiPhiERDoc]

My organization also has a policy about young alumnae not serving on our AAC - however, dispensation can be granted if the alumnae advisory committee desperately needs members (which was why I got on so early after graduation). Its probably different depending on where you are in the country, but I know that all the organizations on our campus are usually very much in need of alumnae to serve on their advisory committees. I think this is because being a small private school almost no one is from the area OR stays in the area when they graduate, so there is a very small alum pool to draw on.

[KSUViolet06]

Also, I think that everyone is comfortable with a different level of involvement.

Ex: yPretty early on after college, I was asked to advise by several people. I didn't want to be an advisor just because the only collegiate chapter I live close enough to is my own. While I absolutely love my chapter, I attended grad at the same school, and I felt like I wanted to be involved in something other than Alpha Beta and our local alumnae chapter.

My level of involvement suits me because I get to be involved with different chapters and projects while not having the level of intense involvement with ONE group like an advisor.

Then on the flipside of this, I have friends who absolutely LOVE advising their hometown chapter and have been doing it since they were first eligible to do so.

Then there are others who are more comfortable with "behind the scenes" type of involvement rather than direct collegiate interactions. Example: one of my chapter sisters works on web development with our Foundation. That's her thing, moreso than dealing with chapters. So it depends.