Getting Married Young- Why?

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

You think college students are marriage crazy? Think about those who go straight into the military at 18 years old. THOSE are some crazy folks. Especially with the military's jacked up pay scale - they are encouraging folks to get married by saying "If you have dependents, you get more money." And so, they do. I can't even begin to tell you how many of my fellow sailors got married as soon as they were out of bootcamp, or at their first duty station. A few weeks, a couple of months, it was done. And then came the divorces.

Did you know a lot of people who went into the military in order to get married?

That happened to my cousin. He was sprung over his girlfriend, he didn't care too much about going to college, and my aunt was too busy rutting men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing. So, he enlisted in 2001, his girlfriend barely finished HS and they got married as soon as she graduated from HS (like, the next day). Surprisingly, they're still together 8 years later. I do know a ton of other people who tried the same thing and it didn't work out so well.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing.

*shudders*

[PiKA2001]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

Did you know a lot of people who went into the military in order to get married?

That happened to my cousin. He was sprung over his girlfriend, he didn't care too much about going to college, and my aunt was too busy rutting men she met on BlackPlanet to care what her son was doing. So, he enlisted in 2001, his girlfriend barely finished HS and they got married as soon as she graduated from HS (like, the next day). Surprisingly, they're still together 8 years later. I do know a ton of other people who tried the same thing and it didn't work out so well.

If you read the personal ads on CL for towns that have nearby military towns occasionally you'll see women propositioning "mutually rewarding" marriage to military guys, sometimes just for Tricare.

The Military doesn't outright encourage their soldiers getting married but they sure as hell reward it with their BAH rates. There was a thread or discussion on this topic here prolly about 4 or 5 years ago.

[sceniczip]

Originally Posted by amanda6035

I was 26 when I married my husband, who I met in the military and is 2 years older than me. He had been divorced, because he got married at 19, when he was brand new in the military. You think college students are marriage crazy? Think about those who go straight into the military at 18 years old. THOSE are some crazy folks. Especially with the military's jacked up pay scale - they are encouraging folks to get married by saying "If you have dependents, you get more money." And so, they do. I can't even begin to tell you how many of my fellow sailors got married as soon as they were out of bootcamp, or at their first duty station. A few weeks, a couple of months, it was done. And then came the divorces.

A girl I board with recently rushed into a marriage with an air force guy *just* for the money. They were going to get married late next year but he told her they could get more money so she married him. They want to have another wedding next year
Another girl is marrying her fiance who's a marine. They've been dating for years and years so I have no problems with this one. In fact, I'm quite excited
Sorority sister and her fiance (army?) are getting married in May. He graduated last May and she graduates in a week. They've been dating for about 4 years but I can't imagine getting married as soon as I graduate. I want a steady job with a steady income.

[KSUViolet06]

I think some of it is regional too.

I'm a So Cal native, but I moved to Ohio.

I noticed that in NE OH, the average marriage age is like 22-23 (like, get engaged senior year of undergrad and married in the year following graduation).

In contrast, VERY few of my So Cal friends were engaged or married at that age. The average age is more like 27-30 (like, post law/grad/med school). The only people engaged/married before that were super religious types who were likely rushing marriage for sex.

Even more different is where my stepdad is from (rural AL). Most of his family got married at 18/19/20. I thought that was weird until he explained it to me. Many of the young people in the town are not planning to go to college. So shortly after graduation, they either head for the military or a factory/plant where they'll work until they retire. So it's no big deal for them to marry their HS sweethearts RIGHT sfter high school. They are settled in their careers and don't plan to do anything else. So most of the girls get married and start families early.

So alot of your marriage outlook depends on where you're from.

[knight_shadow]

There are several people in my immediate circle who are married (up to ~27 years old), and most of the marriages were out of necessity (children, etc). Most of these marriages are strained, so it's making the rest of us glad that we're waiting.

I'm 26 and won't even consider marriage until I'm in my 30s. If the right one comes along before then, we'll be waiting until we're older.

[IrishLake]

I was 23 (less than a year out of college), and my husband was 26 when we got married. We both agree now that we should have waited, because we've gone through a lot of crap over the years that probably wouldn't have happened had we been more mature. But, it is what it is, and we've made the best of it, and are happily married over 7 years later.

[aephi alum]

When my husband and I got engaged, I was 21 and a senior in college; he was 22 and a first-year grad student. When we got married, I was 23 and he was 24. I'd met the love of my life and I saw no reason to wait until I was 25 or 30 or some other arbitrary age.

You get married when it's "right". You and your partner want to spend the rest of your lives together, and you're mature enough to make that decision. You're on the same page with major decisions like careers, finances, and children. Just because you haven't turned 25 (or whatever) yet is no reason to postpone getting married.

I feel the same way about the idea of "having" to get married by a certain age. If you haven't met someone you want to spend the rest of your life with - don't just marry some random person just so you can say you got married by age 30 or whatever - you probably won't have a very happy marriage.

Some people meet the right person when they're young; others when they're older; and others never do. C'est la vie.

[Kappamd]

I agree with aephi alum completely. I am engaged and 23. My fiance is 24. We are waiting until 2013 to get married purely because we both realize that we need to finish med/grad school first. This is what is best for us, and it may not be ideal for someone else. The right time to get married is different for every couple; you can't put a timeframe on it.

[nittanygirl]

I'm 20 now and have been with my guy for 4 1/2 years. We've definitely talked a bit about marriage at this point, especially since his sister just got married, a lot of people were asking at their reception about us.
I always made a rule that I wouldn't get engaged until "fall of my senior year." Well I'm set to graduate early, so this spring will be "fall" and I know that I'm not totally ready for that yet. I have considered it. I don't think I would say no in a late summer, early next fall proposal...but I also think it's perfectly fine to be engaged and not necessarily get married within that year. I probably will marry young, even though I never thought I would...by young, I mean probably by 23 or 24, but we'll just wait and see what happens.

[cheerfulgreek]

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

[PhoenixAzul]

I got engaged at 22, married at almost 24. P and I have been dating for almost 10 years (yes folks, you read that right, since I was 16). P was just shy of 29 on our wedding day. Before we got married, I earned a graduate degree, lived in two foreign countries, etc (and I was a 24 year old bride with an art history degree...whoever mentioned that ). P had/has a successful career as a web developer. I worked hard to get my job I've got now in the worst economy in recent history, and I didn't get married for some juvenile reason. I got married because I love him.

We survived the worst first year of marriage I can imagine...unemployment on my end, and then an incapacitating injury, major illnesses in his family, major illnesses on my family, etc. And the one solid happy thing through it? Our marriage. My partner. Because we're mature adults who believe and practice trust, compassion, and love. Just celebrated our two year anniversary on Nov 15.

< / cheeseball >

[PincGator Que]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I dunno. I mean, for me, I guess I don't really care what other couples my age are doing. Most my age are married, but my decision to marry has to be based on what's best for the both of us, not based on what "age" or when most couples tend to marry. I mean, I want to finish my career goals first. That's important to me. I just think the bottom line is if the two of you are not walking in the same direction in life, you'll end up going separate ways, regardless of when or the "age" you choose to marry. Whether you decide to marry young or not, aligning yourself in a committed relationship with a guy who doesn't agree with your values and basic belief systems will be problematic throughout the life of the marriage. It's just that for me, if he doesn't fit from the beginning, he never will. I mean, of course I could fit with a lot of guys, but one will fit better than most. What starts off right, in most cases finishes right. What starts of wrong usually never gets right, it just gets worse. I just think that if we want the best mate for our lives, we have to be willing to understand our own uniqueness and wait for the right fit, not look at what decisions other couples are making.

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I love how you put that. Hubby and I were definitely walking in the same direction (as each other, not necessarily the same direction we were 15 years ago), and though nothing is perfect, it works for us.

This is so important.

A lot of folks get married to people who are moving in completely different directions, and they end up giving up a lot to be with that person (or vice versa).