lady_chem's Disappointing Recruitment

[33girl]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Choosing to go to a boyfriend's apartment for a new member gathering was not a very smooth plan, but I'd make sure it was just one stupid mistake and not an ongoing way of handling things.

She said it was a house, NOT an apartment, and I'd hardly call it a "stupid mistake." As a matter of fact, it says a lot about the caliber of men that the chapter's women associate with that one of them was nice and kind enough to do that for his girlfriend's sorority. Would you have rather they went to a hotel room with an impersonal atmosphere and unnecessary expense?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

She said it was a house, NOT an apartment, and I'd hardly call it a "stupid mistake." As a matter of fact, it says a lot about the caliber of men that the chapter's women associate with that one of them was nice and kind enough to do that for his girlfriend's sorority. Would you have rather they went to a hotel room with an impersonal atmosphere and unnecessary expense?

No kidding. Too bad she feels too good for this group. Their probably a really great group of girls.

[FSUZeta]

the vast majority of new members do not feel an instant connection with their chapter. that takes time. it takes more than a year for some girls.

i find it ironic that you state that you feel rejected and that you have had that happen before, but now you seem poised to reject the group that DID want you. This group did not reject you. please give them a chance.

[PeppyGPhiB]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

the vast majority of new members do not feel an instant connection with their chapter. that takes time. it takes more than a year for some girls.

i find it ironic that you state that you feel rejected and that you have had that happen before, but now you seem poised to reject the group that DID want you. This group did not reject you. please give them a chance.

Yeah, I'm tired of hearing this stuff over and over. A lot of PNMs are in denial about which chapter they belong in. They fixate on houses filled with girls that they want to be, not who they really are. I understand no one wants to think of themselves as a natural fit in the house others deem "lower tier," but if those same women would instead have pride in joining the house and make it the best it can be, they could actually change the reputation of the chapter. Instead, they reject that house, telling the women that just invited them into membership that they would rather be in NO sorority than their sorority. Rude, childish and naive.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by PeppyGPhiB

Yeah, I'm tired of hearing this stuff over and over. A lot of PNMs are in denial about which chapter they belong in. They fixate on houses filled with girls that they want to be, not who they really are. I understand no one wants to think of themselves as a natural fit in the house others deem "lower tier," but if those same women would instead have pride in joining the house and make it the best it can be, they could actually change the reputation of the chapter. Instead, they reject that house, telling the women that just invited them into membership that they would rather be in NO sorority than their sorority. Rude, childish and naive.

The thing is, at most schools, what is lower tier? Generally, it's based entirely on appearance. I don't even mean that the lower tier girls are less attractive, but they may not be as focused on things like fashion, make-up, etc.

Does your sorority experience really depend on how attractive your sisters are? I highly doubt it.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

The thing is, at most schools, what is lower tier? Generally, it's based entirely on appearance. I don't even mean that the lower tier girls are less attractive, but they may not be as focused on things like fashion, make-up, etc.

Does your sorority experience really depend on how attractive your sisters are? I highly doubt it.

I think that more often, it's based on some reputation that isn't even deserved or some historical ranking that nobody can change.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I think that more often, it's based on some reputation that isn't even deserved or some historical ranking that nobody can change.

Depends on the school. Reputations can and do change.

But the point is, will the girls in the house not be good friends because XYZ fraternity doesn't want to have a social with them? Or some GDI on your floor repeats an unflattering nickname she heard?

[sherrybaby]

While I totally agree that the OP should give DEF a chance, since she can't rush again for another year anyway, I think we might be being a bit harsh on her. While it sounds like DEF might be what would be considered "lower tier" (although I cringe at typing that phrase) at some schools, it didn't sound to me like that was the reason she didn't want to be a part of them. Although maybe I'm just naive, I do tend to see the best in people...

my point is, a lot of these posts sound like they are certain that the OP must belong in this sorority simply because they extended her a bid. I know even in my limited experience, this isn't always the case. Struggling chapters (in terms of numbers) sometimes are not that discerning and might extend bids to any girl who doesn't seem totally 100% wrong. I'm sure this has worked out in many cases, but let's at least recognize that it happens. Bottom line, none of us were at these parties, none of us know what she felt. Let's not assume that because she is a younger than a lot of the people on this board that she doesn't know what she feels. Yes, tons of girls end up loving sororities they were unsure about, I know plenty people like that, but the key word is unsure. Usually the ones who end up loving a house had mixed feelings, not a uniform feeling of not feeling comfortable at all.

I totally agree that the OP should give this house a chance, I just think that maybe some of these posts are getting a bit condescending. Let's respect her feelings and be conscious of the fact that maybe she really won't fit at this chapter. I honestly didn't get the impression that she felt DEF was beneath her, just that she didn't feel comfortable at any of the parties. So hopefully the OP will look at DEF with new eyes and come to appreciate them, but let's not judge her if it doesn't work out.

[psusue]

Originally Posted by sherrybaby

my point is, a lot of these posts sound like they are certain that the OP must belong in this sorority simply because they extended her a bid. I know even in my limited experience, this isn't always the case. Struggling chapters (in terms of numbers) sometimes are not that discerning and might extend bids to any girl who doesn't seem totally 100% wrong. I'm sure this has worked out in many cases, but let's at least recognize that it happens. Bottom line, none of us were at these parties, none of us know what she felt. Let's not assume that because she is a younger than a lot of the people on this board that she doesn't know what she feels. Yes, tons of girls end up loving sororities they were unsure about, I know plenty people like that, but the key word is unsure. Usually the ones who end up loving a house had mixed feelings, not a uniform feeling of not feeling comfortable at all.

The problem with this line of reasoning is that struggling chapters (if indeed DEF is one) often do not "shine" in a formal recruitment setting. I think most people that have been through formal know what I'm talking about; these girls would not be the best at bumping (if they do it at all), maybe have to double/triple rush girls, don't have the most polished recruitment conversation skills (because recruitment is certainly a very specific kind of setting and conversation), etc. If that's what she meant by not comfortable, then my advice to her would be please, please, stick it out and get to know the girls for real, in a more relaxed setting. They may be the exact kind of sisterhood that you're looking for, just maybe now the girls that wow you in 20 minutes through matching outfits, perfect hair, and on point conversations.

However if she meant that she didn't feel comfortable for other reasons and those are legitimate concerns to her, maybe their sisterhood isn't what she is looking for. These would of course be personal, but we're just trying to encourage her (especially because she cannot go through recruitment again until next year) to give this sisterhood a try until before initiation, at which point she can make a more informed decision. Most all of us have been there and remember how emotional recruitment can be, how people are making decisions based on practically nothing, and how easily one can be influenced by their peers. This is why I believe that the recruitment process favors the sorority's wishes (on the whole), because we know our sisters. You may think that you're a great fit after meeting 3 women, but we know all of our sisters, and we know if you'd be a good addition overall.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by sherrybaby

I totally agree that the OP should give this house a chance, I just think that maybe some of these posts are getting a bit condescending. Let's respect her feelings and be conscious of the fact that maybe she really won't fit at this chapter. I honestly didn't get the impression that she felt DEF was beneath her, just that she didn't feel comfortable at any of the parties. So hopefully the OP will look at DEF with new eyes and come to appreciate them, but let's not judge her if it doesn't work out.

She is at a school where all 3 chapters are pretty small. Only 30 women went through rush so she didn't fall through the cracks and get cut at a chapter that she would have been perfect for. We're just telling her that if she doesn't fit here, it's very very unlikely that she can rerush and be part of Greek life. It's hard to tell for sure if you "fit" after less than a week - as KSUViolet said, there seems to be this fantasy perpetuated that EVERYONE is 100% happy at their sorority and BFFs with everyone immediately. While it does happen that way for a few people, for the most part it takes a while to really find your place, no matter how small the group is.

She's tied to this group for a year, so she might as well spend some more time trying it out, and if she still hates it a month & 1/2 down the road, she doesn't have to initiate.

[KSUViolet06]

Some advice:

I feel as though it is perpetuated that PNMs will instantly feel "warm fuzzies" about a chapter IMMEDIATELY when they accept a bid.

This is NOT the case for everyone.

As with ANY other relationship in life, you will not feel instantly bonded with like 100+ people right away. Heck, you may even question your decision a few times.

That's okay. You aren't going to immediately be in love with your 2nd or 3rd choice.

It takes TIME to "feel at home."

It doesn't always happen the MOMENT you accept your bid.

For some, it takes going to a few events and finding sisters that you have something in common with. Sometimes, it's meeting your Big sis. Sometimes, it takes getting initiated to feel "at home."

So don't panic should you find yourself not immediately smitten with the chapter you got a bid from.

For some, it takes getting to know people and finding out what the chapter is all about before they feel "at home." And there's nothing wrong with that.

Just like "feeling at home" with your new chapter takes time, it also TAKES EFFORT.

You likely are NOT going to become BFFs with every single girl in your chapter overnight.

You also are not going to bond with your new sorority sisters by just sitting back and expecting them to make all the effort to get to know you.

Just like other relationships, friendships within a sorority take time and effort.

You are not going to "feel at home" or "bond with anyone" by sitting back and sulking about being in your 2nd or 3rd choice.

If you really want to feel at home, you have to:

Get to know members
Attend events
Hang out
Have fun
Get involved.

So yes, you can be happy in your 2nd choice, it just takes time and effort on your part.

[Barbie's_Rush]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Some advice:

I feel as though it is perpetuated that PNMs will instantly feel "warm fuzzies" about a chapter IMMEDIATELY when they accept a bid.

This is NOT the case for everyone.

As with ANY other relationship in life, you will not feel instantly bonded with like 100+ people right away. Heck, you may even question your decision a few times.

That's okay. You aren't going to immediately be in love with your 2nd or 3rd choice.

It takes TIME to "feel at home."

It doesn't always happen the MOMENT you accept your bid.

For some, it takes going to a few events and finding sisters that you have something in common with. Sometimes, it's meeting your Big sis. Sometimes, it takes getting initiated to feel "at home."

So don't panic should you find yourself not immediately smitten with the chapter you got a bid from.

For some, it takes getting to know people and finding out what the chapter is all about before they feel "at home." And there's nothing wrong with that.

Just like "feeling at home" with your new chapter takes time, it also TAKES EFFORT.

You likely are NOT going to become BFFs with every single girl in your chapter overnight.

You also are not going to bond with your new sorority sisters by just sitting back and expecting them to make all the effort to get to know you.

Just like other relationships, friendships within a sorority take time and effort.

You are not going to "feel at home" or "bond with anyone" by sitting back and sulking about being in your 2nd or 3rd choice.

If you really want to feel at home, you have to:

Get to know members
Attend events
Hang out
Have fun
Get involved.

So yes, you can be happy in your 2nd choice, it just takes time and effort on your part.

This. At a school as small as yours, you simply are not going to be able to get another chance to be Greek. The women in the other organizations knew you weren't the best fit for them and nothing is going to change that. Take this opportunity to try and make a sincere effort to make it work with the group that did think enough of you to give you a bid. If it still doesn't work for you, you can walk away with a clear conscience knowing that you gave it your best shot.

By the way, we all do cheesy things as Greeks. It's not like we don't recognize them for what they are, but sometimes you have to embrace the corniness.

[AOIIalum]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If you really want to feel at home, you have to:

Get to know members
Attend events
Hang out
Have fun
Get involved.

So yes, you can be happy in your 2nd choice, it just takes time and effort on your part.

Exactly. Take some time to get involved and get to know the women in your new sorority. How can you know it's not right for you if you don't give them, or yourself, a chance? There might be a lot more there than meets the eye, and if they are the youngest and smallest chapter on campus you might have opportunities available to you beyond your imagination today.

[Lafayette79]

I would encourage Lady Chem to read some of the sad stories of those who received no bid. Or even worse, those live Recruitment stories which just stop and we all hope that the PNM was too busy with their new house to finish up the story, but we know the real reason the story ended early was not so happy.

Relax, you are in, and this is a good thing.

[FleurGirl]

I kind of want to shake her and scream "TAKE THE BID, TAKE THE BID!" Lady_Chem, it seems like you had a pretty good experience with DEF, why not stick around? You can't pledge anywhere else until next year, so what could it hurt to stick around through your NM period and see what happens? If you really make an honest effort to get to know these girls, I'm willing to bet that you will find it's home after all.