Wedding etiquette

[SydneyK]

Is the "bride" going to be in a wedding gown? Or are there just going to be 8 women playing dress-up? Are groomsmen going to be there, too? This whole thing is so odd.

You've gotten a lot of good ideas - an etiquette book, a college fund, a bottle of wine. All these options seem like more than the couple deserves. The problem with giving an etiquette book in this type of situation is that the couple probably won't recognize the hint. If they're that removed from what's appropriate, they won't understand why they're getting that particular book. Even after they read it.

Since it isn't a wedding, and since there isn't a reconfirmation of vows, it just sounds like a party. I think I'm leaning towards the bottle of wine. I'd be tempted to open it while I was there, too.

[gee_ess]

I, too, think this should be billed in everyon'e mind as a party. But I understand that you feel you should give a gift (problem #1 is that you even asked about gifts, so you opened yourself up to the issue).

I love, love the idea of several relatives opening some sort of college account (but something the parents cannot get into until later? not sure what is available) because this gift has class, unlike the parents.

These people are the heighth of tacky...(in southern drawl: "Bless their hearts")

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn

Miss Manners would have a field day.

Indeed, she would, gentle reader.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

I have read that the proper way to ask for money is to indicate that the couple is saving for something specific, like a house, a honeymoon, etc.

I think Miss Manners would tell you that it is never, ever proper to ask for money or for any gift all. It's called a gift for a reason.

The best the couple can do is let it be known generally to family and close friends that they are, as you've said, saving for something specific, so that those family members and friends can provide helpful information if asked. But if the couple is asked, the proper response is "your presence is gift enough."

I also read that it is improper to ask for gifts, and that it is not mandatory to give one (not that I would ever do that).

This is correct. Again, it's called a gift for a reason.

[FSUZeta]

i would be damned if i gave those money grubbers what they want. they are the height of tackiness.

i love the college fund idea for the child. touche'.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by annabella

One for each month, duh.

oh yeaahhhhhhh...as if it couldn't get dumber.

[DaemonSeid]

Ok...someone's gotta say it.

8 months pregnant when she got married.

Was a shotgun and threats of painful death involved?

Sidebar: My s/o's sister and her hubby did a courthouse marriage (in 'secret') 2 weeks after their child was born and then had a 'public' family marriage a few months later.

Her hubby, myself, and a few others were sitting around talking about it a few months ago when he asked "Which anniversary is more important?"

[ree-Xi]

Yes, she is wearing the dress she wore at the "chosen few" wedding two years ago. Her son is almost 2, and he will be the ring bearer (for a nonexistant ring exchange. He's just going to be in a little suit and carry a pillow around during dinner).

The bridesmaids are wearing real "bridesmaid" dresses. I am assuming that there will be just as many groomsmen.

I like the ideas you all gave. Especially the wine. After all, the invitation says: "It's never to late to Celebrate! Let's Celebrate the life, love and marriage of ----- and ----"

Thank you every one for the suggestions!! My sisters and I were at a loss on this one.

Originally Posted by SydneyK

Is the "bride" going to be in a wedding gown? Or are there just going to be 8 women playing dress-up? Are groomsmen going to be there, too? This whole thing is so odd.

You've gotten a lot of good ideas - an etiquette book, a college fund, a bottle of wine. All these options seem like more than the couple deserves. The problem with giving an etiquette book in this type of situation is that the couple probably won't recognize the hint. If they're that removed from what's appropriate, they won't understand why they're getting that particular book. Even after they read it.

Since it isn't a wedding, and since there isn't a reconfirmation of vows, it just sounds like a party. I think I'm leaning towards the bottle of wine. I'd be tempted to open it while I was there, too.

[SydneyK]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Yes, she is wearing the dress she wore at the "chosen few" wedding two years ago.

Wow. That's kinda sad that she can wear the same dress she wore when she was 8 months pregnant. Yes, I realize tailoring is always an option. I'm just being bitchy.

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Her son is almost 2, and he will be the ring bearer.

Ring bearer? For what? There's no ceremony?

[SthrnZeta]

Wow. Just wow.

Etiquette book and a gift card to Toys R' Us. The end.

[ForeverRoses]

[QUOTE=gee_ess;1910838]

I love, love the idea of several relatives opening some sort of college account (but something the parents cannot get into until later? not sure what is available) because this gift has class, unlike the parents.

QUOTE]

With a 529 account, the donor stays in control of the money. In fact, the named beneficary has no rights to the money until the donor releases it- so if a child turns out to be a deadbeat, they don't automatically get the money when they turn 18. (and the parents can't cash it out either).

You could always buy them a box of wine and a box of condoms.

[epchick]

Eff that, i wouldn't give them anything...not even for the child (maybe that is what they are hoping for as well). They said they don't need anything, so they wouldn't get anything.

Instead i'd probably give the money/ a gift to the family member that is actually funding this party. I have family members that are very similar to your relative, who will help out regardless. So I think it would be a nice gesture.

[DaemonSeid]

Middle fingers are nice gestures also

[LucyKKG]

The whole thing just sounds super bizarre...

I'm sorry I don't have any better input than that. I'm just sitting here like

[ree-Xi]

Originally Posted by LucyKKG

The whole thing just sounds super bizarre...

I'm sorry I don't have any better input than that. I'm just sitting here like

Lol I couldn't make this stuff up! There is so much more to the entire story but for discretion's sake, I can't share. Let's just say that our paths only cross a few times a year. I used to babysit this cousin and two of her sisters (there are 5 kids total) when they were little.

Sigh. You can't pick your family.

[gee_ess]

Please, oh Please, take pictures and post them! We need to fully enjoy this event!!