Disappointing Recruitment

[baci]

I have to agree a bit with you on this one^^

Recruitment is confusing on so many levels. You are young and have so much going on when you first arrive on campus in so many areas. You can only hope that each girl really listens and soaks up as much as they can to assist them in recruitment to make the best decisions. Overall, the system is good, but it is not perfect.

I know there are numerous cases where girls want only that "one" group and they won't take the #2 no matter what. Well, they suffer the consequences if they don't receive that invitation. Then, there really are those cases where deep down girls do realize the "other" group is not a good fit. I see no problem if they don't go to #2 in that case. If it is for the right reasons - I just think it is best.

I do not like to judge them or make statements about it all as I am not there every step of the way to see what is going on and I do not know the young lady personally. In the end, it is their recruitment and their choice - they have to live with the outcome.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by cstatebabe

ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment.

This is the business of recruitment that I don't care for. Cstatebabe, I hope that when you single intentional preferenced that you got advice from your rho chi that you would be limiting your chances for a bid. If not shame on the rho chi. You should have been fully informed of the consequences of the decision you were about to make. BTW, I think it is ok to suicide as long as you know you would not like the other Chapter and would rather be bidless then join the other group- that is the chance you take.

Recruitment is a mutual process and sort of a numbers game. No one can predict how it will all turn out- including the Chapters. I totally understand your frustration with not receiving a bid. Please know that if you were at any preference party you were liked enough to be on the bid list, but the quota of the Chapter was filled prior to getting to your name on the list. Being a sophomore may have had a hand in that - when all things are created equal (your equally cute, involved, fashionable ect) most Chapters will want to take Freshman. It is simply because most Chapters have a whole class from the year before who are sophomores and they need freshman to continue the legacy of the Chapter.

Informal recruitment is usually less competitive and stressful, but a lot of the "popular" houses wont participate because they will be above total (the total amount of women allowed in any single Chapter) Good luck to you and I hope you find a home.

[ellebud]

From the perspective of two generations of recruitment: I am sorry that things didn't turn out the way that you wanted. It is heartbreaking when you don't get what you dreamed would be your destiny. When I went through recruitment I pledged the least desirable house, the Jewish house. I am still friends with some of my sisters today. We have all seen each other through good times and really bad times including cancers, death, (the bad) marriages and July 4th weekends(the good). My daugther pledged a very top tier house at the same extremely competitive university. I hope that she, many years from now, will be able to hold her sisters' hands through the bad and joyful times. THIS is what sisterhood is about.

(Oh, and if you had joined a house where fashion, popular television shows etc. weren't the big thing...consider it an opportunity to initiate the less fashionable/culturally saavy into the modern world.)

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by ellebud

(Oh, and if you had joined a house where fashion, popular television shows etc. weren't the big thing...consider it an opportunity to initiate the less fashionable/culturally saavy into the modern world.)

Love it.

[als463]

Originally Posted by cstatebabe

ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment.

Seriously? What is up with all of these posts of girls who go to schools at either competitive southern schools or go in as upperclassmen, yet they feel they are TOO GOOD for certain GLOs? If you REALLY WANTED to be Greek, you would have placed BOTH names on your card. I don't feel bad for you. I am going to come off as the harsh B**** on here (and generally I try to post every now and then), but I just can't keep my mouth shut on this stuff. It is good you have some great people on GC that will try and make you feel better, but you won't get any sympathy from me. Maybe next time you should realize that being a member of ANY NPC is a privilege in itself. All of the NPCS have something great to offer. You took your chance. You blew it! Good luck with Informal rush.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by als463

Seriously? What is up with all of these posts of girls who go to schools at either competitive southern schools or go in as upperclassmen, yet they feel they are TOO GOOD for certain GLOs? If you REALLY WANTED to be Greek, you would have placed BOTH names on your card. I don't feel bad for you. I am going to come off as the harsh B**** on here (and generally I try to post every now and then), but I just can't keep my mouth shut on this stuff. It is good you have some great people on GC that will try and make you feel better, but you won't get any sympathy from me. Maybe next time you should realize that being a member of ANY NPC is a privilege in itself. All of the NPCS have something great to offer. You took your chance. You blew it! Good luck with Informal rush.

I just pretty much gave this same sentiment in another thread. I'm sick of girls coming here and whining about how pretty and popular they are and how only the "desperate" or "unpopular" houses want them. You know what? If the "pretty" and "popular" houses didn't want you, then you may just not actually be as pretty and popular as you thought you were, and those houses that you thought were "beneath you" - they're Greek - you're not.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I'm sick of girls coming here and whining about how pretty and popular they are and how only the "desperate" or "unpopular" houses want them. You know what? If the "pretty" and "popular" houses didn't want you, then you may just not actually be as pretty and popular as you thought you were, and those houses that you thought were "beneath you" - they're Greek - you're not.

This!

[Katmandu]

When I look at the "average" pnm coming through recruitment at Miami, she ranges from attractive and put together to stunning, she is typically slender, academically strong, stylish and accomplished, with a boatload of HS activities and honors on her resume. Not all of these 900 women can pledge the same two or three chapters. Some pnms who believe they only belong in the "popular" chapters deal well with reality and go on to have a great greek experience with one of the many excellent groups on campus. (all of them). Others drop, feel insulted or rejected and miss out on a fun ride with a "lesser" chapter that has a full slate of social and philanthropic activities and a great alumna experience.

It is a difficult moment when you discover that you are not the only star in the room. Most of us experience this in first or second grade, and are stronger for it, but some of us learn it much later, when the stakes are higher than whether you are chosen to be eraser monitor or selected for the Bluebird reading circle.

The answer to the question, "What is wrong with me?", is, "Nothing, really. You just didn't want to dance with the one that asked you."

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

The answer to the question, "What is wrong with me?", is, "Nothing, really. You just didn't want to dance with the one that asked you."

This!

[AXOrushadvisor]

Originally Posted by Katmandu

When I look at the "average" pnm coming through recruitment at Miami, she ranges from attractive and put together to stunning, she is typically slender, academically strong, stylish and accomplished, with a boatload of HS activities and honors on her resume. Not all of these 900 women can pledge the same two or three chapters. Some pnms who believe they only belong in the "popular" chapters deal well with reality and go on to have a great greek experience with one of the many excellent groups on campus. (all of them). Others drop, feel insulted or rejected and miss out on a fun ride with a "lesser" chapter that has a full slate of social and philanthropic activities and a great alumna experience.

It is a difficult moment when you discover that you are not the only star in the room. Most of us experience this in first or second grade, and are stronger for it, but some of us learn it much later, when the stakes are higher than whether you are chosen to be eraser monitor or selected for the Bluebird reading circle.

The answer to the question, "What is wrong with me?", is, "Nothing, really. You just didn't want to dance with the one that asked you."

LOVE THIS! You are so right. I always feel there is a place for EVERY PNM IF you fully participate. I would not listen the the "tent talk" because the majority of it is not true.

I have said this before, but I'll say it again. A similar situation happened to my niece when she went through recruitment. Beautiful, 4.0, Captain of the dance team, popular- all around perfect for any Chapter on her campus. The problem? None except she is reserved. Had the perfect recruitment going into Preference and then was dropped by all the "good" houses. She was left with two great Chapters who were not "top tier" I got the call in tears and I told her "you have two options if you want to be Greek" She went to 2 preference parties listed 2 on her bid card. She got a bid from her first choice and guess what? Her whole pledge class was a group of GREAT girls that had the same thing happen to them. Guess what else? She became involved, made a difference and 5 years later it is considered a "top house" on campus. Everyone can not be in the golden house of the moment- that is what recruitment is designed to do- spread out the PNM's to ALL the houses.

I'll get off my soap box for now

[indygphib]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

I just pretty much gave this same sentiment in another thread. I'm sick of girls coming here and whining about how pretty and popular they are and how only the "desperate" or "unpopular" houses want them. You know what? If the "pretty" and "popular" houses didn't want you, then you may just not actually be as pretty and popular as you thought you were, and those houses that you thought were "beneath you" - they're Greek - you're not.

*rousing round of applause*

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by OTW

Hun, don't be bitter if you didn't even bother giving the 2nd house a chance. But, that's the chance you took by only listing one.

Good luck with informal recruitment. But keep in mind that maybe only a few houses out of 7 will be participating. There could be a chance that the "popular" houses are done recruiting until next fall. If you get rid of the "I can only see myself in the popular houses" mindset, you might have a better chance of getting that bid.

Totally agreed.

If the "popular" houses are really all that popular, they might be participating in recruitment in the Fall. I think if you really wanted to be Greek you would have given the other house a shot... esp. since you're a sophomore @ a moderately competitive school

[Blue Skies]

Originally Posted by cstatebabe

ETA: Just read some related posts so sorry if y'all don't want to respond. :-) Words of encouragement are always accepted though!

I just went through formal recruitment and came away with upsetting results.

I only listed one chapter on my pref card (out of two) and ended up not getting a bid. I'm not going to lie...I'm pretty bitter about the whole process. I feel like formal recruitment is so superficial and I don't get why I wasn't chosen. I feel like I'm the type of person who could fit into any of the "popular" houses because I'm nice and have the same interests as many of the other ladies (fashion, communications, cheerleading, and dance were big ones I had in common with the women I talked to).

I'm a sophomore at a moderately competitive school for Greek life (7 chapters). I'm tentatively planning on going through informal recruitment this winter.

Do you ladies have any advice for me? I've been uncharacteristically self-conscious about everything since recruitment.

SIP'ing ("suiciding" one chapter) is very risky indeed. Many women who do it fully understand (and are comfortable with) the possibility of not being greek. You made it through to preference with two houses, one of which you liked, so I wouldn't call your rush unsuccessful. The bid matching process just didn't work out as you had hoped. It happens. As others have said, your sophomore status might have hurt you to some degree.

If you go through informal, do it with a VERY open mind. Sometimes a house that you feel iffy about is actually a very good match. I would forget about the notion of popularity and just focus on whether or not you can be friends with these women. Sure, women can talk for hours about nail polish colors, fashion, etc., but try to have more in-depth, meaningful conversations with your rushers. These are the women who would be there for you should you suffer a serious misfortune in college, a bad breakup, etc. Give them a chance to play that supportive role for you...and you for them.

Having said that...sometimes there just isn't a match. Most college kids manage to have fun whether inside or outside of a greek organization.

Good luck to you.

[AOII_LB93]

A chapter wanted you, yet you didn't want them.

I can't really feel bad or offer advice, but I will say the following: Because you didn't think they were good enough for you, I can tell you one thing for sure - you're not good enough for them. This group of women, no matter what organization they are from, have sisterhood and sadly that is something that you won't ever see because you think you're too popular.

Is this bitchy? Absolutely...but if you're going to be superficial, can you really expect anything more?

[KSUViolet06]

I think the thing that PNMs fail to realize is that yes, they have a right to make choices.

However, when you choose not to maximize your options, you forfeit the right to complain about the process because well, a chapter DID want you. You just didn't want them.

You are certainly allowed to dislike chapters and decline invites, but you can't really complain about things not working out because really, they did. Just not in the way you wanted them to.