Dropping Out of My Sorority

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Stop being defensive. No one is going to tell you that you are completely blameless in the situation. You didn't tell us that you had a medical issue. Do your sisters know why you haven't gone to socials? Get your big sis to help you fit into the chapter more. You can be friends with girls in and out of your pledge class, so spending time with your big sis may help you get to know others better. Unfortunately, everything that needs to be done to improve your relationship with your chapter will take work on your part. If you make an effort, I have a feeling that some of your sisters will meet you halfway. Seriously, no one here is being rude...we've all just seen this happen a MILLION TIMES!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

You don't need a house to hang out with people. Chapters who don't have houses usually do have a place where everyone congregates - the student center, the cafeteria, a certain sister's dorm or off campus apartment. Do you know where any of these places are as far as your sorority is concerned? Do you ever go there?

As far as the doctor is concerned - that's ONCE A MONTH. What about the other 3 Fridays and Saturdays of the month? What do your sisters do then? Do you know? Have you asked?

You get out of Greek life what you put into it. You are putting in nothing, therefore you are getting nothing.

[Jill1228]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Everyone here has given you great advice. If you are expecting to be coddled and have sunshine blown up your ass, honey you are in the wrong damn place

[LucyAnne17]

Originally Posted by GreenEyedGirl27

Wow. You guys are some of the rudest people I've ever encountered. It's not like I'm too busy for them. One, we don't have a house so I can't go there to hang out with people. Two, I have to go to the doctor once a month early on a Saturday and it just so happens that the mixers are always that Friday night, when I have to go home to go to the doctor early the next morning. And they are not planned months in advance, we get the dates maybe 2 weeks in advance. If everyone in greek life is as rude as you people, then it's better I leave.

Try not to be offended- they really are just trying to help. I can understand your frustration because I was incredibly sick for a year- I had my position taken away from me, got called into e-board constantly because I wasn't at events, and really didn't know people well. I was extremely frustrated because I was going through something major, but I didn't feel like I could talk to my sisters about it. It's also difficult because you don't have a house- my chapter also has no house. I know you probably don't feel comfortable talking to people about going to the doctor and stuff, but you should consider going to the mixers. I am telling you. Even if you feel totally ostracized from people and feel like you don't belong, show up at a mixer, and you will have closer friends the next day. You don't have to drink. You don't have to stay out all night. You can go home and be in bed at 11pm. But dont you think a little less sleep one saturday a month is worth having some good friends? Just give it a chance, and I promise you will see results.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Zeta13Girl

These are all things that might help us better answer your problem, although the other ladies are still right this doesnt prevent you from going to sisterhood events or asking a sister to meet up before the meeting to have dinner or hang out afterwards.

A great, and very easy suggestion. Chances are high that most sisters will be going to chapter meeting, so why not hang out before (ie dinner) or after (ie catch whatever TV show)?

[FSUZeta]

have you ever heard the phrase "you get out of something what you put into it"? that is exactly what is happening in your situation. how on earth can you expect to have friends if you are not participating in the sorority's activities? that's like wondering why you failed a class, when you did not attend any of the lectures.

[RaggedyAnn]

If ever there was a truer statement about Greek Life...
You get out of it what you put into it.

[ASTalumna06]

I’m going to guess that you were just recently initiated. If this is the case, I would also guess that you don’t yet have any positions in the sorority. This is the perfect opportunity to offer your help. Ask a sister if you can help her out with her position. Good positions to help with would probably be recruitment, fundraising, philanthropy and social, which usually require a large amount of work. These positions might already have committees, but if you ask to be the sister’s “assistant” (if they don’t already have one), then they’ll probably love you for it. Just tell a sister that you might be interested in eventually running for the position, and you’d love to get a feel for it. You could do something as small as making phone calls to specific fundraisers to find out potential profits... or run to the store to pick up some last minute decorations for recruitment. Whatever the case, this way, you’ll have a consistent line of communication open between you and that sister.

Another option... simply ask girls if you can tag along when they go out. I would do this all the time when I first joined. While one of my sisters would always complain that she was never invited anywhere, I would ask, “Hey, can I come, too?” I would always get a response of “Of course!” with tons of smiles, followed by, “Do you need me to pick you up?” If your sisters are nice, don’t be afraid to ask them if you can go where they’re going.

Yet another option... be so bold as to plan something yourself. A movie, a dinner, a night in watching your favorite tv show... anything!

And if you’re not attending mixers and formals, then you’re missing out on the fun parts of Greek life. How can you expect to make friends with people if you never socialize with them? It’s like sitting next to a girl in class. If you see her every Monday, Wednesday and Friday, and you talk briefly before class starts about what you did over the weekend, and about the outcome of the Sunday ball game, and about the homework that’s due... but you never go to a party with her, and you never grab some dinner with her, and you never study with her, and you never see a movie with her... then you’re never going to be best friends. The same thing goes for making friends with your sisters. If you’re only seeing them in business meetings and while working philanthropic events, and you never hang out and watch Grey’s Anatomy, or talk over coffee in between classes, then you’ll never form lasting friendships.

If you were just initiated this past semester, I would highly recommend that you stick with it. Because everyone here will tell you the same things... a) a few weeks as a sister isn’t any amount of time to immediately find your best friend for life, b) remember that you have a say in who the next new members will be, and you might find your best friends in them, and c) you can't become friends with people if you don't make an effort.

[DrPhil]

Whatever the reason for wanting to leave, the thought process and steps to take are about the same. There are probably threads on this topic that folks can be directed to.

Her 2nd post is probably an example of why she's not connecting with her sisters. It's probably best that she leaves. They, and Greek life in general, probably don't cater to her fragilities as much as she wants them to.

I typed "probably" 4 times. I win.

[APhiAnna]

I don't think anybody is being rude. I will try to offer a practical example:

One of my pledge sisters was feeling this way about our sorority our freshman year. She felt like she had no friends at all, and like nobody wanted to know her. The truth was that we just never saw her at anything. We all thought she was a very nice girl, but we didn't know anything about her and she never made effort to come to our events...a bunch of us freshman girls would send out a message about all meeting up for dinner, pre-gaming before a party, dinner before an invite, etc. and she would never come to anything.

Her parents pretty much forced her to live in the house, and although the first few weeks she'd decline our offers to go out (or even just watch TV in the TV room!), eventually she started realizing that coming to events (and that doesn't mean social, but that means little things like dinner at the house, a sister's birthday party, frozen yogurt runs, etc) she found she really clicked with all of us. She is now one of the most involved members of our sorority, and she regrets openly that she wasn't more involved earlier.

Chances are everybody thinks you are very nice, but they are probably indifferent because you don't make an effort to come to things. Although girls in general can be catty, in sororities people always want to like their sisters...just show up to some things and make an effort. Especially if you are a freshman they will be very open to getting to know you better.

If you don't attend anything, things will only get worse.

[sceniczip]

I sort of felt this way until really this past semester because I felt like I wasn't included as much as the rest of my pledge class. Now that I've started hanging out at the house more I see more of the girls and realized that they are all so sweet and I love all of them so much I can be very outgoing once I get to know somebody but at first I'm usually pretty shy (in most situations at least). It can be intimidating to try and get to know all the women in your chapter at once so try inviting just a couple to go grab lunch or something. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. As has been mentioned before but deserves repeating, you get out what you put in I learned that the hard way lol. But now that I have a position and am around more I truly value every single one of my sisters and wouldn't trade Delta Gamma for anything.

[LΩVE]

Originally Posted by sceniczip

I sort of felt this way until really this past semester because I felt like I wasn't included as much as the rest of my pledge class. Now that I've started hanging out at the house more I see more of the girls and realized that they are all so sweet and I love all of them so much I can be very outgoing once I get to know somebody but at first I'm usually pretty shy (in most situations at least). It can be intimidating to try and get to know all the women in your chapter at once so try inviting just a couple to go grab lunch or something. I'm sure you'll be pleasantly surprised. As has been mentioned before but deserves repeating, you get out what you put in I learned that the hard way lol. But now that I have a position and am around more I truly value every single one of my sisters and wouldn't trade Delta Gamma for anything.

Exactly.

When I was in middle school and girls were mean and catty I got picked on occasionally, but I developed a complex and thought EVERYONE hated me and made fun of me when in reality it was about three girls, and I was certainly not special enough to be their only victim. There were many "me's". My mom finally sat me down and told me to get over myself. Of course I was offended, wanting her to be on my side and bash those mean girls with me. But she explained that 99% of the people in my grade 99% of the time (with the exception of people I was close enough to to see every day and talk to every day) weren't thinking bad things about me because they weren't thinking about me at all. Most people are self centered to some degree by nature, and this is especially true of teenagers and young adults. Brains don't stop developing until 25. And that changed my viewpoint completely, because when I stopped fuming I realized it was true.

The fact is you probably don't feel like you fit in because as sceniczip pointed out, though your sisters probably think you're nice, they probably don't think much else one way or another. You HAVE to make yourself known to be remembered and eventually to be included. They probably aren't thinking about you when they don't see you because they don't know you and whether or not you think it's fair, it's up to YOU to change the situation. All the suggestions that posters have given are good. Basically, find any opportunity to hang out. Personally I'm not close to many of my sisters at the moment, but it's because I haven't made much effort to hang out due to school. So when I have a chance I call a sister that I don't hang out with often or don't know all that well to go out with. And then one day when she wants something to do and is trying to think of someone to do it with, she'll call me. That's how it works. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it.

So what your doctor's appointment is early on Saturday, I hardly slept when I was on the yard. Ever heard of a sacrifice? Diddy said sleep is for the dead. Just try to incorporate your sisters into your daily schedule and things should work out better for all of you... If you still feel you dont have a bond, then maybe you should Quit, if that's what you feel is right. But communication is the key to all relationships. Have you told them how you feel?

[aggieadpi_01]

I fail to see how anyone was being rude to you. Instead, I saw people giving you good solid advice.

Remember, you will get out of your sorority what you put into it.

[agzg]

Originally Posted by aggieadpi_01

I fail to see how anyone was being rude to you. Instead, I saw people giving you good solid advice.

Remember, you will get out of your sorority what you put into it.

Obviously they were rude because they didn't post: "Oh yeah! Your sorority sucks! It's totally their fault and you should punish them by dropping out!"