Time for another update! OK, this is going to be a big one that includes all my impressions from classes, student organizations, parties, etc., from fall term.
So school got underway and I was doing great! I had been worried about how I would stack up in college since I went to a small, redneck high school, but I was doing great in my classes.
I met at least one cool upperclassmen in my classes (actually, most of my classes were full of freshmen since I was getting some intro classes/requirements out of the way). This was a girl in my French class who was a Lucas. We seemed to share a lot of feminist values and always had so much to talk about. I really enjoyed spending time with her and working in groups with her. However, she was a transfer student who'd joined Lucas as a sophomore and was now a junior, so I wasn't sure how much "pull" she might have within Lucas.
Another of my classes was Concert Band, and awesomely enough, my University Big Sister, the Peyton, was in that class and in the same instrument group as me! That was really cool. I really liked all the people who were in my instrument group and I was really excited because we were all going on a performance trip abroad over spring break. And hey, it was more time to spend with my Big Peyton! I remember that this class met Monday nights, so sorority members had to get out of chapter a bit early to make it to the class, and sometimes rolled in a few minutes late, and I remember thinking it would just be so cool to be in a sorority at those moments.
One of the major student organizations I got involved in was the school dance group. There were sort of two sub-groups to this group, one focused on ballet, and one on jazz/tap/modern. The ballerinas were a bit more diva-ish and were usually the presidents of the group, and also took most of the group's money for their costumes come performance time (this actually led to some drama senior year when I was VP of the group, but that's another story). Two of the lead ballerinas were Peytons, but I didn't really feel a connection with them, unlike the way I felt with most of the other Peytons I met. I noticed these Peytons didn't hang out so much at MOR/Central, because they were hanging out at other places, more like Skinny Awkward Southern Frat. I didn't really think about this too much though. I ended up joining the tap/modern group (tap has always been my favorite) and deciding to just forget about pointe. Now, most of the girls in the jazz/tap/modern group were Haleys. They were people that really reminded me of myself a lot - many from redneck high schools in the south. A few of them dated guys who didn't go to my school but another nearby school, which at the time I thought was kind of lame. Also these Haleys didn't really go to the frat party scene as much, which again I thought was kind of lame. But they were really nice to me. I LOVED especially our modern dance teacher who was a big hippie and really turned me on to some new technique and ways of expression.
Also, I joined a local church group, and turns out that pretty much all the Haley girls from the tap/modern dance group went to my church! Plus a few other Haleys from their friend group. Although honestly, one or two of the Haley girls that went to my church group but who didn't dance seemed really awkward to me. But they were always so sweet to me! I also met a Haley girl at church who lived in a nearby town to me (our high schools had played each other in sports), so that was a cool connection to have made. I actually think all the women in my church group at that time were Haleys. Our group was led by the pastor's wife who had a degree in divinity herself and had an awesome sense of humor and a passion for working with college women.
A final social organization I joined was a women's leadership group. Lo and behold, there were a lot of Haleys in this group too!
In terms of social life, things were going really well. I was pretty much always at MOR/Central, or barring that, whatever fraternity was having a big theme party. I was having fun with my boyfriend, although he always wanted to go "farther" than I wanted to and before long that started to cause problems. He knew I wanted to join Peyton and helped me out by inviting his girl friends (most of whom were Peytons) over to hang out with me and him. Some of the good memories I have of that time were when his fraternity threw a beer pong tournament at one of their off-campus houses. I was still LOVING all the Peyton girls I met at MOR/Central. All of them seemed to be really involved in service & volunteerism but also loved to party and drink (which I still wasn't doing...). I did meet a few Haleys who dated guys from MOR/Central. A bunch of them were seniors and dated senior guys who didn't drink. A lot of those guys didn't even really come to their own fraternity's parties much! I thought that was sort of weird. Another one of the Haley seniors was a bit different, though. She dated a guy from MOR/Central, and at the beer pong tournament they played a round of 56-cup beer pong! I remember being really impressed by this.
My MOR/Central boyfriend was a tennis player, so he missed a bunch of weekends for tennis tournaments. In fact he wasn't there most weekends. One weekend when Nerdy Campus Leader Fraternity had their big theme party, I decided to have some drinks. Thus began the first steps down a sometimes inglorious path for me.
I got really buzzed - not really drunk, I don't think - on the fruity theme party drinks and I was hooked. It was also the first time 20something Roommate drank. We had the best time together that night. I was sure we'd be BFFFFFFFFFFF forever. We'd discussed that we really wanted to join a sorority together no matter what, and we wanted it to be Peyton. She hadn't met quite as many Peytons as me because I was more involved in campus organizations than she was, but we figured people would know we wanted to join together and that might help us.
My boyfriend was away at a tournament for Homecoming Weekend, so I informally went with one of our freshmen guy friends to Homecoming at MOR/Central. I got really drunk that weekend and puked on my boyfriend's floor.
And I'd been hanging out with Peytons right up to that. eeeeeeeeep. I was really embarrassed about that at the time, but probably not as embarrassed about it as I am today. One of the Peytons was really sweet though, and helped me clean up a bit and made sure I got back to my dorm room OK. I was determined that I would keep drinking (I'd finally given in to the "drinking is cool mentality," as you're probably gathering from my post so far), but that I would NEVER PUKE AGAIN (ha).
Another thing that happened that I took as a really good omen was that a bunch of Peytons invited me to their suite in a dorm room with some other freshmen, mostly the Girls from the Dorm Across the Street, as well as 20something Roommate and myself. Ostensibly, the meeting was to talk about this service event they were planning, but I quickly realized it was mostly to advertise Peyton. They weren't allowed to do any formal recruiting, but they were allowed to form normal friendships with us, and out came the photo albums of all the cool Peyton events they'd been to. They ordered a pizza and had the freshmen chip in so it wouldn't be a rush violation. I remember feeling like they really wanted me to join Peyton and feeling such a bond with all the freshmen there as well. Coming out of that, one of the Peytons and I organized a day of fasting to benefit OxFam on campus.
At the same time, some of the Haleys were recruiting me, but I think it was a little more subtle. Things like the girl from my area offering me a ride home for breaks and them inviting me to join them for ice cream or studying. At the time, because it wasn't an "event" with other freshmen there, I didn't really think that they were recruiting me. In fact I wasn't totally 100% sure how interested Haley was in me, although at the same time I felt almost sure I could get a bid there because I was kind of "cooler" than a lot of them. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess I wanted to be courted by them more - for them to make me feel good about myself and that they wanted me SOOOOOO much like Peyton did.
I realize a lot of this is probably sounding really awful and selfish - but I don't, in retrospect, have the best opinion of who I was freshman year of college. I had come from such a redneck high school, been the valedictorian of my high school class, hadn't been that popular, and really wanted to be accepted and popular in college. Gradually, I was more willing to do a lot of things I hadn't been willing to do in high school, or even things I'd looked down on in high school.
One of the things I was becoming painfully aware of was that my clothes were not cool enough. In high school I wore MUDD jeans, tops from RAVE/Goody's, and sneakers/casual flat shoes almost every day. I began to see a lot of brands I'd never even heard of that EVERYONE seemed to have. A few rich kids at my high school had worn Columbia jackets, but here at my college, everyone seemed to wear North Face jackets and backpacks. A lot of the girls didn't carry backpacks at all and I quickly became really self-conscious about that, feeling it was almost masculine or something to carry a backpack (I still have a hangup about this, actually). Girls wore heels really frequently and also wore designer jeans - and definitely NOT the retro super-flare jeans that were cool at my high school. I remember being so embarrassed I didn't have a peacoat when winter came. In the fall I wore a sweater jacket, which were all the rage that season, and luckily my mother and I had gotten one before I went off to college. But when it got colder, peacoats appeared, and EVERY girl had one (or a North Face). I had an inexpensive lined corduroy jacket and I had to wear it when it got cold, but I just knew how stupid it looked compared to everyone else.
A few more remarks - my guy friends were quickly figuring out where they would be pledging. Most of them initially wanted MOR/Central, but a few of them were receiving calls that they wouldn't be receiving bids there. As things stacked up, it looked like most of my guy friends would be going to Nerdy Campus Leader Frat or Hippie/Yuppie Frat. They were waiting until guys' formal rush week to make their final decisions. A few of my guy friends were still in the running for MOR/Central and were pretty solid they'd be going there. There were also a few friends of mine looking at Violent Drinking Frat and Jock Frat. One of my friends had actually been balled at almost every house due to a vicious but untrue rumor and was pretty much limited to remaining independent or joining Just Plain Nerdy Frat. It was going to be a tough decision for him.
My boyfriend and I broke up in November. He claimed that it was for other reasons, but I was pretty sure then and I'm pretty sure now that it was because I wouldn't have sex with him. The weekend after he dumped me, I got drunk and yelled him during a party for having dumped me and called him a jerk, etc. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP. Again, very bad call on my part.
So for the weekend that all the frats had their winter formal, I needed a date. (Freshmen guys who were being highly recruited by a particular frat would be invited to their winter formal, and asked to bring a date. If you weren't invited, you could start to rule out that place as giving you a bid, even if they hadn't taken the step to ball you.) 20something Roommate and I went with two of our guy friends who were still in the running for MOR/Central. I remember having a lot of fun that weekend and actually getting to know better some of the senior Haleys who dated the nondrinking senior MOR/Centrals. I actually realized how classy and nice these girls were at that time. The weekend was a bit crazy, though. The guy I went with was the same guy I'd gone to Homecoming with, both times as friends. But during Winter Formal weekend he declared his love for me. It was uncomfortable because I didn't want to start dating someone so fast, and I wasn't sure if I felt as strongly for him as he did for me. I mean, he used the "L" word! I liked him, but I wasn't ready to declare my love for him. Also, he smoked a lot of pot, which made me uncomfortable, although I loved to talk about Marxism with him. I ended up telling him I just wasn't ready. (And made out the next weekend with another guy, which I think sort of broke him..... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeep again.) 20something Roommate also had some drama this weekend, as her winter formal date and her got into an argument midway through the weekend, and by the end of the weekend she ended up meeting/beginning to date an upperclassman from Violent Drinking Frat - who she's now married to, incidentally. But overall in terms of recruitment, winter formal weekend was relatively normal.
I guess I should speak a bit about my impressions of all the sororities going into recruitment.
Nathan - you'll noticed I've mentioned Nathan almost not at all. That's because I didn't know any of them except for two! Two of them did in fact hang out at and date at MOR/Central. I found them to be nice fun girls, but they drank a lot and I heard they did coke. A funny story, actually, about one of them is that after a break in school she mentioned to me that while going down the interstate (she lived in a neighboring area to me) she'd seen the exit for my small town and thought of me. I was SO WEIRDED OUT because I knew for 100% sure that I'd never told her where I was from. Now I know that she knew this because Nathans run a really intense recruitment and memorize the freshman facebook - which every sorority does to some degree but Nathans are REALLY intense about it. But at the time I was clueless as to how she knew this and thought it was a bit creepy. The only other contact I had at Nathan was that there was a girl from my town who was the current Nathan president and a big person on campus in general. Our grandmothers were friends and my mom had formerly gone on some dates with her uncle waaaaay back in the day. But this girl had actually gone to an all-girls' southern boarding school and we had very little in common in reality. She did fit the stereotype I knew of Nathan, which was wealthy and southern, but that didn't necessarily turn me off because all the girls I met seemed very nice.
Lucas - Lucas was still a bit of an unknown to me. I did really like Host Lucas from senior year, but she had basically avoided me once I got to school. Then there was the transfer Lucas in my French class. Other than that, all I really knew about the Lucases was that they tended to be really attractive. I didn't feel very strongly about them, but I liked them probably less than Nathan.
Brooke - I had a negative impression of Brooke. Not only had Two Doors Down been a Brooke, my Official University Big (who abandoned me!) been a Brooke, some of the other Brookes I knew seemed really weird. The Brookes were known to recruit a lot of, probably even the majority of, the intercollegiate athletes who went Greek. They even had shirts made about it. This meant that there were some girls I knew from classes and stuff who were Brookes but who just seemed really masculine and butch and not like people I'd get along with.
Peyton - I still LOVED Peyton. My University Big was probably one of my best friends at the school, and there were so many other great girls I'd met, who'd been kind to me and helped me the night I'd gotten drunk and at other times. They seemed really involved in service and they LOVED to party. And they hung out at the places I hung out at. Still, there were some that seemed cold to me, like the ballerina Peytons, and who hung out at different houses (well... more popular ones, although I didn't really realize that part at the time). My roommate was set on Peyton also. Toward the end of fall term, my roommate and I had started hanging out with 20something Floormate, who also really wanted Peyton and knew some more Peytons we didn't know, as well as a sophomore girl who was rushing and wanted Peyton. Also, all the Girls From Across the Street wanted Peyton.
Haley - I knew SOOOO many Haleys from student organizations. If I'd been really honest with myself, I would have admitted that I knew more Haleys than Peytons. But the Haleys just weren't as cool. They didn't party as much, they didn't have mixers with fraternities (this was a HUGE strike against them in my book), and they had a nerdy reputation. I sometimes heard that they were fat, although I didn't really believe this one since so many of the girls I knew were involved in dance with me and in great shape. But it was the place that fraternity guys would always say, "You don't want to join there." I also didn't feel as courted or loved by Haley as I did by Peyton. But at the same time, I was pretty sure I could get a bid there. 20something Hallmate actually really wanted Haley or nothing. 20something Hallmate, unlike my other friends (Roommate/Floormate/Girls from Across the Street), had not gone to any fraternity parties at all fall term. She had had some major roommate issues and was struggling in her calculus and bio class (she'd thought she would major in bio and took the really hard intro for majors). She also was involved in a student theatre production which had practice 24/7 and prevented her from going out much (although... 20something Floormate was involved in the production as well and still found time to go out, though admittedly not as much as Roommate and I). But the cast and crew of the play was almost all Haleys, so Hallmate gotten to know those girls and wanted to join with them.
ETA: I still loved my RA! She was going to be my hall's Rho Chi, which made me feel good because I got along with her so well and I knew she would really help me through anything. To this day I still think this woman was everything an RA should be. I wasn't sure what sorority she was in, though. I thought it would be cool to join her sorority. She was an athlete, so maybe she was a Brooke? But then again, she had said that no one expected her to join the sorority she ultimately joined, so maybe it wasn't Brooke.
I should add that there were some formal recruitment events held by Panhellenic - a Meet the Greeks, an Orientation, etc., but none of those were REALLY that significant as student orgs/frat parties, stuff like that in getting you ahead in recruitment. I don't even remember that much about them.
So that's how things stood before I headed home for Christmas break and formal silence!
Whew! That's all for now. Next I'll make a brief post about Christmas break, or maybe I'll include the first night of recruitment in there as well to flesh it out a bit.
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