Preffing someone you know has made their decision

[Remiechi]

My daughter just finished her second rush as an active and dealt with an extremely rude PNM who was a legacy at a sorority that often "cross-prefs", if that's a term, with my daughter's chapter. Apparently she knew the legacy rules and informed her pref girl that she was first on the other group's list, was tired of recruitment, and didn't understand why she should waste her time at this house. The rusher signaled to my daughter she needed help, and although my daughter can make easy conversation with anyone, the PNM refused to make eye contact and sat silently with her arms folded. I told her that was probably a rush violation but she said they were all too tired and excited about bid day to deal with it!

[honeychile]

Originally Posted by DWAlphaGam

One way my chapter tried to avoid awkwardness during preference was to set up small groups during preference so that you could talk one-on-one with the pmn you were preferencing, but you were near enough to another sister and her pmn to be able to draw them into the conversation if you needed to. This works even better if you know that the pmn has a friend in her preference group; you can make sure they're next to each other and try to seal the deal with both of them. This is especially helpful if you or your pmn might be quiet and feel uncomfortable talking one-on-one.

Adding to this, one of the things my Pref rusher said was to look around to the other PNMs at the Pref Party, as they could become my sisters.

I always thought that, even when you suspect the PNM is leaning another way, it doesn't hurt to have friends in other houses. Unless they're seriously rude, I'd treat them just like any other PNM at Pref.

[thetalady]

If a PNM has SERIOUSLY made up their minds before Pref, is it wrong for them to very graciously and politely make that known to the group they do not prefer? As a member, I would rather know that, so that we don't waste a spot on our first bid list on a girl whose heart is elsewhere.

[shadokat]

I realized last year that women going through recruitment are totally different than 20 years ago. I would NEVER have told someone I had my heart set on somewhere else as I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Last year at my alma mater, we had a young lady who was a legacy going through who we loved. The day before pref she sends a text to our VP Recruitment and says "don't invite me back; I'm not coming to you as I found my home somewhere else." Little did she know we had already sent our lists in and so she was coming to our pref. When bid day came, she was on our list, and we were shocked...and I guess so was she, because she immediately turned down the bid and went home. We later found out she was promised a bid at her other preference, but obviously, for one reason or another, she wasn't high enough on their list and thus ended up with us. I still sorta chuckle about it.

[clemsongirl]

Although PNMs have the most power in the sorority-PNM balance after pref, I still wouldn't say anything that could be interpreted as negative at a preference party. God forbid the other chapter bid promises or just sweet-talks a PNM into wanting to be there, there's still no guarantee of a bid. Some orgs also don't score PNMs after preference round, so unless something truly horrific happened that wouldn't impact where she landed on the list.

[DubaiSis]

I had that happen to a gal who I knew had kept us on the list the entire time because of her proximity to her sister's chapter that it was a foregone conclusion she would be joining (I grew up with them so I knew the whole deal and her chances which was 100% with Gamma Phi). I told her I understood but in case something unexpected happened or if she has a change of heart to know that we like her and would welcome her into our sisterhood. It was before electricity so I can't say exactly what I said and hopefully not as awkward as what I just stated but in short - If you don't get your first choice, please know you'll be welcomed with open arms by us. And then just, you know, change the subject and chat. At least you can send her away with positive feelings about your chapter for when she's telling the story later.

[KSUViolet06]

I was always taught (and will continue to teach women this) that you still need to Pref her like it's your job because it's not really her decision.

[QueenD]

I am a KD. I had one particular rush where I felt like I couldn't have rushed better for ZTA if I was standing in their living room, because the majority of the girls I preffed went there. The thing is, some of those girls became great friends. I ended up hanging out more at ZTA than a lot of folks would expect for a KD, and the girl I was most heartbroken to see join ZTA instead of KD later confessed that she was so grateful I remained a good friend because her first year at ZTA was extremely difficult.