2nd hand Recruitment Story at U of Arkansas

[scrapcat]

Go Weird Science! Love this thread and the flashback theme (Flashdance!). I'll be in your shoes in a week. Best of luck, enjoy your glass of "adult beverage" to take the edge off!

[lilybeth3]

sorry Mom....relaxation comes when rush is over....

[carnation]

^^^Amen!

[MomofPNM11]

My phone rang at exactly 7:30am Arkansas time. My heart sunk because Lindsey shouldn't have access to her phone unless she was released. She sounded shaky and then started crying. She got invited back to three chapters out of a possible four. Her schedule for House Tours is Risky Businesstoday; Ferris Bueller’s Day OffandWeird Sciencetomorrow.She got to go back to her dorm and use her phone because her party today is later in the afternoon, which is a huge blessing considering how upset she was.

So why was she crying? When people say recruitment is a roller coaster ride, they aren’t kidding! She had been so pleasantly surprised by all the great groups who had invited her to the second round. Now reality had set in and she realized she wasn’t the only one choosing. I tried to convince her that there are so many possible reasons she was cut other than that the girls “didn’t like her.” Those more selective groups could have tons of legacies, friends from high school, class presidents, cheerleading captains, girls with high GPA’s (Lindsey’s is only mediocre), etc. But try telling that to an eighteen year old who just had her heart ripped out.

When I asked her why she isn’t excited that her number one choice, Risky Business, had invited her back she said, “Because now I’m sure that they are just going to cut me too.” Logic, anybody? She is afraid to risk more hope on a process that she realizes she doesn’t have too much control over. I begged her to take the risk and not drop out. After she cried some more while I kept trying to focus on the good news, she agreed to stay with it for now.

The biggest negative for Lindsey is that after House Tours she will have to wait seven long days to find out if she got invited to Pref. She said she’s worried about being distracted in class all week and not sleeping. I really don’t like Arkansas’ schedule. I haven’t heard of other two week recruitment periods. Are there a lot of schools who do it this way?

I repeated all the great GC advice I had read: Keep an open mind. You are only half way through the four rounds. The two groups you don’t think you like could really shine during House Tours and Pref. You may meet some different girls that give you a whole new perspective. Do you really think out of three to four hundred girls in any sorority that you couldn’t find three to five best friends?

I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!

[33girl]

There are schools who have two week rush periods but most of them are 1) not SEC competitiveness level 2) you don't have to wait for a week to find out your invites for the next round.

I think they're trying to make it so women don't drop out of the school if they don't get a bid since that did happen when all of rush took place prior to classes. It is a good idea in theory, but the actual execution is somewhat less than stellar IMO.

ps: If she was spoiled, she wouldn't have listed the top sorority at the bottom of her list. Although you can also remind her that having 3 groups left out of 8 makes her, simply by math, more awesome than some of her HS friends who rush at Bama and Auburn, are in the same stage of rush, and have 3 groups left out of 17!! Yes I know this is not exact math but it sounds good.

[MomofPNM11]

Thank you 33girl for reminding me about my daughter not caring about the "tiers" at the beginning. She sure cared a lot more when they cut her though!

Her group meets every morning at 6:50, and I know Lindsey is up late at night with her non-rushing roommate. They had a social at her dorm last night, too. I am thinking she was too tired to think straight on the phone this morning. She said none of the other girls in her group looked upset when they got their schedules, but I told her I wouldn't be surprised if there are some who drop out now.

Because we are not from the South, Lindsey is literally the only girl from her high school class rushing ANYWHERE. They don't know what it is and/or don't care about Greek life where we live. I think she is already one up on her friends from high school for going through the experience.

I still think it will turn out well for her in the end (fingers crossed).

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by MomofPNM11

I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!

Someone once told me you can't control your feelings, but you can control your words and actions. She was upset and spoke to you about it (an outsider, and in confidence). Then she picked herself up and moved on. Assuming she a) continues with rush and b) doesn't go bashing her remaining choices, she is not being a spoiled baby. She is being a regular 18-year-old, who is perhaps learning a lesson in this whole thing, and will hopefully find her home.

[AXOmom]

"When I asked her why she isn’t excited that her number one choice, Risky Business, had invited her back she said, “Because now I’m sure that they are just going to cut me too.” Logic, anybody? She is afraid to risk more hope on a process that she realizes she doesn’t have too much control over. I begged her to take the risk and not drop out. After she cried some more while I kept trying to focus on the good news, she agreed to stay with it for now.......


.....I expect some negative comments from GCers regarding my daughter’s reaction. Is she being a spoiled baby who wanted a perfect rush? Yes! Is she being ungrateful for what she has, which is an almost full schedule with three great groups left on it? Yes! Please remember, she is tired, stressed, far away from her family for the first time, and lacks perspective due in part to being only eighteen years old. Please pray for her and that after the nap she was about to take, she will have a whole new attitude. Thank you!"



My daughter gave me permission to write her rush story and put in on here after she finishes college, so I have it all written out and ready to go (impatiently waiting). Both of these paragraphs - the first one virtually word for word - are in it. They don't make sense when they're tired, stressed, and young (heck, I don't make sense when I'm tired, stressed and old) and it is what it is. It sounds like you are doing a great job walking her through it and encouraging her. Sometimes all the mom can do is listen. Best of luck to your daughter and you the next two days!

[MomofPNM11]

AXOMom - Without GC I might feel like the only person going through this! It's so great to know others have walked the same path and made it out on the other side. From your screen name it appears to have worked out well for your daughter, so that is an encouragement. Thanks!!!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by MomofPNM11

Because we are not from the South, Lindsey is literally the only girl from her high school class rushing ANYWHERE. They don't know what it is and/or don't care about Greek life where we live. I think she is already one up on her friends from high school for going through the experience.

Oh, absolutely - after this job interviews and approaching cute guys will be a piece of cake. (I know you don't want to hear about the guy part, Mom. LOL)

[tigerfanx5]

Best of luck of your daughter -- she's so lucky to have you in her corner! Keep us posted on her story. I can't imagine having the process last 2 weeks!

Hoping for the best!

[MomofPNM11]

I'm thinking of buying a plane ticket and going to Bid Day. I know it's different at every school, but at Arkansas a lot of families gather around the Chi Omega Greek Theater when the girls open bids. I heard some houses even have a brief activity with families. I know I won't spend much time with her if she gets a bid, but I could help her get ready for Pref night since her roommate isn't rushing.

Since I won't know until the last minute if Lindsey will be getting a bid, I think I'm just going to make the plans now. It might wind up being "Big Bowl of Ice Cream Day" instead of Bid Day, but I think I want to be there even more if it turns out that way. I told her that I would take her riding up and down Sorority Row to egg the houses if she doesn't get a bid. TOTALLY kidding so please don't worry, but it made her laugh.

Any other moms out there who went to Bid Day? Please describe your experience. Were you just in the way or is it a special memory?

[tigerfanx5]

I went to bid day at Auburn, and was very glad I did! My daughter needed that time after Pref to chill out, and talk openly about the process. It's so much easier to talk in person than over skype or the phone. Also, once I got there and saw her, I knew that she was okay, no matter what happened on bid day! (I needed that too!)

I didn't feel in the way at Auburn at all. There were lots of people (parents, grandparents, boyfriends, etc waiting for the bids to be opened.) There was a nice reception at her house as well. I didn't stay long! Just long enough to visit a bit.

So, yes, I'd say go for it!

[im5am]

Hang in there MomofPNM11!! I was in your shoes last year You sound like a caring, loving mom who just wants her daughter to be happy, we get it! My daughter too was out of state and had no idea about any of the 17 houses she went through. Since she was from out of state, she also knew Nobody in any of the houses. In the end, she pledged a house, became an active and now can't imagine her life without her sisters in it! Whichever house your daughter ends up in, she will find her niche of friends and will form a bond like no other. But, I totally understand her feelings right now, as well as yours. And no, she isn't being a spoiled brat etc., her feelings are very real and rejection is hard to take from anybody especially at the tender age of 18! Stay strong for her, and yourself. I think the idea of being there for Bid day is a great idea. My husband and I were there for our daughter, as were many parents. It's an exciting time! And, as a mother, it will be special for you to be there for her no matter what the outcome! P.S. Agree with the glass of vodka! Or in my case it was a nightly glass of cold chardonnay!! Good luck, keep us posted

[Benzgirl]

When I went through rush back in the stone ages, I had two favorites after Round 2 and I was so nervous for similar reasons. One did cut me but the other became my home.