Question for Rec Writers from a Rec Writer

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

I think if she's kept her grades high, has been involved on campus, made friends, hasn't shot herself in the foot for one reason or another, and you still think she's a great gal, why not? If you like her enough to really try to help, you could say she went through but really wasn't prepared for all of it (stress, number of people, the process, whatever), gave her one option a true shot but still didn't feel it, and this year after getting to know some girls and being familiar with the school, she feels like she's in a much better position to put her best foot forward. I don't think there's any reason to feel like she doesn't deserve another chance.

I think I would ask to have coffee/lunch with her and discuss things with her. Obviously I don't know her, but I really appreciate she tried it out. This is going off the assumptions you posted about her fb page. However, I'd try to meet up with her and really see what happened. Not trying to be a gossip, but if it was just because she didn't feel comfortable or if she had trouble finding friends in the chapter, I'd be worried about her going through recruitment again. As I have gathered from GC, SEC chapters aren't exactly small so if it was not connecting to people it might be a red flag.

I know KD has certain requirements for members such as GPA but also being involved outside KD. I'd probably also see if she was involved and kept up with the other requirements similarly to what DubaiSis mentioned. Kind of like seeing if she could add on another activity or if she would be adding on many parts for one activity.

As for putting on that it is her second time going through recruitment... Unless she took actual roles in her pledge class such as sisterhood chair, I wouldn't mention the actual chapter. They might already know that (they would at my school, not necessarily at an SEC) Well in the meeting with her I'd ask what she wants from a sorority and potentially what was missing from her last chapter. I might include that.
Something along the lines of:
Suzie PNM is really interested in finding sisterhood that will last her beyond her college years. A place where similar interest are shared blah blah blah.
She went through recruitment in Fall 2011 and saw potential/promise/opportunities in XYZ. (some way of saying that she is really interested in the chapter so they might give a second look at a sophomore) She would be a great addition to the chapter. blah blah blah

[33girl]

If this is a super competitive SEC school - i.e. the kind where sororities are looking for reasons to cut girls, not because they're meanies but because RFM forces them to - disclosing that she pledged before (at a sorority that might not be considered the best) and then dropped is an easy reason to say "whew. Let's can her so we can try and get the zillion other girls we really love and have no second thoughts about."

Also, you might want to think about how your writing a second rec for her will reflect on anyone else you write a rec for - what it will do to your credibility.

Personally, I would decline. I just don't see this coming out well, for you or for her. If she's gotten to know sorority women as friends, not just acquaintances, I think it would be better for one of them to hook her up with a rec (if it's required for pledging).

[greekdee]

Oh, she's at a mega competitive school alright. Is it in poor form for me to say which school? Would it help with thoughts on the best approach? Campuses can be so different from one another.

I'm friends with her aunt and uncle and have known them for a long time, but I also know her. In high school, she was involved with student council and band/flag corp all four years -- in other words, she didn't bounce from activity to activity, but was consistent.

I'll speak with her when she contacts me (which I understand she is going to be doing), but I really think she just felt like she couldn't find her home in the sorority she pledged. Honestly, I think she is going to be in for one tough haul. This school has 17-18 sororities and she was dropped by all except the one she pledged. Plus, re-rushing as a sophomore? I'm afraid she will be released from recruitment very early on.

[DubaiSis]

Then at least you know her. Being honest with yourself, did she have a rough first time through rush, or is she just not going to be Auburn or Bama (or whatever) sorority material? I think a girl can not be mentally prepared for rush, get cut heavily after round one and then just implode. That wouldn't mean she couldn't have a better result the second time around, especially if she'd done the required legwork throughout her freshman year. Or maybe you'd be doing a service to her to suggest she seek out other activities.

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

So, leaving out some information is akin to lying, but leaving out other information is not?

What are you leaving out?

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by LAblondeGPhi

I knew we all thought the same

There's no way that these chapters don't already know this woman pledge a chapter last year, and know which chapter she pledged, and have already made assumptions based on that information. Maybe every individual sister doesn't know, but the leadership certainly does.

I think the only thing that mentioning it in the LOR does is to re-enforce that it's "something to keep an eye out for" from an alumna's perspective.

Or not mentioning it sounds like you knew nothing about it and don't really know anything about the PNM. It's not like the incident should be treated with kid gloves. Everyone knows the girl went through recruitment and pledged. Like I said, the alumna has the opportunity to clarify the situation to the chapter if she thinks the woman had a reasonable story or warn her chapter if she didn't. Either way, not mentioning it sounds like you had no clue the girl ever went through recruitment at all.

[greekdee]

Again, thanks for all the insight. There really are numerous things to consider! Some had not even crossed my mind, so I'm glad I asked.

[violetpretty]

I can really see both sides of the argument, but I'd have a conversation with this woman to get more details about her NM period. I'd want to know if she truly made an effort to get to know people, or if she was just dissapointed about her results and skated through the NM without really trying (which is what I suspect).

"Sticking it out" until initiation doesn't just mean not depledging. It means truly trying to find your niche in the chapter, taking on little opportunities to be involved, taking initiative to hang out before, after, and outside of sorority events. And it sounds like this is a school with very large chapters...so in a chapter of a couple hundred women, I don't see how she could not find anyone to click with. I'm not buying the "I don't fit" story at a school with chapters that big. It sounds like a case of "I'm in the least popular sorority at my school and I will be embarrassed to wear these letters for the next 4 years."

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by shirley1929

Here's my deal...she did EXACTLY what most of the posters on GC would ask of her. She went through the whole process and gave it a shot. She went to the pref party she wasn't sure of, she went to bid day when she wasn't thrilled and she gave her pledge class a go at it. She didn't feel it, so she didn't take the vows that we each hold so dear of our organizations.

i agree! However, chances are, if it is a super competitive SEC school and she was cut everywhere - despite having recs - there was a reason - and it will happen again.

[gee_ess]

Originally Posted by greekdee

Oh, she's at a mega competitive school alright. Is it in poor form for me to say which school? Would it help with thoughts on the best approach? Campuses can be so different from one another.

I'm friends with her aunt and uncle and have known them for a long time, but I also know her. In high school, she was involved with student council and band/flag corp all four years -- in other words, she didn't bounce from activity to activity, but was consistent.

I'll speak with her when she contacts me (which I understand she is going to be doing), but I really think she just felt like she couldn't find her home in the sorority she pledged. Honestly, I think she is going to be in for one tough haul. This school has 17-18 sororities and she was dropped by all except the one she pledged. Plus, re-rushing as a sophomore? I'm afraid she will be released from recruitment very early on.

In your next rec, you can give more suggestions for ways to talk to her or remind them that she is a quiet young lady who doesn't gush, etc. (if that is the case) .I would write the rec with the focus of your comments to be , 'Give this girl a good look. You missed her last time"

[GPhiBLtColonel]

...I'd do her rec and I would address the elephant on the room - eg that she had rushed and pledged last year (even though that information is most likely already known) but I would clearly state why her "history" should not prevent your sorority from giving her another look, further consideration etc - be specific as to what her strengths are and what she would add to the chapter. Sometimes the collegians don't realize the value of certain PNMs so it behooves us alums to tell them Also wanted to mention that at UGA, for instance, a sophomore is considered for rush purposes to be an upperclassman and thus has a separate quota #

[33girl]

Originally Posted by GPhiBLtColonel

Also wanted to mention that at UGA, for instance, a sophomore is considered for rush purposes to be an upperclassman and thus has a separate quota #

That chapters may or may not choose to utilize. i.e., chapters do not HAVE to take sophomores or any other upperclassmen if they don't want to.

[CutiePie2000]

Originally Posted by greekdee

I recently found out that one of my 2011 rec girls depledged right before her initiation. .....She has decided to go through recruitment again Fall 2012 at the same SEC school, and is planning to ask her rec-writers from last year to provide them again.

Quick question for your savvy NPC women: How can this person be eligible for Recruitment 2012? Doesn't she have to wait a FULL CALENDAR YEAR from when she renounced the group that she accepted the bid from? (i.e. the one that she dropped just before initiation) Assuming that she "stuck it out" for 6 weeks or so beyond bid acceptance day (or however long the pledge period lasts), is this even permissible?

[Jill1228]

If she pledged in Fall and dropped before initiation, she is eligible to rush the following fall. They are not doing EXACT calendar dates

Correct me if I am wrong

[Greek_or_Geek?]

Originally Posted by CutiePie2000

Quick question for your savvy NPC women: How can this person be eligible for Recruitment 2012? Doesn't she have to wait a FULL CALENDAR YEAR from when she renounced the group that she accepted the bid from? (i.e. the one that she dropped just before initiation) Assuming that she "stuck it out" for 6 weeks or so beyond bid acceptance day (or however long the pledge period lasts), is this even permissible?

She is bound to that bid for a full "bid year" from the day it was extended to her. By full calendar year, it really means from the previous year's formal recruitment bid day to this year's. Sometimes it isn't quite a full calendar year if the dates of recruitment change a bit; say bid day was September 5 last year and it's September 1 this year, but that's the spirit of the rule.