advice for appealing probation / termination decision

[sweetheart272]

hello, i am removing my comments because i feel this issue is resolved. thank you all for your help!

[AOII Angel]

You have ZERO chance of proving you were right and the board was wrong. Any negative claims you make will sound like sour grapes. Was an alumna present for your standards meeting? If not, that may be a helpful point. No national officer is going to take the word of a previously probated member over that of elected officers. They don't know either of you so the benefit of the doubt goes with the chapter.

[sweetheart272]

hello, i am removing my comments because i feel this issue is resolved. thank you all for your help!

[pinksequins]

Please pay attention. People have tried to be patient with you and provide advice but you insist on doing it your way by, in your words, "being right". That is an approach that will fail (without very clear facts to the contrary) .

Hitting you with a proverbial ton of bricks has not seemed to register with you. Perhaps your chapter has also gotten fatigued with trying to address things with you? Your constructive options are -- as was pointed out -- contrition or early alumna status.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by sweetheart272

i do think it's important to disclose, not just on this post but in my correspondence with the board, that my early disciplinary hearing meetings mostly consisted of the older girls yelling at me, personally insulting me, and using lots of curse words. clearly, the reports that they sent to nationals about these hearings must have included inaccurate information. up until now, i've never had a chance to communicate my side of the story.

Was there no chapter advisor present? Are you in an NPC group? I'd be very surprised if there are NPC groups that do not require an alumna advisor to be involved in disciplinary proceedings.

Overall, it doesn't sound like you are taking responsibility for anything that has happened, but if there's one thing about your story that you could potentially use as a "defense," it's that the chapter probably didn't follow procedure if they did all of this without alumnae involvement.

[amIblue?]

The whole thing sounds fishy to me, but I believe that the early alumna ship has not only sailed, but it was never in port to begin with.

What I don't understand is why the OP would be fighting so hard to remain a part of a group that has so clearly indicated that she is not wanted. Whether it be for legitimate reasons or not, I don't get it. Do you know how powerful it is for a chapter to have to vote to terminate a member? I've been involved with my sorority for over twenty years, and I've seen it exactly once.

[Nanners52674]

Originally Posted by sweetheart272

i was recommended for termination by the chapter's disciplinary committee, there was a chapter wide vote on whether i should be terminated or probation (i don't know what the results of the vote were), this information was sent to nationals, who sent a letter to me saying that i'm on probation until a final decision is made.

I'm not going to beat around the hush on this. Resign and let it go.

You have had NOTHING nice to say about your chapter.

Why do you want to remain a member of an organization that you think is so messed up and dysfunctional.

[als463]

I have a question for the OP. Have you aired your grievances on other websites pertaining to Greek Life regarding not feeling supported by your sorority (such as TSM)?

[sweetheart272]

Originally Posted by als463

I have a question for the OP. Have you aired your grievances on other websites pertaining to Greek Life regarding not feeling supported by your sorority (such as TSM)?

no, i've learned from my probation experience the important of keeping things private and not getting people involved that are not meant to know confidential information.

this is the first time i've joined one of these websites, and i'll admit i was hesitant to do so because of possible negative consequences, even though i've been super careful to avoid disclosing any even slightly identifiable detail.

i may later regret it, but at the moment i am very glad that i sought out help on this board. seeing as that we have no alumna advisor and the next higher up supervisor is too far away to meet in person and difficult to get a hold of, i was at a loss as to who i could go to for advice. I felt that my only chance of finding someone who might be able to guide me on framing my opinions with a better approach.

you all have been very helpful! i can't tell you how valuable it is to me to get feedback from you all, i truly appreciate it.

you've opened my eyes to things i wouldn't have seen or wouldn't considered,being that i'm so emotionally invested in this and that can make it hard to evaluate things properly.

it may sound stupid or weird, but i feel like i actually made a notable amount of progress in self-awareness and appropriate social interaction skills just from the time i started this thread until now.

so thank you guys!

[als463]

Originally Posted by sweetheart272

no, i've learned from my probation experience the important of keeping things private and not getting people involved that are not meant to know confidential information.

this is the first time i've joined one of these websites, and i'll admit i was hesitant to do so because of possible negative consequences, even though i've been super careful to avoid disclosing any even slightly identifiable detail.

i may later regret it, but at the moment i am very glad that i sought out help on this board. seeing as that we have no alumna advisor and the next higher up supervisor is too far away to meet in person and difficult to get a hold of, i was at a loss as to who i could go to for advice. I felt that my only chance of finding someone who might be able to guide me on framing my opinions with a better approach.

you all have been very helpful! i can't tell you how valuable it is to me to get feedback from you all, i truly appreciate it.

you've opened my eyes to things i wouldn't have seen or wouldn't considered,being that i'm so emotionally invested in this and that can make it hard to evaluate things properly.

it may sound stupid or weird, but i feel like i actually made a notable amount of progress in self-awareness and appropriate social interaction skills just from the time i started this thread until now.

so thank you guys!

Why? Were you initially on probation for posting something on social media that upset people in your chapter?

[FSUZeta]

If you have been on probation for a year already, and are now on probation again, with a possible termination of membership looming over you, how much more time in your chapter do you have? Yes, yes, I know the membership is for a lifetime, but it comes across that you and the chapter leadership do not get along( for whatever reason). Is it worth the aggravation and potential disappointment to appeal the standards board's recommendation, only to be shunned by your chapter sisters?

Whatever you do, do NOT blame the board/officers for your predicament.
If you write an appeal, that will not help your cause.

[anonadvisor]

Hate to do this, but I have to go anonymous for this one. I am a current regular of GC, but I don't want to throw my chapter under the bus.

As a current advisor of a chapter, I have seen my share of girl drama. I have seen the chapter not follow proper disciplinary procedure. I have found out after the fact that a member was put on probation for the same offense that other members committed without being put on probation. The one who was put on probation had a history with one of the exec members, and that history swayed opinions.

I have seen a member almost be recommended for termination for offenses that are nowhere near termination level offenses. Had the chapter not had an advisor, they would have recommended her for termination, because it was hard for them to step back and see the big picture. Also, in that case, there were some very strong personalities who voiced in favor of termination, and everyone else was basically going along with it because they didn't want to fight over it. The others didn't really agree, but didn't want to argue.

There are a lot of chapters out there without advisory support. It's hard for some of us to remember that at times. In those chapters without advisory support, I firmly believe that the "girl drama" issues get disproportionate attention in the disciplinary process.

There is a reason our organizations require final oversight from a national council. I believe those women take termination very seriously, and I believe they will read a letter that is sincere.

That being said, OP, I wholly agree with the other advice you have been given about not laying blame on anyone but yourself. Own up to whatever it is that you have done. Acknowledge the changes you have made. Throwing shade on the chapter makes you look like the source of the drama. Ain't nobody got time for that.

[33girl]

The above is not me, but I could have written that exact post.

When a collegian says that she's never seen/never talked to/their chapter doesn't have an advisor, don't automatically respond as if she's recounting her meeting with Bigfoot. In a lot of instances, advisors are paper only if that, not because the chapter wants it that way, but because the boots on the ground just aren't there.

[amIblue?]

Certainly, there are more instances of chapters without advisors than there should be, but I still don't understand fighting so hard to remain a part of something where you're not wanted.

If this had happened to me, I probably would have resigned long ago. There's always girl drama in chapters whether advisors are around or not, but in the scenario described by the OP, I'd be running as fast as I could away from all that. I also hate drama and would prefer to be alone than to be around it, but certainly YMMV.

ETA: It would seem to me that an advisor-less chapter would be less likely to call members into standards than one with an advisor. It has been my experience that most active members would rather ignore issues than to confront them directly. Much of my time as an advisor has been spent telling my advisees that they HAVE to deal with X situation.

[AZTheta]

Originally Posted by sweetheart272

that is what i plan to request, however, as other posters have said the decision is not up to me.

i plan to explain that my reason for wanting this is that altho i really want to be involved with XYZ sorority, i don't think this particular chapter is a good fit for me to be a part of.

i'm still not sure though, how much or how little about why i don't feel the chapter is a good fit, would be appropriate to include.

since i am at a disadvantage here in supporting my position, i worry they won't understand why i would be a good fit for an alumna chapter but not my chapter, given that they don't know the same discrediting information that i know about my chapter's issues.

I'm telling you, based on experience, the best thing for you to do is resign. At least that way you have a chance of preserving your membership IF YOU CAN SUCCESSFULLY GET REINSTATED.

I don't know all 26 NPC policies on early alumna status. It is not possible for my organization. And once the termination process has started (financial or disciplinary), the only way to avoid it is to voluntarily resign. And no one who has been terminated has ever been reinstated, to the best of my knowledge. Again that is only for my organization. Termination is usually for serious reasons (financial or discipline).

maybe this is an erroneous opinion on my part, but i feel like the only way that i can be successful in maintaining my membership is by proving i am "right" and the board was "wrong"… otherwise i just don't see why they'd see any reason to support me. i don't know how to do this though, as i don't want to come off negatively as a "tattle-tale" or get off topic.

I can see both anonadvisor's and amiablue?'s points of view on this situation. OP, you're still beating the "they are wrong" drum. That is not to your advantage. At all. Neither is stating that the chapter isn't a good fit for you. There are most likely other members who feel that way, but they haven't had the issues you've had or ended up where you are at this point in time.

Important fact:

Your standards/discipline board recommended you for termination. It went to a chapter vote. Let me tell you that if the chapter had not voted to uphold your standards committee, the matter would have ended there. The national organization is very, very unlikely to overturn the chapter vote, for many reasons. Unless you have irrefutable proof that the standards board and chapter violated bylaws and policies, you're SOL.

Bottom line: your behaviors over the past two or three (?) years have created this situation. You are the architect of your own demise. Blame away, but until you accept that fact, you're stuck.