Marriage question for the ladies. - Page 2

Xylochick216 · #16 08-03-2004, 10:14 PM

If a guy was that concerned about his money, I'd be out the door. Money is such a material thing. We could sign a pre-nup to take care of it all. If he still didn't trust me enough to marry me, it's not worth being in the relationship. People who are in long-term relationships going towards marriage need to trust each other. Otherwise, why bother investing the time and emotion into it?

DZviol · #17 08-03-2004, 10:23 PM

Even if the relationship is so wonderful, why would you want to be with someone that is so skeptical about you taking his money? And why is he assuming that if something goes wrong, you're gonna want to take his money? I know there are women out there that are golddiggers, but to be with someone for so long and have kids and still not be able to trust them, there's definitely bigger problems.

James · #18 08-03-2004, 10:29 PM

"Hell Hath no Fury as a Woman Scorned . . . "

I think divorces can take on a life of their own. Especially when lawyers get invovled and there are serious assets at stake.

As far as planning for failure . . . I think people enter into relationships with the greatest of good will, however, for whatever reason, most fail. I think that on the legal side of marriage that has to be taken into account.

Marriage is a two-sided coin: There is the romantic love aspect. But there is also the legal and economical relationship. I think we forget this sometimes.

In fact there might be a greater honesty to this type of relationship than an actual marriage. Why? Because the relationship has to last on its merits. Not on the perception that there is a huge penalty for leaving, or that the label marriage means that you have to stay even if you are desperately unhappy.

That last part will be the subject of a different thread lol . . .

Quote:

Originally posted by DZviol
Even if the relationship is so wonderful, why would you want to be with someone that is so skeptical about you taking his money? And why is he assuming that if something goes wrong, you're gonna want to take his money? I know there are women out there that are golddiggers, but to be with someone for so long and have kids and still not be able to trust them, there's definitely bigger problems.

James · #19 08-03-2004, 10:31 PM

Thats a fair question. I would sign a pre-nup if asked. But also, there is still a skew towards women when it comes to divorce settlements. Men are less likely to get the same settlement that women are in similar situations.

Quote:

Originally posted by CASIGKAP
What if the situation were reversed?

My sister is wealthy & has two children. She has said that while she may decide to have another child, she's not sure she would get married w/out a prenup b/c of her $$$. She wants to make sure no guy is marrying her for her money.

swissmiss04 · #20 08-03-2004, 10:36 PM

If he doesn't trust me and value me even more than his money, then he is certainly not worth my time. I'm not going to let something petty like money influence my decision one way or another. Rich or poor, I'd break off the relationship.

wrigley · #21 08-03-2004, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by USFSDTAlum
Common law spouses in some states have the same claims to money that legally married couples do. In this case a Prenup would make sense, as the woman could prove common law marriage and still get a portion of the dough, if she so desired.

co-sign

Based on your scenario James, Mr. Magnetism says he wants to have children. If he expects me to go through childbirth, then I expect to have a engagement ring, wedding band, and wedding party beforehand. If not, then I'm gone, I don't care if the guy is Donald Trump Jr. or Joe Cop.

If he's so concerned about something going wrong, then go to couples counseling to hash out whatever concerns and expectations there maybe.

As for something going wrong, I think Catherine Zeta Jones was right to have written in her pre-nup that if there's proof of infidelity by Michael Douglas there's an automatic fine of millions of dollars. There are couples who have every possible scenario and consequences written out.

This guy is using supposed financial concerns as a reason not to get married. That's his choice. Then she also should have the option of walking away and not become kept as a concubine. He will eventually get married just not to her.

BabyP · #22 08-04-2004, 12:29 AM

well if he thinks you are after his money - hehehe just have him buy you all kind of thing and use his credit card THEN dump his ass... hit him where it hurts (his precious pocketbook whom he is more concerned about than you )

swissmiss04 · #23 08-04-2004, 12:31 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BabyP
well if he thinks you are after his money - hehehe just have him buy you all kind of thing and use his credit card THEN dump his ass... hit him where it hurts (his precious pocketbook whom he is more concerned about than you )

Wow. You're mean.

But funny

4RunnerStar · #24 08-04-2004, 01:12 AM

well thats the problem with people today. money. they think in order to be happy they have to have it. and money can make people happy but what if she's hurt because of his lack of trust and leaves him? then he's got all this money but he's got a cold, empty bed and a broken heart.

i'd definately leave him. if he told me that was the reason he didnt want to get married then i would spend every waking moment thinking about why he didnt trust me. i dont want to be with someone when there is no trust. all relationships must be BASED on trust not money. people are way too materialistic.

i dont want to live with somebody and start a family with somebody but not share a last name. is that not the basis of a family? a bind?

i'm too traditional. and i want to sleep hugged up to somebody every night that i know i will be with for the rest of my life, happily, as opposed to worried about me taking his money when i leave. WHEN i leave? no, IF i leave. if i love him i'm not going to leave. i'm definately into death do us part.

sounds like this guy is paranoid about a girl leaving him and completely devestating him, not necessarily about the money. but if he is only worried about the money then he doesnt love her as much as he says. he obviously loves his money more and a guy like that is NOT worthy of my time.

SigKapBling · #25 08-04-2004, 04:13 AM

i think that i would just be hurt that he didnt want to marry me - after everything that we would have gone through together. usually life changing things like what you stated as your examples, (ie kids, moving in together, things in both names..) mean that you want something deeper with that other person youre sharing with.....
id sign a prenup - if i REALLY wanted to be with him ... but then again, i guess that if in real life, i was forced with a prenup - id feel kind of bad like he didnt trust me.. and trust is pretty much the basis of any type of relationship. no trust, no relationship. hmm...

Kevin · #26 08-04-2004, 08:42 AM

James, in that kind of situation, the fella's assetts would be more at risk (or at least just as much at risk) if he didn't marry than if he did marry with a prenup.

If I were the dude, I'd just go with the prenup.

WCUgirl · #27 08-04-2004, 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
The question is: Would you stay with him anyway ? Or would you let that little reason tear you apart?

This is not just a little reason - it's a big one. If the guy is willing to have kids but not willing to be married, then he's got issues. Sure, I understand that marriage just isn't for some people. But having children shouldn't be for those people, either. Having a child is a much bigger deal than marriage could ever be.

Besides, if you have children together, what's to keep the children from coming after your money and giving it to the (not)wife?

As for the perception of being married and unhappy but having to stay comment, for some people divorce is not an option, because, well, they just don't believe in it.

texas*princess · #28 08-04-2004, 10:42 AM

One word: prenup.

Also like some other posters have mentioned his assets wouldn't automatically be protected. Some states have "commonlaw marriage" laws.

Quote:

Originally posted by James
Ok.

Say you were going out with a man with a huge monetary advantage over you. You make a decent wage but he is just rich.

He treats you great, he adores you. You are head over heels for him.

After a couple of years you realize that he won't marry you. He will live with you forever, maybe even share some things in both your names. He'll even have kids with you and draw up a contract that makes sure they are taken care of. But he won't get legally married to you.

The reason: He knows if something goes wrong that you could take a huge chunk of his net worth in a divorce. A networth that he made without your help.

The question is: Would you stay with him anyway ? Or would you let that little reason tear you apart?

#29 08-04-2004, 12:10 PM

I believe there is a type of pre-nup that not only protects one's assets from before marriage, but also specifies that each person is entitled to only what money he/she made over the course of the marriage. I don't remember exactly how it worked, but I used to work in a law firm that handled a lot of family law, and I remember seeing something very similar to this.

adpialumcsuc · #30 08-04-2004, 12:19 PM

It is funny that you ask this question because my husband and I have been talking about this lately. We have a friend that is very Wealthy. He has a girlfriend that he has had for 9 years. They live together in her apartment (she lived there before she met him) that he pays for. She has been constantly trying to force him into marriage. He has never said that he doesn't want to marry her because of the money thing, but I think the more of an issue that she makes the more he doesn't want to do it. She also is constantly making comments about needing to get married so that if anything happens she will get 1/2 of everything.

I know I probably feel differently about this than every one but I don't believe that you have to have that piece of paperwork to prove your love to some. However, given the scenerio at hand if it was brought to me in that manner I would probably leave. BUT I also understand the need from him to want to protect himself. Especially, since there are a lot of people out there just in search of money.