Ordering high end on the first date. Is it rude or is it just me?

[BetteDavisEyes]

I agree with those who said that if you're worried a date might order the most expensive things on the menu, don't take them to a place that's high end and super expensive. Take them to a restaurant where you'll feel comfortable regardless of what is ordered.

When my hubby & I first started dating, I always ordered in the mid-range of prices and rarely ordered appetizers mainly because I don't care for them. I also stuck to soft drinks and water simply because I'm not a big drinker anyway. When our relationship became serious, we both agreed to dine at more cost effective restaurants and would splurge at high end places for special events like birthdays, anniversary of dating, job promotions, graduation etc.

One thing I discovered from a friend is that he likes to do lunch dates at nice places first with women because lunch is definitely cheapter (most of the time) than dinner and if it's not going to well, you have the option of using the "gotta get back to work" excuse. If it goes well, he invites them out to dinner at a nice place.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

What do you think is reasonably acceptable (for spending) on a first date? I posted something about this in the dating and relationships thread, but I wanted to see other folks points of view on this, because I'm thinking it's just me thinking like this. Like I was saying, I'll pay for the first date, but do you think it's rude for a girl to order a lot of high end food/drinks from the menu if the dude is paying for the date? On your first date what did you spend/order? Would you date her again if she ordered high end on you? I'm just trying to see if I'm looking into this too hard.

I already replied to what you posted in D&R. That's a lot. I'm sure she'll be calling you when she's hungry, though lol. (I'm kidding)

I dunno, it was different for me. My first "date" (if that's what you want to call it) with Mr. was weird, I guess. We never really "dated" per se. We were actually dating other people, while we were hanging out as good friends and complaining to each other about our dates lol. We didn't start "dating, dating"...until we started courting. Weird, I know. We date each other now, and money is never really an issue.

I guess for me, I never was really impressed with my previous dates because they thought wining and dining me would impress me. I was always happy going to a bagel or coffee shop on a first date, talking, and then maybe going to the movies or something. I dunno, I always would offer to pay for the movie if they paid for dinner, but they usually insisted on paying. I've always ordered what I wanted, and it never was expensive. I mean, I don't drink, so I don't think the bill was incredibly high or anything. I mean, I never looked at it to know, but I had an idea. I know it wasn't "$100.00 bucks" for the entire date, though.

Why don't you just take her to have coffee or something and see where the conversation goes? I'm not sure if you have a cider mill in your area, but those are always fun, and they don't cost a ton of money. It's just that I don't think you have to spend a lot of money to get to know someone. I mean, it's just a date, right?

[psusue]

On first dates I agree with everyone else that posted. I try to stay low to mid range price wise, but I also tend to like to eat cheaper thing (i.e. I don't really like shrimp or shellfish, therefore I wouldn't ever order it). I do try to order something that I really want though, so it doesn't seem like I'm trying to imply that he is poor (although all the guys I've dated have been college students, so they were poor haha).

I have only ordered alcohol at dinner when I was with my ex, so we were very candid about how much money we had/knew who was paying beforehand, but if I were to order some on a date I'd probably stick with a domestic beer or whatever was on special. I also never drink more than 1-2. So. I also tend to prefer cheaper restaurants so overall I'm pretty much a cheap date. I feel bad having people pay for me, ever. I also follow these rules when I'm out with family or friends who are paying. I only really ever order something expensive if I'm footing the bill. Personal preference, I guess I'll get over it if/when I get married.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And girls, learn to drink drinks that aren't pussy drinks that they WAY overcharge for. I think a guy would much rather hang with a girl that drinks whiskey and water than one who orders round upon round of girly girl cocktails that cost twice as much.

"Girly girl cocktails" often have more alcohol than straight up.
Just sayin.'

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant.

Originally Posted by amIblue?

I think it's inconsiderate of the person not paying (whether it be a female or male) to go nuts with ordering the most expensive items on the menu.

I believe both of these statements are true. I will order in the low-medium price range, not because I don't think my date could afford it but because I'm not into taking advantage. In any case, I don't think I've ever ordered alcoholic drinks on a date (for several reasons).

[BetteDavisEyes]

I have a reverse story of this. My cousin and her hubby are VERY well off. They invited my hubby & I to dinner at a very pricey restaurant in L.A. Her hubby was surprised when we ordered mid-range meals and no alcohol. He couldn't believe that neither of us were interested in the pricey seafood and steak options (I wanted pasta & my hubby wanted chicken) and I hardly drink and my hubby never drinks.
My cousin later told me it's b/c he's used to people ordering drinks like crazy and the most expensive items when it's on their tab b/c they're well off. Lol!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

"Girly girl cocktails" often have more alcohol than straight up.
Just sayin.'

I am a certified mixologist. No they don't.

And this isn't about "if you can't afford a place, don't take a date there." It's about not looking like a greedy gold digger on the first date. I never doubt that the guy can afford a place if he takes me there - it's about his perception of me. It's in the same category as not getting shitfaced on the first date, IMO.

[DrPhil]

Originally Posted by 33girl

And this isn't about "if you can't afford a place, don't take a date there." It's about not looking like a greedy gold digger on the first date.

This is subjective. It depends on the people involved and the context. What you consider looking like a greedy gold digger is interpreted another way by someone else. That is why adults learn to gauge their environments rather than being stuck with hardfast rules that do not always apply.

Just like there are people who have sex on the first date. Some of those people end up one night stands and some of them end up married for 100 years. Whatever works for them. What they eat doesn't make me shit, and vice versa.

[33girl]

Well then, I'll put it this way. I PERSONALLY would not feel comfy, even if I was out w/ Donald Trump, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date. Maybe there are some men out there who are fine with it (just as there are some one nighters that turn into lifetimes) but I honestly think it's better to be safe than sorry.

[DrPhil]

Yes, this is all personally. And people have different ideas of what it means to be safe than sorry when it comes to such things.

For those who truly care about this type of thing, there are ways to politely set the tone for how much you expect to spend on a date. If the OP has yet to figure that out, now is a good time. LOL.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

If you don't want to spend that much money, don't go to a "high end" restaurant. I don't mind paying, but if I'm not trying to spend that much, we'll skip the 5-star Steakhouse and go to Pappadeaux or something.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by psusue

On first dates I agree with everyone else that posted. I try to stay low to mid range price wise, but I also tend to like to eat cheaper thing (i.e. I don't really like shrimp or shellfish, therefore I wouldn't ever order it). I do try to order something that I really want though...

I'm the same way.. I'm not "into" food like other people are, and I actually spend most of my time sitting at bars if I go out to eat with friends, parents, or guys I've been dating for a while. My dates don't spend a lot on me because a) I prefer salad/chicken/pasta to steak/shrimp/lobster any day, and b) I don't eat that much in one sitting. And the way entrees are today, I usually end up ordering soup and a salad, or an appetizer with a side dish.

And while I LOVE my Jack and Cokes, if I'm out at a nice dinner, I'll order the house Chardonnay.. Not because it's cheap, but because I tend to love cheap wine

However... If you see lobster on the menu, and that's what you want, I say order it! And if a guy thinks you're snobby and high maintenance because of that, F him. He's judgmental and he's missing out. If he didn't want you to order the lobster, he shouldn't have taken you to a place that offers it.

I will say, my one food addiction is swordfish. I can rarely even find it on a menu anymore, even at places where they used to serve it. So if I see it on a menu, I don't care.. I'm ordering it. You've been warned, guys

But personally, on a date, I'd be perfectly happy just going out and eating a bunch of caramels

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Well then, I'll put it this way. I PERSONALLY would not feel comfy, even if I was out w/ Donald Trump, ordering the most expensive thing on the menu on the first date. Maybe there are some men out there who are fine with it (just as there are some one nighters that turn into lifetimes) but I honestly think it's better to be safe than sorry.

Agreed.

Much the same way, if a guy asks me for a suggestion on where to go (and I think that's a fair question if he is coming up to my 'hood), I usually try to suggest two or three restaurants in different price ranges beforehand, so he can go online, see what they are, and pick which one makes him comfortable.

Now, if he picks the inexpensive Thai place, and then gets bent out of shape because I ordered the $12 duck entree when most of the other entrees are $10, we're gonna have problems.

(of course, this is all in past tense. sigh. dating.)

[katydidKD]

Originally Posted by Cen1aur 1963

What do you think is reasonably acceptable (for spending) on a first date? I posted something about this in the dating and relationships thread, but I wanted to see other folks points of view on this, because I'm thinking it's just me thinking like this. Like I was saying, I'll pay for the first date, but do you think it's rude for a girl to order a lot of high end food/drinks from the menu if the dude is paying for the date? On your first date what did you spend/order? Would you date her again if she ordered high end on you? I'm just trying to see if I'm looking into this too hard.

yes, its rude. you should be very mindful of what you are ordering when you are on a date and the other person is paying. One time i went out and got what i wanted but not everything haha (cause i was on a date) the next day a friend and i went to lunch to the same place (each paying for ourselves obviously) and i went nuts lol

[Cen1aur 1963]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

This is subjective. It depends on the people involved and the context. What you consider looking like a greedy gold digger is interpreted another way by someone else. That is why adults learn to gauge their environments rather than being stuck with hardfast rules that do not always apply.

Just like there are people who have sex on the first date. Some of those people end up one night stands and some of them end up married for 100 years. Whatever works for them. What they eat doesn't make me shit, and vice versa.

LOL at 'what they eat doesn't make me shit'. If that isn't the truth, then I don't know what is.

I read everybody elses posts, and I agreed. I think I'm going to ask her out again, but on a less expensive outing, that way I can see where her mind is. I did tell her to order whatever it is she wants off the menu, but I was just now reading something Dr. Phil said in her post about being straight up with folks. I was straight up with her, but at the same time I wasn't going to tell her 'order anything you want, but be selective with what you order. Don't order too many drinks or expensive items'. Telling her to order what she wanted, I would think that she would have some manners and be kind of moderate about it.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If he takes you to Ruth's Chris, don't order the most expensive steak plus the lobster tail plus dessert.

If he takes you to McDonald's, don't order the large Mushroom Angus Burger meal.

Order at the low or medium end of the price range on a first date. This applies no matter what kind of restaurant you're at.

I agree with this as well, although I'll add that when I was dating, I never took someone out on a first date where I couldn't afford something on the menu (assuming the girl didn't order 10 courses).