Depression and Relationships (Romantic, Friends, Family, etc)

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Sen's Revenge

I appreciate your candor AND your irreverence. Thank you.

I do understand. He hates that I am a fixer and I have tried to be less of a fixer and more of a listener and thoughtful gift giver.

Thanks guys. I think i can deal well with anything life throws me except when people shut off communications. I have even dealt with old friends who have themselves been institutionalized due to psychosis - yes I am pretty damn proud of myself in a non-smug way. lol

Just keep in mind, this isn't about you - this is about him so being less of a fixer, more of a listener, etc. may not matter at all.

On that same token, you can have permission to cut off ties if you need to for you. First thing is to always take care of yourself.

[Sen's Revenge]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Just keep in mind, this isn't about you - this is about him so being less of a fixer, more of a listener, etc. may not matter at all.

On that same token, you can have permission to cut off ties if you need to for you. First thing is to always take care of yourself.

I needed to hear this, too.

I might be a lot of things, but someone with some level of depression and anxiety is among them, so I am definitely trying to draw the line between support and self care for myself.

[Sen's Revenge]

So he called tonight, which was a surprise.

He was profusely apologetic.

Regarding the package: We figured out it was because there was no apartment number listed on the label. He had forgotten to text it to me, but also he usually still gets his mail even without it. I figured it was something simple like that.

Regarding his radio silence: He said something pretty sad and sweet at the same time. He said he didn't respond to my messages because he didn't want to lie and say he was okay when he wasn't.

He had some pretty major trauma this summer (family and professional) and he pretty much shut down.

We're working on it. I would really like for him to find a good therapist. I will also be doing all I can to let him know he doesn't have to get through a crisis on his own.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by Sen's Revenge

.....We're working on it. I would really like for him to find a good therapist. I will also be doing all I can to let him know he doesn't have to get through a crisis on his own.

Originally Posted by Jen

You're a good friend =)

What she said plus I will actually say "amazing friend".

I will chip in a say when I finally sought help years ago, just talking to a professional helped a lot. I really hope your friend does find a good therapist.

[andthen]

Ditto to what has been said already, you are a very good friend. Sending positive vibes your way. And I hope your friend is able to find a good therapist to sort through what's going on in their life. I'm forever grateful to my therapist from long ago. It took some time but eventually I was able to see the forrest from the trees.

Reaching out is a very positive step though for your friend.

[jolene]

So glad your friend got back to you.

[Kevin]

Hey cool! Glad to see everything is working out.

[Sen's Revenge]

There have been further updates. Won't get into details (for his privacy), but I resent the package and it did arrive. Still no word on what he thought about it; that and the fact that days were passing before he would return text messages, well that was annoying/upsetting, but I took what you guys said (as well as some of you offline) and quickly remembered that he was silent because of his illness, not because of a personality flaw.

So I decided to do what Kevin said, in a manner of speaking. Rather than postcards, I decided "You know what? Everybody gets text messages." So I've been texting him words of encouragement every few days. The focus has been how I care about him and don't "need" him to do anything for me but be well. The last thing he send me the other day was that he has read every text message and they are getting him through the days.

It feels good to be helpful. I know I can't fix clinical depression, but I can be a beacon, I suppose.

[andthen]

It can be tough perhaps not seeing things go back to the way that they might have been prior to this. But it's good to know that he's getting the texts and he knows that you care. He's so fortunate to have someone like you rooting for him. Thanks for the update Sen.

[Jill1228]

Depression ain't no joke. Been there, done that and got the therapy bills to prove it.
And you feel so helpless at times
You are an amazing friend. The little gestures you are doing speak huge volumes!

[BadSquirrelBeta]

Glad you were finally able to get through!!