long distance relationships

[IlovemyAKA]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

This is a good point. LDRs are meant to be a temporary situation.

At some point, if two people are in their relationship for the long haul (meaning you have mutually decided that you're eventually moving on to a next step like engagement and marriage), there needs to be a plan to end the distance. Example: Suzy and Bobby are long distance while Bobby finishes law school in NY. When Bobby graduates, he will move to Suzy's town.

I agree with the above. My bf and I were about 7 hrs away for almost a year. I moved to his town once I graduated a few months a go. We have been together approximately 2 yrs, and are doing well since the move

[When Doves Cry]

The only reason we're still in this is because we know we are going to get married in the future. We have 1.75 more years until I graduate (and maybe he will too . Transferring schools messed up his credits).

[joliebelle]

Originally Posted by alphagamzetagam

If those schools have good programs for what you want, then there's no reason you shouldn't.

It's not a question of shouldn't have to do it, it's a question of do you want to do it? If you don't want to do it, then don't. Just know that that could spell the end of your relationship.

Regardless, you'll need support in grad school. If the programs are good, and close to him, there's no reason why you shouldn't at least check them out. Make sure you apply to your dream school, as well, even if it's far away, and maybe another school that you like that's not close. If, after acceptances, you check out all the programs and you're still not feeling moving closer to him, then don't. You shouldn't move closer to him if you don't want to. Just don't expect him to move closer to you in the future.

Thank you This is pretty much the advice that I needed to hear. I am applying to my dream school, which is a few states over, but also to schools that I do love that are in Chicago too.

[sceniczip]

My boyfriend and I are about two hours away from each other, which compared to others isn't bad. We see each other about every other weekend and his hometown is like 20-30 minutes from my hometown so breaks are really nice. We talk everyday and I like to think we act normal, we talk about the same type of stuff that we'd talk about over dinner every night and I think that's the important part. Once we graduate, we'll be moving together. I'll get a job wherever he gets into med school since it will be easier for me to find a job than him to get into a med school in the area where I want to live lol.

I know a few other 2-4 hour long distance relationships that seem to be working okay. I think it would be harder if you're dating someone who likes to go out and party and stuff. I'm a natural worrier (like safety, not really cheating and stuff) so when I don't hear from him when he says he'll be around I immediately start to think the building burned down with him inside or something LOL. But he's used to that about me so it works

I think the most important part is just acting normal. Not being afraid to argue, because some people don't know there's a problem unless you tell them and if you don't tell them then it won't be fixed and you'll just get more upset.

[gamma_girl52]

I also agree with KSUViolet. Eventually, somebody is going to have to relocate, especially if you guys see it getting serious.

My boyfriend and I met 11 months ago. I was living in Atlanta and he was living in Texas...so that's a LOT of distance, but we still managed to see each other every other month (we both traveled to each other's respective state). Eventually I was the one who decided to relocate to Texas. I got my Americorps position in San Marcos.

We're STILL long distance, LOL because he attends Stephen F. Austin in Nacogdoches which is 4 hours away now but that's better than 12+ hours but now I can visit every other weekend.

One thing I can say about LDR's is that there has to be a tremendous amount of trust involved because you don't see each other all the time. I've also learned to communicate my needs and concerns better too. This is my first LDR too, so I'm still learning as I go.

[joliebelle]

I figured that I would update my own post (shocker, I know)
After spending more time with him and passionately discussing our relationship, I decided that my tentative plan is to get into a graduate school in Chicago or in IN. Then, after I finish my Master's to move in together.

Thanks so much to everyone for their advice and comments!

[XAntoftheSkyX]

I'm currently in a LDR with my GF of almost 2 years. We met in high school, went to the same university and she graduated this past spring. She currently teaches English in a few schools in Japan while I'm still in Massachusetts working on my degree. It hasn't been easy, but we try to keep in regular contact with webcams and microphones. She is planning to come back to the states either later this spring or this summer.

[Beach Peach]

my boyfriend and i dated 8 months long distance from miami, florida to buffalo, ny. of course it's hard as hell, but it tells you he's definitely in this for you and not for the "perks" because there really arent any. Obviously you may know better than i do since you've been dating longer, but we're at nearly a year and a half now (he transfered schools for me) and going strong, summers suck but lets just say southwest airlines gets a lot of business from us. goodluck and if he's really something special, which im guessing he is, hang onto him and make it work. try to make this LDR a SDR as soon as possible. it will relieve soooo much stress and you can just smile at eachother every night

[agzg]

Let me go on the record with this one:

I freaking HATE Buffalo International Airport. WITH A PASSION.

[wimbledon09]

I have been in a long distance relationship for almost two years now. He is in college five hours away from me. Our relationship has not suffered one bit. In fact, I think the distance is one of the reasons we became so close so quickly. We began dating when he was home for christmas break one year, so we were spoiled for about a month and a half. When he had to go back, we depended upon phone calls, texts, facebook, and letters. Eventually we kind of naturally fell into a "system" that we follow to this day.
1) Whoever gets up first sends the other a good morning text, and we text until one has to go to class.
2) We text each other at lunch to see how the day is going.
3) When I get off work, he calls and we have a short conversation just to talk about our day thus far.
4) Finally, we call each other right before we are both about to go to sleep. We usually have a long hour long conversation, say goodnight, and then we both go to sleep. It's like we live our day together except separately.

[AGDee]

In 1995, I was very involved in chat rooms on CompuServe. I was part of a tight knit channel (what they called chat on Cserve). A lot of the folks ended up having regular get togethers but they were pretty party oriented and I was a wife and mom so I never went. I did become very good chat friends with one of the men on the channel who was from Atlanta. He was newly divorced and just out of the Air Force after 17 years. I used to give him dating advice, we played Scrabble online together and talked about everything and anything. We got along great and had similar senses of humor. We talked for over 5 years. I got divorced in 2000 and he was going to be in Ohio for business. He asked if I could meet him for dinner because he wanted to meet his friend face to face. I knew many people who had met him in person and had heard nothing but good about him so I trusted him. I met him in Ohio for dinner. It was then that we discovered that we had an amazing chemistry that we didn't expect. We saw each other a few more times but realized quickly that it was a pretty hopeless situation since I had young kids, 50-50 custody and couldn't move. He had a really good job and his family was all in Atlanta and moving wasn't an option for him either. So, we stuck to emailing and chatting occasionally while we both continued on with our lives, other relationships, etc. We hadn't emailed in about a year when I found him on Facebook in January. He is single again, I am single. We realized that we've been talking for 14 years now. Our communications have increased a lot but I still have 5 years before I'd be available to move and, quite honestly, anybody hoping to find a job and move to Michigan is purely out of luck. We did realize though, that after 14 years, only 5 more doesn't seem like so much. We will continue to lead our lives as we have, dating, etc. but we have decided that if, in 5 years, when my youngest goes away to college, we feel like we do today and there is nobody else in the picture for either of us, I will move to Atlanta and we will finally get a chance to see if "we" can work. We are making plans to see each other a couple times this summer. How's that for a long distance relationship?

ETA: It sounds so crazy in writing. I am a big believer in fate though and decided several years ago that if we are meant to be, then all will work out. He has had several 2-3 year relationships and they have not worked out for him. He totally shares my cynicism towards marriage and usually ends up breaking up when the woman gets tired of just living together and wants to get married. In the meantime, he will remain one of my best friends. If he finds happiness with someone else, then I am happy for him. In some weird way, I never feel jealous about his relationships, as long as I have our friendship. It's so weird.

[LucyKKG]

My bf and I go to school together, and we're both graduating in June. He wants to work for the Highway Patrol, so he'll eventually go to the training academy in Sacramento for 6 months then be stationed who-knows-where for a year. Sac is about 2 hours away from my hometown.

We're used to seeing each other almost EVERY day, and I spend the night at his place pretty frequently. We're both moving back home with our respective parents in September. I'll only be an hour away from him, but it seems like a lot since I usually see him ALL the time. I know I'm whining, and this is really trivial compared to other people but it's still going to be a big change. I have no idea where I'll be or what I'll be doing a year from now. Ahhh scary!

[christiangirl]

So for those who began an LDR already being apart (as opposed to being together and then one moving), how did your relationships start? Any good stories? (I like yours AGD.)

[nittanygirl]

I'm in a long distance....well I count it as long enough it's like 3.5-4.5 hours depending on traffic, but the big issue is that our schedules clash entirely so its ridic to find time to see each other. It gets hard, but I'm just living for when we're back together again... We've been long distance...this will be the 3rd school year thing.... yuck.

[DrPhil]

I miss nittanyalum.