Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl

[1964Alum]

Well, if you put yourself in competition with your girl friend's sorority, it will not turn out well for either one of you. Your fear of being "second fiddle" tells me that that is where you are emotionally. Your relationship and those she has with her sisters are two entirely different kinds and are not mutually exclusive. Be proud that she has a rewarding life and commitments other than the one to you!

[Pope]

I had written a response earlier, but deleted it because I thought I may have been too harsh. Now that you've had a chance to post more, I realize that I wasn't harsh enough and wish I hadn't deleted it.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start.

It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

Issue with that, I HAVE been accepting this as apart of her lifestyle, and I have NEVER resented her sisterhood or commitments. I know more likely than not that I probably won't see her for two weeks, but that's okay. I just want communication already. It's tough not hearing from someone you care about for quite sometime. Granted, it would be tougher without today's technology, but even at that it's still not fun. I accept it, but I'm not being clingy, I just care like any other significant other should do.

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.

First, I can't help but notice the spelling and grammatical errors throughout your posts. I highlighted a couple of them for you, but there are others I didn't point out. If you are, indeed, a college graduate, you might want to brush up on your proofreading skills before your MBA coursework begins.

Secondly, I assume you haven't been in this relationship very long. If you are legitimately worried that your girlfriend will actually forget you in a month or so, you are significantly more invested in this relationship than she is. If that's the case, better to find out now than later.

Third, it sounds a little bit like you're lonely and miserable and somewhat resentful of the fact that she's having fun. That's kind of selfish, dontcha think? I mean, would you want a significant other who wanted you to be sad? Be happy for her that she's enjoying herself. Maybe you could go find something to do that might bring you joy.

Fourth, ditch the stereotypes. It won't get you anywhere productive with either her or the nice people here.

And, finally, yes, you are being clingy. Extra super-duper clingy.

[33girl]

Is the girl you're dating in a sorority at your undergrad school or the school you currently attend? (I'm kind of assuming you went from a state flagship to a smaller private school)

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Is the girl you're dating in a sorority at your undergrad school or the school you currently attend? (I'm kind of assuming you went from a state flagship to a smaller private school)

That is correct, she's at the undergrad school.

[geedeamonggreek]

I can understand why some of you think that I am super clingy, and maybe I am.
I just worry that I don't do enough for her, but maybe I just do too much.

But then again, maybe I should trust myself a little more too.
I don't want to burn any bridges with anyone here, I just want to know what it takes for my own sanity, so I don't go crazy.

I am not stereotyping at all by the way, I am just going by what I have noticed lately, and talking to other friends who have been in the exact situation as I have been before.
Plus, it is a little lonely when 75% of your undergrad friends have graduated as well.

I can see I guess where I am clingy, but I know some people that can be much more clingy with their significant other, I live with a guy right now that does just that with his significant other.

[kitekat]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

I can understand why some of you think that I am super clingy, and maybe I am.
I just worry that I don't do enough for her, but maybe I just do too much.

But then again, maybe I should trust myself a little more too.
I don't want to burn any bridges with anyone here, I just want to know what it takes for my own sanity, so I don't go crazy.

I am not stereotyping at all by the way, I am just going by what I have noticed lately, and talking to other friends who have been in the exact situation as I have been before.
Plus, it is a little lonely when 75% of your undergrad friends have graduated as well.

I can see I guess where I am clingy, but I know some people that can be much more clingy with their significant other, I live with a guy right now that does just that with his significant other.

I think you need to work on trusting HER as well.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by kitekat

I think you need to work on trusting HER as well.

That wouldn't hurt either. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her, Greek related or not.

I just like communication. I don't need to see her every day (and heck, I probably won't for the next two weeks). But, even the simplest "I miss you" or "I love you" would make things better!

[clemsongirl]

Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek

That wouldn't hurt either. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her, Greek related or not.

I just like communication. I don't need to see her every day (and heck, I probably won't for the next two weeks). But, even the simplest "I miss you" or "I love you" would make things better!

Then TELL her that. If you like communication so much, do it! You come off as very insecure and clingy, and if you can't handle not being around her/hearing from her all the time then maybe this relationship isn't destined to work out.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by clemsongirl

Then TELL her that. If you like communication so much, do it! You come off as very insecure and clingy, and if you can't handle not being around her/hearing from her all the time then maybe this relationship isn't destined to work out.

I do that, every day actually!

But I don't want to blow up her phone when I know she's got other things to do, making me sound even more like a cling monster.

[33girl]

She is really really tired and stressed and overwhelmed right now. You were not in it and you are not going to understand it. She probably doesn't want to call you and whine about this or that. Also, there are things that she just plain is not allowed to share.

I might be saying this because I'm old, But girls don't like being texted at. I mean the constant constant barrage of message after message. If you're doing that, stop.

Something nice you could do is send a bouquet of flowers addressed to the whole house, not just your girlfriend, saying good luck with recruitment.

[1964Alum]

Yes, what 33girl posted:


"Something nice you could do is send flowers to the whole house, not just your girlfriend, saying good luck with recruitment."

This would communicate to your girlfriend that you support what is very important to her. You would also get appreciation from her sisters. Time to back off from making demands on her that she can't possibly respond to at this time!

Do you want to be A Prince or a Pest? :-D

[navane]

geedeamonggreek,


I appreciate that you at least had enough self-awareness to come here to seek some advice. I commend you for that.


I will chime in to say that I agree with the other posters here who are expressing concern over the level of "clingy-ness" you've displayed. As I read your initial post, I was immediately struck by your worry that your girlfriend would be busy for 8 days and that her participation in the sorority's recruitment activities would cause her to pull away from you and the relationship. That concerns me. Yes, yes, you mentioned a bit about the coming semester as well; but, that you are struggling to separate yourself from her and the relationship for what amounts to one week is worrisome.


Think about this being applied to other situations in life. For example, what if her father or mother fell sick with a terrible illness and she needed to spend a couple weeks at home helping out full-time. She needs to give 100% focus to her mom's rehabilitation and doesn't have the time to call you between cooking, cleaning, bathing her mom, driving to doctor's appointments and picking up prescriptions. Would you be worried that her mother's cancer would come inbetween your girlfriend and you? Sounds silly, right? Ridiculous even. That's because a relationship should be a supportive experience for each person. She's busy this WEEK with a school activity. There will be times when YOU will be busy and will need to "step away" for a time and she will be the one sitting on the sidelines. But, that's how life goes. If your connection can't survive a week or a couple of weeks, then the relationship isn't strong to start with.


Take it from me. I'm a Fire Captain. I work 24-hour shifts and I work two back-to-back shifts a week (48 hours straight). This week and next, I am scheduled for 3 shifts....that's 72-hours straight being away from home. When we get called up for large wildland fires, we can be gone for up to 14-days at a time. It's not an easy life for a family - especially with me being a female. If I ever get married, I'm going to need a man who understands my line of work. We have a saying in the fire and police services - one needs a spouse who can "embrace the badge". That is, a partner who understands what this line of work entails, the tough work hours and the mental toll it takes to be married to a police officer or firefighter. AND we can add military, business executives, airline pilots, on-call surgeons, etc, etc to the list!


You have it easy. Your lady is "only" in a college sorority with a couple of weeks of tough scheduling. This will be the least of your worries in life. Embrace her badge.

[geedeamonggreek]

Originally Posted by navane

geedeamonggreek,


I appreciate that you at least had enough self-awareness to come here to seek some advice. I commend you for that.


I will chime in to say that I agree with the other posters here who are expressing concern over the level of "clingy-ness" you've displayed. As I read your initial post, I was immediately struck by your worry that your girlfriend would be busy for 8 days and that her participation in the sorority's recruitment activities would cause her to pull away from you and the relationship. That concerns me. Yes, yes, you mentioned a bit about the coming semester as well; but, that you are struggling to separate yourself from her and the relationship for what amounts to one week is worrisome.


Think about this being applied to other situations in life. For example, what if her father or mother fell sick with a terrible illness and she needed to spend a couple weeks at home helping out full-time. She needs to give 100% focus to her mom's rehabilitation and doesn't have the time to call you between cooking, cleaning, bathing her mom, driving to doctor's appointments and picking up prescriptions. Would you be worried that her mother's cancer would come inbetween your girlfriend and you? Sounds silly, right? Ridiculous even. That's because a relationship should be a supportive experience for each person. She's busy this WEEK with a school activity. There will be times when YOU will be busy and will need to "step away" for a time and she will be the one sitting on the sidelines. But, that's how life goes. If your connection can't survive a week or a couple of weeks, then the relationship isn't strong to start with.


Take it from me. I'm a Fire Captain. I work 24-hour shifts and I work two back-to-back shifts a week (48 hours straight). This week and next, I am scheduled for 3 shifts....that's 72-hours straight being away from home. When we get called up for large wildland fires, we can be gone for up to 14-days at a time. It's not an easy life for a family - especially with me being a female. If I ever get married, I'm going to need a man who understands my line of work. We have a saying in the fire and police services - one needs a spouse who can "embrace the badge". That is, a partner who understands what this line of work entails, the tough work hours and the mental toll it takes to be married to a police officer or firefighter. AND we can add military, business executives, airline pilots, on-call surgeons, etc, etc to the list!


You have it easy. Your lady is "only" in a college sorority with a couple of weeks of tough scheduling. This will be the least of your worries in life. Embrace her badge.

We definitely do have it easy...and there are millions of things that are worse that can happen. We did make a oromise to never get too deep in what were involved in, where it essentially takes over our lives, because we want to have that too. We've been together since last fall, and I've never been happier. That being said, I never dated someone who was busy with recruitment, and the worry came from not just the recruitment side of things, because we know it's just a week. It's the commitments that come afterwords (on both sides) that I worry may get in the way (she goes out while I go to a game, or I'm at home while she's busy with chapter). Communication is key, it's always going to be key. I'm trusting her more, I really am. The beginning of the sorority season just new to me, and I guess I didn't realize the intensity of it until this week. (We originally were gonna hang out last night and tonight....that didn't happen due to work week going late) I just want to make things work no matter what, I just don't want to get lied to either though, or be up waiting too late/getting excited for nothing at all. That part just happens to me way too much. That also being said, I'm gonna support. I'm gonna be on the sidelines, and that's alright.

Thank you Navane,
You definitely have given me a better point of view with this situation! (And not as harsh as some of the intense posts I've seen today, haha.)

[andthen]

Also use this as an opportunity to communicate your expectations of one another. As life progresses and school ends as other posters previously mentioned life is going to sometimes intrude on your time that you might be able to spend together. For my job I have to travel a couple of times a year which means being away from the Mr. When he and I started dating I had made arrangements before he came into the picture to travel overseas.

Although I would miss him, I told him honestly that this is my life and travel does bring me much joy. And I'm sure he would have preferred I not be gone, he understood, accepted it, and was supportive (meaning not dwelling on the fact I would be gone for a little while). I wasn't going to be gone forever, or months at a time.

I think at least for you as it seems like you have some self awareness, think if you were in a similar situation for example work obligations, you're required to work crazy hours to meet a deadline. What would the best way your loved one could support but not be overbearing.

Also I truly believe that if things are meant to be you both will find a way to make it work.

[GoldBows]

I'm going to have to agree with the other posters here, you are coming off as pretty clingy and insecure. It's only 8 days - if you don't think your relationship can stand that much time apart then it must not be a very strong one to begin with. My SO and I are in a similar boat, as I am an active sister and he is not Greek. The thing is, he understands that during a time like recruitment, I do have to put my sorority first because it is a commitment I made long before I met him. I then understand that he has commitments he needs to put first like his position on Student Council or in the Engineering Students' Society.

OP, think of it this way. If she were going on vacation for 8 days, would you feel the same way?