is it possible to stay friends w/ an ex? - Page 2

gammazetagrl · #16 06-26-2001, 04:51 PM

the lack of closure COULD be indeed a factor that's why you think the feeling is still there...even just a tiny bit. i think that's normal though. i know that if i heard that my ex got a gf i would get jealous (at least for awhile)and if they break up i would feel glad and just a tiny bit "evilly" satisfied. it's human nature i guess. it kinda gives us a sense of revenge especially if they're the ones that broke up with us or did wrong to us...what goes around comes around like they say. but dont u enjoy the sense of power that u have in a way, he's single n wants u back, and you're in the meantime, happy with Shawn...girl that must feel soooo great to finally be in a place where u could be like "hah, its your fault".

Did he ask u back in the same email that he said he and his gf broke up? now i know guys sometimes wanna be on the rebound, and i think it's way too early. your ex is in a weird emotional state right now and he couldnt totally be ready for a new relationship so soon after the old one.

hope i was able to help.

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"To supress our feelings only makes them stronger"--from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

CodeBlue_R3 · #17 07-02-2001, 04:49 PM

Me and my ex, who was also my first love. Are still friends? Does my new friend like it-NO!!!! lol. My ex is always trying to get back with me saying he loves me, do I believe it-NO!!!.

Sugar_N_Spice · #18 07-03-2001, 12:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by CodeBlue_R3:
Me and my ex, who was also my first love. Are still friends? Does my new friend like it-NO!!!! lol. My ex is always trying to get back with me saying he loves me, do I believe it-NO!!!.

HAHAHA!! LOL. Not if he's my ex (who was my first boyfreind). Also, if he turns into a borderline stalker

and calls you all the time and then hangs up

and sends you weird a$$ pages

and basically begs you to take his lousy a$$ back but you know you never will and to this day you wonder WTF did you see in him any gosh darn way.

If your ex resembles the above, then NO. But if he is really a good person and you broke up with him on good terms, or if it wasn't on good terms but he has shown that he has matured since then, then maybe. Also, as long as he's not pressuring you to take him back (he's an ex for a reason

), then maybe you can be freinds after that "cooling off" period (a few months) after the breakup.

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"If there is no struggle, there is no progress"--Frederick Douglass

[This message has been edited by Sugar_N_Spice (edited July 03, 2001).]

SigTauJake · #19 07-03-2001, 01:19 AM

YES!! After 8 months of really not talking, we are now great friends. She is a Sigma Kappa and I am a Sig Tau. We have a blast at our social functions, and get along better now then ever before. It just took us a while to accept the new situation, and many apologies from me for ruining what we had, but we are cool now. We talk on a weekly basis and hang out every once in a while. One thing we don't discuss is our current relationships, but we get along great.

SSS1365 · #20 07-03-2001, 09:19 AM

I have never successfully stayed friends with an ex. I tried, but they didn't. Oh well. But now I have been dating my best friend for a year and a half, and I'm scared that if/when we break up, I'll lose him as my best friend as well. The thing is, we're in a long distance relationship which is really hard on him (more so than it is for me) and if we break up, that would be the reason. So we'd still have feelings for each other and I'm scared that it would be too difficult to stay close friends. Ok, sorry for my rambling

Hootie · #21 12-04-2003, 04:45 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by gammazetagrl
Well given my current situation I was wondering about this. And you know how when a couple breaks up they say "oh we can still be friends" but then they cannot get over the awkward situation and so it doesnt really happen? has it happened where u guys have realllly been able to stay in contact w/ an ex and even hang out (platonically)once a while? or is this all just BS? how long has it took where u can finally see your ex and not feel grudgingly or sad (like longing for him)anymore, and actually be HAPPY for him?..oh yeah and one more thing, is it proper, and if it is, in what time frame should it be okay to ask your ex whether they have a new gf/bf?

Sorry for the babbling. But any replies will be greatly appreciated.

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"To supress our feelings only makes them stronger"--from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

There's only one exboyfriend that I've been able to stay friends with. However the friendship certainly didn't happen over night. As a matter of fact it took us a good five months and 8 hours distance to resolve some things. He ended up dating a girl where he went to school and I persued other guys. Three years later we found ourselves together last year when my engagement broke off. So as you can see, if it is the right guy, it can work out.

But as far as the rest of the men I've dated: screw 'em. The reasons for those break ups were so severe that I don't think a friendship could have resulted. And that's how you have to look at things - if the trust was broken, if the guy cheated, if he was just BAD for you overall, why would you want to keep that type of person in your life?

James · #22 12-05-2003, 12:20 AM

No no no No . . . it only works if one of you is either pathologically unable to let go and the other person tolerates it, or one person keeps the other one on the hook so to speak with . . .

Neither situation is healthy. If you were going to be such good friends you wouldn't have broken up.

Hootie · #23 12-05-2003, 12:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
No no no No . . . it only works if one of you is either pathologically unable to let go and the other person tolerates it, or one person keeps the other one on the hook so to speak with . . .

Neither situation is healthy. If you were going to be such good friends you wouldn't have broken up.

That's not completely true either James. Some people, like myself, have been involved in relationships that were not the right "timing". Year later, and with frienship continued, it opens the door to the right timing and possibly more.

Furthermore, some people date for such a short amount of time because they realize they're not romantically compatible, yet can be mature enough to stay friends. I guess that's the underlying factor: how mature enough is the person to continue with a friendship?

GeekyPenguin · #24 12-05-2003, 01:44 AM

I consider one of my exes a better friend of mine - we only dated for a short time, and he's now dating one of my best friends pretty seriously.

Another, more serious ex and I didn't get a long for quite a while, but we've been quits for a few years now, so we chat every now and then.

The most recent ex and I don't talk too much because it was a bitter breakup, but we can be civil - we're both double majoring in the same thing and both want to go to law school so we talk about that occasionally.

xoheatherxo · #25 12-05-2003, 03:26 AM

i have to agree with a sister on this one!! me and my ex started dating when i was 18 and we dated for a lil over a year. we broke up and ended up being really good friends. the timing of our relationship i think is why it didnt work at the time. we were both young and didnt really know what we wanted. now were really good friends and talk about everything in our lives, including relationships. it took awhile though for us to get to that point. its not like we broke up and were like lets be friends and magically had this amazing new relationship. noone should expect that to happen. and of course there are still feelings there. theres no way that the feelings will go away as long as we keep us a friendship. but we are able to hang out when were both dating other people and nothing happens. so i guess i think that its a definite possibility to be friends with someone after you break up.

rho4life · #26 12-05-2003, 03:37 AM

I was just chatting about this w/ some co-wkrs yesterday over drinks. one guy was moving and found some old love letters and didnt know if he should hide them from his lady. I say if you hide past relationships you're just asking for problems.

I have remained friends w/ a few ex's here and there.......I even went to one's wedding, and I was one of the people he called the night he had his first kid. We were young when we dated, and some ten years later, he is one of my oldest friends of any gender. We each respect the other person's current partner.

Not to say it is always possible, in hindsight there are some fools i've dated who i wish i could forget, or at least burn the memory of their fingerprints off my flesh.

Mz Destiny · #27 12-05-2003, 08:34 PM

I am friends with many of my ex's. Some are married, and me & the wifeys are even cool. I'm even friends with my ex-husband! lol With all of them, we should have just stayed friends from the start! lol

MeLikey · #28 12-05-2003, 10:32 PM

My ex and I were together for a year and a half... he was my first love. After we broke up, we tried to remain friends, but it was SO hard. I'd find myself getting mad at him because I thought I was the one who kept making an effort to remain friends and he wasn't trying. We'd have periods when we'd be friends, then not be friends, be friends, and not be friends. When we were friends, we'd hang out as friends but it usually ended in fooling around, which in the back of my mind I was always saying no, but I wasn't physically stopping it. This went on for a while, these whole on and off again friendship/hooking up stuff. Then one day when I was trying to talk to him, this was during our semi friendship, no hooking up time, he was like this isn't working, we can't be friends, we've just grown apart. I got really upset and couldn't believe he wanted to cut off all ties, but after a while that feeling just faded and he was just out of my life. It wasn't until recently that we've started being friends again... but since he had hurt me so much when he said those things and I got so used to him not being in my life, that when he initiated communication, I was just like whatever, I'll talk to you, but at this point it really doesn't matter if we have a friendship to me. I didn't say these things, just felt them. So we still talk every now and then, but now I'm kinda numb, and don't really care either way if he stays in my life or not. It's kinda sad, but it's true.

ETA: And as far as when do you ask if he's seeing anyone, he actually asked me that recently... he's asked once before, but we got side tracked and I had never answered him. I felt awkward when he asked me, even though I wasn't seeing anyone. I asked him if he was and he said no. I didn't really care either way, but I figured I may as well shoot the question back at him.

aggieAXO · #29 12-06-2003, 12:26 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
No no no No . . . it only works if one of you is either pathologically unable to let go and the other person tolerates it, or one person keeps the other one on the hook so to speak with . . .

Neither situation is healthy. If you were going to be such good friends you wouldn't have broken up.

I also disagree with this statement. I am good friends with my ex-I talk to him often and we work together occasionally. I realized he could not give me what I needed as a boyfriend but I can't imagine not having him in my life.

MareImbrium · #30 12-06-2003, 06:35 AM

I have yet to experience the idea of being friends with an ex. Anything is possible though. For some people it just comes easy to say that they want to stay friends when in fact they don't really mean it. One guy I had a crush on more than a few years ago stated that one of the reasons he wouldn't think of hooking up with me was that we were just good friends and that he could never be friends with an ex. So to retain that relationship, he would much rather have stayed friends. However, we drifted apart from friendship regardless upon change in our school schedules. Go figure.