What to do if you spot a random guy wearing your letters?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by nwu43

However, it's kind of unfair to say it's just a "T-shirt". Some organizations are more strict about this type of stuff than others.

You are absolutely right about this, and I think that's why it's going to be hard to get advice from NPC and IFCers about this issue.

I don't think anyone wants to see someone representing their organization poorly, as a random drug-abusing homeless guy wearing the lettered shirt he got from a charity might.*

But since as far as I know, most NPC and IFC groups are not that protective about who wears their letters informally, like on date night shirts or philanthropy events, we're not going to be as outraged if we suspect that a non-member is wearing our letters generally.

*To tell you the truth if I saw it, I think I'd think "how nice of that XYZ to give away his old clothes to charity."

Something else worth considering is that people may think they have founded a new local with those letters, and not realize yet the letter belong to a national organization.

[nwu43]

Originally Posted by AlphaGamUGAAlum

You are absolutely right about this, and I think that's why it's going to be hard to get advice from NPC and IFCers about this issue.

I don't think anyone wants to see someone representing their organization poorly, as a random drug-abusing homeless guy wearing the lettered shirt he got from a charity might.*

But since as far as I know, most NPC and IFC groups are not that protective about who wears their letters informally, like on date night shirts or philanthropy events, we're not going to be as outraged if we suspect that a non-member is wearing our letters generally.

Exactly, I'm glad you understand

And it's not like the letters mean more to us or anything, just that the physical letters are not meant to ever get put on by non-members or even touch the floor. Just a symbolic thing.

There's often a concern that you may not be viewed as a "good lambda" if you don't treat the physical letters with enough respect, and thus even though lambda houses tend to be extremely dirty and disgusting, with beer bottles, random shoes and socks and chips lying all over the ground, you'll never see anything with letters on the ground (though you'll probably see them messily piled up on sofas or chairs or sometimes any object sufficiently clean as long as it's higher than the floor ).

The same goes with dealing with non-lambdas wearing letters, and some bros may be worried that if they don't act or are too passive they'll be met with some disapproval and lose face. We're more often concerned about how to handle depledges and possible haters who wear letters or flash our signs to spite us... that's why we had no idea how to deal with random strangers. Honestly, we didn't even know if we should consider it a big deal or not because we just never thought about it before!

So understandably, those guys were at a loss of what to do (especially since many of them were proud idealistic neos with the pledging experience fresh in their minds)

*To tell you the truth if I saw it, I think I'd think "how nice of that XYZ to give away his old clothes to charity."

Something else worth considering is that people may think they have founded a new local with those letters, and not realize yet the letter belong to a national organization.

Haha, I never thought about it that way.

[Senusret I]

If you can't offer them a plain replacement t-shirt, there's nothing you can do as a gentleman.

[nwu43]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

replacement t-shirt

Now there's a good idea

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by nwu43

Now there's a good idea

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.:
Bringing good ideas to light since 1906.

[AOxcutiexPI]

we've actually had people from a halfway house wear our letters because they found them in the trash. one way to stop it is make sure no one throws away anything with letters on it. either burn them or rip them up. because i dont think you want to be confrontational you don't know how people will react to you questioning them wearing it.

[MysticCat]

Originally Posted by nwu43

And it's not like the letters mean more to us or anything, just that the physical letters are not meant to ever get put on by non-members or even touch the floor. Just a symbolic thing.

Most GLOs have similar rules about non-members wearing letters -- or at least about members allowing non-members to wear letters.

I guess what troubles me is the idea that we may be elevating form over substance if we make any kind of deal out of it when see someone clearly not a member but also clearly down on their luck wearing our letters.

The question I would have to ask myself (and I'm only speaking for myself, not ragging on anyone else) is this: If I make a deal out of the female janitor wearing "my" letters, am I living by the values and principles that those letters stand for? I obviously can't answer for anyone else and I'm not trying to, but I think I would have to say that if I did anything other than walk on, I would be disrespecting my letters much more than she is, because I know what they stand for.

[nwu43]

Originally Posted by MysticCat

Most GLOs have similar rules about non-members wearing letters -- or at least about members allowing non-members to wear letters.

I guess what troubles me is the idea that we may be elevating form over substance if we make any kind of deal out of it when see someone clearly not a member but also clearly down on their luck wearing our letters.

The question I would have to ask myself (and I'm only speaking for myself, not ragging on anyone else) is this: If I make a deal out of the female janitor wearing "my" letters, am I living by the values and principles that those letters stand for? I obviously can't answer for anyone else and I'm not trying to, but I think I would have to say that if I did anything other than walk on, I would be disrespecting my letters much more than she is, because I know what they stand for.

(Ahghg im always poor on word choice, I've been having this trouble in writing papers since 7th grade)

When I made this thread I was really just aiming to ask for thoughts about non-members in general wearing letters and who don't have any idea what they mean. I didn't realize it sounded like we were thinking of "taking back clothes" from unfortunate people!! I know what you're saying, and your totally right, although I don't think the lady should be considered "down on her luck" purely because she's a janitor. I totally misused the word bum to describe the two guys downtown. When my bros described them, they were more just sayin that they looked like loafers who didn't do anything all day, like old delinquents or something.. they could have been homeless I guess, but they were described to me in such a way more to show that they were very "uncollege student like" so that there was no way that they could be lambdas. They weren't really described as sad helpless people.


So by the way in which they told me the details, the image of poor hobos never crossed my mind... although maybe they could have been homeless (and if that were true, I feel really bad). But seriously if we saw people who were clearly homeless and down on their luck wearing our letters, honestly we would feel bad for them like any human beings and we wouldn't really care that much about them wearing our clothes. Aghgh now I understand why you said we should feel lucky to afford clothes and people were talking about charity. I'm slow

I sure hope I didn't singlehandedly ruin our reputation by making people think we take clothes from the poor and helpless...

[nwu43]

At the same time, even if they weren't "helpless" in appearance, I guess we should have put more thought into the fact that they were still poorer and may have really needed the clothes. (honestly, I think my brothers just saw the janitor and the two guys as just normal people)

Again, these events were unprecedented, and the idea of being protective about our letters was more in the context of the narrow college world immediately surrounding us (we were concerned about actual college students who knew what the letters meant), and so we just didn't even know how to think about the situation clearly when we suddenly saw people outside our campus or who were not really part of college life wearing our gear.
---

In any case, it turns out from what people are saying that regardless if someone wearing your letters is poor or not, there's not much one can do. oh well.

[SnuKnight172]

There was a homeless guy who was hanging out around our campus and he was wearing our letters. When we saw this we actually went to the bookstore and bought him a brand new school sweetshirt/hoodie and asked that he give us our letters. We had him stuff them in a bag and then we disposed of them (I think we actually just threw them away). But the guy got a brand new sweetshirt/hoodie. The last time I saw him he had the hoodie tied around his waist.

[SnuKnight172]

Sigma Nu has rules that member have to follow. Only the following people can be given letters by a brother and how they fit me personally:

Fiance (was a sweetheart of Sigma Nu before we were engaged so she could already wear letters)
Wife (see Fiance)
Mother (she has a hoodie that I bought her a few months after I was initiated. She understands how much Sigma Nu means to me so she treats them as if they were her own.)
Sister (She attends the school I graduated from. In my chapter it is an unwritten rule that no other bros can give a sister letters other than her blood brother. When she started school I asked her if she wanted a set to wear and she refused by saying "why would I want your letters? I want to earn my own." She became a member of Alpha Phi and the thought of me giving her letters now is moot... Sometimes when we are out she wears mine when she is cold)
Grandmother (I never even thought about giving either grandmother her letters I don't think they would understand the significance.)

Here is a question: Do any of the other guys here carry a non letter sweetshirt in their car so that if a date or another lady is cold you have a sweetshirt for her other than your letter?

[LatinaAlumna]

Originally Posted by nwu43

No the beating up and legal action thing was a joke.

I wouldn't even be joking about getting into a physical altercation over a fraternity matter at this particular point in time, but that's just me.

I agree with some of the other posters--just let it go. The people you described most likely are unfamiliar with greek life and didn't know they were doing something offensive.

[nwu43]

Originally Posted by SnuKnight172

Sigma Nu has rules that member have to follow. Only the following people can be given letters by a brother and how they fit me personally:

Fiance (was a sweetheart of Sigma Nu before we were engaged so she could already wear letters)
Wife (see Fiance)
Mother (she has a hoodie that I bought her a few months after I was initiated. She understands how much Sigma Nu means to me so she treats them as if they were her own.)
Sister (She attends the school I graduated from. In my chapter it is an unwritten rule that no other bros can give a sister letters other than her blood brother. When she started school I asked her if she wanted a set to wear and she refused by saying "why would I want your letters? I want to earn my own." She became a member of Alpha Phi and the thought of me giving her letters now is moot... Sometimes when we are out she wears mine when she is cold)
Grandmother (I never even thought about giving either grandmother her letters I don't think they would understand the significance.)

Here is a question: Do any of the other guys here carry a non letter sweetshirt in their car so that if a date or another lady is cold you have a sweetshirt for her other than your letter?

That would certainly be a good idea.

I was in a very awkward situation two years ago when I left a party with a girl. We had to wait for a ride and it was cold outside. She wasn't wearing that much, and I had my linejacket on.

The gentlemanly thing to do would be to put my jacket on her but that's basically like letting her wear my letters, which is pretty bad (it's like putting a girl above my letters or something like that). Outside, there were bros EVERYWHERE, and I knew that if they saw me do that they would never stop giving me shit about it. At the same time... I really *REALLY* liked this girl, and what would she think? She'd probably think I'm a total jerk and never want to have anything to do with me

I just kept thinking to myself, man what the **** am I gonna do??!?!

[nwu43]

Originally Posted by LatinaAlumna

I wouldn't even be joking about getting into a physical altercation over a fraternity matter at this particular point in time, but that's just me.

I agree with some of the other posters--just let it go. The people you described most likely are unfamiliar with greek life and didn't know they were doing something offensive.

Whether they know it's offensive or not is only one part of it though. I already said in my original post that I realized it wasn't their fault. But the point is they're still wearing our letters, and in principle if we are good lambdas we should find a solution..

It actually seems now that Senusret and snuknight's ideas are much better than just "letting it go".

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Senusret I

If you can't offer them a plain replacement t-shirt, there's nothing you can do as a gentleman.

Exactly. Senusret, I agree.

The same thing happened to me my sophomore year in college. I hadn't been a member of my fraternity for more than 4 weeks. I was still very new to greek life. I saw a girl on our campus with a Kappa Founders t-shirt on. She didn't go to our school. She attended Ohio State. I asked her where she got the shirt and she told me a friend of her's gave it to her who was not a member of the fraternity. She said he wasn't even from this country. I asked her would she take it off if I gave her my shirt? She said no. I left and told another brother and he tried to get her to take it off, and she still declined. Of course he offered her another shirt, but she said no. We explained to her what could happen to her if she continued to wear the shirt. We told her not every member is as polite as we were being to her. Well, to make a long story short, she left the campus and came back about 3 hours later to our relief with a different shirt on.

To the OP if it bothered you that much, I would have just tried to explain to them why it needs to come off, and if they said no, then there's really nothing you can do about it.