What do you feel like saying, right now?

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

No, not ruthless at all. To me, it’s not wise to stay in contact with an ex, when you are married or courting someone else. The opposite of wise or wisdom is ignorance. Few things are more frustrating than not knowing how something works. I don’t like ignorance, because at the root of ignorance is the word ignore. I also don’t like ignorance because, at its core, it means that someone “ignored” something important. You “ignored” your lady when she felt it was disrespectful to keep in contact with your exes. What was important to her, should have been important to you, and vice versa.

I personally cut my exes off completely, even when I was single, because I’ve never looked back. I move forward. To me, there’s no logic in that. Other folks may disagree, but that kind of behavior doesn’t work for me. Never has.

I can’t do that, PB. If I had cut all my ex girls off, I wouldn’t have been hanging out with the ex I’ve been having fun with the last few weeks. My recent ex ignored things that were important to me too though. At least I felt so. You get what you give.

Originally Posted by AGDee

So if someone's spouse dies and they meet someone new and fall in love with them, you're saying that means they don't love their first spouse anymore? If you really love someone, it doesn't just stop because they aren't part of your life anymore. Love is forever. It doesn't go away. You move on though, and fall in love with someone new.

That goes without saying. I’m talking about if you’re in a current relationship with one dude, but have feelings for another dude, and both dudes are alive and well - the dude you’re with and the dude you have feelings for. No way could I trust a chick like that. I know for a fact that not everybody thinks like that. You have feelings for two dudes. One is available and the other isn’t. But the feelings for both dudes are still active.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Hahahahahahahahaha! Well....



That’s not overboard.

You may remember how the Beatles sang, “All you need is love.” I love the Beatles and I love that song, but I absolutely disagree with that conclusion. I need to be respected, too. Both are mandatory.

Lol CG, you are wild. Just be happy you got a good dude who cooks for you and drinks your bathwater Lol.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

That goes without saying. I’m talking about if you’re in a current relationship with one dude, but have feelings for another dude, and both dudes are alive and well - the dude you’re with and the dude you have feelings for. No way could I trust a chick like that. I know for a fact that not everybody thinks like that. You have feelings for two dudes. One is available and the other isn’t. But the feelings for both dudes are still active.

You can have feelings for a zillion people. That doesn't mean you act on them. How do you just erase caring about someone? Just because you're not seeing them? I have feelings for a lot of my ex-es. I care a lot about my kids' dad. It doesn't mean I'd go back to him. It doesn't mean he's a threat to me, but we have a long history.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by AGDee

You can have feelings for a zillion people. That doesn't mean you act on them. How do you just erase caring about someone? Just because you're not seeing them? I have feelings for a lot of my ex-es. I care a lot about my kids' dad. It doesn't mean I'd go back to him. It doesn't mean he's a threat to me, but we have a long history.

I think we’re talking apples and oranges. Let’s take family and ex spouses out of the equation.

Hey y’all, for anybody who wants to reply. What I’m trying to explain seems to be going way over AGDee’s head. Would y’all be in a relationship with somebody who has feelings for another person? Not family. I’m talking about somebody they see or saw as a soulmate.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

I think we’re talking apples and oranges. Let’s take family and ex spouses out of the equation.

Hey y’all, for anybody who wants to reply. What I’m trying to explain seems to be going way over AGDee’s head. Would y’all be in a relationship with somebody who has feelings for another person? Not family. I’m talking about somebody they see or saw as a soulmate.

If you saw someone as a soul mate, how would that every change? Do you just stop caring about someone because the relationship didn't work out? Why would anyone feel threatened by someone you have seen in 15 years? It's silly. That's some severe insecurity.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by AGDee

If you saw someone as a soul mate, how would that ever change? Do you just stop caring about someone because the relationship didn't work out? Why would anyone feel threatened by someone you have seen in 15 years? It's silly. That's some severe insecurity.

For real? Because that works for you and not somebody else, that person is insecure? That doesn’t make any sense.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

Second date with TKE guy is in the planner.

Yay! Are you driving near him or is he coming out to your neck of the woods?

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Yay! Are you driving near him or is he coming out to your neck of the woods?

We are meeting in the Lansing area. I have a board meeting all day near Lansing so we're going to meet for dinner afterward.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

For real? Because that works for you and not somebody else, that person is insecure? That doesn’t make any sense.

Yes, if someone is going to be so insecure that they want to believe I've never loved anybody else before, they have a problem. Especially someone I haven't seen in 15 years. There's no threat, there's nothing to worry about. Feelings are feelings. Whether you act on them or not is what matters.

You haven't answered my question- are you honestly saying that all feelings you ever had for someone that you lived with and had a relationship with just go away completely? If you found out they died, you wouldn't be sad? You just shut off the love you felt for them?

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

Yay! Are you driving near him or is he coming out to your neck of the woods?

CG, hear me out. Let’s say when you met Mr. CG, and while y’all were dating, long before y’all even thought about getting married, he told you he still had feelings for his ex. Would you be cool with that? I’m just trying to see that this just isn’t me. AGDee is way out in left field somewhere.

Originally Posted by AGDee

Yes, if someone is going to be so insecure that they want to believe I've never loved anybody else before, they have a problem. Especially someone I haven't seen in 15 years. There's no threat, there's nothing to worry about. Feelings are feelings. Whether you act on them or not is what matters.

You haven't answered my question- are you honestly saying that all feelings you ever had for someone that you lived with and had a relationship with just go away completely? If you found out they died, you wouldn't be sad? You just shut off the love you felt for them?

Of course. I’d be sad if anybody I’m cool with died. They don’t have to be an ex. Hell, I’ve never met anybody on this message board but I’d be sad if I found out somebody I chat with on a regular basis died on here.

I’m talking about if I’m with somebody and they still have intimate feelings for another dude, hell naw, I’m not cool with that. That doesn’t make me insecure either, nor do I feel threatened by them. That’s just being sensible.

YOU have intimate feelings for two dudes.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

CG, hear me out. Let’s say when you met Mr. CG, and while y’all were dating, long before y’all even thought about getting married, he told you he still had feelings for his ex. Would you be cool with that? I’m just trying to see that this just isn’t me. AGDee is way out in left field somewhere.


Of course. I’d be sad if anybody I’m cool with died. They don’t have to be an ex. Hell, I’ve never met anybody on this message board but I’d be sad if I found out somebody I chat with on a regular basis died on here.

I’m talking about if I’m with somebody and they still have intimate feelings for another dude, hell naw, I’m not cool with that. That doesn’t make me insecure either, nor do I feel threatened by them. That’s just being sensible.

YOU have intimate feelings for two dudes.

I've had feelings for TKE Guy for 40 years but still married two other men after him. I've had feelings for the other one for 24 years but accepted long ago that circumstances prevent us from ever being together. There are 3 or 4 other men I will always have feelings for. There's a piece of my heart that belongs to each of them. There's still room for love though. Love isn't finite. I assume that people still have feelings for partners from their past.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by AGDee

We are meeting in the Lansing area. I have a board meeting all day near Lansing so we're going to meet for dinner afterward.

That’s great news! I am so happy and excited for you, Dee!

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

CG, hear me out. Let’s say when you met Mr. CG, and while y’all were dating, long before y’all even thought about getting married, he told you he still had feelings for his ex. Would you be cool with that? I’m just trying to see that this just isn’t me. AGDee is way out in left field somewhere.
.

I was trying really hard to avoid this conversation, lol. Dee isn’t way out in left field, and I don’t believe you’re insecure with yourself for thinking the way you do. We’re all unique and think differently.

I personally no longer have any feelings for any of my ex boyfriends. I mean, my ex who I was with for like a little over a year, I was like 18/19? By the time I met my husband, I had already healed completely from him. And then the next guy I was going to get serious with before I met my husband, I broke it off with him because I was moving to Michigan. I was like 24 then? I’m 41. Why would I have feelings for any of my ex boyfriends now?

To answer your question though, if while we were dating, and he told me he had feelings for an ex and still loves her, I’d tell him then he can’t love me or have feelings for me at the same time that he has those feelings for her. I’d tell him to go back to her. Does that make me insecure? Absolutely not. We serve a jealous God who wants to be first in everything. It’s the first commandment for a reason. It says that nothing comes before Him, in so many words. Does that mean we serve an insecure God? No, we do not.

That said, if God is first, that means as his wife, I’m first before everyone and anyone else. It also means he better not have feelings for another woman (past or present). I do remove balls for a living ya know.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by AGDee

I've had feelings for TKE Guy for 40 years but still married two other men after him. I've had feelings for the other one for 24 years but accepted long ago that circumstances prevent us from ever being together. There are 3 or 4 other men I will always have feelings for. There's a piece of my heart that belongs to each of them. There's still room for love though. Love isn't finite. I assume that people still have feelings for partners from their past.

This right here is where you and I will forever disagree. This is twisted as hell to me. Do you.

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

I personally no longer have any feelings for any of my ex boyfriends. I mean, my ex who I was with for like a little over a year, I was like 18/19? By the time I met my husband, I had already healed completely from him. And then the next guy I was going to get serious with before I met my husband, I broke it off with him because I was moving to Michigan. I was like 24 then? I’m 41. Why would I have feelings for any of my ex boyfriends now?

To answer your question though, if while we were dating, and he told me he had feelings for an ex and still loves her, I’d tell him then he can’t love me or have feelings for me at the same time that he has those feelings for her. I’d tell him to go back to her. Does that make me insecure? Absolutely not. We serve a jealous God who wants to be first in everything. It’s the first commandment for a reason. It says that nothing comes before Him, in so many words. Does that mean we serve an insecure God? No, we do not.

That said, if God is first, that means as his wife, I’m first before everyone and anyone else. It also means he better not have feelings for another woman (past or present). I do remove balls for a living ya know.

This! PREACH AND THANK YOU! This is what I’m talking about. I don’t know shit about the last part of your post, but I can buy that too.

And Lmfao @ your profession. You are trippin Lol!

[PrettyBoy]

It’s actually impossible to compare God’s thinking to ours as humans because God is perfect, without any flaws. God’s Word is truth. Anything outside of His Word is false.

When somebody has feelings for another person who they were at one time with or not with, while they’re married or courting somebody else, they’re technically eliciting an insecurity to that relationship or marriage.

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

When somebody has feelings for another person who they were at one time with or not with, while they’re married or courting somebody else, they’re technically eliciting an insecurity to that relationship or marriage.

So like AGDee, you think that’s an insecurity too? I’m not going to assume with you, because that doesn’t sound like something you’d agree with, PB. Just checking to make sure nobody hacked your account Lol.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by Phrozen Sands

So like AGDee, you think that’s an insecurity too? I’m not going to assume with you, because that doesn’t sound like something you’d agree with, PB. Just checking to make sure nobody hacked your account Lol.

No, I don’t agree with it. I said elicit. You can come to a relationship secure with yourself and marry someone you’re secure with. But if you’re with somebody who has intimate feelings for someone else outside of the courtship or marriage, that person is responsible for bringing out an insecurity/insecurities that at one time were not there.

You should be 100% connected to your spouse spiritually, emotionally, and physically. If one of those is lacking, that relationship is going to be problematic, suffer, and fail. You should be lifting each other up daily, but if one of y’all still has feelings for somebody else, you can’t devote 100% of yourself to your partner, and you’ll begin to tear the other person down with insecurities you elicited and brought to table that at one time didn’t exist. It doesn’t mean you’re an insecure person. Understand?