In-law venting thread

[aephi alum]

My husband is currently on the phone with his mother.

He and I have precious little time to spend together these days. I work full-time and my commute recently quadrupled (40 minutes each way - a mostly pleasant drive, but still, that's 80 minutes of commute time + 9 hours at the office, and God help me if the server craps out and I have to stay late and fix it). He runs his own business, and, although he works out of the house, he's on the road a fair bit.

So here we were, relaxing at home on a quiet Sunday afternoon, when the phone rings. It's the monster-in-law. She had some inane question about her computer. And, of course, once she gets her son on the phone, she won't let him go.

AND, my husband insists on putting her on speaker. Her voice is like nails on chalkboard. My eardrums may implode.

She couldn't have called him tomorrow while I'm at work???

[summer_gphib]

Originally Posted by aephi alum

My husband is currently on the phone with his mother.

He and I have precious little time to spend together these days. I work full-time and my commute recently quadrupled (40 minutes each way - a mostly pleasant drive, but still, that's 80 minutes of commute time + 9 hours at the office, and God help me if the server craps out and I have to stay late and fix it). He runs his own business, and, although he works out of the house, he's on the road a fair bit.

So here we were, relaxing at home on a quiet Sunday afternoon, when the phone rings. It's the monster-in-law. She had some inane question about her computer. And, of course, once she gets her son on the phone, she won't let him go.

AND, my husband insists on putting her on speaker. Her voice is like nails on chalkboard. My eardrums may implode.

She couldn't have called him tomorrow while I'm at work???

Ooooh... that's a RULE at our house. If you are going to have the In-Laws on speaker then you have to take the call somewhere I am not--the bedroom or go outside. We went through this whole "boundary" setting thing. It has not really helped, but it is one rule I am adamant about.

[aephi alum]

The in-laws are flying up from Florida to New York tomorrow.

I have placed an item in my calendar for this Saturday. It reads: Day with the in-laws - KILL ME NOW.

And they are inflicting themselves on us again the following Wednesday evening.

I tolerate them because I love my husband. But MIL thinks she is the matriarch of the family (her mother passed away 3 years ago, and good riddance) and thinks she can control us. Too bad for her that I inherited two stubborn streaks - Polish and Irish - and I won't put up with any of her BS.

But fair is fair. My husband tolerates my father because he loves me. The stick up my father's ass has a stick up its ass. My mother was an amazing woman, and I think my husband genuinely loved her as his MIL, but she has passed away.

[mumomm]

My MIL is nuts also. I have loved reading this entire thread whilst recovering from a bad cold. When told we were expecting our first child ( her first grandchild) the first words out of her mouth were "I hope its a boy, girls are horrible". She has two sons, no daughters. We are now the proud parents of two college aged daughters who never gave us a moments worry. She never showed any interest in them at all, going to so far as to befriend the son of a friend. Taking him places while ignoring our daughters. My friend put a stop to it fairly quickly when she realized how much it hurt our DD's. She has hated me from the beginning and my husband finally put a stop to it and her several years ago. We have been very happily married for 27 years... After a 2 year hiatus, I felt sorry for her and invited her back into our lives only to have her do the same things (What was I thinking?). She constantly put down our daughters both of whom are excellent students, kind, polite and a delight to every teacher, boss or coach they have ever come into contact with. Somehow, she just can't see it and puts them down at every opportunity.
Even after I tried to do the kind thing, she STILL belittled me calling me every name in the book. DH finally decided enough was enough. I sure do love him for it. It's been 6 MIL free months and we are loving every minute of it. It was a hard lesson to learn, but sometimes you have to do what you need to do to keep your sanity.

[ASTalumna06]

It's so fitting that this thread popped up today. Even though I don't have a MIL yet, my bf's mom is a piece of work, and she managed to piss me off once again today. I have to come back and tell the whole long story sometime, but I don't even have the energy right now. Ugh.

[ellebud]

Way waay back in this thread I wrote about my in laws in a not so nice way. They were (and one continues to be) the nastiest, most bigoted and snobbish people. I said that that whatever they did I would do the opposite.

So...Mr. Ellebud junior got married last year. The negative: planning the wedding was more difficult because her family is observant Jewish. We are reform/secular Jews. The wedding was beautiful. My dil comes over all the time. I puppysit for them. We have dinners and lunches. She wonderful and loving. I/we love her.

And if I didn't love her, I would love her because my son loves her.

[tcsparky]

It looks like I am somewhat lucky in this area. Mr. TCSparky and I have been living together for 15 years. We may or may not actually get married. His parents live 40 minutes away, but I only see them 2-3 times a year. He sees them every 1-2 months. His mother is a total nightmare. She is super-controlling, and thinks that she knows EVERYTHING there is to know about everything. She is also extremely rude and condescending. To everyone, not just me.

His dad is a total doormat, and never says or does anything to rock the boat. He has to live with her, after all. When he was in the hospital a couple of months back, Mr. TCSparky went to visit. His dad had a private room, and while Mr. TC was visiting, he needed to use the restroom, and asked his dad if it was OK for him to use the one in his room. It was fine by him, but his mother stated that no, she did not think that was appropriate, and told him that if he went in there, she would call hospital security and have him removed! He didn't speak to her for a month after that.

When we had only been together a few years, she was trying to fix him up with the daughter of a friend, and frequently makes references to him "finding someone nice." However, that doesn't stop her from contacting me when she needs help with her grandchildren's schools!!

When he goes to see them, I do something else (TC has a sorority meeting, TC has something going on at work, TC is out of town), so I'm spared. A couple of times a year, I'll go with him to meet them at a restaurant.

[aephi alum]

Originally Posted by tcsparky

His dad had a private room, and while Mr. TC was visiting, he needed to use the restroom, and asked his dad if it was OK for him to use the one in his room. It was fine by him, but his mother stated that no, she did not think that was appropriate, and told him that if he went in there, she would call hospital security and have him removed! He didn't speak to her for a month after that.

She's right in that bathrooms in patient rooms should only be used by the patient. At least, that was the policy at both the hospital and the rehab center where my mother stayed. There were restrooms available for visitors. But threatening to call hospital security?! That's totally over the top!

And trying to fix him up with someone else when he already has a long-term partner? Wow. She really is a piece of work.

[ellebud]

Waaay back in this thread I wrote about my in laws. They were bigots, racists...and the only people who were important were WASPs in society. My dil actually gave an interview about his affairs. (Yes, he was famous..ish). My mil was a horror.

When my parents died I didn't even receive a phone call from them.

I became a mil 2 years ago. DIL and I get along very well. I do not comment or give advice (not much anyway)unless asked. I help take care of their puppy when needed. We're good.

MIL died last week. No one is mourning.

[FSUZeta]

Good to see you ellebud. I bet you are a fab MIL!

[ellebud]

It's good to see you too! I think that we are doing well as a new and growing family. We sent the kids on their honeymoon...and they bought me a necklace as a thank you. It is gorgeous!!

When they gave it to me I opened the box and went to shock. It it beautiful...really gorgeous. I was speechless. And for me...different..the silence I mean.

[DaffyKD]

Hi Ellebud,

I'm going to be a MIL in September to the neatest young man. My mother was a PITA when I got married and still is toward my BIL. I have been very proud of myself that I'm here to help with the wedding when I can (it's in Boston and I'm on the other coast). I make it a point to not interfere with their life. I try to do the complete opposite of my mother who is driving my poor daughter nuts.

Congrats on your newish title!

DaffyKD

[ellebud]

DaffyKD: Congratulations! My guess is that we are a part of the sorority: We met the enemy and she is the MIL. We pledge to be kind and loving to our in laws.

[KillarneyRose]

Just finished a binge re-read of this thread; very entertaining! I'd like to think I'll be a good MIL one of these days (but no time soon)

[ellebud]

I'm still the MIL. And things are going fine. There is a bit of...oversight on their part. They rescued a sweet dog...small. They forgot that they would be working long hours and they have a puppy with SEVERE separation anxiety. So...he comes 5 times a week to play. He is a sweetheart and doesn't object to our puppy putting his head in her mouth.

Our families have melded but we are VERY different. But I don't want to repeat the last generation so we talk...and attend each others' events.