"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[carnation]

Hoping that a lot of actives and alums will see this because in all truth, especially in a big recruitment where women frequently fall through the cracks: you don't always end up where you're meant to. Telling PNMs this often sets them up for a fall. You can't "trust the system", though it would be fabulous, but people are fallible and I'm so heartsick every year when wonderful girls do what they're supposed to and get dropped.

"The system" is not magic, it is not (as I keep saying) the Sorting Hat. I wish it were. Sometimes what happens is purely a numbers game.

Hang in there, PNMs, do your best. We're behind you!

[kaeb]

I was lucky enough to end up where I belong, but the process of getting there was really awful. In a weird way, though, I'm glad it happened, because if it didn't, I wouldn't know the amazing women who are now some of my best friends.

On a sort of related note, I know it's been said a million times, but do keep an open mind when you rush. I remember getting an unfavorable impression of one house from convo days, thinking that the girls didn't seem the brightest and not like people I'd get along with. Turns out I now have a bunch of friends in that house who are nothing like my impression of the women I talked to! Had things, for whatever reason, gone a different way and I'd ended up in that house despite having written them off initially, I think I could have been happy there too.

That's another thing: while I absolutely adore my sisters and wouldn't trade them for anything, at most schools with lots of (I'll say more than eight) chapters and houses that have plenty of girls (I'll say over 50), you're bound to find a few houses where you will fit right in, and there will be girls who could easily be your best friend (no matter what their house's "rep" is) in every house. There will probably also be a few houses where you wouldn't necessarily fit in with the entire house for the long-term, but you'd still probably meet some amazing women and make some great friends—and if, by the time initiation rolls around, you know it's not the right house for you, then you can drop (I'll probably get flack for advising that, but I don't see why girls should get initiated into chapters they won't be happy in, effectively forbidding them from ever joining another sorority where they might fit in much better).

I can't really speak for SEC/other schools where recruitment is at such an insane level, but it seems to me that at schools that are non-competitive (for the PNMs) to moderately competitive, you probably will end up where you're supposed to be. Or at least, you'll have the opportunity to end up where you're supposed to be—no one but you can make you take advantage of that opportunity!

I have a feeling this wasn't entirely coherent (I've been in a vaguely incoherent mood all day), so let me know if you need me to clarify any of that...

[KSUViolet06]

Honestly, the longer I've been in a sorority, the more I see that chapters on a campus are more alike than different.

It's less "follow your heart" and "you'll end up where you're meant to" than I thought when I was say, 20 and a new member.

I especially find myself not really liking the phrase "well, I just didn't fit in there."

Think about it, when we're dealing with these larger schools, the chapters have 100+ women in them.

How does one "not fit" with 100-150 people? You can't possibly look at a group of 150 people and say "they're all ___________." It's impossible.

Chances are good that you can find a nice sized group of people who share your interests in a group that large.

The flipside of this is when a chapter says that a certain PNM "wouldn't fit." Barring extreme circumstances, I can bet that she probably would. Especially in your 100+ woman chapter.

I dunno. I almost think that we could randomly assign PNMs to chapters at many schools and it would still work out fine.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

I dunno. I almost think that we could randomly assign PNMs to chapters at many schools and it would still work out fine.

LOL. Probably.

I think it's sort of like guys. There are a lot of guys who would be a good boyfriend/husband for me. There's no such thing as one "Mr Right." There's a lot of "Mr. Close Enoughs."

[AOII Angel]

My best advice would be...keep a safety chapter so you don't fall through the cracks. Like KSUviolet, I think very few girls couldn't find a way to fit in at most chapters.

[KDCat]

*bump*

The spam is killin' me.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

My best advice would be...keep a safety chapter so you don't fall through the cracks. Like KSUviolet, I think very few girls couldn't find a way to fit in at most chapters.

Yep.

A PNM is going to have a crappy recruitment if she only "sees herself" in 3 out of something like 17 chapters.

And really, Murphy's Law of Recruitment states that a PNM who says she "only sees herself" at the top 3 chapters on campus (and is most fixated on them) is probably least likely to get a bid from them. It's always the least prepared PNM who is the most fixated on getting "only the best."

I see this a lot with the fixation on say, Old Row at Bama. Those who are MOST focused on those groups are least likely to get invites.

I'm going to try to put this as nicely as possible while still being honest.

It's so important for PNMs to keep it real with themselves and be realistic.

Let's say the top chapters at Big Southern University are KKG, Chi O, and Theta.

Many of the invites to those chapters are determined by whether you have a connection there. If you have no connections to those 3, aren't a legacy of some sort, only have like one rec, and have a mediocre GPA, you're not getting invited back to those. Manage your expectations accordingly.

Yes, Suzy and Becky in your group got invited back there. They probably know some Chi Os, Kappas, etc. and have known them since middle school or high school. You don't. So don't be so surprised when you don't get an invite from them.

Yes, I know you "see yourself as a Chi O/Kappa/Theta." You can "see yourself" in them until the cows come home and that won't get you an invite.

Oh and I know you're like, so awesome, have a 3.9, and don't understand why they aren't interested. That's great and all, but these groups have a lot of cuts to make and the first to go are generally the ones whom they have never met. That's you. get over them. Sooner rather than later. There are 15 other chapters in recruitment who might invite you back if you'd stop fixating on the ones who aren't.

Oh, and should you decide to drop out and rush again because "I only see myself in KKG, Chi O, or Theta" you're going to be out of luck again because those groups are probably the ones who don't take sophomores or do spring recruitment.

Keep it real. Everyone isn't meant for "the best of the best" and that's okay, but there are other groups out there besides those. Don't limit yourself.

It's like college admissions. Everyone can't go to Yale. But there are tons of other great schools out there where you can be just as happy.

[wareagle93]

Bump

[mom2ee]

what about those girls that turned down Yale/Duke/ND to go to SEC school for the experience of Saturday football and Greek Life?

[phimusam]

Have heard that some sororities don't want top scholars - figure they are so interested in academics that they will neglect the sorority. I don't know which sororities believe that because almost all want a good GPA and those top scholars will likely have more money to give back as alums.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by phimusam

Have heard that some sororities don't want top scholars - figure they are so interested in academics that they will neglect the sorority. I don't know which sororities believe that because almost all want a good GPA and those top scholars will likely have more money to give back as alums.

I don't know about the first part, but we talked here recently about chapters not wanting women who skipped grades.

Also, many people who are high achievers in school are also introverts, and not necessarily the type who will shine in FR. I suspect THAT is the issue more than chapters specifically holding high GPAs against people.

[sweetongreek]

I don't know if it's appropriate to bump such an old thread; but I wanted to offer up my experience as an example. I graduated from a pretty small private school, and was incredibly involved in all aspects of campus life. I did varsity sports, led in the clubs I joined, and maintained competitive grades while earning top leadership positions my senior year. When I moved to (in my opinion) a large college, I was overwhelmed and knew I needed to get involved in organizations to gain a community feel and find my place.

My university had deferred recruitment, so my first semester, I joined a club sport that I'd done all through high school. That was a great way for me to make instant friends, but it still didn't offer the "whole package" that sorority life does (service, sisterhood, social, all of that), so I was eager to join Greek Life. Recruitment... did not go well for me. At all. I can't honestly figure out what it was, other than I didn't communicate the great qualities I had to offer (the process was admittedly pretty intimidating to me) and while I could picture myself as a sorority woman, and my friends could, too... it just didn't work out that year. I had great conversations with certain women, but others lacked that spark.

A year and a half later, a sorority was re-colonizing on my campus, and I decided to give it a shot. I still was not exactly happy with the organizations I was previously a part of and this sorority in particular struck me as an amazing opportunity. I received a bid... and I could not be more grateful that I joined my organization instead of during my freshman year. As a junior, I was able to become a leader in my sorority immediately, which is one of the strongest qualities I have. Even had I joined my freshman year, I might have fallen through the cracks or gotten lost among the sisters. I may never have gotten a leadership position or met the amazing women I now call sisters.

I didn't believe "you'll end up where you're meant to" my freshman year... but now I realize I was meant to take charge with my sorority's re-founding and build a strong foundation. I do believe amazing women with great qualities simply don't have a great recruitment experience... it's almost impossible to figure out why one girl made it through instead of another; however each girl can find a different place on campus where her qualities will shine through, whether that's an academic org, pre-med fraternity, business fraternity, service organization, club sport, or student government.

[km124]

sweetongreek

I'm so happy that the experience did work out for you and that you did "end up where you meant to" but the larger reality is still that this is not true for many many girls.

I transferred to an SEC school as a sophomore looking for a better academic experience than I had my freshman year and also a better traditional college experience. After attending a school with low levels of involvement and enthusiasm I wanted football games and school spirit and greek life. Unfortunately despite being (at least in my opinion) extremely involved on campus, friends with many members of greek organizations, academically focused, and having clear reasons for wanting to join a sorority I was entirely cut from rush before pref as sororities chose for their upperclassman quotas the close friends of the girls who had joined the year before as freshman. At a large school like you can be a perfect candidate for greek life and still get passed over.

I cannot count how many times I had been told that I would "end up where I am supposed to" and its heart breaking to read those threads and hear those words over and over again when it doesn't work out. Am I truly "supposed to" end up in this position? Unaffiliated, bitter at the recruitment process, and unbearably sad on the nights my friends traipse off to chapter?

[tcsparky]

While I realize that sweetongreek's post is quite old, her thoughts and feelings are often experienced by those who do not end up in Greek life. I'd like to address it.

She asks if she is "supposed to" end up "unaffiliated, bitter at the recruitment process, and unbearably sad." Perhaps she was truly supposed to not be in Greek life. It is not for everyone. However, being "bitter at the recruitment process and unbearably sad" are issues that anyone who wants to be Greek, but doesn't join an organization, must work through. No one is "supposed to" end up bitter or unbearably sad. That's a ridiculous conclusion to make, and anyone experiencing that level of emotional turmoil over a long period of time due to not placing in an organization during Recruitment needs to seek help to deal with those emotions.

The truth is that NOT EVERYONE should be Greek. NOT EVERYONE will end up placed in an organization. But everyone WILL end up where they belong- either in or outside of Greek life. I have many friends who did not go Greek and became involved in other organizations that shaped their lives in so many positive ways, that it is difficult to imagine that being in a sorority or fraternity could have added anything else.

Anyone not placing during Recruitment is always encouraged to try again- realizing that the results may be the same. Being able to finally accept where you end up is the emotionally healthy and mature way to react to one of life's many many many difficult and uncertain situations.

Originally Posted by km124

sweetongreek

I'm so happy that the experience did work out for you and that you did "end up where you meant to" but the larger reality is still that this is not true for many many girls.

I transferred to an SEC school as a sophomore looking for a better academic experience than I had my freshman year and also a better traditional college experience. After attending a school with low levels of involvement and enthusiasm I wanted football games and school spirit and greek life. Unfortunately despite being (at least in my opinion) extremely involved on campus, friends with many members of greek organizations, academically focused, and having clear reasons for wanting to join a sorority I was entirely cut from rush before pref as sororities chose for their upperclassman quotas the close friends of the girls who had joined the year before as freshman. At a large school like you can be a perfect candidate for greek life and still get passed over.

I cannot count how many times I had been told that I would "end up where I am supposed to" and its heart breaking to read those threads and hear those words over and over again when it doesn't work out. Am I truly "supposed to" end up in this position? Unaffiliated, bitter at the recruitment process, and unbearably sad on the nights my friends traipse off to chapter?

[33girl]

Actually, sweetongreek eventually got a bid. km124 is the bitter one.

If she had friends in sororities, it would have been nice if they had shared with her that her chances as a sophomore without many CLOSE friends in chapters weren't great, before she decided to transfer.