What to tell overconfident PNMs

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

Yes, I was privy to it. We had a ton of legacies come through, and most of them had legacy forms, but not too many others had recs. But, that was a long time ago and I think recs in general were not as widely used. I am quite certain that recs are much more common at my chapter now. The chapter very actively solicits them.

I don't know if you were directing part of your comment at me or not, but I have never said that my chapter didn't get recs. I know we did, but I also strongly suspect most PNMs did not have them - I know they didn't for my GLO. I know many of the women we pledged did not have them. I am sure that certain chapters on campus used them more than we did, and some chapters used them less.

The whole rec business is a lot easier now with electronic media, and I think that has aided the increase in rec usage at schools that didn't consider them heavily before.

You and I were also both collegians in the pre-RFM days, too, right? With chapters needing to make heavier cuts much earlier in the process, I could see why both sides (chapters and PNM's) would make a lot more effort to find recs.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by irishpipes

Yes, I was privy to it...I don't know if you were directing part of your comment at me or not, but I have never said that my chapter didn't get recs. The whole rec business is a lot easier now with electronic media, and I think that has aided the increase in rec usage at schools that didn't consider them heavily before.

OK! No, I wasn't really thinking you were clueless! But I have known other women who were have declared "We never got recs" when I know very well that they did - it's just that they were never involved in that part of the process.

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

You and I were also both collegians in the pre-RFM days, too, right? With chapters needing to make heavier cuts much earlier in the process, I could see why both sides (chapters and PNM's) would make a lot more effort to find recs.

Yes indeed! WAY more women out there now who are sorority alumnae. Can you imagine having to do all this by US mail? That's how it was done when I started out! And pre-1950, probably all written by hand!

[MSKKG]

After reading the title of this thread, I came to the conclusion that there is nothing we can tell overconfident PNMs. They seem to have all the answers. They come to us experienced members of GLOs for help and then throw all our advice out the window, preferring to rely on the advice of nonmembers of GLOs. Please don't waste our time if you are going to disregard our sincere desire to help you--clearly, you don't need our help.

[DubaiSis]

Hey, if every girl who went into rush at Bama or Ole Miss, etc. actually listened to advice, came in prepared and accepted the invitations they were given, think of how huge the pledge classes would be! So much worse than they are now. Consider them doing the chapters a favor.

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by DubaiSis

Hey, if every girl who went into rush at Bama or Ole Miss, etc. actually listened to advice, came in prepared and accepted the invitations they were given, think of how huge the pledge classes would be! So much worse than they are now. Consider them doing the chapters a favor.

Yes, let the trainwrecks crash before initiation rather than after.

[carnation]

TTT!

[carnation]

Originally Posted by carnation

I was at a high school recently and overheard a student saying that she would be rushing at Auburn. I said, "Do you have your recommendations in line?" and she replied dismissively, "Oh, no. I'm a legacy to 7 sororities."

OK, chica. You're out-of-state, I bet you're not a true legacy to 7, and there are probably at least 800 drop-dead-gorgeous girls rushing and you are at the other end of that spectrum, I fear. I hope a sorority is looking for a PNM with a high GPA.

I do have an update on this one. I got the school bid list when it came out and her name was not on it.

[thetalady]

Originally Posted by carnation

I do have an update on this one. I got the school bid list when it came out and her name was not on it.

Don't you just hate it when you are right.... said no one here ever.

[Jill1228]

What I'd tell them: You are not a special snowflake. At a competitive school, it's a dog eat dog world and you as a PNM are wearing Milk Bone underwear

[1964Alum]

I think there is a difference in having a healthy self confidence and feeling entitled.

No one is entitled to invitations to parties or receiving a bid. Membership is a privilege, not a right. And I think that is very important to keep in mind in going through recruitment. A certain humility is a very attractive quality.

[carnation]

Originally Posted by BraveMaroon

One of my colleagues was telling me his daughter will be going to an SEC school with a notoriously tough recruitment. I asked if she was going to rush (as I would have offered to write a rec) and he said, "Yeah, she's going to be an XYZ".

I warned him that it wasn't that simple, and he explained that his mother was an XYZ, that he has a cousin in the XYZ National HQ, and that his daughter's BFF from HS has a sister who is an XYZ at this school. He said, "She has it locked down."

Well, OK then. I'll just mosey along...

Overconfident parents breed overconfident PNMs.

What happened with this girl?

[33girl]

Originally Posted by 1964Alum

I think there is a difference in having a healthy self confidence and feeling entitled.

No one is entitled to invitations to parties or receiving a bid. Membership is a privilege, not a right. And I think that is very important to keep in mind in going through recruitment. A certain humility is a very attractive quality.

I think PNMs and their parents get confused when they hear about being guaranteed a bid if you maximize your options. They don't understand that you don't always have options to maximize. I know that has been publicized to keep girls from suiciding, but sometimes it seems that it isn't explained well and it gets people upset.

[carnation]

Agree, and I also think that many schools do a bad job of explaining "mutual selection". I wish I could inscribe across the front of recruitment booklets of competitive schools: "Mutual selection means that you get very little say in this--the sororities do almost all of the choosing. Good luck!"

[MaryPoppins]

Originally Posted by Jen

I think they've gone so overboard PC in trying to make it look like everyone gets a trophy that they set up totally unrealistic expectations for the PNMs. I still think we should go back to calling it rush, to saying "the sororities are choosing you" and being honest about how it all works.

^^^ This would be for the best understanding by the PNMs and their families which is why it won't happen.

[DubaiSis]

Here's what mutual selection means: they pick you and you get to say yes or no. At then end. But not until then.

I had to have the discussion with an alumna of another sorority who asked me for a rec for her daughter. She repeated the "guaranteed placement" line to me, and I carefully explained that only applies IF SHE MAKES IT TO PREFERENCE. That is nowhere the same thing as guaranteed placement. Thankfully she didn't think her snowflake was guaranteed a bid into her sorority and basically said legacy doesn't mean squat (which I also would argue. It means a bit more than squat - but not much). Thankfully in this case the mother and daughter are not overconfident; just not completely clear on how RFM works. And in this case I think they are both clear that if you want to join a sorority, you accept your invitations each day and say thank you.