"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[Zillini]

I'd like to get back to the original topic, at least in regards to highly competitive Recruitments. Yes PNM's get their hearts broken and no it's not always fair. But let's face it, life isn't going to be fair.

For many of these young women this may be the first time they've ever experienced rejection. It's a life lesson everyone needs to learn because odds are they will get rejected again sometime. Once they graduate they'll interview for a job and they're not always going to get it even if they are qualified. Depending on the job, there may be a lot of other qualified candidates and the employer needs to narrow the field somehow. No one is saying they aren't good people, just that they aren't a good fit with that group or the right person for that particular job.

My heart breaks for PNM's that don't get bids to the Chapter they've been dreaming about or maybe don't even get a bid at all. But it's not the end of the world even if it feels like it at the time. Chin up, life goes on.

[carnation]

I was thinking of this thread today. It's one of the family jokes that if I were a Disney princess, the others feel I would clearly be Belle whereas I have always insisted that I'm Sleeping Beauty. (I've felt that way for decades--since Sleeping Beauty came out when I was a child.)

So it would be like someone insisting she was a sure fit for Sleeping Beauty Sorority (Sigma Beta Sigma?) when the whole world, except her, knows she's clearly a Belle.

[amanda6035]

Originally Posted by carnation

I was thinking of this thread today. It's one of the family jokes that if I were a Disney princess, the others feel I would clearly be Belle whereas I have always insisted that I'm Sleeping Beauty. (I've felt that way for decades--since Sleeping Beauty came out when I was a child.)

So it would be like someone insisting she was a sure fit for Sleeping Beauty Sorority (Sigma Beta Sigma?) when the whole world, except her, knows she's clearly a Belle.

Hahah, slight hijack - Sigma Beta Sigma is a local at Young Harris College in north GA. My best friend is one.

[orchid2]

On the original topic...

I may hold a minority opinion in this thread, but I do not believe that everybody ends up where they are meant to be. I have seen several girls go through recruitment, receive heavy cuts, and pledge groups where they don't necessarily fit because they feel that SOME kind of greek experience is better than NOTHING, and they are willing to keep an open mind and make the best of what "fate" has given them. For these girls, the alternative is to either wait a year and rush again (missing out on greek life for a year, school does not hold an informal spring recruitment) or take a chance on COB (risky that they will still be non-greek for a year if these houses remain at quota!). Sometimes this works out beautifully and the girl realizes that she is in the right place. Other times, it doesn't. I know girls who remained in XYZ or ABC because they craved sisterhood, but never felt at home. There may be a life lesson to be learned and some kind of reason for the experience, but I honestly cannot believe that these girls ended up "where they were meant to be." Just my 2 cents.

Anybody can find happiness if it is sought out with enough fervor, but depending on personality of the girl and of the group, that happiness may not come as naturally for her in ABC as it would in XYZ...

Bottom line, it's what you make of your experience.

[carnation]

Yea!!!!!orchid2, you've said perfectly what I've been attempting to say!!Thank you!!!!

[33girl]

If you're at the sort of school where you have to take what is offered you or risk not having any Greek experience - i.e. if you don't pledge first semester freshman year, your chances of getting any sort of bid go waaaaay down - those chapters are usually large enough that I would think you could find at least a FEW people you can bond with.

I think that the women who end up unhappy are the ones who keep dwelling on "what if I'd been an XYZ?" That's natural and normal for everyone to wonder about, even if you like where you are, unless your life turns out perfect. But you can either decide to make yourself happy or wallow in what might have been.

I'm sure there are just as many women out there who get their first choice and find out it's not what it's cracked up to be and are even more disillusioned.

[em_adpi]

Sorry, thought of this thread today...

I ran into one of my girls from my Rho Gamma group from this past Recruitment. She was my favorite (I couldn't help it! haha) and I was a little upset when she decided to drop on round 3. She just didn't know if sorority life was her, so I encouraged her to check out the other campus organizations and keep sorority life in mind.

Turns out she ended up being a COR to her roommate's new sorority and is perfectly happy there, even though she didn't really like them during recruitment. One of the things she mentioned to me was that she was amazed at how much of a difference she and her friends had seen in some of the sororities- some just weren't what they seemed to be during recruitment.

[AXOrushadvisor]

Carnation,
I have found being on the other side of recruitment that a lot of the girls who get cut during first round are those that don't "light up the room" when they walk in the door. The girls that are doing really well in recruitment now that Panhellenic has changed its cutting recommendations are girls who are the "life of the party" Not real active in school, but know how to work a room and have a big personality. My niece is a perfect example. 4.0, captain of the dance team, beautiful, fun, involved, but reserved. Her experience...not so good. Did get into a Chapter that was rebuilding was recruitment chair and pretty much turned the Chapter around.

I went to an SEC school. I had good recs and a long list of high school activities including winning beauty pageants and lots of volunteer work. I had a good GPA. I'm not saying that I was hot stuff or anything, but I just wanted to let you know where I'm coming from.
I ended up in a "weak" house. Gamma Phi Beta is not that strong in the Southeast. People used to ask me what sorority I was in and when I told them they would say, "You don't LOOK like a Gamma Phi Beta." or "You're kidding, right?"
The thing is, I felt at home there. The sisterhood there was real and the girls didn't make me feel like I was being judged on my looks or my car or "what my daddy does for a living," like many of the other houses did. I could have gone to a bigger house, but I don't think I would have been as happy or as involved.
At first, I was disappointed when I realized that I would have to work hard to overcome the "reputation" of my sorority, but I've come to realize that, while I was never going to be homecoming queen, I was given a world of opportunites that I would never have gotten if I had chosen one of the "stronger" houses. I think that I am a good example of ending up "where I belong."
I know that not everyone has a good rush experience and not everyone is willing to "settle" for a "weak" house. But I think that if they truly give it a chance, maybe they'll see that they DID end up where they belonged after all. And, as for the girls who fall through the cracks, most of them are picked up by COB or Snap-Bidding... I think that if you truly want to be part of a sorority, you can be. Even in the SEC. You just have to have an open mind.

[Meow190]

I'm going to agree with many of y'all on here, but since I'm still a rushee, with a twist. I was certain that there was a certain school that was my first choice. I visited campus, loved it, they had great programs and a stellar reputation. I was sold. Then I got wait listed, and never made it in. SO I went elsewhere. And you know what? I am so glad I didnt get into my first choice, because I would have gone, and I am so happy at the school I attend now (I am not a rising freshman, fyi). One of my friends goes to my first choice (their second I might add) and lves it, but from what I now know, I wouldnt have been as happy there as I am here now. So I believe that like college acceptance and sorority recruitment, life has a funny way of giving hints to what's a good fit and what isnt. Now, I havent been through recruitment yet , I know that whichever house I wind up in (if at all) will be a choice carefully thought about by many and will be a solid one.

The funniest thing, I never planned on going the sorority route. In fact I avoided applying to schools heavy into the greek scene. Who would have thought?

Sorry to go on and on, I just wanted to show that heartbreak and confusion can lead to comfort and happiness that you were spared making the decision you thought was right when it wasnt.

Good luck to everyone rushin'!!!!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by Meow190

I'm going to agree with many of y'all on here, but since I'm still a rushee, with a twist. I was certain that there was a certain school that was my first choice. I visited campus, loved it, they had great programs and a stellar reputation. I was sold. Then I got wait listed, and never made it in. SO I went elsewhere. And you know what? I am so glad I didnt get into my first choice, because I would have gone, and I am so happy at the school I attend now (I am not a rising freshman, fyi). One of my friends goes to my first choice (their second I might add) and lves it, but from what I now know, I wouldnt have been as happy there as I am here now. So I believe that like college acceptance and sorority recruitment, life has a funny way of giving hints to what's a good fit and what isnt. Now, I havent been through recruitment yet , I know that whichever house I wind up in (if at all) will be a choice carefully thought about by many and will be a solid one.

The funniest thing, I never planned on going the sorority route. In fact I avoided applying to schools heavy into the greek scene. Who would have thought?

Sorry to go on and on, I just wanted to show that heartbreak and confusion can lead to comfort and happiness that you were spared making the decision you thought was right when it wasnt.

Good luck to everyone rushin'!!!!

Cool analogy, I just wanted to point out (for the sake of other PNMs reading) that sorority life/recruitment doesn't have the equivalent of a "wait list."

Just in case people don't get it, lol.

It is true that one can be happy in their 2nd or 3rd choice however.

[AOII Angel]

I like this discussion....

What I really don't like is the statement that PNMs should just pick the chapter where they felt was "home." It implies that everyone will actually have a feeling of home with any of the chapters. For a lot of people going through recruitment, the process is artificial, and their decisions can't be made based on arbitrary feelings of comfort (that for some PNMs, by the way, is based off of incomplete or inaccurate information or after meeting 2 out of 200 sisters in the chapter.)

IT IS COMPLETELY OKAY NOT TO "FEEL AT HOME" WITH THE CHAPTER THAT GIVES YOU A BID.

A true "feeling of home" comes with time after friendships have developed, after memories have been made. I am one of those people who would have felt stupid and fake claiming that I "found my home" by prefs and would be offended to think that my choice was seen as less valid because those feelings came with more experience.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

A true "feeling of home" comes with time after friendships have developed, after memories have been made.

Agreed.

I feel as though it is perpetuated that PNMs will instantly feel "warm fuzzies" about a chapter IMMEDIATELY when they accept a bid.

This is NOT the case for everyone.

As with ANY other relationship in life, you will not feel instantly bonded with like 100+ people right away. Heck, you may even question your decision a few times.

That's okay. You aren't going to immediately be in love with your 2nd or 3rd choice.

It takes TIME to "feel at home."

It doesn't always happen the MOMENT you accept your bid.

For some, it takes going to a few events and finding sisters that you have something in common with. Sometimes, it's meeting your Big sis. Sometimes, it takes getting initiated to feel "at home."

So don't panic should you find yourself not immediately smitten with the chapter you got a bid from.

For some, it takes getting to know people and finding out what the chapter is all about before they feel "at home." And there's nothing wrong with that.

[KSUViolet06]

I know, I'm double posting, but slong the same lines:

Just like "feeling at home" with your new chapter takes time, it also TAKES EFFORT.

You likely are NOT going to become BFFs with every single girl in your chapter overnight.

You also are not going to bond with your new sorority sisters by just sitting back and expecting them to make all the effort to get to know you.

Just like other relationships, friendships within a sorority take time and effort.

You are not going to "feel at home" or "bond with anyone" by sitting back and sulking about being in your 2nd or 3rd choice.

If you really want to feel at home, you have to:

Get to know members
Attend events
Hang out
Have fun
Get involved.

If you are just so upset about getting a bid there that you aren't willing to do any of those things, then maybe you re-think your decision.

[anonymouse42]

A true "feeling of home" comes with time after friendships have developed, after memories have been made.

I agree with this 100%. I come from a school with a greek system entirely unlike normal ones. We only have a few, very different groups, and a long unofficial rush period. Thus, my greek was the only one I was interested in, and when I got a bid I'd spent far more time with far more people in my greek than most people will have during a traditional rush week.

And yet despite all of this, I certainly didn't feel "at home" when I pledged. I enjoyed myself and liked the people I knew, but I didn't start thinking of the group as my home or really feel like they were family until a semester or two in. It takes a while to make that kind of connection and really come to understand your group's mission, etc, even if you go into it loving them.