What to tell overconfident PNMs

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by iamamom

If I didn't happen upon this site we wouldn't have known to do this. The information on the schools website and the information they provide tell a much different story than the reality.

YUP. This is something we've discussed here before, and it appears some schools' GL offices are finally telling it straight.

As a northern example, though, my mom never sent a legacy introduction to her chapter. She just didn't know that she needed to do that. I had written in my recruitment registration form, so the chapter would know, right?

Obviously, PNM's should listen to SEC-familiar alumnae who tell them to get recs, but I could pretty easily imagine one of them being told "Oh, I've never heard of that, XYZ must not do it."

[LAblondeGPhi]

I'm surprised there isn't a guidebook or something published by the NPC or individual orgs. There aren't even that many self-published things on Amazon.

Some people will only take advice they get from "official" sources, like school panhellenic websites, and even then will tend to believe what they want. I think part of it is that we live in an age when people have a tendency to not believe information they can't verify from a written or official source.

With the resources and women we have on this site, you all could publish a yearly guide to recruitment. Then point the OCPNMs in the direction of some written gospel and then get out of their way. Proceeds to go to GreekChat, of course.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on."

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

[DubaiSis]

To be clear, it is a requirement of membership for DG, and some others. It is not a requirement for membership in Alpha Xi Delta and some others. Because we aren't very well represented in many of those super competitive absolutely must have a rec schools, I don't know if our policies would vary there. But I would still say that a girl going through rush at one of those schools who doesn't have a rec would turn me cold, for the reasons mentioned above unless she's from Alaska or somewhere getting a rec might be an actual difficulty. You should AT LEAST be able to come up with the generic panhellenic rec.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

Whatupsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

.

But does DG explicitly say that on its national or chapter websites? And is a rec a requirement for receiving a bid, or for being initiated?

There's a DG chapter at IUP and there is absolutely NWIH that every girl who gets a bid there has a rec - that is, a rec that the rushee went out and solicited.

[iamamom]

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

[Titchou]

Originally Posted by 33girl

But does DG explicitly say that on its national or chapter websites? And is a rec a requirement for receiving a bid, or for being initiated?

There's a DG chapter at IUP and there is absolutely NWIH that every girl who gets a bid there has a rec - that is, a rec that the rushee went out and solicited.

ALL members of Delta Gamma MUST have a sponsor form in order to pledge. She does NOT need to know that she has one - she just has to have one. Yes, there is a place on the paperwork for the name of the person. And yes, we have ways of doing that after the fact.

Is it on the web site? Yes:

"Are Sponsor Forms required for pledging Delta Gamma?

Yes, being endorsed by a member of Delta Gamma is required for pledging and a Delta Gamma Sponsor Form is the preferred form."

[als463]

Originally Posted by OldOleMiss

oh Thetalady I sooooooo needed that snark this morning!!!! Too wonderful!!!


als463 I am in tears laughing thinking about southern girl coming through Pen Recruitment and ya'll looking at her rec wondering what to do with it-- again another wonderful perspective story on how it must be just as "fish out of water" for a southerner to come up north and rush as a northerner going down south to rush…

KDCat-- THIS!!! Y'all, I just don't think she cares that much about us. She didn't even bother to get a rec for us. She's not serious about joining XYZ. We should let her go because she is going to drop us. There are other women who are serious about XYZ who we need to focus on." This is wonderful!!!! and I think this is what I will pass along to friend after daughter goes to the teas--- "IF she likes them get her a rec to show them"---

Thanks everyone for chiming in on my "vent"--- you've made me more calm over the "situation" of special snowflake!

Oooohhhh...gotta' correct you on this. Penn State is not Penn. Penn Staters hate that. Penn is the University of Pennsylvania. I'm sure they hate that too. Yeah, it's true about the recruitment. I thought it was the weirdest thing but, cool. Later on in life, I realized that recs were a necessary thing for southern recruitment. It's a complete 180 from what I am used to. Ha!

[ComradesTrue]

Originally Posted by iamamom

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

In this case, where you are down to one organization, I would use social media to your advantage. Have your daughter post (to friends of friends) that she will be going to ABC University this fall and looks forward to participating in recruitment. She has been able to secure recs for all groups except XYZ and would anyone happen to have any contacts in that organization that would be willing to help with a rec.

Once daughter makes original post, I personally** think that it is okay for you to the share the post with your group of friends. That covers a lot more ground, and the reason her post needs to be set to "friends of friends." I have actually seen mom/daughter combos find 12/12 recs this way in less than one hour. I'm not a huge fan of starting out in this manner, but I do think it can be a great way to find those last couple.

**others may disagree with me on mom sharing the post, but I think if daughter makes the post, and the daughter personally contacts whomever responds, that she has demonstrated appropriate involvement and initiative.

[DGTess]

Originally Posted by AnchorAlumna

This is EXACTLY what we said about a LOT of PNMs last year at Alabama. Also, we would get general inquiries from girls in, say, the Chicago area, or even Atlanta, saying they couldn't find anybody to write a rec. And I'd look at that and think, "Sugar, you didn't even TRY. There are DGs all over the place there!"

What upsets me is that having a rec is a requirement of membership. Why are chapters ignoring this? This is a case of having it set out in front of you on paper, and maintaining willful ignorance.

I do sympathize with PNMs and moms who don't make the effort. It IS a lot of work, and for introverts like me, very much getting out of the comfort zone to go out and talk to women and ask. It's already hard enough to prepare for going off to college. If you can make things simpler, I'd go for that.

Forty years ago at a northern, non-Greek-heavy, technical school, we just wrote the recs ourselves for the women we planned to bid if we didn't have an alumna handy to write one. From what I've read here, that may not be permissible any more (I see lots of you saying a collegiate at another chapter may write one for some orgs).

I didn't know spit about rush at big southern schools when DD went to UTexas. I'm so pleased she chose not to rush; I could not have prepared her. Though I was involved in my alumnae chapter, I presume no one mentioned it to me because they figured I knew ...

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by iamamom

I'll pop in again to tell you about one sorority where my d can't find a rec. She's gotten at least one for the rest. So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic. She's sent out at least 5 different emails and no one will point her to the correct person or place and no one even responds to her - at the national or local level. We decided this particular one just may not be found. She'll keep trying, but she accepts this house may just be knocked off her list after the first night.

I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

If it were my daughter, I would go back to my original rec writers and ask them if they knew a member of ABC who could help. All sorority members have friends in other sororities and know people from work who are in other sororities. They might be able to point you to a person who can help. (And that person will be more local and better able to personalize a rec for your daughter.)

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by Titchou

ALL members of Delta Gamma MUST have a sponsor form in order to pledge. She does NOT need to know that she has one - she just has to have one. Yes, there is a place on the paperwork for the name of the person. And yes, we have ways of doing that after the fact.

Is it on the web site? Yes:

"Are Sponsor Forms required for pledging Delta Gamma?

Yes, being endorsed by a member of Delta Gamma is required for pledging and a Delta Gamma Sponsor Form is the preferred form."

I'd be willing to bet that every group with such a policy (including my own) has at least one chapter out there where the CA or CMA sits down and signs forms en masse right before putting together the bid list.

In fact, DG is one of the best at publicizing this policy; as I recall, they were the first organization on my campus to publicize it as such. But it's still hard when people get a "WTF is a rec?" from an alumna outside of the south.

It would really be nice if national groups both publicized their policies to PNM's AND did a better job of explaining it to alumnae.

[shirley1929]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

But keep in mind, too, that northerners might be getting "WTF, you don't need that" responses from alumnae who they ask.

THIS! I just talked to a Mom in CT the other day who's daughter is coming down south next year. She knows she needs help/advice, and I told her that she may get some very strange looks from her friends when she starts asking about recs. Since it doesn't happen much up north or where they might have gone to school, they think it's not necessary anywhere.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by iamamom

...So she went to our regional panhellenic website which clearly stated - if you are looking for a rec go to the national site. She went to the national site and found some email addresses and asked for help - she was emailed back to go to the local panhellenic...I suggest you go look to your national organization websites and pretend you don't know anything about it. Is the information easy to find?

I SO agree with this! We need to be making it easier, not harder, to find recommendations!

Originally Posted by shirley1929

...I told her that she may get some very strange looks from her friends when she starts asking about recs. Since it doesn't happen much up north or where they might have gone to school, they think it's not necessary anywhere.

I've done the same thing - warned PNMs that they may have to tell the alumnae they contact that recs are required at Southern schools.

Overall - we need to be better educating our members about the necessity of recs and how to correctly do them for your organization. I think part of the problem is that are usually processed by a committee or a couple of individuals, and most members don't see or hear about them except as a brief mention when you're going over the PNM list.

But if they're just a check-off item for your org and you don't read or use them, change your policies and procedures to eliminate them.

[iamamom]

I'm not saying anything to my daughter, but I'm a little worried about some of these rec writers. If they don't get the importance of this, it may not be the best effort. The one she's missing only took in two out of staters last year - so I'm thinking this is not worth having a heart attack over. And funny enough, it's the one with the most elusive website and contact info.

Trust me, she told me she's starting to feel like a stalker now.

So how does she go back and ask them if they sent them in without looking like a micro manager?