"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[sugar and spice]

LSUgrrl -- I understand what you're saying, and I don't really blame you for it. You're right that it's not fair that these chapters have a cut-once, cut-always policy (which I'm 99 percent sure is a local decision and not a national one). Here is the problem with what you're saying: a lot of the women on GC belong to smaller chapters at their respective schools, and even those who didn't have friends who are. As a non-Greek, you don't really understand the issues that smaller chapters face. We do -- which is why so many GC-ers get annoyed with any post that insinuates you're not giving all the chapters a chance.

Personally, I think they're making a leap when they assume that you've decided against those four chapters because they're "not good enough for you," when it's just as possible that you decided not to pursue them because you found out they hazed or something.

But here is what it comes down to: you have every right to cut chapters based on whether or not they fit your personality. And those chapters, in return, have every right to cut you if they feel that you don't fit in with them. It's quite possible that you really are a great girl that fell through the cracks. We hear a lot about that at LSU. And you're right -- if that's the case, it's not fair that you can't rush again. Unfortunately, there are a lot of things out there that are not fair, and you can either complain about it or you can do something to fix it:

1) If you really feel that your college career is going to be incomplete without going Greek, you can transfer to a school with a less competitive rush, or
2) You can make the most of your college experience at LSU by joining other groups, making friends in the dorms, and forgetting about Greek life. I went early alum in my sorority, so I'm still in college but no longer an active member. Are things totally different now that I don't do rush or the mixer thing? Definitely. But if I had to make the decision again, I would make the same one. Being outside of the Greek system this year has freed up a lot of time to do other things that I'm interested in and meet people I would have never met otherwise. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

We understand that certain policies at LSU are unfair. But we can't change these policies, and neither can you. And there are definitely some advantages to not going Greek, and I'm sure that if you stay at LSU you'll find out what they are. But first you need to let go of the regret of not being in a sorority. It's in the past -- the only thing you're doing now is making yourself miserable by stressing out about what could have been. It's not that worth it.

[LSUgrrl126]

sugar and spice (and everyone else for that matter) -- I'm really sorry if my posts have made it seem like I didn't give all of the chapters a chance. I went into rush with an open mind -- I was going to do my own thing (instead of staying w/my best friends) and knew that there were no true "top chapters" compared to the others. All of the chapters were great and throughout the past semester I've met some really great girls from each sorority. I think it would be an honor to be asked to join ANY of these sororities because they are all outstanding, in my opinion. I talked about 4 that I would accept a bid from because those were the 4 groups that kept me the longest throughout the week. I felt the most comfortable there and could see myself with them. That being said, I did not cut any of the chapters nor did I have a preconceived notion of which ones were "the best." The chapters that cut me after first round were the same ones that I didn't really "click" with during the parties. I was not surprised in any way whatsoever because I had the mutual feeling that I wouldn't mesh with them. These 4 chapters that kept me around were (and still are!) awesome. I was truly torn about which one I felt was the best for me. I do admit, I didn't know too many girls in Greek Life at LSU. I went to a small high school and most of my older friends went away for school instead of staying close to home by going to LSU.

As for the organizations thing, at the club sign up day (or whatever you want to call it) our 300 some odd clubs were all (or nearly all) represented. It was quite overwhelming for me considering there were so many people and I had a limited amount of time between my classes. I'm sure I overlooked some of the organizations but we're having another one on Wednesday and I have a good amount of time to spend checking out different organizations and my goal is to find at least 1 organization to get involved with.

Soooooo, back to the topic of the thread....I really just wanted to say that at some larger schools, girls might not end up where they're meant to be simply because of sheer numbers and limited spaces and lots of really great PNMs. I didn't know if anyone on GC was aware of the LSU chapters' rule "cut once, cut always." Is this a common thing for chapters to do? I just found out about this rule a few days ago, so I'm just now trying to get over not being able to be in a sorority, because this was a big deal to me. I'm greatly sorry if I have offended anyone in any way.

As some GCers have suggested, starting a local sorority is a good idea. I read the thread (well not the whole thread) about getting a local started at UCSC so I sort of have an idea of how I could go about doing it, but since LSU has a Panhellenic Board, how would I do it then? And would Greek Affairs really give me a list of the girls who didn't receive bids?

This is really where a new thread should start. PM me if you have any advice/suggestions/complaints/etc.

[kddani]

you should read this thread: http://forums.greekchat.com/gcforums...threadid=43119

[dgfromtx]

LSUGrrl...check your PM...I dare not post my two cents here.

[carnation]

bump

[SigKapCoug]

When i went through recruitment, I was cut by all but 3 chapters - two of which i had tried to cut - after the first round.

I don't remember being upset, and decided to focus on the three i did have (though it sucked other women we going to 10 parties.. and i went to three!).

I think you DO end up where you belong - the chapter I joined I had originally not liked much but as I got to know the women better through out the week I fell in love with the chapter. It took me an hour and a half to rank after pref (deciding between Sigma Kappa and XYZ).

I actually ended up preffing SK second, but regretted it almost instantly I was so excited to get a bid from them!

I think I'm a case where the chapter DID know better than I did about where I fit. Now, as a junior, I don't think I would have been as happy in XYZ.

Did I end up where I thought I would? No. Did i end up where I belonged? Yes.

I'll always wonder why I was cut by 10 chapters after first round, but it doesn't really matter, you know? I had no idea wtf was going with recruitment or greek life in general and I'm sure I shot myself in the foot, but I love where I am!

[adpiucf]

Realistically, "you'll end up where you were meant to" is the same sort of cliche as "Hindsight is 20/20."

In other words, s***t happens. Recruitment is competitive. You could be cut for your grades, your year in school, lack of sponsor recommendations, a "do not bid this girl" warning from an alumna, being someone else's legacy, your lack of activities/involvement, your social reputation in high school or college, your attitude, your personality, maybe even something like not looking like you fit in from *horrors* the way you dress yourself to the way you take care of yourself, or any number of factors that will never be explained to you because membership selection is private and any records are shredded following recruitment.

You're never going to get accurate feedback into why you were cut. It sucks. It's easier to get a bid on certain campuses than on others.

But at the end of the day, I hope you have better reasons for being at your university than joining a sorority.

And I hope you know that those girls who got into sororities are going to experience rejection and disappointment in their lives, too. And at some point, you may go through this again when you apply to grad school or a new job, get passed over for a student leadership position or a promotion at work.

As our moms always say, "Sometimes life just isn't fair."

It's hard to accept the consolation "I'm sorry you didn't get into a sorority, but there are lots of ways to make your college experience special" when you had your heart set on getting into a sorority, but sometimes life just plays out that way.

So yes, at the end of the day, you will end up where you were meant to be. It's kind of like finding a lost of set of keys-- they're always in the last place you look.

It's disappointing to be cut from a top choice or to not get what you want, but every person on this earth goes through that kind of disappointment at some point in our lives. Even Paris Hilton.

Cheer up!

[carnation]

Amen to that and I want to star what she said about how *the girls who make the sororities that you want to be in will face failure too*. There was one girl at Auburn who made everything you could make at Auburn, everybody loved her...and right after she graduated, she killed herself with carbon monoxide. No one ever knew why. There was a set of twins at Arkansas: they were the Queen PNMs when they rushed and after they got their top sorority, they got everything they tried out for on campus. A few years later, one killed her kids and herself and the other one tried to do the same thing.

Now I realize that these are way extreme examples but I'm trying to say to the girls who were or may be cut from their dream sororities: NO ONE has a perfect life, no one! I have seen so many hysterical girls during and after rush who say that this girl or that had a perfect rush and now the rest of her life will be perfect. Nope, not gonna happen.

[UGAalum94]

Yes, I think it is worth remembering: your recruitment results may seem like a temporary setback, but it really doesn't determine the outcome of your life one way or another.

BUT, when a young women goes off to school, and she has hopes of having an amazing new chapter in her life, and she ends up getting cut from what she sees as the "beautiful people" sororities, it doesn't help her in the moment to tell her that she really only belongs in the chapters that in that moment seem to her to be not-so-great for whatever reasons.

Yes, she should be encouraged to give all the groups a try and if she signs a bid card and matches, by all means, encourage her to try to bloom where's she's planted. But don't tell her that there was really no possibility that she ever belonged in the other superstar groups unless you're just feeling mean.

And that, as I see it and I think as Carnation originally commented, is the problem with telling people they end up where they belong.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by adpiucf

Realistically, "you'll end up where you were meant to" is the same sort of cliche as "Hindsight is 20/20."

In other words, s***t happens. Recruitment is competitive. You could be cut for your grades, your year in school, lack of sponsor recommendations, a "do not bid this girl" warning from an alumna, being someone else's legacy, your lack of activities/involvement, your social reputation in high school or college, your attitude, your personality, maybe even something like not looking like you fit in from *horrors* the way you dress yourself to the way you take care of yourself, or any number of factors that will never be explained to you because membership selection is private and any records are shredded following recruitment.

You're never going to get accurate feedback into why you were cut. It sucks. It's easier to get a bid on certain campuses than on others.

But at the end of the day, I hope you have better reasons for being at your university than joining a sorority.

And I hope you know that those girls who got into sororities are going to experience rejection and disappointment in their lives, too. And at some point, you may go through this again when you apply to grad school or a new job, get passed over for a student leadership position or a promotion at work.

As our moms always say, "Sometimes life just isn't fair."

It's hard to accept the consolation "I'm sorry you didn't get into a sorority, but there are lots of ways to make your college experience special" when you had your heart set on getting into a sorority, but sometimes life just plays out that way.

So yes, at the end of the day, you will end up where you were meant to be. It's kind of like finding a lost of set of keys-- they're always in the last place you look.

It's disappointing to be cut from a top choice or to not get what you want, but every person on this earth goes through that kind of disappointment at some point in our lives. Even Paris Hilton.

Cheer up!

Yep. It is what it is. There's nothing you can do about it. Because it has worked out this way, this was the way is was "supposed" to happen.

But it's cold comfort when it contrasts with what a young women wanted to happen. I think we're on the same page.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by carnation

Hey guys--

So often when a rushee posts her experiences, someone will say, "Don't worry, you'll end up where you were meant to!" or something along those lines. It worries me every time because you know how quirky rush is and sometimes "our" GC rushees don't get bids.

Furthermore, PNMs at the big schools--like SEC schools--very often do not end up in a sorority where they were meant to be. The sororities have to cut big numbers right off and I have seen so many heartbroken PNMs who were active, involved, precious, leaders in their schools, well-liked, you name it--who found themselves with only (shall we say) "troubled" sororities from which to choose. Can't you just picture their dismay if they think that's all they're good for? And no, not all women want to take the bull by the horns and try to turn around a very weak group.

I've put off posting this for months because I didn't know how to say it in a PC way but finally decided I had to say it. Women from SEC schools will understand!

You said it really well here, Carnation.

[adrie435]

It is really interesting to go through this thread and read the comments from the women who truly do believe in this idea of "going where you belong". I am a firm believer in it and I, like many of the others who believe it, was dropped hard by my top sorority after pref and joined the so-called weaker chapter... Looking back, I would have been bored to death in the top chapter and sure it could have helped my social life out better than my current chapter, but I wouldn't have been nearly as active or enjoyed it as much. I think it all boils down to giving everyone a chance and if you are willing to look at everyone and not just the 'name' sorority on campus, you will end up wehre you were meant to be-- Greek Life with women who can be your best friends if you give them a chance.
Some chapter on campus may not be your idea of the 'top' sorority to join during recruitment, but they are somebody else's top tier and definately the top chapter to all the active members.

[wear-a-kite-LSU]

I JUST REALIZED THIS WAS BUMPED. HAHAH. IM SOOOO SORRY

Ok. First let me say I appologize, I haven't read this whole thread (I have too short of an attention span) but I figured someone from LSU just HAD to weigh in on this.

its not as rare as you think to be cut by all ten at LSU. some girls fall through the cracks.

Again I haven't read everthing so sorry if I am being contrary or redundant. I used sugar and spice's post as a guideline because she seemed to hit the higlights of this issue

First of all, not all chapters at LSU have a 'cut-once cut-always' policy. I know for a fact that certain chapters are allowed to reconsider and certain chapters are not. I have a friend dropped from every house in fall, who rushed in spring and was allowed to go back to certain houses. I also know this to be true per conversations with our Greek Life advisor. LSU will never official say weather or not this is true or not, because they don't want any one to 'hold them to it' because it is up to each chapters discretion weather or not to reconsider.

Although as far as LSU is concerned it is at each chapters discression, girls from the 'cut-once cut-always' chapters have told me that these rules are either passed down from nationals, or are a chapter rule (differs from house to house). I will not name names but a girl from XYZ told me her house could not reconsider due to a national rule (but then again it could be a local rule and she was simply misinformed)

To be perfectly honest, most chapters at LSU are about the same size... With the exception of the one local sorority we have on campus the '10' sororities at LSU (considering only PHC social sororities) are all pretty much the same size (or the size different isnt enough to notice, in my opinion)

I totally understand LSUgrrl not feeling like she would consider 6 of our houses. She has to my knowledge had the oppurtunity to meet girls in every house and figure out who she would click with. This is perhaps the biggest challenge for a PNM who has rushed before. Keeping an open mind is one thing for a high school senior but for someone who has met a couple girls from each house, in a casual setting, its tough.

I will say, that counting out SIX houses is extreme. I could understand finding two or three all wrong for you, but after only meeting a few girls (probably in class or at a bar) counting out more than half of all of these national organizations is silly.

I hope you wont switch schools to go greek. LSU is amazing and if you can't be happy with SIX houses at LSU what are the odds you'll like any houses at ULL or Southeastern.

If you can't find ANYTHING at LSU that interests you except 4 'top' sororities, than maybe its not LSU thats the problem...LSU has hundreds of clubs and organizations to be involved in. PLUS i guareentee every house even your 'top 4' want well rounded girls who dont spend all their time at the house.

"We understand that certain policies at LSU are unfair. But we can't change these policies, and neither can you. '
Sugar and Spice hit the nail on the head with that one.You have to work with the system because trust me, its somewhat set in stone.


And there are definitely some advantages to not going Greek, and I'm sure that if you stay at LSU you'll find out what they are. But first you need to let go of the regret of not being in a sorority. It's in the past -- the only thing you're doing now is making yourself miserable by stressing out about what could have been. It's not that worth it.[/quote]

[ThetaDancer]

^^^ Just so you know, LSUgrrl's post is from 2005.

ETA: Ooops! I just read the top of your post where you realized it had been bumped.

[AlphaFrog]

Time for another bump.