Rush - What to NOT do or say

[Buttonz]

Originally posted by crzychx
No one is saying that the girls shouldn't be honest! But instead of saying it this way:

"I love to go out every fucking night man, & do 18 jager bombs, 30 shots of tequila, 12 come-fuck-me's & get fuckin' trashed with 100 of my closest girlfriends!!!"

We would prefer she says:

"I love to go clubbing, & to party, drink & hang out with my friends."

See, I don't think anyone would even mind if she listed a few of her favorite drinks, but I don't want to hear of her latest puke-inducing conquest to the bar. We don't even have time for that during recruitment!

That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

[kddani]

Originally posted by Buttonz
That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

Has anyone said that a PNM should lie? No XYZ sister is going to ask, "so, do you like to party and drink?", at least any chapter that has semi-prepared its members about appropriate questions. The old "3 B's" you shouldn't talk about- boys, booze, and the bible. At least that's what I think it is.

Though sometimes it is good if a girl says some of this stuff, because its easier to cut her now for risk management issues than revoking her pledge later.

[aephi alum]

Originally posted by Buttonz
That I'm not gonna disagree with you on. There is a way to say it. But I want the PNM to be honest and say that she does like to go out and drink and stuff...to say that she doesn't and then to find out she did is not being honest.

There are plenty of other things to talk about during rush, besides booze. I don't walk up to people and introduce myself by saying, "Hi, I'm aephi alum and I drink." If someone asks me point-blank if I drink, I'll say yes. If someone sees me at a party, they will most likely see me with a drink in my hand. But I wouldn't bring up the topic out of the clear blue sky, as a sister or as a PNM. You don't want a PNM who lies and says she doesn't drink and party when she does, but you don't have to grill every PNM about her drinking habits.

[Little E]

Don't you think any woman worth having as a member would have the common sense to know the culture on her campus before discussing this?
At Ole Miss, it's a no-no.
At Beloit College, we wouldn't really care.

I mean people choose their college for a reason, they have a pretty good idea of the culture of the school and can probably figure out appropriate vs. not. We are talking about supposedly educated women...

[33girl]

Originally posted by Little E
Don't you think any woman worth having as a member would have the common sense to know the culture on her campus before discussing this?

If she's rushing before her freshman year, before she's even had one class, no, maybe not.

I think the reason some people are saying "don't mention alcohol at all" is that there are some people who don't understand MODERATION and if you tell them it's OK to talk about it, they'd go on about it for 20 minutes.

[KerriMarie]

Originally posted by kddani
The old "3 B's" you shouldn't talk about- boys, booze, and the bible. At least that's what I think it is.

I'd throw "bank" in there as well... No "What does your daddy do for a living?" or "What kind of car do you drive?"

[adpiucf]

Like it or not, recruitment is a job interview. You are trying to fill one of several spots, and you have to meet certain criteria to be given that offer. One of those includes clicking with the members of that chapter. If you're a partier and they're more into Bible Study, that's going to be a clear decision that it's not the right place for you. You're going to learn during recruitment week about the "flavor" of each chapter through indivdual conversations, slide shows, videos or skits, and more. You're not going to know every woman inside and out, but you'll have a good feel for the collective group and be able to determine if that is something that makes you comfortable or not.

The trouble arises when someone can tell from her gut she doesn't like the place yet takes the bid because of the chapter's stellar reputation on campus and wanting to be associated with that class. In the long run, you won't be happy posing as something you're not.

And I have yet to meet someone who within the first 5 minutes starts to share intimate details of her private life... unless she is completely socially inept or is really trying to pull your leg because she is bored and doesn't want to be at your event.

You should be yourself at recruitment. But you should also know that being yourself includes being a gracious guest-- some topics aren't appropriate in some settings... and that is a lesson to follow throughout life in any social, service or work group. If a PNM struggles with this concept of conforming to a group norm, than that PNM should reassess what attracts her about joining a group. Being part of a family, a company or service association will follow those same expectations. Heavy duty bonding, memory making, going out, etc., come later after the groundwork has been laid for the relationship.

[CarolinaCutie]

Originally posted by 33girl
If she's rushing before her freshman year, before she's even had one class, no, maybe not.

I think the reason some people are saying "don't mention alcohol at all" is that there are some people who don't understand MODERATION and if you tell them it's OK to talk about it, they'd go on about it for 20 minutes.

Yeeeeeeeeeeppp. We all know the Recruitment Babble, where a girl latches onto a topic that she thinks is OK to talk about and won't shut up about it.

My POV from a Southern but small-rush school is that the topic of alcohol should be avoided. If you say, "I like to go out a lot," I'll know what you mean. Heck, I've probably even seen you already that semester around town if you're big on going out. You just being there won't prevent you from getting a bid... but your behavior when I see you will, and the extent you talk about it during rush will.

Surely we can find something else to talk about.

During rush, there are two kinds of PNMs who ask about alcohol and drinking and going out: the ones who think that drinking is what sororities DO and are trying to make themselves look cool, and the ones who think that drinking is what sororities DO and they are terrified that they won't fit in if they like to stay at home. I always stress to sisters that they need to play up the diversity in our chapter, saying, "We have some sisters who love to go out with each other, and some sisters who would rather stay on the hall and watch movies together. Whatever you're into, there's a place for you in Phi Mu."

[Little E]

All I'm trying to get at is that we will never find one sentence that will summarize what to say about alcohol at rush. There is a point where pnms have to decide if it is ok or not and then take that chance if they think is. This thread is enough to make a nervous pnm even more nervous about rush, though it also does a very good job of showing how diverse chapters truly are. While, yes, rush is an interview, these are the women you'll come home to after a break up or when you get into grad school, that, imo, is what we should stress.

[KDMafia]

This post has come around to the same arguement and problem that all of us rushers have at a certain point. Unfortunately, there isn't a clear cut answer.

There are ways to project your social behavior, by talking about social mixers you have, talk about how it's great always having girls around so for whatever mood you're in (watching movies, going out, etc) there is always someone to hang with..

Restrictions like this are designed to keep recruitment honest. They don't want girls joining a sorority because they're the "partiers" they want them joining because of the great sisterhood.

I never looked down on a PNM that slyly asked about going out and whether we drank. However, since they also know the rules of what not to talk about, a girl that obviously has no disregard for them either would not work well with a group and their responsiblities (dont lie, all of your organizations have had one ) or a girl that is obviously mistaken about what rush is about. The first is a lost cause, the second girl is just misguided.

PNMS: use your discretion, if you want to make sure that they're aware that you're social, mention that you enjoy going out with your friends on weekends(they'll pick up on what you mean) Dont mention that you and your friend have done 17 beer bong sin one night.
If you're concerned that they won't like you if you're not social that is usually an acceptable concern to voice. Just stress that you're not against drinking, it's just not yoru personal thing. We had a girl last year that didn't drink but she went out with us every weekend and had a blast (plus: sober driver).

DISCLAIMER: I went to a small, uncompetitive rush, so keep in mind where my advice is coming from.

one last notice to PNMs: Don't set your heart on one sorority before recruitment even starts. We had a horrible recruitmetn last year(my school). we lost almost half of the girls because somehow only one sorority was viewed as the "one" to be in. So girls that got cut from them all dropped out or suicided and there were a lot of broken hearts going around.
Also, dont tell someone from another sorority (before recruitment starts especially) that they're the only sorority you're interested in joining. They WILL tell other girls and honestly, you dont know what may happen. Say they warn the other sororities, the rest of that sorority meets you and perhaps you're not a good fit and they cut you, as well as the other ones you never gave a chance. You end up really sad and with a reputation for the next time you rush

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally posted by KDMafia

Also, dont tell someone from another sorority (before recruitment starts especially) that they're the only sorority you're interested in joining. They WILL tell other girls and honestly, you dont know what may happen. Say they warn the other sororities, the rest of that sorority meets you and perhaps you're not a good fit and they cut you, as well as the other ones you never gave a chance.

KDMafia, that's such excellent advice. I'm sure the sentiment has been repeated over and over on GC, but cannot stress this enough -- especially with the spring recruitments underway. I already have girls coming up to me and saying that they are only interested in AXO and then proceeding to trash the other sororities. PNMs, listen up. I have close friends in EVERY SINGLE sorority. So do most of my sisters. Yes, even the one a lot of the freshmen this year think is "undesirable."

I love hearing that you're interested in AXO. I do not like hearing you trash the organizations that I have best friends in and that it's AXO or nothing -- you end up looking catty and closeminded. I've found that a lot of women coming into college have a notion that there are huge rivalries between sororities. This, at least on the vast majority of campuses, is simply not true. And while if you come up to me and say "I hate XYZ, they're easy" I PERSONALLY may not say anything to Mary XYZ, a lot of my sisters would be on IM instantly saying "Watch out for this one." You never know who you're dealing with. Either way, I don't want a woman in my sorority who starts drama and gossip about other sororities. It shows a lot on your part if I think you would be thrilled and honored to be extended a bid to any of our 8 fine sororities. So be nice.

One last caution (based on a true story)...I had a girl in my dorm come up to one of my sisters BEFORE recruitment to say that she was not interested in Kappa Kappa Gamma b/c they were "all tennis players" and she "knew" that they would not want her because she doesn't participate in athletics. Her statement was entirely false -- these women are not judgmental by any means -- and the impression of this PNM that I walked away with was that she was selecting chapters based on "images" and not her own judgment... and before recruitment even started, no less! The moral of the story is say NOTHING even remotely negative about other sororities. If asked, say something like "Everyone seems really nice, and I love the excitment of recruitment" and leave it at that.

PS: I spoke with this PNM after rush and she ended up loving Kappa. She went to another house, but had preffed Kappa second (a long and agonizing decision, she said). Just goes to show you how important a positive attitude and open mind is in the recruitment process!

[trideltrockstar]

I definitely agree with not bashing other sororities. EVEN the one that is considered (aka: stereotyped) as fat/ugly/etc. This puts the rusher in a very awkward situation - what do you say when a PNM says something like "Oh yeah I love your house. God, I just came from XYZ - what fatties! I definitely am going to be cutting them blah blah blah"? I would hope people would use more discretion.

Also, my sisters would not want a PNM that bashed others so openly. I have friends in every sorority, as do many girls on my campus. I would hate to have a sister talk trash about sororities that my friends were in.

[KatieKD]

To add on to that: don't be nice to someone just because they're in the sorority that you like. For example, I had girls in other sororities tell me that they would sometimes find themselves in this awkward situation: a PNM would be kindof rude or not so nice, but they'd find out that they were in XYZ and the PNMs would all of a sudden be dripping with sweetness and the'd say things like "Ohh you're in XYZ?? I LOVE XYZ!" It's great that you like us and everything, but we want people that are nice and considerate to everyone around them. It just looks bad to only be nice to someone because they're in the sorority you want and be snotty to everyone else. Don't do that!

[sbelle223]

DO NOT COMPLAIN!!!! This is one of my bigest pet peeves ever! We know its hot/cold outside, we know that you're tired (believe it or not, so are we), we know your feet hurt, we know that you're stressed and worried and nervous etc., we know that you're tired of being asked all the same questions (we're tired of asking but we have to inorder to get to know you better)... If you come into the house and all you do is complain we're going to get the impression from you that you're a very negative and unhappy person. Stay positive and upbeat and excited and we'll be able to get a much better impression of who you are as a person and we'll like you alot more and you'll have a better shot of being invited back. No one likes a complainer.

Don't wear black to prefs ceremony...Everyone wears black to prefs ceremony, so why not be different and stand out from the crowd?!

Don't feel like you are obligated to join the sorority you are a legacy to! I'm a legacy to a sorority on campus and knew from the start that they were not the group for me....There was nothing wrong with them, it just didnt click. I kept the sorority for 3 days out of respect for my mom but ultimately droped them because I knew I belonged somewhere else. Don't let your mom/grandmother/sister's sorority be your choice just because they were in XYZ too. Choose the one that fits best for you. They'll understand, trust me.

[33girl]

Originally posted by sbelle223
Don't wear black to prefs ceremony...Everyone wears black to prefs ceremony, so why not be different and stand out from the crowd?!

I agree with this. On the other hand, if the dress that is your favorite and that you feel the prettiest and most confident in happens to be black, don't NOT wear it just because it's black, unless the rush booklet says black is prohibited for rushees.