Open Letter 8

[9dstpm]

Dear Publix Bakery,

Hi! My name is 9dstpm and I am addicted to your chocolate chip cookies. I became acquainted with your delicious product when one of the deacons and his wife (my soror) brought some to the hospital after the birth of my little boy last month. Since then, I eat them at least 3 times a week. They are that good! I have noticed that my love for your cookies has turned into an addiction because yesterday, Hubby and I had a fight to the death (cue the "Star Trek" fight music) over the last cookie in the box. Hubby ate the last cookie and because I wanted some sooo bad, I went out to your store in the pouring rain to get another box. We are fasting at church for the month of May. Since I meet the medical exemption (high blood pressure) and cannot fast for the first 7 hours of the day, I have to give up the cookies. I know it hurts, but Hubby and I cannot continue to fight and trick each other out of cookies all the time. It's not right! I will say a proper goodbye today and go to your bakery and get a box and eat them all before Hubby gets home! Ha Ha Ha!!! Ok, I will leave him 2.

Your Faithful Customer,

9dstpm

[jitterbug13]

Dear G,

WHY ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED? You have a part time job, that is about to end when school does. You can barely make it on your own without help. I've know I've had some help in the last few years, but you don't see me jumping the broom. Please think about this and don't ruin your life and this young lady's.

Dear EDJ,

For the last week, I have been reading your new book, Pleasure. Are you trying to give Zane a run for her money? All of the scenes, especially back to back, are wearing me out (mentally, not physically).

Dear TonyB06,

Do not laugh at the letter above.

JB13

[tld221]

Dear neos on youtube,

that probate was great! i'm not mad, you definitely showed CAU who runs this, and with a line of 2, yall betta do it!

Dear interviewer,

When i show up for the interview tomorrow, I hope your impression is a good one. I really need this job. I am the bomb.

Dear Auntie,

I know she's your mother and all, but grandma really deserves to know that she has cancer. Its HER cancer, not yours. SHE gets the tests run on her at every doctor's visit. Stop telling her lies. An 86-year old woman bearing 9 kids, 10+ grandkids and 4 greatgrandkids deserves to know how shes leaving this world.

Dear DD,

That free iced coffee was great. I appreciate it. I dont believe for one second that one serving can be as low as 25 cal as your posters advertise. hmm.

Dear GC,

Did Mcdonalds really give FREE chicken sandwiches with the purchase of a large drink today, or is my brother pulling my leg?


Signed yours,
tld221

[btb87]

Originally Posted by tld221

[B]
Dear GC,

Did Mcdonalds really give FREE chicken sandwiches with the purchase of a large drink today, or is my brother pulling my leg?


Signed yours,
tld221

Dear tld:

Yes, McDonald's did do this. I partook (?) of one such sandwich with a medium sweet tea. My cost for this meal was $1.48.

[TonyB06]

Dear Walmart,

Have you forgotten, perhaps, that you are .... friggin Walmart? $16 for a dinner tray? I mean, the wood handles were nice and all, but dayum.

But it's good. The folks at BigLots were only too happy to get the $4 you could have had, goofy OSU logo notwithstanding.

...it is, after all, only a dinner tray.

[FeeFee]

Originally Posted by tld221

Dear neos on youtube,

that probate was great! i'm not mad, you definitely showed CAU who runs this, and with a line of 2, yall betta do it!

Dear interviewer,

When i show up for the interview tomorrow, I hope your impression is a good one. I really need this job. I am the bomb.

Dear Auntie,

I know she's your mother and all, but grandma really deserves to know that she has cancer. Its HER cancer, not yours. SHE gets the tests run on her at every doctor's visit. Stop telling her lies. An 86-year old woman bearing 9 kids, 10+ grandkids and 4 greatgrandkids deserves to know how shes leaving this world.

Dear DD,

That free iced coffee was great. I appreciate it. I dont believe for one second that one serving can be as low as 25 cal as your posters advertise. hmm.

Dear GC,

Did Mcdonalds really give FREE chicken sandwiches with the purchase of a large drink today, or is my brother pulling my leg?


Signed yours,
tld221

Dear tld221,

Sorry to hear about your Grandmother's condition.


The DD iced coffee is 25 calories provided if it's just the coffee and ice, and not the milk and sugar that we like to add to it.

If you get the new job - lemme hold $20 when you get your first check.

Mickey D's did have the special. I didn't partake b/c I went to my alma mater's After Graduation BBQ and copped some free food there.

[9dstpm]

Dear IRS,

Where is my rebate? Granted, it was money that I was not expecting, but it is my money and I was supposed to have it direct deposited into my account on last Friday!! You tell me that the computers there are slow and are still processing returns and calculating rebate amounts. That sounds like a personal problem to me. That being said, when the announcement about the rebates came out, ya'll knew that everybody, their mama, AND their dog were going to file a return to get the rebate, so it seems to me that the money ya'll take from me all year long should have gone to updating your computers and/or hiring extra help to get everyone processed. It is not fair that I filed well before April 15th and have not received my money while others who filed at 11:59:59pm on April 15th have already gotten theirs. And you have one more time to tell me that I'm calling too much. I'll call everyday until I get my money if I want to. It's my money, my phone, and my right to call as many times as I damn well please. Back away from the coffee and Twinkies and get me my money!!!

Disgruntled,

9dstpm

[aideclaire]

Dear 9dstpm,

The gubment gets their paychecks on the first and fifteenth; they gotta make sure their check clears b4 we can get ours. *hmph*

having to wait until july 11,

aideclaire

[nikki1920]

Dear Jerome (thats my car's name):
You and I have been together for a long time, since Christmas morning 1996. You have survived one serious-ish crash, two fender benders, a battery replacement and a blown timing belt *the original*. So why do you choose to now show out AGAIN by flashing your "service engine now" sign? I KNOW you need a fuel injection service, but, unless you start popping out some money through the AC vents, really, you can stop that mess ASAP, please. Lord knows I love you and thank you for all the safe trips to and fro over the years, but if'n that light don't go off, I will hurt something. You know I don't like it when the service lights come on, it makes me nervous. Tell the fuel injection system to get it together and stop sending the signal to that light to come on. I am aware of the problem, thanks. Now go off.

your driver,
me
ps: I will clean you out this weekend.

Dear 10 year old daughter of mine,
I am glad and thankful you made it to ten. You are becoming a beautiful young lady. However, if you keep up like you've been doing the past two weeks, you will NOT make it to 11, nevermind ten and a half. I will need for you to straighten up with the quickness, you hear me? I have NO problem cancelling all our plans for June if you keep this mess up, you can sit at the house and watch a cable-less, fuzzy TV for one hour a week *yes, a week* and do all the homework I give you, or you can get it together and we can have some fun. Its your choice. I love you no matter what, but I KNOW you know better than what you have been doing.

All my love,
Mommy, aka The Enforcer
ps: and I will bring reinforcements if necessary. Dont test me, little girl.

[naturaldiscretn]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

Dear 10 year old daughter of mine,
I am glad and thankful you made it to ten. You are becoming a beautiful young lady. However, if you keep up like you've been doing the past two weeks, you will NOT make it to 11, nevermind ten and a half. I will need for you to straighten up with the quickness, you hear me? I have NO problem cancelling all our plans for June if you keep this mess up, you can sit at the house and watch a cable-less, fuzzy TV for one hour a week *yes, a week* and do all the homework I give you, or you can get it together and we can have some fun. Its your choice. I love you no matter what, but I KNOW you know better than what you have been doing.

All my love,
Mommy, aka The Enforcer
ps: and I will bring reinforcements if necessary. Dont test me, little girl.

ROFL! I loved that.

[txdiva]

Originally Posted by nikki1920

Dear 10 year old daughter of mine,
I am glad and thankful you made it to ten. You are becoming a beautiful young lady. However, if you keep up like you've been doing the past two weeks, you will NOT make it to 11, nevermind ten and a half. I will need for you to straighten up with the quickness, you hear me? I have NO problem cancelling all our plans for June if you keep this mess up, you can sit at the house and watch a cable-less, fuzzy TV for one hour a week *yes, a week* and do all the homework I give you, or you can get it together and we can have some fun. Its your choice. I love you no matter what, but I KNOW you know better than what you have been doing.

All my love,
Mommy, aka The Enforcer
ps: and I will bring reinforcements if necessary. Dont test me, little girl.

LOVE IT!!!

Dear Insecure female:
Please do not call my phone at 7:00am in the morning trying to find out if I am messing with your boyfriend. And then don't sit there quiet and wonder why I went off on your insecure azz for calling me with that nonsense. First of all, I have not spoken to your man since my classes ended last Tuesday. Secondly, the only relations your man and I had was that he and a few other of my classmates studied together on several occasions.... in the dayum classroom!

What really put me over the edge is that you had the nerve to ask me if I had sex with your man. Sweetie, I don't want your man, who is 11 years younger than me. Give me a break!!! You obviously need to be checking your man! And don't worry... I will be checking his azz as well so there won't be anymore confusion where I am concerned. Then I'll leave the games for the kids!

[christiangirl]

Dear kissy,

Woosah!

Dear Neighbor,

Did you know you can't sing? Oh, well if you don't know, now ya know. Please go back to being the strong silent type.

CG

Originally Posted by christiangirl

Dear kissy,

Woosah! ....

Umm hmmm.... It was a "woosah" moment ahright. That child brought out my "gangsta".

But it's good... she (or her man) won't be calling my phone or even looking in my direction if they see me in public.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by kissy324

Dear GC Jesus,

I now request that this smilie be added unto the GC kingdom.

Amen.