University of Illinois/Urbana-Champaign Recruitment

[TriDeltaSallie]

Originally Posted by DG Illinois

You realize that their are members on here that may be in those 6 houses. I don't think anything is wrong with THEM at all and I'm sorry your daughter or you think that or would even say that out loud.

I didn't take it as an insult to the houses she has left. I took it as a very confused young woman who can't figure out what she thinks any longer and is talking herself in circles that don't necessarily make sense.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by DG Illinois

You realize that their are members on here that may be in those 6 houses. I don't think anything is wrong with THEM at all and I'm sorry your daughter or you think that or would even say that out loud.

I didn't take it as insult, either. I don't think Clara Mom was agreeing with her daughter's attitude. I think she finds her daughter's attitude frustrating. She sounds very young and sort of insecure.

If she were mine, I would encourage her to go to pref and keep an open mind. Maybe she'll see something she likes and find a home. If she doesn't, she should probably withdraw and informal rush later with the caveat that she should realize that her favorites may not be able to offer any informal bids and even if they can, they may not offer one to her. I'd also encourage her to explore other extracurriculars. There's a ton of great stuff to do at U of I, and good extracurriculars could only strengthen her if she decides to informal rush or rush as a sophomore.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by KDCat

I didn't take it as insult, either. I don't think Clara Mom was agreeing with her daughter's attitude. I think she finds her daughter's attitude frustrating. She sounds very young and sort of insecure.

If she were mine, I would encourage her to go to pref and keep an open mind. Maybe she'll see something she likes and find a home. If she doesn't, she should probably withdraw and informal rush later with the caveat that she should realize that her favorites may not be able to offer any informal bids and even if they can, they may not offer one to her. I'd also encourage her to explore other extracurriculars. There's a ton of great stuff to do at U of I, and good extracurriculars could only strengthen her if she decides to informal rush or rush as a sophomore.

I just want to caution that, looking at number of active members on the spring grade reports, I'm not certain there will be any chapters doing informal.

[Clara Mom]

Originally Posted by DG Illinois

You realize that their are members on here that may be in those 6 houses. I don't think anything is wrong with THEM at all and I'm sorry your daughter or you think that or would even say that out loud.

There is NOTHING wrong with any of the six houses. She is just crushed that each round she has picked a favorite, and she hasn't been asked back. I am sure that part of her is thinking that the three she put to top today are sure to drop her, and she will be going back to her back ups, once again. She is also upset that some of her friends were asked back to her favorites, and they were their back ups. Please cut her some slack.

[Just interested]

I know this is easier said than done, but she needs to get up, dust herself off and reevaluate just how lucky she is to have 6 groups interested in her. I have a feeling that roommate and company are influencing her or she is allowing them to influence her.

[ginger85]

I can relate to your pain...I have had two daughters go thru rush at very competitive schools, and the stress can make you crazy. Despite what we tell our daughters, it becomes very personal. These houses have made her feel special, and then she is cut, and to an 18 year old who for the most part has had a pretty blessed life with few disappointments, the focus becomes what is wrong with me?? You feel like your heart is being ripped out because you can't help them, but that is part of growing up. You tell them this will be a growing experience that will make them stronger but they don't want to hear that at the time. Encourage her to complete the process-sometimes they get caught up in the emotion and they're so emotionally exhausted they can make rash decisions they come to regret (my oldest daughter dropped out but then went thru the following year with alot more wisdom about the process, but she was unhappy her freshman year watching what she could have been involved in if she'd let the process play out-she did join a sorority that probably wasn't at the top of her list the previous year). The focus right now is 6 houses invited her back...I'm sure there are many girls that don't have those kind of choices. My best advice is have a martini (or two) to make it thru the next few days!

[NMANGEL]

After watching this board for a year I can only say Clara Mom, encourage your daughter to finish. They have a pledge period for a reason and have her not look at the letters but the girls going back to the house with her. These will be her sisters not the letters. A very wise Aunt told my daughter bid day..."You go in there and put a smile on your face and get your bid card. It won't matter what the letters are the minute you see your pledge sisters."...I later found out she was a sophomore going thru UW's rush years ago...and my experience was a school in New Mexico...yes my daughter pledged at a Big 10 school last year. It gave me another letter and philanthropy to love. Finish finish finish...in the end regrets are only that they didn't.

[KDCat]

Originally Posted by NMANGEL

After watching this board for a year I can only say Clara Mom, encourage your daughter to finish. They have a pledge period for a reason and have her not look at the letters but the girls going back to the house with her. These will be her sisters not the letters. A very wise Aunt told my daughter bid day..."You go in there and put a smile on your face and get your bid card. It won't matter what the letters are the minute you see your pledge sisters."...I later found out she was a sophomore going thru UW's rush years ago...and my experience was a school in New Mexico...yes my daughter pledged at a Big 10 school last year. It gave me another letter and philanthropy to love. Finish finish finish...in the end regrets are only that they didn't.

I wouldn't. If her daughter doesn't like any of her choices, then she should withdraw. There are girls who love the houses she is rejecting. The members of those houses deserve to have girls who love them and want to be there. Let someone else have the bid, if you don't like the house. It's not fair to the members or other PNM.

If she doesn't like any of her choices, she should withdraw, even if it means that she probably can't open rush.

[BlueOwl]

I think that Clara Mom's daughter is having the kinds of feelings that so many pnm's share and I do not think that her comments are that unusual at all. It is the reality that on every campus some chapters are considered to be more desirable, for many reasons...campus involvement, # of members, national/regional reputation, and yes, physical attractiveness. The young pnm's feed into the frenzy, it can't be helped I don't think!

But, yes, Clara Mom, I do agree that your darling daughter must proceed with a good attitude! There are many other girls rushing at her school who are in the very same shoes as she is!! Girls that she would love to have as a sorority sister!!

[BlueOwl]

Before I make anyone angry with me, let be clarify my previous comment by saying that the "physical attractiveness" of a chapter in NO WAY determines the strength of the sisterhood or the happiness of the membership. I am 100% certain that all of the Illinois chapters are strong and solid and that they have amazing sisterhoods. Just saying what I think pnm's are perceiving as they go through the recruitment process.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

Originally Posted by BlueOwl

Before I make anyone angry with me, let be clarify my previous comment by saying that the "physical attractiveness" of a chapter in NO WAY determines the strength of the sisterhood or the happiness of the membership. I am 100% certain that all of the Illinois chapters are strong and solid and that they have amazing sisterhoods. Just saying what I think pnm's are perceiving as they go through the recruitment process.

Yes, but we're talking about SIX chapters, here. That's a full one-third of the women in the Greek system*. You can't tell me that any PNM can honestly rule out that many women as unfit for her to associate with.

*Okay, it's only NPC chapters, but you get the idea.

[Katmandu]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Yes, but we're talking about SIX chapters, here. That's a full one-third of the women in the Greek system*. You can't tell me that any PNM can honestly rule out that many women as unfit for her to associate with.

Yep. 6 out of what, 17? That is a huge pecentage. Especially considering these are large chapters. Sure to find sympatico women/potential sisters in that mixture.

[KSUViolet06]

Sometimes it's hard to get over getting cut from your 3 faves. After getting over the shock of it, I always tell PNMs to look at the what they have left as if those other groups NEVER existed. Makes things a little easier because really, those groups are gone and you have to look forward at what you DO have in order to continue and have a successful recruitment. So many times, PNMs end up dropping out because they just can't get past the loss.

[scrapcat]

Clara Mom, my daughter felt the same way. She loved one house and got invited back over and over until perf! Then they dropped her. She was very sad (crying) but she did get two invites to perf. I gave her the whole "pull yourself together" speech. I also reminded her that part of the reason she started the whole process was to be part of the greek system. I also stressed that in a sorority of over 100 girls how many will you "be pals" with? You will find your group within the group. My daughter is in the midst of the new member period and still feels "out of it" and overwhelmed (loving it all!) but as with all good things it will take time to formulate friendships.

Relax. It's almost over!

[DubaiSis]

KDCat, the problem with your argument is her daughter more than likely doesn't actually know what she wants. She got herself set on too few chapters too early and is not dealing with the rejection well. These chapters are too big and have too much diversity for her to really not like them. At this point she has met something like 9 girls out of around 175 in each of the chapters. At the chapters she loved, she has met a few great girls and is making a lifelong decision based on those 2 or 3 girls. And more than likely those 2 or 3 girls who she's making this lifelong decision around, she's had probably 1 5-minute conversation with. That's not the house - that's one rockin' rusher.

In this case, she can't even be deciding based on the lowest tier houses because there aren't 6 "worst houses" at Illinois. I hope she sticks with it. We all know that it sucks to experience the rejection of recruitment but the fact is at a school this size, there is just about no way BUT to have that kind of rejection.

I think there are probably a lot of people following this thread thinking "I hope she's not feeling that way about MY chapter. We have so much to offer!"