Advice to rushers: re: legacies

[AOII Angel]

Originally Posted by 33girl

If you go to a restaurant and get a bad meal every time, after 3 or 4 times you're probably not going back to that restaurant.

SO...are all legacies equal or not? Just because a chapter had a bad experience with one legacy doesn't mean they will with the next since these would be individual women who have nothing in common other than a family member who was a sister of that org. Now your analogy would be apt if you you got to go back in time and have a chance to rethink your original choice to offer a bid to the trouble legacy.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

SO...are all legacies equal or not? Just because a chapter had a bad experience with one legacy doesn't mean they will with the next since these would be individual women who have nothing in common other than a family member who was a sister of that org. Now your analogy would be apt if you you got to go back in time and have a chance to rethink your original choice to offer a bid to the trouble legacy.

I wasn't saying that I thought they were right, but that their mindset might have been "all the legacies we've pledged have sucked so far, so therefore ALL legacies must suck and we don't want any more." I guess a better analogy would be that if every time you went out on a date with a different guy from XYZ fraternity and had a rotten time, you might not be inclined to date any more XYZs. (Remember we are talking about 18-22 year olds here.)

But AnchorAlumna clarified that wasn't the case.

[AnchorAlumna]

Originally Posted by AOII Angel

SO...are all legacies equal or not? Just because a chapter had a bad experience with one legacy doesn't mean they will with the next since these would be individual women who have nothing in common other than a family member who was a sister of that org. Now your analogy would be apt if you you got to go back in time and have a chance to rethink your original choice to offer a bid to the trouble legacy.

All legacies are equal.
However...we had a great-great niece of a Founder come through...she got extra attention. Can you blame us??
And let's say the chapter is familiar with a PNM's mama, grandmama, step mama, sister or whatever...then I would think they might be more inclined to retain the PNM an extra round...there's more of a personal link there.
But all that is promised is an invitation to the second round (the first invitation-round, as another poster defined).

[breathesgelatin]

There was a situation in my chapter where a legacy rushed. She filled out her recruitment registration form and did not list our sorority as legacy chapter, but listed two others for which she was.

We later got a RIF from her mother's friend showing that she was a multiple legacy.

We figured out pretty quickly that she did not want to be a member of our chapter. I guess she thought that listing her legacy chapters meant she would somehow mean she automatically become a member of one of them? It didn't make sense since she was already a legacy to a majority of the chapters on campus (5 at that time).

Needless to say, she did not join our chapter. I did wonder what her mom (a Pi Phi) thought, or if she was even aware of the whole situation.

I think a LOT of moms are kept in the dark about their daughters' wishes.

[phimu88]

my daughter is going thru rush this fall and I have recs lined up for her so far at Phi Mu, KD, Tri Delta... she is a double legacy Phi Mu and I would be upset if Phi Mu cut her. I would not be upset if she chose another sorority though. I guess that is a double standard? Oh well I just hope she finds the one she really loves if she decides to join one at all. It is completely up to her. She will be attending a recruitment reception in a couple of weeks. Maybe she will learn something about each of the sororities then.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by phimu88

my daughter is going thru rush this fall and I have recs lined up for her so far at Phi Mu, KD, Tri Delta... she is a double legacy Phi Mu and I would be upset if Phi Mu cut her. I would not be upset if she chose another sorority though. I guess that is a double standard? Oh well I just hope she finds the one she really loves if she decides to join one at all. It is completely up to her.

No, that's understandable. But as long as you adopt the "if she's happy I'm happy" attitude that's what matters. Good luck to your daughter!

[baci]

ITA!^^

[gwen1982]

Originally Posted by phimu88

Oh well I just hope she finds the one she really loves if she decides to join one at all. It is completely up to her. She will be attending a recruitment reception in a couple of weeks. Maybe she will learn something about each of the sororities then.

That's my feeling. I've had my daughter and niece go through recruitment and my biological sister coming up. I'm still very active, locally and nationally, and all of them are aware of it. My daughter and my niece have both attended open events with other actives and alums and enjoyed it immensely (my sister lives some distance away so couldn't attend).

When my daughter went to college, she was very eager for recruitment. She went to a school where we don't have a chapter, but I encouraged her to go through even though she had no real knowledge of the other GLOs. She went thru as a first semester freshman and was cut after first rounds. She was upset a bit, but also taken aback by how fast paced recruitment was, so it didn't bother her too much. She decided to go through informal in the spring and soon found out why she was cut the previous semester. After the first round of events, she ran into a sister from one of the GLO's in a bar near school. The girl was a little tipsy and point black told my daughter that she needed to drop out of rush because no one was going to bid "some handicapped chick." My daughter was upset at first, then angry. And I was both angry and horrified. My daughter eventually went through AI with Theta Phi. (Don't jump on the AI part...there's a whole different thread about that!)

When my niece went to college (she's not considered a legacy by our standards), I was thrilled she was going where we had a chapter. I was a bit of a nudge about her going through recruitment I really wanted her to go through because you can't know about it unless you do, right? When she got to her prefs, I got a phone call - did I care if she went somewhere else? I told her the same thing I told my daughter - if you choose a house and the house chooses you, I don't care which it is. Just let me know when your fund raisers and philanthropies are. That put her at ease a bit, I think. I'm pleased to say that she's now a Theta Phi sister.

I don't think a legacy should be cut just because she's a legacy elsewhere. But I have one argument that I haven't seen here (if it is, sorry I missed it!) I fully understand that the chapter wants a good fit, but I'm sure many of you have had the "psycho sister" or "sister from hell" experience. And sometimes those psycho sisters turn out to grow up and be wonderful and active alums, giving more time and money to the chapter and organization as a whole than anyone would have ever thought possible. (I know there was at least one of those when I was active!) And the last time I checked, we're members for life, not just for a couple years in college. That shy legacy who was kinda quiet and took AP Calculus her junior year in high school? Who's to say she couldn't end up being National Treasurer one day. I'm not saying that legacies deserve any more preferential treatment than they already get. But maybe a look from a different perspective. That actually could go for any PNM.

Sorry so long winded. Couldn't spit it out any other way.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by gwen1982

But I have one argument that I haven't seen here (if it is, sorry I missed it!) I fully understand that the chapter wants a good fit, but I'm sure many of you have had the "psycho sister" or "sister from hell" experience. And sometimes those psycho sisters turn out to grow up and be wonderful and active alums, giving more time and money to the chapter and organization as a whole than anyone would have ever thought possible. (I know there was at least one of those when I was active!) And the last time I checked, we're members for life, not just for a couple years in college.

But the thing is - college is when you're going to be living with the psycho and dealing with the psycho on a regular basis. It's not worth saying "maybe she'll be faboo when she's 30" if she's going to make your whole collegiate sorority experience miserable and cause a divide in your chapter. And some of these "psycho sisters" we've referenced - that's EXACTLY what they do. We're not talking about little quirks like someone who never replaces the toilet paper.

I think that unhoused (or undormed) chapters can probably accept a greater diversity of women than those that are housed - if you don't have to live with someone they have to do quite a bit more to drive you nuts.

[LAblondeGPhi]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

Reading these posts sure makes me rethink all of the ideas I had about legacies. When I was active as a collegiate, legacies were seen as special and we were happy to recruit them and have them among us. I was a legacy and did not pledge my mother's sorority, but was made to feel welcome and comfortable with them. It is sad to read that some PNM's don't even want to list themselves as legacies because they are afraid that the actives will be gunning for them. My best and most special friends are still women I met while in my sorority and it is hard to realize that those of us who have contributed to the sororities sucess may have our children penalized because of it. While I would not want my daughter to pledge a sorority where she was not wanted, I still feel that she deserves some courtesy because of my involvement both as a collegiate and as an alumnae.

I don't think you have to worry about your future daughters being penalized because they are legacies. In the vast majority of cases, the opposite will be true.

Legacies get special consideration: typically they are rushed by more experienced members, meet the president and recruitment chair, are perhaps rushed a little harder, etc. Depending on the chapter, GLO, and campus, there is generally additional pressure to bid legacies.

Because chapters typically have a pretty narrow window where they can appropriately release a legacy, she *may* get released a round earlier than perhaps another, equally-matched, non-legacy pnm (who, incidentally, will likely get released shortly after anyway). Rest assured, though, that the chapter has likely taken extra measures to get to know the legacy pnm. Most chapters WANT to love their legacies, and the systems in place are designed to encourage that.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

Reading these posts sure makes me rethink all of the ideas I had about legacies. When I was active as a collegiate, legacies were seen as special and we were happy to recruit them and have them among us. I was a legacy and did not pledge my mother's sorority, but was made to feel welcome and comfortable with them. It is sad to read that some PNM's don't even want to list themselves as legacies because they are afraid that the actives will be gunning for them. My best and most special friends are still women I met while in my sorority and it is hard to realize that those of us who have contributed to the sororities sucess may have our children penalized because of it. While I would not want my daughter to pledge a sorority where she was not wanted, I still feel that she deserves some courtesy because of my involvement both as a collegiate and as an alumnae.

Legacies ARE still considered special.

I mean, they are still extended courtesies that other PNMs don't get.

The thing is that at some larger schools, the chapters have so many legacies coming through that some of them could fill an ENTIRE pledge class with legacies.

So it becomes necessary to release some of them.

It's not that they aren't important, but chapters must make room for other girls who aren't legacies.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

What is a GLO?

GLO = Greek Lettered Organization

We use GLO when we don't feel like typing out "sorority."

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

Oh, Thanks. Have a question for all of you. Does it make a difference if a legacy is rushing at her mother or grandmothers chapter of initiation?

No one can say for sure.

I can tell you for sure that no legacy is guaranteed a bid.

I have heard of girls at larger schools being cut regularly by their mom's or grandma's legacy chapter.

It all boils down to the fact that no chapter can really guarantee anything.

No PNM is a "for sure" in.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

Good to know. Thanks.

FYI: If you go back and read the threads discussing recruitment at some of the bigger SEC schools (I recall Bama, Auburn and UGA specifically but I know there are others), there are threads FULL of moms who came here for a shoulder to cry on after their daughter was cut by their legacy chapter.

It's better to be prepared and know that it happens (even if it doesn't), than to be blindsided and confused if it does.

[FSUZeta]

Originally Posted by kdlady80

Oh, Thanks. Have a question for all of you. Does it make a difference if a legacy is rushing at her mother or grandmothers chapter of initiation?

from things i have seen and heard, it does not. the exception might be if the mother, grandmother, aunt, sister was a high ranking national officer or the sister was still in the house.

i don't mean to cause you any concern, but just know that there are no guarantees. i am sure that you have done all you can to help your daughter prepare for recruitment and i hope that she finds the house of her dreams.